Donnie watches TNA 2008. Ah shit, here we go again.

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
June 19th, 2008
Impact Zone

Jay Lethal is at the Pink Taco waiting for Dutt to show up and fight him. He's going. to give him something to ruin, and he won't forget this party.

"FUR WILL FLY AT THE PUNK TACO"

TONIGHT. WORLD X CUP STARTS. RHINO/CHRISTIAN VS 3D

Match#1 Booker T vs BG James
Booker showcase is good in theory, but a mistake in execution when he's working 4 minutes with BG in 2008. Booker at least hits hard and gives this joker nothing as he should, but there were better jobber options for this. Booker finally wins with the Axe Kick
*

In the back, JB is with Joe. JB says there might have been some merit to what Kevin said last week, and Joe rightly tells him off for saying that stupid shit. Nash walks in as Joe calls him Oz. Nash laughs about the new digs being awful, but Joe says this is wrestlers are and he can get the hell out. Joe says Nash has been telling everyone he can't beat him, but when was the last time Nash beat him. Nash says he's done it many times, and Joe says that was years ago and a different one. Until he beats him, he thinks everything he says is bullshit. Nash agrees to face him so he can show what the mental game looks like, and he should watch so he can see how it done. ROOKIE.

World X Cup Rules-
-First Round are all tag matches worth one point
-Second Round are all singles matches worth two points
-Third Round is a 12 man elimination match worth 3
-Fourth Round is the return of Ultimate X with 4 points on the line

Match#2 The Motor City Machine Guns (TNA) vs Tyson Dux & Daivari (international) (World X-Cup Round 1)
The Guns are on a high being back on TV and actually winning, so they carry that into a flurry of cool things to start. Shelley drops himself onto his head for DDT from Dux, and does his best to make two of the blandest and dullest guys look good. Sabin also gets brain damage for this, bless him. We cut away to AJ and Tomko fighting in the back and they go to a spilt screen where AJ blasts Tomko in the face with a chair shot. Back in the ring, Guns keep putting on a two man show as the heels bring nothing to it, and really bring it down whenever they're on offence. The Guns keep taking nutty bumps to the head, but thankfully come back and whip ass. Shelley beats Daivari with Slicebread
**

AJ finds Frank Trigg outside in his car and attacks him for being a piece of shit.

They air a video on Gail Kim's start in pro wrestling by being trained by Simon Diamond & Scott D'Amore in 2001.

Tenay conducts a sitdown with Karen to talk about last week. She says she was scared for life and she's thankful she came out alive. She knows Kurt wants her to hide, but she's done nothing wrong. Tenay says she was messing around with AJ, and she gets mad and swears she did nothing with him. She says she's going back to work next week.

Jay is still waiting for Dutt.

Recap of Beer Money and LAX.

LAX in ful come out to the ring beaten to shit as Cornette is waiting for them with a contract. Jim covers everything that happened last week with them being whipped like dogs, and now they've asked for a Fans Revenge Strap Match at VR. Hector says they haven't forgotten what those cowards did to them, but it as awoken the Latino choir in them and they're going to go to war for their people. Hector signs the contract, and then Jim calls out Beer Money, but only Jackie comes out. Jim won't let LAX kill her even if she deserves it. She gets in and makes fun of Sallinas, so Jim makes a match between them for later.

JB comes out with Kong for the open challenge, and she picks a lady named Taylor who looks Wilde (see what i did there). Anyway, she punches Kong in the mouth and mounts her with a barrage of punches

Match#3 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs Taylor (Kong Callenge)
Taylor shows heart as she keeps coming right at her, but Kong is a monster and flings her with ease and a touch of anger. Taylor escapes the bomb and dropkicks her twice and nearly gets her down, but Kong smashes her again. Saeed gives her a chair BUT TAYLOR DROPKICKS IT HER FACE AND HITS HER ACROSS THE BACK WITH IT TWICE AND THEN HITS A DROPKICK OFF THE TOP TO KNOCK HER DOWN AND GETS A NEAR FALL. Kong rolls out and catches Taylor's dive and rams her into the post. She tries the backfist, but Taylor ducks and her hand smacks the post. They get back in and Wilde won't die and keeps running at her, but Kong counters a rana into the Awesome Bomb to kill her.
**3/4

In the back, 3D are laughing over Rhino who they put through a table with the 3D off screen.

In the back, Dutt calls him the guru of peace and love, and he can't understand why Jay would want to fight him. Love has taken over him and he loves Val. JB tells him to go and tell Jay that, and Dutt says hell do that and tell him that Val loves him back.

Kaz hype video. He's the captain of Team TNA.

Match#4 Kaz vs Alex Koslov
Tenay says this is a preview match that happened because Kaz was impressed by Alex's victory last week, and wanted to face him. Simple and easy story that was in no way booked by Russo. Hell, given his thoughts on where Lucha Libre originated, i'm sure that's for the best. Kaz tries to bully him to send a message, but the kid has heart and breaks out a sweet springboard splash to the floor. He keeps it up as he controls a lot and shows off his strength and speed, and Kaz is fine enough to keep up with him throughout. Alex sticks Kaz between the ropes and locks in a Boston Crab for something really cool and new. He can't stay in control after as Kaz comes back, so it moves into a back and forth of spots and kicks to the head. Kaz boots him in the face and hits Waves of the Future to win.
**1/2

In the back, Cage says you can't leave a buddy alone for 5 minutes without them ending up in the rubble of a table, but that's TNA for ya. Rhino is concussed and can't go tonight, but he'll be back soon. JB remarks that he seems very calm, and Cage says he's cool with this because he sees a Phenomenal opportunity.

Rough Cut; Matt Morgan. He has ADD and likes sports as they help focus and keep him out of trouble. Morgan blows, but i do love these type of segments.

Dutt now shows up and says he's sorry for picking the wrong time to do it, but he needs to ask Val what's in her heart because she loves him. Jay slaps him and they fight in the club on a pool table. Jay chokes him with a power cord and hits an elbow drop off a ladder that just happened to be there. He throws Dutt across the bar and punches him in the back of the head super hard. He keeps beating him, and Dutt finally fights back. JAY SPEARS HIM THROUGH A STEEL DOOR AND THEY'RE BOTH DEAD.

in the back, Bubba calls Cage a puny man that thinks they're stupid, but they didn't become the best by being stupid. He says phenomenal is a BIG word for someone asd dumb as him. Gee, do you think the partner is King Kong Bundy? No, he knows he was hinting at AJ being his partner, a guy whose been jumping people all night. Where did he find the time to leave Karen's room to sneak attack people. They want AJ there because they've taken great pleasure in bathing in blood. He's a sick bastard and they LOVE beating him up. They're doing this for Kurt because AJ is a HOMEWREAKER. D-Von wonders if this is a Southern thing about AJ enjoying bleeding. Well, he's going to see why you don't mess with Team 3D.

Match#5 Sallinas vs Miss Jackie Moore
These two are not good pro wrestlers at all, but it's furthering a feud we actually want for once. Truly awful offence from both as neither can do anything well in a proper shitshow. Jackie wins with a facelock.
1/5*

Jackie gets her belt and whips her across the back with her belt before leaving.

Kurt Angle hype video talking about all his injures and how he loves inflicting pain.

Match#6 AJ Styles & Christian Cage vs Team 3D
They get right to it on the ramp and into the Zone for a damn good fight. Frantic as its fun and awesome as hell. 3D again turn back the clock with bombs and tons of great cheating whenever they can. AJ gets too crazy going at them as he misses a forearm and lands face first into the buckles to smash his jaw off it. 3D leave to a get a table as they figure it's done deal, but Cage hits a beautiful delayed dropkick to send it right into their stupid heads. AJ leaps off Cage's back with dat flip dive to take them out again. We come back to 3D in control after D-Von hit a running neckbreaker off the top onto AJ, and then Bubba followed with an insane backdrop to send AJ into the lights. AJ is beaten pillar to post in another all time bump freak showing that no one can hold a candle to. Christian gets the hot tag and blasts them as he's all fired up, and 3D are game as hell to die for him. He nails the Splash, but Bubba saves. They hit the reverse 3D, but Cage kicks out, and AJ comes back to save with the forearm. They hid tandem headbutts to D-Von, but Bubba cuts it off this time and throws Cage out. 3D swarm him and send him neck first into the mat off the Doomsday, but AJ kicks out. Christian gets back in as they all go wild with bombs and cutoffs. They set AJ up for the 3D as his back is turned, BUT HE HITS THE PELE ON D-VON ON INSTINCT. BUBBA GETS DUMPED OUT AND AJ HITS D-VON WITH THE STYLN DDT TO WIN.
***

Fucking Frank comes down to yell at AJ about earlier, so AJ gets back in his face for it. Angle runs down and hits AJ from behind as 3D drag Cage out to the floor to beat him up. AJ locks in the Angle Lock as Tenay shouts it was a setup. Smartest guy in the game, folks.

 

[Sky]

Next time you see Moose (Mickie Knuckles) she'll apparently have a "huge knot on her face" which she sustained in a match with Mike Levy on June 21. Although I doubt it actually exists and Ian Rotten just wanted an excuse to try to kill a guy.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

Next time you see Moose (Mickie Knuckles) she'll apparently have a "huge knot on her face" which she sustained in a match with Mike Levy on June 21. Although I doubt it actually exists and Ian Rotten just wanted an excuse to try to kill a guy.

Never want to enjoy someone getting hurt, but her snapping her leg and losing her job in TNA is a well deserved fate for being involved in it. Pieces of shit, all of them.

I'll keep you updated on the knot that i'm sure is as real and authentic as a promise from Ian Rotten.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
June 26th, 2008
Impact Zone

"KAREN'S RETURN"

Tonight; Booker vs Nash.

Match#1 AJ Styles vs Consequences Creed
AJ gets a showcase for the first time in years and years as TNA is finally treating him better than in a long time. We see Kurt waiting in the car park for Karen. AJ gives Creed a lot as Tenay explains that AJ got him a tryout and really likes him. Creed again does well and shows he's got something that will take a new day to find. He throws a a wicked punch that cuts AJ's cheek open!! AJ fights through and comes back and runs through him with all the classics. AJ wins with the Styles Clash.
**

Creepy JB comes out to get AJ to tell him that Kurt is waiting for Karen. Stop causing trouble, JB.

Scotty Steiner hype video.

We find AJ and Kurt being held back as Karen begs them both to stop. Maybe, you should leave. AJ tells her to stay with him so he can protect her from Angle, and she goes with him. AJ please get smarter.

Bubba gets the mic and tells Rhino not to eat any food or make love to his ugly wife as he needs to watch the last night of Christian's career.

Match#2 Christian Cage vs Brother Ray
Only 2 minutes sadly, but there's enough great Cage punches and Bubba being a shithead bully to make it good while it lasts. Devine comes down with the cane, but gets killed, so Bubba uses it to knock Cage out cold for the DQ
*

D-Von and Tomko bring out glass table and they super bomb Cage through it. TNA used a fake table and then the trainer is show with a fake bloody towel as they pat down Cage to put some blood on hm to make it look real. Not being a dick to Cage for not wanting to go through glass, but don't book it if you aren't going all the way.

In a classic LOLTNA moment; They air a video on all the bloodshed wrestlers have gone through over the years, and then the voice over says they don’t do it for multi million dollar contracts because TNA doesn’t have any.

In the back, JB is with big sexy. Kev says he's been trying to give Joe shortcuts and knowledge, and he thinks it something bad and that's not the case. Joe walks on and makes fun of Kev's bad knees and quads and asks if he's watching porn before getting ready. Nash says he's been surgically put together 26 times, and he doesn't need to do Hindu squats of lift weights to prove anything. He’s not reading Gene Lebell’s book; he’s conserving energy at this stage not burning it. Guess what, Booker is doing the same. He's mentally preparing for this, so why is Joe here. Joe says he's here to watch and maybe learn something. Watch those knees.

Match#3 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs Dani (Kong Challenge)
Kong is pissed after last week, so she dismembers this poor girl, and it gets worse when she sees Taylor in the crowd again. Kong slaps the poor kid in the face and ends her life with an Awesome Bomb that looked sandbagged because the jobber couldn't get herself up, so Kong slams her down hard as fuck to win.
*3/4

Kong points at Taylor, and she jumps the rail and fights Kong. She gets far, but Saeed attacks her from behind. TAYLOR FIGHTS HER OFF AND PUNCHES THE SHIT OUT OF KONG AND THEY PUNCH EACH OTHER IN THE FACE AND BODY UNTIL BLACKSHRTS AND CORNETTE GET THEM AWAY. Jim yells at her for doing this, but she asks for a chance to fight Saeed. Jim seemingly agrees to talk to her backstage about it. Kong is grunting and frothing to close us out.

Angelina Love video about her training at the same school as Gail. She admits she wasn't very good, but she worked hard to get there despite Gail being rude to her. D'Amore talks about Love making a mistake going to TNA too early and failing, and that's why she has a chip on her shoulder.

Moose is backstage finding weapons for her upcoming bimbo brawl. Tenay explains she’s going to be facing knockouts in No DQ matches because she hates them. Also, no knot on her head, Sky.

Frank Trigg now walks out with a mic because TNA really wants to test me it would seem. He's bothered because AJ attacked him from behind (Given his MMA record of losing to rear naked chokes, he should be used to it). He calls AJ out to fight him, or he can send Karen to fight his battles for him once again. AJ is in the locker room and is mad about. Karen tries to get him to stop, but he comes out to fight this dweeb. It's a ruse as Kurt enters the room with BP to get her, and Frank tells AJ to look at the screen. They shove Karen and kick JB in the balls for being the worst. They stick her in a locker and shove the bag over her head.

Booker T has renovated Joe's locker room that he gave him a few weeks ago, and we get a close up later.

All the X Cup teams come out to the stage to watch the next match, and they are as following;
TNA, Kaz, MCMG & Curry Man
Japan; Millano Collection AT, Speed Muscle & Puma (TJP)
Mexico; Ultimo Guerrero, Rey Bucanero, Averno & Volador Jnr
International; Daivari, Doug Willams, Tyson Dux & Alex Kosolv

Match#4 Speed Muscle (Japan) vs Rey Bucanero & Ultimo Guerrero (World X Cup-Round 1)
SM do it again with another insane 5-minute sprint of Usain Bolt speed that makes the double teams even crazier as they hit everything clean and mean. Mexico is a fun team as well as they're quick and flippy, and i like them off the bat. It's making me want to watch CMLL/AAA and Dragon Gate, so it's doing exactly what it needs to. SM hit tandem tope's as perfectly sync as you could imagine. Everyone keeps going wild and it's hard to recap in the best way as there's so much happening. Doi gets suplexed on his face and then laid on UG's knees son Rey can hit a Corkscrew Moonsault to kill him dead to win. Goddam yeah.
***

Team Mexico now have 1 point.

In the back, Lauren is with Jay and Val. Jay is pissed and freaking out over losing his best friend who he broke into wrestling with. Dutt could have done this man to man, but he ruined everything. Val wants to propose the wedding now, and Jay isn't happy about it at all and begs her to stay but she walks out.

Recap of LAX/Beer Money and the now signed fans revenge match.

"It has been almost two weeks since the Guru, Sonjay Dutt, RUINED. SPOILED. UPSTAGED, the biggest day of Jay Lethal and So Cal Val's lives" -Mike Tenay.

Sonjay comes out with a crew of kids taking money from the fans for his cause as DW puts it. Dutt says this is the save Val foundation as they pray to take the shackles off her that Lethal put on. Once she is free, she can admit she loves him. Val now comes out yelling at him about this, and Jay runs past and fights Dutt. Really good back and forth that feels real as possible. Dutt gets free and hides behind the kids like a true coward.

JB gets a look at Booker's new locker room. It's red and has a nice looking couch in the middle. There are photos on the walls that JB touches and asks if one of them Ali, and Book says it's the great one and Ali back in 98. He's put TNA on the global map and is making them money they've never seen before. Nash is jealous that he's below Booker stature and the star treatment he no longer gets. Booker is going to bust his punk ass.

Rough Cut. Morgan talks about his college days as a basketball player and how well he did to get a tryout with the Pacers. He didn't make it because he cared about wrestling more and he signed up to Tough Enough.

In the back, Tomko tries to tell Kurt they're looking silly because of Kurt's obsession with Karen and AJ. JB is there and says he's all about showing a woman her place, but this is too far. Kurt says he sees AJ and Karen together every night in his nightmares and this will never stop. 3D walk on and tell him to snap out of it because Bubba doesn't get how he got with Karen in the first place. He chose chop meat and a colt 45, and he needs to meet someone new. He's got a black book with the numbers of the the hottest chicks in the world, and he's going to set him up on a few blind dates next week. Kurt tells him no fat chicks because he knows D-Von likes them, and D-Von says only to some extent. AMAZING.

Match#5 ODB vs Moose (Bimbo Brawl)
There is for sure no knot on Moose's face, so Ian lied. He also lied about not cheating on his wife with her, but that's a story for another review another day. ODB shows her what a brawler looks like as all offence is mean and good looking, and she's awesome at swinging plunder at full force at Moose's head. ODB SHOVES HER IN A SHOPPING CART AND WHEELS IT INTO THE RAILS LIKE A JACKASS SKIT, AND MOOSE GOES FLYING. They trade more nasty shots with chains and hokey sticks, and it's my type of jam. ODB hits her across the back and head with a shovel, and somehow Moose kicks out. ODB tries to slam her on a chair, but Moose gets free and hits a terrible looking Butterfly DDT into the chair to win.
**1/2

Hype for Nash/Booker.

Joe comes out to watch the match.

Match#6 Booker T vs Kevin Nash (No DQ)
Nash proves a point by hitting Booker T in the face right away to take over, and he slowly and sexily beats him up on the outside. It's not him being motivated because lol, but it's still really good and a lot more than you'd expect given everything we know. Booker catches him with a hard shot of his own to take over, and then TNA cuts away to break because they have the single worst production team. We come back to more fun old man fighting from both, and Joe shakes his head and isn't impressed at all. They trade punches and kicks on the outside, and Joe stands up to yell at Booker! They shove each other and Booker gets a chair and knocks him out cold. Booker uses the chair on Nash a few times across the back and head, but Joe saves, He tries to kick Booker, but he ducks and Nash eats it. Book dumps Joe and quickly pins Nash to win,
**

Nash spins Joe around to yell at him, so blackshirts run down to keep them apart. Booker laughs about it to close the show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
July 3rd, 2008
Impact Zone

"THE MATING GAME"

Tonight; World X Cup. Moose vs Roxxi. Beer Money vs MCMG. Kurt goes on some dates.

AJ & Karen come out to the ring together, and you can see why Kurt is sort of right to be suspicious of them. AJ says Kurt has declared war with his actions towards Karen, and he's got one now. 3D come out and call him a homewreaker again, so AJ says he learnt a saying that payback is a bitch and he's coming for Kurt. Bubba deadpans that that's been around for 30 years and he guesses it finally trickled down to the south. He then hums the Deliverance guitar theme. AJ fights them in a truly amazing one man show as he lights them up with punches and lariats. The numbers get him and they go for the table, but Rhino makes his return to save him. He gets the mic and says they can't keep him and Christian out, and they want a 6 man at VR, and they want it in Full Metal Mayhem. 3D refuse, so Rhino says they can leave it in the fans hands then, and D-Von says the blood will be on their stupid hands.

Kurt's first date takes placing at rock climbing place, and the lady is fat and old. Kurt freaks out and leaves as JB laughs about it. Please stop bringing JB to places with you.

Tenay speaks to LAX in Houston where VR will take place. They speak about wanting revenge for themselves and the Latino Nation, and they'll whip them like dogs. Beer Money's music hits and they come out to the Zone. Storm says he's not even drunk and he didn't understand a damn word of that. They've got the baddest woman with them, and they'll get the belts and then get some Beer Money.

Match#1 Beer Money w/Miss Jackie Moore vs The Motor City Machine Guns
Fuck yeah, lets do this. Only 4 minutes to start one of the best in ring feuds TNA will give us, but it's a blast. The Guns use their speed and new found effort to confuse and hit the hell out of them to start, and Beer Money show off their fantastic bumping and stooging. Sabin gets caught on the ropes as Storm kicks him down onto the buckles and Roode smashes him in the back of the head with a lariat to take over. Beer Money mesh at a scary level as they're hitting double teams in sync and look like one of the best in the world, and it's a wonderful revelation for a once dead division. Shelley has a sweet hot tag before things break down. Jackie tries to spit beer in his face, but he ducks and it hits Storm, and Alex rolls him up for the big upset.
**3/4

BEER MONEY ATTACK FROM BEHIND AND CUFF THEM TO THE ROPES AND WHIP THEM WITH BELTS TO RIP THEIR BACKS OPEN. Refs try to help but they get whipped as well, and the blackshirts are also hit. Beer Money completely snap when they come after DW and hit him across the back, and he screams "SHIT" as they do it. They grab Dave Pezner by the throat and throw him into the ring and whip him until Cornette finally makes them stop by threatening to fire them. He screams that they want to act like cowboys and outlwas then they can have a showdown in the main event. He'll find two of the biggest most pissed off wrestlers he can find and they go at it. Incredible work.

Kurt's next date is a transgender lady that he beats up like a complete asshole. Gross and horrifying as hell.

Match#2 Roxxi vs Moose (Bimbo Brawl)
Super spirted 4 minute hardcore brawl once again. Tons of wicked plunder shots to the face and body, and Roxxi is getting so much better as the weeks go on. Moose stinks, but she hits very hard and it's enough for a scumbag. Roxxi shoves her head into a cart and boots the side of it into her face. Moose gets out and unloads dozens and dozens of insane cookie sheet shots to the face. They get back into the ring and Roxxin takes a road sign and SMASHES it over Moose's head. She hits her with a hokey stick and a few chair shots, but she sadly doesn't win. Moose comes back and hits her awful looking Butterfly DDT. Roxxi's eye is busted open and it's gnarly.
**1/2

This is the end for Moose as he breaks her leg at an IWA-MS match and TNA fires her for not recovering quick enough. It's cosmic justice for her hand in the Mike Levey incident (Google it, but be warned it's as bad as it gets) so fuck her and fuck Ian Rotten.

In the back, Jim is with Kevin Nash. He kisses up as he says Beer Money need to be taught a lesson for earlier and he needs his help. Nash says he's always willing to help someone if there's something in it for him, and Jim says he can see a bonus if he does. Nash agrees and then asks who'll his partner will be, and Jim sighs and says Joe. Nash laughs and says he's cool with, but good luck with Joe. Jim asks if he has an issue wth it, and Nash says he only sees opportunities instead of issues.

We come back to Joe in the office. Jim kisses up and asks him to slap them around because they've got to learn their place. Joe agrees until he finds out Nash is the partner, AND HE SHOVES JIM AND YELLS HE'S DONE WITH HIM AND ALL HIS CRAP. Jim says he thinks Nash is actually good for him and he needs to remember it's harder to keep the title than it is to win. Joe still won't budge, so Jim says he's contracted and has to do it. Joe backs down but warns Jim that's its on his head.

Alex Shelley hype video

Christian Cage hype video

Kurt's third date takes place with a lady that keeps excusing herself every few minutes as Kurt keeps talking about how amazing he is. She leaves again and Kurt thinks she's bulimic, and when she comes back he watches her eat and shouts "YOU'RE ONE OF THEM" She explains that she actually has a bowel issue, so Kurt keeps laughing about her shitting her pants. She runs off as JB says Bubba got him again. Kurt vowels to kill him.

Match#3 Alex Koslov vs Rey Buccaneer (World X-Cup-Round 2)
Insane 2 minute sprint as they go right for broke with bombs and then Alex takes it next level with a gorgeous flip dive and even better looking crossbody when he gets back in. Rey won't stop fighting and drops Alex on his neck with a Cradle Piledriver and then hits a Corkscrew Moonsault to win.
**

Kurt now shows up in the Zone ready to murder Bubba Ray.

Kurt comes out and bitches about how awful the dates were and how it's all Bubba's fault. 3D come out to smooth things over by talking about the 6 man at VR and how they're going to win it easy. Kurt is still mad about everything, so Bubba says the black book belonged to D-Von who is into some truly sick shit. Kurt says he met her tonight and he's done with this. Bubba says he's got a woman whose an 11, and she comes out and we get an all time Kurt moment

A comedy wrestler born to be a crazed lunatic. KURT ASKS IF SHE WANTS A RIDE ON THE ANGLE EXPRESS. WOOO WOOOO. DEAD. Kurt freaks out because he hates all women and thinks she would cheat on him like all the others have. He brings out BP to beat her up because he won't touch a lady. They stick the bag over her head, and Karen comes down and fights them. She slaps Kurt and he has to stop himself from killing her, but AJ, Rhino, ODB and Kim make the save for a big old fight.

PIMP MY DRESSING ROOM; Yes, TNA is really calling the Booker T segments that as i'm not smart enough to make the gag. Book makes JB take his shoes off and wear a jacket before sitting on his sofa. He does his King Booka accent as he says this is a wonderful thing and Nash is messing with his mind to take his mind off the task at hand. He will win the worlds title with ease.

Rough Cut. Morgan talks about his days in OVW and meeting Cornette. Jim fawns over him because taste isn't real, and Jim's taste with this fuck is amongst his very worst. Anyway, Kurt talks about facing him on SD and thinking he had the stuff, but they gave him a stuttering gimmick and it didn't work as that's not how he would have used him. Jim says you must be blind if you can't see his talent. Well, then call me Stevie Wonder. I like rough cuts as i said, but the whole exposing wrestling to such a level is terrible and i can't stand it.

Match#4 Curry Man vs Milano Collection AT (World X-Cup-Round 2)
AT is a guy i've seen a few times in ROH/CZW, and he's really damn good. He goes on the mat with Dan....er Curry and it's a fun hold for hold fancy stuff battle. They turn it into a fight and both guys have some sweet strikes that make the right sounds and look awesome. AT slips in a low blow and then hits a Twisting Lionsault to win
**

Team Mexico-3
Team Japan-2
Team TNA-1
Team International-1

In the back, Roode asks if this is what they need to do to get attention? Hurting people who have nothing to do with this. Well, LAX got a little taste of what's to come in the next few weeks. Storm shows off his new Beer Money shirt and gives one to Roode, and he says he made it a few minutes ago. Roode laughs about how they look, and Storm sadly says he doesn't have his money. He says he used to steal his mama's booze and she would whip him when he was a boy, and he's going to get a bigger strap for LAX. Roode has enough money to buy them, so sorry bout your damn luck. Roode says the new kids are in town, and they're Beer Money. BUY THE SHIRT.

Match#5 Taylor vs Raisha Saeed w/Awesome Kong
Taylor shows she's for real by running at her and punching the crap out of her. She has some goddamn Steamboat like Armdrags as well, so fuck yeah we dig her a lot. Raisha is a warm body for her to do some cool stuff to, while being a foil with good heel work on the ribs. Kong attacks on the outside with a lariart and looks like she wants to eat her face. Saeed beats Taylor up on the outside and Wilde's selling is very, very good. She comes back with a great rana and other fire moves, and she's wonderful. She has it won but Kong drags the ref out. Wilde kicks her in the chest and drops Raisha with a pitch perfect Bridging German to win a title shot.
**3/4

They air another video on the history of Gail and Love. This time about how angry Love was seeing Gail win titles when she couldn't even get chances, so now she's going to beat that bitch.

Match#6 Beer Money w/Miss Jackie Moore vs Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash
Only 8 minutes, but Beer Money get to show it all off by dying for Nash like it's 1995 and they're HBK, and they are very good HBK like little shits to their credit. Joe is awesome here as he can be Joe against his old pals, so we get loads of gross kicks to faces and bodies. We come back to Joe isolated after a trip, and the boys have a super solid control seg as he gets his ass handed to him. Nash is the hot tag and throws Storm to the outside and brawls with him as Roode fights Joe in a fantastic back and forth. Joe slaps him in the head and snatches him on top for the Muscle Buster to win.
**1/2

The faces stare each other down and talk some shit. Sting's music hits and he's in the rafters of the Zone, and he has a new paint job of red and white. SEE YOU ON THUNDER.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08


TNA IMPACT
July 10th, 2008
Impact Zone

During intro we get a fantastic video about the LAX/Beer Money feud, and tonight it will be Roode vs Ci in a PARKING LOT DRIVE BY

"VICTORY ROAD-DRIVE BY"

We get right to it as Ci and Roode are somewhere in the dirt surrounded by cars and little creep JB telling them this is about to happen, so get to it. Storm and Hernandez have been barred

Match#1 Homicide vs Robert Roode (Parking Lot-Drive By)
They run right at each other like an 80's action movie and have a goddamn fight s they throw each other on the cars and use random shit they can find to hurl at each other. Ci uses a trash can to the head a few times, and DW says Ci is used to fighting in placed like this. Roode comes back and uses a pipe to break it across his back and then throws him into a shipping container, and it's mean as hell as he's a perfect fit for a wild ass brawl. Ci tries the Cop Killa on the concrete, but Jackie kicks him in the back and a masked man joins in for the attack to beat poor Ci down and cuffs his hands behind his back as the match stops as refs try to break it up.
**3/4

The masked man is Storm, and he helps to drag before Ci into walls and rails as they kick the dog shit out of him. They bring him back into the Zone and throw rights and lefts right to the jaw, and Ci is beyond amazing as he sells his ass off all while trying to fight back because giving up to these bitches ain't an option. Hernandez runs down to save and drops Storm with a backbreaker and tosses Roode. He tries toe Border Toss, but the numbers get him and he gets knocked down and has the puts put to him. He gets back up and whips them with a belt for revenge and chases them off. Sting's music hits and we see him in the rafters. Super jarring to do that after a fantastic angle,. but TNA refuses to let moments breathe.


Match#2 Doug Williams (International) vs Masato Yoshino (World X-Cup Round 2)
Hell yeah, a proper styles clash that gets 5 minutes. Yohino is again the fastest man i've ever seen in my life as he hits Doug again and again without losing his footing once. Doug catches him with a knee to the chest as he's running full speed. DW says his speed is an issue because he can't stop before he gets hit. Doug isn't the most exciting chap, but he's a Doug Taylor type of hitting hard and rough enough that it never gets boring. Yoshino makes a manic comeback with dropkicks and strikes with what speed he has left, and holy shit he's still got a lot of bloody speed. Doug comes back and turns into a back and forth trying to end it, and he nails the Chaos Theory to win.
**3/4

Kurt finds BP doing their makeup and he gets mad at them for being ready for tonight. Angelina says they have a rep of being pretty and they don't mess with that. Kurt screams he has a rep of hurting people and they better so damn squats. Love gets JB to spot her she does one, and then accuses him of being a creep and shoves the bag over his head. Love to see JB finally get what he deserves.

Sonjay is hosting a yoga class with kids and Lauren. He's a terrible teacher and makes them say they love him, and then he pervs on Lauren as she stretches. Petey is there doing weights and says his donation is in his fanny pack, so Dutt kicks him out for not paying. Jay runs in and fights Dutt for another sick beating, BUT DUTT HIDES BEHIND THE KIDS AND SAYS HE HAS TOO MUCH LOVE FOR HIM LIKE VAL DOES. HE CHANTS THEY WILL SET VAL FREE.

In the back, Lauren is with Taylor to talk about her title match. She says he's nervous and can't wrap her mind around the last few weeks as this what dreams are made of. She knows that Kong wants to hurt her, but she's ready to hurt her.

Rough Cut; Morgan is wrestling and being himself for the first time ever, and that's wrestling and entertainment. Jim says he's on track to be one of the best ever as no one can stop him, but he needs to break through any mental barriers he might have. Kurt says the same along with saying Morgan can be an attraction above titles. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. Kurt is again the best comedy guy ever.

Match#3 Kip James, Petey Willams & Tomko vs Matt Morgan, Eric Young & BG James (Falls Count Anywhere)
No, i don't know why this is happening either, so i guess we all must suffer. They brawl around the Zone and the camera spends a lot of time focused on Morgan because he's their guy, and hey he's awful once again and shows he's in no way ever going to break through to a level of even decent. Fuck Jim Cornette for what he's inflicted upon us. Tomko uses a pipe to knock EY out to let Petey pin to end this mess.
1/5*

Abyss shows up to make the save as he fights Tomko and easily destroys him. Abyss picks up the pipe but drops it because he's now a coward.

Hype for Kong/Taylor.

Match#4 Awesome Kong (c) w/Raisha Saeed vs Taylor Wilde (TNA Knockouts Championship-$25 Thousand Challenge)
TAYLOT RUSHES HER WITH PUNCHES AND KNEES AND PUTS KONG ON THE BACKFOOT, AND SHE DOESN'T STOP UNTIL SAEED TRIPS HER. TNA then cuts away to a long ass music video for a good 2-3 minutes because they really wanted fans to hate them even more than they already do. We come back to Kong kicking the shit out of her in amazing ways, and Wilde's selling and bumping is fantastic as hell. Kong misses a giant splash, and Taylor ramps up her comeback with dropkicks to stumble her and then a massive one to the face to finally drop her. Kong shuts her down again as Roxxi comes out to cheer Taylor on. Kong can't Taylor, and nearly loses off a crossbody that she barley kicks out of. Kong nails the Implant Buster, BUT TAYLOR KICKS OUT. KONG LIFTS HER FOR THE BACKFIST, BUT TAYLOR DUCKS UNDER AND GET A ROLLUP TO WIN THE TITLE, HOLY SHIT
**1/2

Post match, Taylor tells JB this is proof that dreams come true. Yeah, love her a ton.

In the back, Kaz says he won't allow people to come into TNA and take what's his. Tonight is about pride because they're the heart of TNA. If KAZ was defending my company, i would fold it.

Match#5 Kaz (TNA) vs Ultimo Guerrero) Mexico (World X Cup-Round 2)
TNA must win or they're out of the running. Kaz is SUPER sloppy to start as his mat work looks awful and he botches an arm drag by not grabbing UG's arm and making the poor guy flip himself over. He truly stinks. UG does his best to work for two with awesome offence and fancy holds, and it should be Shelley in there with him. Kaz keeps being awful with kicks that wouldn't hurt a fly, and then hurts his knee that he sort of sells. He fights through far better stuff like a sweet top rope dropkick, and then wins with the WOF. Fuck this.
1/2*

Cornette comes out to the booth and adds Wilde vs Kong for VR.

Kurt finds BP in a tanning booth, and he's pissed. They try to explain there could talent scouts out there and they have to look good. KURT LOSES AND SAYS SCREW YOUR BOOBS WE HAVE A MATCH.

Hype for Book/Joe.

Booker now comes out and calls Joe out to talk to him man to man so he can say sorry. Joe comes out to see him, and Booker does his King Booka voice as he says he respects him and says sorry for his past behaviours. He's also sorry for what he's going to do to him on Sunday. Nash is right that he can't beat him because he's a poo butt paper champion that's never beaten anyone. Joe doesn't speak as Booker runs him down and talks about everyone he's beaten, so now Joe looks like an even bigger loser than before. Joe finally tells him he'll be sorry he ever called him out and said his name because he's going to make hm sorry in front of his family. Sting's music hits as Mike loses his mind seeing him, but like it's not nice to steal people's spotlights and he's done it twice tonight. He says they've got him hooked and he wonders who's going to win, and he asks the fans to pick the winner. He says he'll be there to watch and then Booker asks if he means he'll fight the winner. Sting laughs and says those are his words and then leaves. . Oh man, i hate all of this.

Match#6 AJ Styles, ODB & Gail Kim vs Kurt Angle & The Beautiful People
TNA not sticking Karen into this match is one of the nicer acts they've ever done. All the match ups are good again and it's awesome to see BP getting more time now they're actually good. That fuck Frank comes out and then Karen comes out because fuck me. Things happen that are good and whatnot, and Gail beats Skye with her neckbreaker.
**

The heels attack and fucking Frank slams AJ and stands tall.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA VICTORY ROAD
JULY 13TH, 2008
HOUSTON, TX
RELIANT ARENA

Lame ass intro with JFK and the space program being the focal point.

JB is with fans on the outside and they're loud and happy. BG is in the arena and he hypes up the show for some reason.

World X-Cup is opening. Winner team gets 3 points, second gets two and the runners up get 1.

Match#1 Curry Man & The Motor City Machine Guns vs Milano Collection AT, Puma & Masato Yoshino vs Alex Koslov, Doug Williams & Tyson Dux vs Ultimo Guerrero, Rey Bucanero & Averno (World X Cup-Elimination Match)
Curry gets out paced by Yoshino so he challenges him to a race and then trips him up. Hah. First two minutes is all about showing off big moves and double and triple teams, and everyone looks good to amazing depending on whose doing what. Mexico go on a dive train and then Dux is killed with the Wheelbarrow Driver to be the first man out. Japan get shine next and that's even better thanks to the insane speed of Yoshino and the smoothness of the other two. Puma (TJP) ends up alone and is beaten by an Implant Driver by Averno. Sabin and AT fight and it's the best singles stuff we've gotten out of the cup by a mile. Smooth and radical as possible, and then Shelley joins in and it's even cooler. AT is swarmed as Shelley drops a knee on his head and Sabin hits the Cradle Shock to beat him. Yoshino joins the fun for more killer fights with the Guns. A thousand wild counters and head drops from all of them. Averno gets in and he's fine from what i can tell, but Yoshino gets him in a La Mistica to pin him. International now jump everyone to let us know they're here, and Koslov dances in between being solid as a rock. Doug and Curry go at it and it's good, but Mexico break it up to isolate Curry. UG beats Curry with the Superbomb. They then beat Doug with the Corkscrew to the knees, and poor Alex is all by himself. The Guns try double dives ono them but crash and burn to the concrete. Alex and UG fight and holy shit that's also a spectacula fire show for a couple of minutes. Alex slips in a kick to the dick and locks in his Crossface aka the Red Scare to beat him. Sabin is back in and hits Rey with a gorgeous rana and then the Guns double Superkick him to get Mexico out of there. The Guns are the last team in there and work in sync to fight the other two in a faux tag match to dominate both of them, SABIN HITS A STAN HANSEN LIKE LARIAT TO TAKE ALEX'S HEAD OFF. HELL YEAH. He thinks he has it won, but Alex shoves the ref and scoops Sabin up in a pin with his feet on the ropes to beat him. ALEX HITS A FLIP DIVE TO TAKE ALEX OUT ON THE CONCRETE. He fights Yoshino in a sick 60 second sprint and Yoshino locks him into a gross armbar off his back and makes him tap. Shelley vs Yoshino are left. They go for broke with speed and big moves galore. Yoshino kicks out of the Slice Bread, and Shelley kicks out of a powebomb. SHELLEY SLAMS HIM ON HIS FACE AND HOLDS ON FOR A DEADLIFT GERMAN FOR A WILD 2,9 COUNT. They fight on top and now Alex kicks out of a twisting neckbreaker. They go back up and Alex slips down and hits the Air Raid Crash to win the whole thing,
***1/4

TNA-6
Japan-4
International-4
Mexico-3

They air a video of Booker taking us on a tour of his house. That killed nearly 5 minutes,

Hype for Gail/Love.

Match#2 Angelina Love w/Velvet Skye vs Gail Kim
Big forearm battle to start as the hate is there and Love more than holds her own as she gives as good as she gets. Gail is no longer injured so she's quicker and beats her up, but Skye trips her up on the apron to let Love take over. Fun control seg as Love shows her years of hate punching her down and kicking at the bad knee. She even throws a nice looking spinning heel kick. Gail tries to come back, but Skye cuts her off. Love hits a Superplex on the hard ass ring as you can hear the thud when Gail lands. They fight some more and Gail comes right back without much of a struggle and hits a Codebreaker and then the Running Neckbreaker to win. BOOOOO
**1/2

Skye attacks her from behind and beats her up for being a bitch. Gail sadly escapes before she eat the bag.

BG is backstage with the fans getting ready for Fans Revenge.

Hype for Lethal/Dutt.

Match#3 Sonajy Dutt vs Jay Lethal w/So Cal Val
Jay hits Dutt with a tope into the rails and beats his ass for everything as Val cheers him on. Poor Sonjay, man. Jay does lots of fancy stuff now instead of pure hate, and it loses me a touch. Sonjay moves out of the way and kicks him in the head to take over. Dutt also sucks as he's now moving slow and doing awful stooging and dancing instead of the great punches he's been throwing in the angles. They both keep doing moves because that's who they are, and i'd respect it more if this wasn't meant to be a blood feud. They finally get to it on the floor with hard chops and punches from Jay as he snaps as DW puts it, and its nice it finally happened. Val freaks out and yells at Jay to stop. Dutt crawls over to tell her he loves her, and Jay hits the Lethal Combination but won't pin him, so Val yells at him agian. Dutt no sells and gets a roll up with his feet on the ropes to steal one
*3/4

Hype for Fans Revenge

In the back, Beer Money laugh about the fans showing fury when they've got fury when they lose money stock market, or when Storm is told its last call at that bar. There is no fury in some 95-pound fan holding a strap, when they should worry about what they'll do to them. They will not be held responsible for what they do to them and LAX. Storm laughs about Houston losing their football team to his home state and then drops the line. SORRY, BOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK. They tell Jackie to get ready, but she refuses to go out there and wishes them luck.

Match#4 LAX (c) w/Sallinas & Héctor Guerrero VS Beer Money (TNA World Tag Team Championships-Fans Revenge Strap Match)
Beer Money get whipped first and sell it like being shot, so it's already better than Joe/JJ by a large margin. Ci parties with the fans and steals Storm's beer to draw him out. and he gets smacked to hell for it. LAX keep feeding him to the fans in between beating him up, and it's super fun. Roode earns the same fat because fuck Beer Money. Roode eventually cuts Ci off with a spinebuster to take over, and Beer Money are even better now on PPV where all the eyes are on them. Violent and brutal as hell, and Ci is there to die for them and make them look world class. Hernandez has a motherfucker of a hot tag as Super Mex is the man. It breaks down and they show how much potential this feud has even with it being shorter the first go round on PPV. Storm is dragged and killed by the fans, and Roode is beaten by the Doomsday Crusher
***

Booker goes to his school to help the kids become the future when he wins the title.

Hype for Kong/Wilde

Match#5 Taylor Wilde (c) vs Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed (TNA Knockouts Championship)
Kong is in no mood for shit as she jumps as she's getting in the ring and beats her down in maybe the most violent work she's shown since the Gail feud. Punches and backfists to the dome. Wilde is a speedball for all of it, and it's another pure babyface showing from her. Kong crushes her back with a wicked sitdown Camel Clutch that places Taylor in two. She fights out with all her heart and runs at this monster again and again but loses her head after a Lariat. Kong goes to the top for a big slam, BUT TAYLOR COMES BACK AND ARMDRAGS HER OFF FOR A NEAR FALL. She nearly gets the pin when she gets a roll up, but Kong kicks out. She picks her up for the Implant Buster, but Taylor turns into a prawn hold to get the win
**3/4

Raisha attacks Wilde in the aisle and throws her back into Kong for some wonderful murder. She hits the Implant Buster and prepares for more, but Abyss shows up. Kong wants to fight him because she's a real monster, but Raisha gets her to back down. Saeed comes back and slaps him, so he lays her out with the BHS. Loser.

Booker is now eating at some place he owns with his wife. Why are we doing this???

UX hype

Match#6 Kaz vs Daivari vs Volador Jnr vs Naruki Doi (World X-Cup Finals-Ultimate X)
-Everyone fights to start and only Kaz is willing to climb first as he's an old hand at this.
-He keeps evading being caught and taking them all out until the numbers finally get him.
-Daivari attacks Kaz's bad arm (he has it taped) and everyone joins in because fuck Kaz.
-Doi goes on a run of speed, BUT HE CLIMBS UP AND DAIVAR HEADBUTTS HIM OFF TO SEND HIM TO THE FLOOR.
-They all keep climbing and falling off. Kaz gets to the middle and has it but Daivari kicks him off and then falls into a powebomb from VJ.
-VJ hits a moonsault to take himself and Doi out.
-Kaz and Daivari fight on the X again and Daivair climbs out to get it, AND KAZ HITS A LEGDROP TO KNOCK HIM OFF. HOLY SHIT.
-They're all dead, so VJ climbs up and takes the X down to the win the cup of the word.
**1/2

Mexico are interviewed and are very proud to have won.

Fucking Frank joins commentary.

The fans vote for Full Metal Mayhem.

Match#7 AJ Styles, Rhino & Christian Cage vs Kurt Ange & Team 3D (Full Metal Mayhem)
Zero wasted time as they run at each other and get right down to fantastic brawling, AND THEN AJ TAKES THE HEESL OUT WITH THAT FLIP DIVE. All the others pair off and we get some great exchanges and then Cage uses a trash can to give Bubba some well deserved brain damage. The faces get violent wit a ladder, but Kurt uses a chair to to bash them, and then hits a nasty supelx to drive Cage into a ladder. AJ comes back with a leap frog over the ladder to lariat Bubba in another proper maniac spot. FUCK THAT, CAGE CLIMB ON TOP OF THE METAL TRUSS AND HITS A NO HANDS CROSSBODY. HOLY FUCK MAN. Bubba uses the chair again to try and take back over, but Rhino Gores everyone. The Dudz rally and kill him with a Doomsaday Lariat through a table. Christian now fights then alone as best he can as he's once again the best babyface in the world not named AJ. He kicks Kurt's ass and nearly has it, but 3D drag him out and 3D him through a table. AJ is now alone and shows all that heart to fight them for as long as he can, and gets super far with it. He cuts Bubba off and facebusters him off the top to send him into a table, and then he tosses D-Von into another. He hits Kurt with the Styles Clash for a near fall. Devine comes down to help with the stick, but AJ Pele kicks him and smacks the stick over his face. AJ kicks out of Angle Slam, and that piece of crap Trigg leaves commentary. Kurt and AJ fight more and AJ sets him up on a table and goes to jump off a ladder but Trigg hits him with a cane to the face. Kurt hits the Super Angle Slam into the table to win. Goddamn it.
***

in the back, Joe says the doubt was in everyone's minds but his. He's taking his life to keep this title and he'll put an attempt on Booker's to keep it. Kev walks in and offers his hand as he says he's in his corner. Joe doesn't shake it and asks him to stay out of this. He offers his hand now, and Kev takes it to prove he's on his side for real.

Sharmell is in the front row.

Match#8 Samoa Joe (c) vs Booker T (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Joe is again not lighting the world on fire as he sort of just walks Booker down and beats him up without the fire and greatness of even 6 months ago. Man found the edge and is standing on it. Booker is actually moving better on PPV in his home town, so he's carrying the load in one of the most jarring things you could imagine. There's an infamous moment where Joe gets thrown back first into the steps and blades off it. Just a baffling thing to watch Joe of all people do something that dumb. Booker's control is fine enough offence wise, and Joe's selling is mostly good. The cut is also sick as hell and creates a wonderful visual as his face is covered. Joe comes back to play the hits, and Booker's there for some nice bumps. The ref gets bumped by Booker, so Joe takes him to the outside and beats him up as Sharmell keeps crying and being annoying. She slaps Joe, so he flips out and attacks people she's with and then bloodies Booker up and attacks the cut. He won't stop, and ends up attacking refs when they stop it. He keeps attacking and killing people. Sharmell begs him to stop as Joe chokes her bitch husband out cold. Sting's music now hits and he comes out to stare Joe down. Joe turns his back and goes to kill Booker, so Sting yells at like an old man on the lawn. Joe follows him out like a bitch as the crowd boos it, but he goes back in and kills Booker again. Sting drags him up by the hair and yells at him. JOE FLIPS HIM OFF AND TELLS HIM TO FUCK OFF. YEAH JOE. Sting hits him with the bat and knocks him out. Booker rolls on top as Sharmell counts three like that fucking counts all of a sudden??
LOLTNA

The fans are now truly pissed as DW calls this bizarre as Sting stands over a dead Joe. Booker steals the title and walks off as DW asks if he's now the champion, and Mike rants a lot to end this disaster of a main event to close an otherwise great show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
July 17th, 2008
Impact Zone

"WHY STING WHY"

TNA are actually stupid enough to recap VR and leave in DW asking if Booker is the champion now. LOLTNA

Book and Sharmell arrive with the stolen world title.

DW announces that Booker will pick a match and a challenger of his choosing. Wait, why is he being rewarded????

Booker and Sharmell come out and Booker declares himself the worlds champion, but Cornette actually does his job and stops him from doing it. He demands the title be given back so he can give it to Joe. He then says he has to wait for a rematch at Hard Justice because fuck you and me. Joe now comes out in a full suit looking out of place as it gets as he's not that guy at all. Book tells him not to cry like he's been doing all week because he knows he can't beat him on his best day. Joe tells him to shut up and keep the belt because he's not taking any handouts from a punk like him. He's now his target as long as he has it, and when he wants it back he will take a piece of his ass at HJ. Book keeps saying he can't beat him, so Joe snaps and says he going to run through him and then get his little buddy Sting.

In the back, Beer Money are very angry about what happened, so it's their night for revenge tonight on wrestlers and the fans. It's not funny it's money, no it's Beer Money. They take Lauren with them so she can watch.

In the back, Kaz is a sad loser after letting TNA down in the cup. He let all the X-Division wrestlers down and he's sorry. He can see the light and he needs to decide to embrace it, or get ran over by the train at the end.

Match#1 Petey Willams (c) w/Rhaka Khan vs Kaz (TNA X-Division Championship)
Tenay says Steiner has injured his ACL and will be out for a while, sadly. Only 4 minutes this time, and the story is Kaz is a giant loser that has no confidence anymore so he keeps messing things up and can't get anything going. Petey is Petey, so the story falls flat when the other wrestler also sucks in story and real life. Kaz tries to go on a run with the deadeye and WOF, but Rhaka distracts him and he can't win as a result. Petey reverses a victory roll into one of his own with the tights to win.
1/3*

in the back, EY says there will be a top secret meeting of the Prince Justice Brotherhood, and he'll report back to JB later. He tells him not to say anything or he'll kill him.

In the back, JB finds Joe and bugs him about what Sting did and said. Nash walks in and says he never doubted him for a moment as this was all motivation. He says he's the best in the game right now, and he's never seen a man get beaten like that before. Joe says he didn't beat him despite nearly putting him a coma, and he jus doesn't know anymore. Kev says the doubt is exactly what Booker wants, and he needs to see he won the match. Joe says he didn't walk out with the belt. Kev tells him when a man doesn't believe himself he's got nothing left. Yeah, lets turn Joe into a complete loser because Russo is sick of him.

Beer Money are attacking production members with belts.

JB is waiting for Sting, but he find Kurt and 3D in trench coats and Sting masks. JB then finds Curry, Shakry and Super Eric standing in the back talking about food and water. EY says they're here for the filth of TNA and to rid it, but he has to take a piss first. Beer Money thankfully run on and whip them all with belts.

Match#2 Matt Morgan vs Jimmy Rave w/Christy Hemme
Terrible 90 second Morgan squash. He wins with the STO slam.
1/7*

Christy brings Lance Rock aka Lance Hoyt with a name change. He challenges Morgan to fight the leader of the band, and Morgan accepts.

Match#3 Matt Morgan vs Lance Rock w/Christy Hemme
Also short and awful. The only person enjoying this is Jim Cornette as he and Russo are both determined in their own awful ways to kill TNA first. Morgan again with his shitty ass finish.
Shattered Bones.

In the back, Jim yells at the Knockouts as they're arguing amongst themselves. He says they all think they can beat Taylor because she's a rookie and hasn't paid her dues, so they'll be in a Gauntlet #1 contenders match. Traci asks Jim to hire her for a gig, and he says he'll consider it.

NEXT WEEK KAREN ANGLE DEBUTS HER TALK SHOW. HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA STOP THIS RIGHT NOW.

Beer Money are looking for fans to beat up, but they attack blackshirts instead as Lauren begs them to stop.

Kurt and 3D now come out in the Sting get ups, and the best part is Bubba is far too fat for the mask as it's not even covering 50% of his face. Kurt wants to welcome Sting to their new frat after he finally showed his true self after years of kissing babies and being a kiss ass. He knows Sting is pissed off and won't take it anymore because the fans don't appreciate what they do, and the young punks in the back don't respect them either. Kurt says he spoke to him last night, but AJ's music hits to cut him off. He comes out with his boys and says he trusts Sting and knows he'll tell them why soon enough. He's here to talk to these 3 morons, and Bubba asks if they want a rematch after the beating they gave them. He takes forever to finally challenge them to a 6 man tables match and Cage calls him Silent Bob and says he can't give an order outside of a drive thru. BUBBA LEAPS OVER THE TOP ROPE AND HAS TO BE HELD BACK HAHAHAHAHAH THAT ROCKED. Anyway, Cage challenges them to a 5 table elimination match next week.

Match#4 Knockouts Gauntlet for the Gold (#1 Contenders)
-Gail and Jackie are in first
-Fine little fight with Gail doing her stuff.
-Angelina Love is next
-She double teams Gail and it's good again.
-Love throws her sweet Spinning Heel Kick to take Gail's face off.
-Salinas is next
-She's awful as it gets.
-Velvet Skye is next.
-She helps Love beat Sallinas up for being the worst.
-Roxxi is next.
-Her eye is still messed up thanks to Moose, but she rules and shows a ton of new found skills with her strikes.
-BP dump Sallinas out.
-Rhaka is next
-She's even worse than Sallinas and doesn't belong anywhere near a ring.
-Her kicks are abysmal and she blows herself up throwing them to make matters worse.
-Traci is next
-She's not good either as this is a very bad match and idea.
-Christy is next.
-Stop this please.
-ODB is last.
-She tries to bring some life to it, but this shit is as dead as Dillinger
-Rhaka, Traci and Christy were all thrown out during the break.
-Jackie pushes ODB out.
-She then rana's Roxxi out, but Roxxi grabs her legs and brings her down to the floor.
-Gail fights BP in the only good section of this, and dumps Love over and out
-Skye runs over and rolls Gail up to win.
1/8*

In the back, Booker tells JB he's challenging Consequences to a stretcher match. Russo please walk into traffic.

In the back, Jay says he hates all of this, and Val says Dutt has feelings for her and Jay is being way too hard on him.

Match#5 Johnny Devine vs Eric Young vs Sonjay Dutt
Two nothing minutes as TNA is on the track now to being completely unwatchable outside of one or two things an episode. A trend that will continue until 2012.

Dutt wins with a move.
1/0/9/7676* fuck

Post match, Lethal attacks Dutt in a fight a million times better than the match they had last week. Val comes out and begs him to stop, but he keeps kicking his ass. He gets a chair to hit him, but Val pulls it out of his hands. She walks off as Dutt hits the post with the chair and acts like Jay hit him, and now Val is angry at Jay. She calls him an animal and berates him.

Beer Money are walking backstage as Storm asks about Spike's rules against hitting woman. Roode says screw the rules. and Storm agrees because they've got all the money.

They come out to the ring now with the belts and some beers. Roode says the fans screwed them and laughed when they were whipped like dogs, and they're about to see who gets the last laugh. They go after some fans and attack an LAX fan with a belt. They hit refs with them, and then Scott D'Amore & Simon Diamond try to get them to stop. STORM AND ROODE JUMP THEM BOTH AND GO AFTER THEM WITH BELT SHOTS. YEAH KILL EM. D'Amore's pants fall down and DW can't stop laughing at it. Beer Money get Hector now and strap him in the face and head. They cuff and whip him for a while until LAX finally show up to save their mentor.

JB finds Angle and his boys backstage laughing about getting a tables match next week when they've never lost one. Kurt says Sting is coming next week as he lets out a woo. He tells Tomko to make sure Karen's life is a living hell next week.

In the back for the 500th time tonight, Creed is all amped up about being in the main event.

Match#6 Booker T w/Sharmell vs Consequences Creed (Stretcher Match)
Very good Booker squash for 5 minutes as he's throwing nasty knees and elbows and hurling little Woods around the place. He gives him nothing and just wreaks his shit, and its a Godsend on this episode. He places him on the Stretcher to win.
**

He pushes Creed towards an ambulance but Joe jumps out and kills him. He throws him in and sends it away, but as he turns around Sharmell swings a bat at his head. He catches it and asks who gave it to him. Um, maybe the guy who beat your ass with it. Love that Samoa Joe is now really stupid and someone i don't want to watch anymore. Fantastic work from Jim Cornette and Vince Russo

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
July 24th, 2008
Impact Zone

"NOW YOU SEE HIM, NOW YOU DON'T"

Joe comes out through the crowd once again wearing a suit as TNA is trying to turn him into something he's never going to be in the biggest political hit jobs they've done. He and Kevin get into the ring where the 6 sides of steel are set up, and he challenges Booker to one at the PPV. Booker and Sharmell come out to brag about how he was chilling with wine and his wife when this fat ass said his name. He scared his wife and jumped him, and he knows it means Joe is scared of him. We get a camera shot of Joe now chewing gum like a loser not caring everyone is calling him a bitch. Anyway, Booker says he has a contract ready for the end of the night for Joe to sign, and Joe needs to be afraid of the dark.

JB is with AJ and his crew and asks if they think Sting will be in Kurt's corner, and AJ says he'll never do that. He got into wrestling because of Sting and he knows the real man. Cage says if he sees Sting he's putting him through a table because he and Rhino were nearly killed. Anyone on the other side is the enemy. Rhino tells AJ not to get sucked in.

They air a Sting video showing his actions as of late.

Match#1 Jimmy Rave vs Consequences Creed vs Eric Young vs Johnny Devine
Remember when TNA had a thing called the X-Division that used to be amazing and carried this company on its back? Yeah, i miss it a lot when this is the result of giving Petey the title and systematically killing it off. This is not good as it's bad wrestling for 4 minutes with nothing new or cool here as everyone has realised it's either not worth killing yourself for, or they're just dogshit pro wrestlers. Creed beats Rave with a rollup.
1/4*

Devine attacks Jay and helps Rock N Rave to beat him up, but Abyss shows up to save like the worst version of a superhero you could imagine. His punches are HIDEOUS and the rest of his offence has regressed to a depressing degree. He picks a chair up and throws it down because he's afraid.

In the back, Angle and 3D are making JB lay down on a table as Bubba says has a real pretty mouth like he's in an episode of Oz. Bubba says they're ready for their match tonight as the world needs to see those punks belong to them. There is no Santa, OJ is innocent, and Sting is now a no good low down scumbag like them. Kurt would win all the medals if being a scumbag was an Olympic sport. D-Von says Sting will be here and shock the world. Kurt says he's going to picture AJ in bed with his wife when he puts his bloody face into a table and he's going to ask him if it was worth it.

They air a video on how Kaz has failed to win a big match because he sucks. He does suck, but you shouldn't say it when you're planning on doing what you're about to do with him.

Karen now debuts her talk show with him talking about his wrestling career up to this point, and how he knows something must change to reach the next level.

Taylor is getting ready in the back.

Match#2 Matt Morgan vs Kory Chavis
Morgan is now given two minutes as Cornette is rock hard watching pro wrestling die as a concept. This big turd does lame high spots like an apron leg drop and other stuff he saw on a "Best of Undertaker 2001" DVD that he didn't realise was a gag. He wins with his shitty finish now dubbed 'Hellavator"
1/9*

"Kory Chavis just joined Matt Morgan's mile high club " -Don West.

In the back, MCMG are interviewed with Shelley wearing a Hayabusa mask for some reason. Sabin says Beer Money are dumb chubby cowboys and rich pricks without a clue. They're the leader of the new generation while they're named after a bad movie. Shelley says they need to beware of two kids from a place with the highest murder city in the country. They're going to aim and shoot with belts because they're the #1 team in the world.


BP are getting ready in the makeup room.

In the back, the superhero's fight over what their catchphrase should be so they can make money off merch. EY says it should be we come in peace they leave in pieces. Curry doesn't understand but he accepts along with Sharky.

Match#3 Beer Money w/Miss Jackie Moore vs The Motor City Machine Guns (Strap Match)
YEAH THE GUNS SPEAR THEM AND THROW WILD PUNCHES AND STICKS THE STRAPS BETWEEN THEIR LEGS AND PULL THEM UP TO KILL THEIR BALLS. Sabin/Roode & Shelley/Storm are paired off with the straps so we get lots of new and awesome fights with the straps being used to smack and strangle each other for tons of damage when they hit them with a move like neckbreakers or lariats. They do more attacks to the dicks and it;'s a perfect way to treat these bullies. Jackie shoves Shelley off the top to let BM take over, and they unload a frenzied battering that's easily their best and most violent work thus far. They use the steps and the apron to fuck them up, and the Guns are insane with each bump being wild and dangerous as possible. They come back with even more pace and action as the crowd loses it. They tie them in the muddles and run circles as they kick them in the back of the heads and make them to do Flair drops. Jackie distracts the ref and Shelley is thrown into him, and Storm knocks Sabin out cold with a handcuff shot to the face and Roode rolls on top to steal it.
***1/4

Shelley keeps fighting them but he gets knocked out by the Last Call. Beer Money strap him in the corner to cut his back open. LAX make the save and chase them away.

Match#4 Taylor Wilde (c) vs Velvet Skye w/Angelina Love (TNA Knockouts Championship)
They do that awful thing where Taylor beats her in 5 seconds with a pin leading to Skye challenging her again. Taylor then beats her in 20 seconds leading to another match when she demands it. Its 3 minutes and not all that good as Skye is having a bad night and it's setting up another angle. Angelina eventually attacks for the DQ.
1/4*

Post match, they put the bag over her head.

In a pre-tape, Daivari cuts an anti American promo as TNA has now hired him to make the company even worse.

We got to a hospital where Val is checking on Dutt. He says Jay was an animal who used his head like a freight train and he's been in a coma for 3 days and he's been thinking of. JB asks how that's possible, and Val tells him to shut up and don't ask. The doc brings in a bottle for him to piss in, so Val leaves. Dutt smells Val's wedding ring that i guess he stole at VR.

Match#5 AJ Styles, Christian Cage & Rhino vs Kurt Angle & Team 3D (Tables Elimination Match)
Again they waste no time and fight all over the ring and zone with new and old pairings throughout, and some wonderful moments of Bubba eating shit from AJ's dropkick and flip dive. They break out the plunda and tables for more fun times and brain damage for the bad guys. Cage and Rhino flapjack D-Von through a table to get him out first. Bubba has his head smashed in with a trash can and Gored, but Kurt saves with chair shots to the faces. We come back from break to see Rhino was eliminated when he Gored himself through a table which is bullshit. D-Von comes back and low blows Cage and hits the Super 3D into a table so he;'s gone. AJ is alone and once again shows he's the best babyface ever as he toes the line of dead and coming back whenever he has a slight chance. Devines comes down because TNA just has to use him for reasons beyond me. He throws powder at AJ but he ducks and it goes in Bubba's face. Bubba powerbombs Devine into a table and then shoulderblocks Bubba off the apron into another one. AJ and Kurt don't do much before Fucking Frank hits AJ with a cane for Angle to hit the Angle slam into a table to win. FUCK FRANK
**1/2

Booker and Sharmell come out to close the show with this contract stuff. Joe comes out to join still in the suit that's truly bothering the hell out of me. Booker says they bought their wives with them as Nash is also there. He says he put a few new things in this contract like TLC and anything to mess him up. It's a cage match with no rules, so what's even the point. They insult Sharmell and Nash for a while to add some bad comedy to an already awful feud. Booker signs and then Sting's music hits as the lights go out and Joe is dead on the ground. DW shouts why sting why as Mike says it was done with Sting's trademark bat.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08


TNA IMPACT
July 31st, 2008
Impact Zone

In the back, Booker says this will be a special night has he gives Joe a guided tour of his six sides of steel. He is also inviting a personal friend of his to be there. JB asks if he means Sting. Booker ignores him to drink more wine and then kick creepy JB out of the room so he can have sex with his wife. Kurt would have let JB stay, i'm just saying.

The intro is footage from the video game.

Match#1 Beer Money w/Miss Jackie Moore vs Rhino & Christian Cage (#1 Contenders Match)
No clue why the faces are getting a match when they haven't won a tag match in two months, but ok fine. This gets 10 minutes in a nice gesture. BM are murdered to start as they show off the bumping and stooging they've added to become amazing over the last month. Roode runs at Cage on the apron with a massive knee to send him to the rails to hurt him bad, and they kick the hell out of him in a control seg half cut off by breaks. Still, good though. Rhino has a good hot tag doing Rhino things, and then Cage gets back in as it all breaks down, and he doesn't get to do much before 3D come down to ringside, so Cage dives on Bubba. Devine comes down with the stick and gets killed by Rhino. Rhino gores Storm and has it won, but Roode pulls the ref out. D-Von comes down to fight him, but he gets thrown off. Jackie now gouges Rhino's eyes, and Roode uses the stick to knock Cage out. 3D hit Rhino with the 3D to give BM the win. Overcomplicated as hell.
*3/4

Cage gets the mic and says 3D has screwed them for the last time, so he wants them in a street fight in NJ.

Rock N Rave cut a drunk promo backstage.

Match#2 Jay Lethal, Curry Man & Shark Boy vs Johnny Devine & Rock N Rave Infection w/Christy Hemme
Devine is again given 3 minutes and multiple TV segments despite being one of the worst wrestlers the company has. Baffling. This is another 3 minutes of nothing wrestling with nothing to write home about. Lethal wins with the Lethal Combination. The only thing of note is Tenay announcing Lethal vs Dutt in a black tie brawl and chain match
1/3*

Jay brings Val in and proposes to her once again because he's not that bright. He realises the ring is gone, and she says she lost it. He gets mad and says he can see she never wanted to marry him in the first place. He runs off as she's sad again.

In the back, we get more awful Super Eric stuff. TNA has found every bottom level and dug a hole to get even further under it.

Joe arrives finally not in a suit as JB tells him what Booker has asked of him. Joe says he hopes it's a party of 3 with him and Sting so he can make sure he's the only one walking out of the cage.

Recap of last weeks Booker/Joe stuff.

JB tells Kevin to speak to Joe before he hurts someone. Kev tells him not to be upset because that's his weakness. Joe asks how can he not be upset when he gets attacked by Sting every week. Nash asks if he's sure, and Joe yells he damn sure. Nash says he's got his back for a war, but they need a plan. Joe calms down and says they'll do it his way. Joe, you a dumb man.

Booker is in the cage set up as he talks a lot about nothing, and i am truly done with this. Joe comes out and says Booker is mistaken as he's getting in there to kick the living hell out of him and turning his lights off. He gets in and AGAIN STANDS THERE AS BOOK RUNS HIM DOWN. GODDAMN IT, STOP THIS PLEASE. Joe brings Nash out to lock the door so Book can't get out (there's no roof) and Joe finally kicks his ass like he's Samoa Joe or something. Nash carries Sharmell away when she tries to help and a bat is sent down on a rope behind Joe's back. Booker gets it and knocks him out and thanks Sting for the help. Love how Sting is the main player in the world title feud without having wrestled since fucking May, and won't get in until October. Mike cries a lot about Sting.

Daivai's new name is Sheik Abdul Bashir. He hates America. Yeah, so does everyone else dude, it doesn't make you cool.

AJ now comes out as Joe is being checked on, and he's also sad about Sting being like this. Yeah, get all the cool babyfaces to talk about a geriatric asshole that's going to run roughshod for years without giving all that much back. AJ says he's defended him for 3 weeks and he and the fans need to know what's going on with him, and they all deserve an answer. Why do you keep knocking Joe on his ass man. WE'RE THE GOOD GUYS HERE AND YOUR BAT KEEPS KNOCKING HIM OUT. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY STING'S A COWARD. YEAH AJ, GET HIS ASS. Sting's music hits, but it's Angle from behind and he hits Kurt with an Angle Slam. He hits two more and talks a lot of shit along the way.

In the back, BP yell at Sharky and Curry for being pervs because the mermaids won't take their money anymore. Sharky calls them sluts and demands Val's ring back from them. Curry clams it down and then asks for some action with Love, so she slaps him. They deny having the ring and kick them out. Curry comes back and says he can show them how delicious is, and they are freaked outed.

In the back, Petey talks about his workout routine and makes fun of Creed for thinking he's a hero who can beat him. He does a bad Mr Freeze impression as this company is a test from God.

Match3 Petey Willams w/Rhaka Khan vs Consequences Creed
NASCAR Fuck joins commentary to put the boots to me. Creed works truly hard and looks good as he's plugging along as the weeks go by, and good for him. Petey is again shit and not real in the concept of life, so fuck that. Creed sells and bumps his ass off and furthers stuff, and he gets an actual reward when he reverses theb CD into a cradle to win.
*1/2

In the back, Curry and Sharky accuse LAX of stealing the rings. Curry tells them he's a gang guy like them and he would like it back before he takes the guns out. Ci tells him to leave before he ends up in a happy meal. Not sure what that means, but Ci killing and eating someone would fit his style.

In the back, AJ is hurt and sad. He's going to be the first person to greet Sting when he comes back. He wants a Last Man Standing with Kurt so he can end this and make sure he doesn't get back up.

Cornette now joins commentary to hype the PPV.

Karen talks to Kaz some more about the time he left TNA for WWE and left like a coward when they wanted him to cut his hair. He has made the best of chances he's been given, but he lost at VR and that's hard to live with. He says it's better to burn out than fade away and he wanted to do in the Zone with his family. He's met with TNA managment, AND HE'S NO LONGER ON THE ROSTER AS HE'S WALKING AWAY. YES GO AWAY FOREVER. This a setup for him to come back as Suicide for a year. Not looking forward to that but at least we get a break from his stupid face.

We come back to Tomk on the set to ruin things as per Angle's orders. That was 3 weeks ago man, what took you so long? He grabs the camera and says we need to see this, but it cuts away before we can.

in the back, Nash says he's seen Sting in this mood before on the other side and something has pissed him off. Joe walks in holding his neck and says he's going up to the rafters to drag him down and break all his bones. Nash tries to tell him that's a bad idea, but Joe is gone.

Match#4 Matt Morgan vs Sal Rinauro
60 seconds of trash as Jim is never letting this push die until they kick him out the door. Helladouche ends it.
Jim Cornette's spa bath.

Morgan gets the mic and asks if Tomko is a bad ass going after women, and he wants him out here to see who the real bad ass is. NO. Tomko comes out and confronts him. They fight and Tomko has to dumb his offence down for this piece of shit as he would kill him otherwise. Morgan no sells everything and lays him out with his shitty finish.. Jim Cornette couldn't put his finger on the pulse if he had a gun to his head.

The Superheroes realise that Dutt has the ring because they watched the footage.

in the back, 3D and BM are now best friends because they're scumbags like them. Better than turning 3D face and having them beat a white hot Beer Money for the titles in April next year. TNA wouldn't be that dumb, though. Anywhoo, Bubba challenges Cage, Rhino and LAX to an 8 man street fight next week.

Rough Cut; Taylor Wilde. She's an underdog whose never wanted to give up, and never will. They air a video from her trainer Bill DeMott talking about how proud he is of her. ODB then says she hates some little girl coming in to the company and beating a monster as kayfabe is bullshit. The other girls talk about how shocked they were to see her win, and no one sees happy about this.

Match#5 Gail Kim & Taylor Wilde vs The Beautiful People
Cool to see this get the main event as the KO division is the last thing not to have a blowtorch taken to it. Gail goes on a fun run and then is smashed into the steps, and TNA follows up by showing Joe climbing the steps to the rafters. Control on Kim is good stuff and goes for a while, and i'm here for something being good in TNA. Taylor has a sweet hot tag to light them up. Things go wild (e) and Gail dropkick Skye into a cradle from Taylor to win,
**

BP attack the faces, NEVER MIND THAT SHIT AWESOME KONG IS BACK AND KILLS THE FACES. GOD YEAH. SHE KILLS THEM WITH AWESOME BOMBS AS BP HELP HER OUT. ODB and Roxxi come down to fight her, and Kong is forced to back down from them and leave. Nah, fuck that.

Joe reaches the top of the rafters and he finds a black crow on a ledge.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
August 7th, 2008
Impact Zone

Tonight; An eight man weapons gauntlet where each man will bring a weapon with them. Lax/Christian/Rhino vs 3D/BM in a no DQ match. Goddamn it, Russo.

JB, BG & Lauren hype the crowd up for the show.

Match#1 Jackie Moore vs Roxxi (Bimbo Brawl-Special Referee-Traci)
The theme is every match is hardcore, but watching TNA 2008 is far more dangerous to the brain than any piece of plunder could be. This is a fun little walk and brawl thanks to Roxxi doing cool things and hitting Jackie super hard with weapons. She's breaking out slams on trash can lids and breaking chairs over her face, and it's a good time. Roxxi wins with the Voodoo Drop.
**1/4

in the back, Christian says he's the champ and he hasn't forgotten how that glass table felt and the aftermath of having the glass pulled out of his back. 3D are the best team because he became a singles wrestler. They think they can take him and Rhino out to stop them from becoming a great team, but that's not going to happen. 3D have two chances to end them and they'll fail both times.

EY tells Val that her ring was abducted by Sonjay. She refuses to hear it and says he wouldn't do that.

Match#2 Sonjay Dutt vs Curry Man
Dutt sucks in a showcase once more as this push has exposed him as a bum that shouldn't be here at all. Val comes out to yell at Dutt, so the backstage is not vibing with this as she now thinks he did steal it. i don't really know anymore. Dutt wins with his feet on the ropes.
1/3*

He kicks Curry in the dick and leaves as Val yells at him again. Sharky comes out and beat Dutt up like he's not also a jobber loser. Super Eric also comes out and lays Dutt out and takes the ring out of Sonjay's pants and gives t back to her. Sonajy tries to explain the ring is a message that she needs to leave Jay for him, but he's happy she has it back. She then hugs him.

in the back, Bubba talks a lot of smack about Lauren being bad at sex, and promising to send Cage through another glass table.

They air a 5 plus minute recap of VR.

SAB hates America.

Match#3 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed
Killer opening stretch of Jay finally being good again against the Guns on the mat and strike for strike. Creed does well to hang with the boys on the mat as well and they isolate Sabin after a lariat to take his head off. They mesh super well together as a team as they're the same type of wrestler in a lot of way, and Sabin is a fantastic FIP. Shelley gets in and they go nuts with dives and insane hang time dropkicks that seem like they float in the air. They now swarm Jay with kicks and double teams, AND JAY FIRES BACK WITH A HARD CHOP TO SHELLEY AND FIGHTS HIM ON THE MAT. YEAH. The Guns start acting as heels and kick his ass again, and i'm here for all of this. Creed has a great hot tag hitting bombs and handling shit on his own. Jay gets back in to help him and gets the Guns on the backfoot again. He hits Sabin with his tope to take him out. Shelley and Creed go at it and Creed pulls off a massive upset with a roll up
**3/4

Post match, the faces offer this hands but Shelley shoves Creed and walks off.

KAREN'S ANGLE WITH FUCKING FRANK. OH GODDAMN YOU
He enjoys MMA, kissing Kurt's ass and being fucking Frank that ruins TNA a little more than it's already ruined. He keeps calling Karen a slut and beats up some crew when they try to get him to leave. I despise TNA right now.

DW and Tenay run down the PPV card.

Kurt thinks AJ is a fool for daring to challenge him in a LMS match. He took him from nothing to glory and then he slept with his wife. He spat in his face, insulted him and this is now personal. THE PAIN GAME STARTS TONIGHT.

BP are ready to bag and beat some sluts up.

Match#4 Team 3D & Beer Money vs LAX, Christian Cage & Rhino (No DQ)
They get to it as Rhino Gores everyone off the bat and then Ci and Cage hit dives to everyone, and Hernandez tops it with his amazing dive to the floor. We come back to more chaos brawling all over the Zone and they focus on the better wrestlers, so it rocks a ton. It gets more frantic and Ci beats Roode with the Ace Crusher
**1/2

Devine shows up for his mandated TV time and gives Bubba the stick so he can attack everyone. The heels lay them all out and Homicide is powerbombed through the glass table as 3D were setting Cage up for it on the other side. 3D seem angry at BM. Ci's arm and back are cut this time for a cool visual.

Match#5 Awesome Kong w/BP vs Sallinas
Kong wins in 30 seconds with the Awesome Bomb
Yeah

Love mocks her for being dead and then go for the bag, but Gail, ODB and Wilde save for a big brawl. Abyss shows up to save once more and scares the heels away. He lays out some Blackshirts for the hell of it.

Booker is in the back and says he's going to beat Joe with ease. Oh, Sting will also be here.

In the back, Joe is grumpy about Sting becoming a coward so he's going to turn his clown makeup into a red bloody mask. His blood is cold and his nerves are steel and he's coming for his belt.

In the back, AJ talks about being a young boy who helped build TNA from the ground up while Kurt came in and took that from him. He didn't sleep with his wife and he's not saying it again. Kurt is a punk who was lucky to win a medal in 96. He can bring them all with him because he will be the last man standing.

Match#6 Eight Man Weapons Gauntlet
AJ & Kurt are in first.
-AJ beats the shit out of him as they have another great brain dead battle.
-Kurt SMASHES a trash can over AJ's head and then cracks his jaw with an uppercut.
-Morgan & Tomko are next as TNA is just doing two at a time to save time.
-Morgan runs after Tomko and they run off to the back right away,
-AJ & Kurt are still having a fantastic back and forth.
-AJ takes more gross shots to the head.
-BG & Kip are here.
-NO
-They have an awful fight on the outside as TNA just needs to be TNA no matter what.
-AJ sends Kurt into the ladder and Kurt's entire head is ripped open in one of the scariest blade jobs ever.

-Booker & Joe are in last because yeah fight before the PPV. Who cares.
-It sucks again, but all the others thankfully break it up before it can get worse.
-We come back from the break where AJ & Angle are both pushed out after making this good.
-Kurt snaps and gets him in the Angle Lock for a while.
-Morgan has a bad run and is then tossed by Book & Tomko.
-Joe gets back in and fights them both.
-Joe dumps Booker out, and then beats Tomko to end this mess.
3/4*

Joe calls Sting out and the old man shows up in the rafters so they can stare at each other.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA HARD JUSTICE
AUGUST 10TH, 2008
TRENTON, NJ
SOVEREIGN BANK ARENA

Ice T was meant to rap on this show, but he bailed and they got some other guy.

Sting shows up in his car with no make up refusing to answer questions. What a dick.

The rap guys do some rap to kill more time.

Match#1 Petey Willams (c) w/Rhaka Khan vs Consequences Creed (TNA X-Divison Championship)
Letting Petey open another PPV after the last time is a crime against humanity. Creed tries to impress on PPV with a big flip dive only to catch the back of his head on the apron to knock himself silly as you can see his eye rolls over before he falls down. Petey takes over shortly after with super boring stuff, but given Creed is dead on his feet, we can give him a pass for once. Creed makes a great comeback as he fights through brain damage and hits a big flying lariat and a cool dropkick to Petey. Rhaka gets involved, so Creed hits her with the TKO Bomb!! Sadly, that piece of filth Sheik Bashir hits Creed in the back with a chair and Petey nails the CD to keep this hideous title run going. Not a good sign when a guy with a concussion is a better wrestler than you.
*3/4

SAB gets on the mic and cut a lame promo about America sucking and Creed being a symptom of that.

In the back, Joe says he's sick of Booker T and he's sick of Showtime, so they're both dead tonight. Nash tells him he's got his back but he needs to focus on Booker, so he's going to take care of Sting for him. Joe says this poo butt ass champion is going to take his head off and his title back.

Hype for the KO match.

Traci is the ref again as a way of impressing Cornette so he'll hire her.

Match#2 Awesome Kong & The Beautiful People vs ODB. Gail Kim & Taylor Wilde
This gets 12 minutes and should have opened the show. BP eat some dirt for a start and then use Kong to protect them, and she does great Kong things with the 3 faces. She and Kim are the best part and i can't wait for another match down the line. ODB is isolated and beaten down with big clubs from Kong and fun shithead work from BP as they sneak in shots and bite her arms. Gail tags in but also gets beaten up and isolated briefly, and that's quite good as her and Love are sneaky great dance partners. Wilde goes wild for her tog with slams and big dropkicks and she's the good once more. It all breaks down into a frenzy awesome fight, and Taylor beats Love with a roll up.
**3/4

3D search the rafters for Sting. Bubba is now afraid of heights as Lauren makes fun of him for it. Bubba says they've got Sting's back and they're behind him 110%. Bubba says he can feel free to swoop down with his big black bat to help them that would be cool. NOT YOUR BAT D-VON. Bubba says they have to leave because D-Von is scared of the dark, and D-Von is not pleased.

LAX/BM hype.

Match#3 LAX (c) w/Sallinas & Héctor Guerrero vs Beer Money w/Miss Jackie Moore (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Ci's eye is bandaged up from the glass table on Impact. LAX JUMP THEM ON THE FLOOR FOR REVENGE AND WE GET A WONDERFUL HATE FILLED BRAWL. Punches, choking, biting and lots and lots of BM stooging and dying for their sins. Ci is dragged out and hurt, but Hernandez hits his no hands dive and lands on his fucking feet. Goddamn. They fight back in and Ci gets beer spat into his bad eye and gets cracked in the mouth. Amazing control seg as BM get more time now and show off the violence with attacks to the face and eyes like true scumbags. Ci is cut off and beaten like a dog as all his heart can't overcome them at it feels like the tide is shifting. They cut him off at least 6 times in more new ways from booting him in the head to knocking Hernandez off the ropes when he's trying to hype him up. Roode misses a frog splash after being a sick, and Super Mex gets in there and rips their heads off with another class hot tag. Massive dives and big throws to go with the hot crowd. Ci tags back in and hits them with a dropkick and sets them up for the end with a frog splash on Storm, but he kicks out. They break it down AND CI GETS HERNANDEZ TO BORDER TOSS HIM OUT OF THE RING ONTO BEER MONEY. WHAT THE FUCK MAN. They keep fighting and Jackie low blows the big man to take him out, and the ladies fight. Ci and Storm fight in the ring, AND ROODE BREAKS THE BEER BOTTLE OVER CI'S BAD EYE AND STORM ROLLS HIM UP TO WIN THE TITLES. FUCK YEAH. SORRY BOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK.
***1/2

In the perch, Kevin tries to reason with Sting not to do what he's about to do as these kids don't know. Sting says they know and there's no other way. He walks off as Nash pleads for him to come back but he ignores him and keeps walking.

Hype for Dutt/Lethal.

Match#4 Sonjay Dutt vs Jay Lethal w/So Cal Val (Black Tie Brawl & Chain)
It's a chain match in you can pin them, and also a tuxedo match with stripping needing to happen to win. It's classic 80's Memphis nonsense in the best way. Also means it was booked by Corny because there's no way Russo has ever seen or heard of CWA. Jay throws killer punches to the face of his former best pal, but Dutt manages to hit him in the dick with the chain and kicks his ass in return. Turn into a cool back and forth of them getting the hell beaten out of them with the chain. DW comments he doesn't like that Val isn't cheering for Jay, and he thinks something is going on. She gets more emotional as it goes on, so he might be correct. Jay strangles him with the chain and nearly kills him, and Val calls him crazy and screams for him to stop. She walks off on him and it distracts Jay. Dutt pulls him into the post and hangs him upside down and pulls the suit off piece by piece. Dutt yells at Jay's family members in the crowd (and one of them is the future AJ Lee) and then goes back trying to pull the pants off his former friend because wrestling rules. Jay comes back by ripping Dutt off the top rope as hard and gross as possible and Dutt takes a backflip as he lands. Jay unloads a sweet angry beating, and the awful crowd chants boring and "Fire Russo" when for once it's not warranted. AMAZING. Jay keeps killing him and hits the Elbow with the chain wrapped around his arm to win.
**3/4

in the back, Booker runs Joe down again about how much of loser bum he is. The only important part is that he says and he and Sting are the same person in all ways. Booker clearly doesn't care about TNA, so the promos have no filter on what he might say. Proper unhinged nonsense.

Hype for 3D/Cage/Rhino

Match#5 Team 3D vs Rhino & Christian Cage (New Jersey Street Fight)
Fine fight to start with the highlight being Cage now adding a complete flip off a backdrop bump. They go over the arena doing the normal stuff that we've seen a few times now, and it's good but not all that cool and new. They break out the plunda and go through the motions as this is sort of a lazy laid back match for some reason, so that sucks. The best part is Bubba hitting a wicked Bubba bomb off the step onto Cage. They keep riffing for a while and Rhino Gores Bubba into a table to win
**

Post match, Devine gets his mandated PPV time and attacks the faces with the stick. Abyss shows up once more and kills him. I hate this, but at least he's not wrestling.

In the back, AJ says he's spoken to Sting and the issues are water under the bridge. He wants to hurt Kurt as its that simple at this point. Kurt might be a better wrestler, but he'll never be the better wrestler.

Hype for AJ/Kurt.

Match#6 AJ Styles vs Kurt Angle (Last Man Standing)
They're working under Texas Deathmatch rules with pins and then the ten count after. Blatant false advertising. Kurt goads AJ into making a mistake so he can get on top to start and it's more focused and awesome work from 2008 Kurt as only AJ can bring the best out of him. Tight mat work that turns into a big fight with punches and uppercuts that hit and look fantastic. AJ takes his face off with a lariat, and DW shouts that AJ wants to fight and Kurt wants to wrestle. AJ hits maybe the most gorgeous flip dive yet and kicks the hell out of Kurt. Angle gives it right back as we move into a sweet ringside brawl that's once again new and different from other stuff they've done because AJ is always changing it up. He slides under the guardrails and tries for his forearm ONLY TO HAVE KURT CATCH HIM AND HIT A FUCKING BELLY TO BELLY RIGHT BACK INTO IT, AND AJ LANDS ON HIS NECK. GODDAMN. AJ won't back down and keeps fighting in spite of it and gets far while selling his back in amazing ways. They get to the stage and Kurt backdrops him off to the floor to cripple him more, AND THEN KURT HITS A FLIP DIVE OF HIS OWN. HOLY SHIT WHAT??? Kurt now gets even more violent but can't pin AJ as he won't die, so Kurt just keeps battering him with suplexes that provide another insane AJ bump after another. AJ comes back with haymakers and knees, but Kurt runs at him and knocks them both down as their bodies crash and collide. AJ gets back up first and finally beats the shit out of Kurt for a few minutes in a fantastic piece of work, and Kurt's selling and bumping is also wonderful. AJ counters a Styles Clash attempt into an Angle Lock with a grapevine and he makes Kurt tap to get the first fall. Angle gets back up and slips in a low blow and hits his German's while selling his ankle by kicking it into the mat to get feeling back into it. Kurt breaks out a super German off the top to beat AJ, but our hero gets back up before 10. Kurt beats him again with the Angle Slam, but AJ is back up once more. AJ reverses a third one into the Styles Clash for a pin, and this time Kurt gets back up. They fight on top and Kurt tries a suplex to the floor, but AJ hits a Super DDT to drop Kurt onto his head and face and gets the 3 off it. They do a double down and AJ gets up first to win.
****

Kurt is laying flat on the mic holding his neck and crying in pain while AJ is super happy about the win. EMT's come out and put Kurt in a brace and place him on the stretcher, but AJ comes back and hits a Brainbuster and screams in his ear. AJ goes back up the ramp and the lights go out and Sting has AJ hooked and hits him with the Death Drop on the ramp. Christ, what an asshole. Nash walks out and asks what that was, and Sting says something we can't hear and walks away again.

Tenay and DW spend 3 minutes asking why Sting has done this. Like, just watch 2007 to see what a massive jerk he is.

Hype for the main event.

Match#7 Samoa Joe (c) vs Booker T w/Sharmell (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship-Weaponised Six Sides of Steel)
Joe finally brings some life to this by beating Booker with a trash can and squashing him with a sweet running splash and other pieces of Joe offence. Booker cares for once and fights back and rips Joe's head open with a chair shot, and it turns into a fun hardcore back and forth at more effort than either has shown in a long time. Joe breaks out an Ace Crusher off the cage for a cool moment and kicks Booker's ass, but he gets clobbered again by a trash can lid to lose control. He does some good work to beat him up for a while, and then Joe comes back as it moves into the finishing run rather quickly. Booker hits a low blow and kills Joe with a gross Book End through two chairs, but Joe kicks out. Booker sets him for something else BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND JOE ENDS UP WITH A GUITAR WHEN THEY COME BACK ON AND HE BREAKS IT OVER HIS HEAD AND PINS HIM.
**1/4

Don't piss me off because i think a Slapnuts just returned.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
August 14th, 2008
Impact Zone

Joe and Kev are met by Lauren when they arrive and she asks about the guitar. Joe says if Booker wants to play they can play, and everyone wants to be involved in this. Kev says he doesn't know about this as he's focused on facing Team 3D tonight, but if Joe thinks things are interesting now, he doesn't know the half of it. Joe deserves what's coming to him for not actually paying attention to the most obvious swerve possible.

Tonight; Hernandez vs Storm. Wilde vs Hemme. 3D vs Joe/Nash.

Match#1 Christian Cage & Rhino vs Rock N Rave Infection w/Christy Hemme
Fine showcase for 4 minutes thanks to Cage being a one man show of amazing wrestling and getting to show that off. The highlight is that, and Rave wearing what looks to be Christian's attire from 2000. Like, the shirt and pants all match, so maybe he borrowed them. Rhino kills Rave with the Gore and Cage hits the Frog Splash to win
*3/4

JB is with Kurt and asks about his neck after AJ's attack. Kurt says he's badly hurt and needed to wear a brace because of AJ. This is Olympic week and in 96 he became a legend with a broken freaking neck. Everyone bar TNA knows he's the best ever, but they put him in a fight against AJ and got him hurt. AJ cheated to win and then tried to break his neck, so thank God for Sting saving his life. Tonight he's challenging AJ to a wrestling match with no ropes, points and 3 rounds with the winner gets his gold medals. JB tries to talk him out of it, but Kurt is insane and won't listen to reason.

AJ says he guaranteed that Kurt wouldn't get up and he didn't get back up. JB asks about Sting, and AJ says a man he looked up to has made an example of him. He was wrong about him as he's no different than Angle. No one makes an example of him. He accepts Kurt's challenge.

Matt Morgan apparently has potential he will show tonight. Yeah, i doubt it.

Match#2 Matt Morgan vs Johnny Devine
Zero potential shown in another short and bad squash for Devine's mandated TV time. Hella-douche ends it.
1/8*

3D come out of nowhere to attack Morgan to start something bad. Oh no, Abyss shows up to add salt to the wounds as he kills Devine and scares them off. The big morons stare each other down and Morgan offers his hand, and Abyss takes it. TNA might have formed a worse team than the Red Shirts in 2003. Kudos for finding a new level of low.

Karen's Angle with BP-
-BP are very upset that all the other ladies hate them because they're hot and on a different level than the others.
-They introduce a new person who will look after them and style them, a complete 9. Kip James walks on now portraying a stereotypical gay character for reasons.

In the back, Jay Lethal demands that Val pick either him or Dutt. He can't take this anymore, so this is up to her. This isn't over until he says it is (Or Dutt get fired in 2009,)

SAB is nicknamed "The Middle Eastern Nightmare" just to drive home how shit things are. He comes out and rants about America being awful again, and says he wants to rape Lady America. Not sure who she is, but fuck this guy.

Match#3 Sheik Abdul Bashir vs Jay Lethal
Jay is angry about everything and wrestles like it for once with hard chops and stiff punches to SAB's face, and then the big tope to crumble him. Sadly, SAB takes over and is a boring jerk with chin locks and other bad stuff, and is clearly a nothing that should be nowhere near a ring. Jay comes back but he's too angry and Hebner tries to restrain him leading to SAB taking a spike out to stab him in the face and then hits a terrible looking DDT called "WMD"
*1/2

Dutt comes down and hits Lethal with his 450.

In the back, Booker says he has silver and black guitars on his mind at it left a lump on his head. He had that chump beat when TNA played a joke by letting that hick who has interest in TNA hurt him, You mess with Booker, you get a foot up your ass. He's going to let his actions speak for him.

They air a video about Sting being a massive shithead as of late.

We now see the footage of Nash confronting Sting after the AJ attack. Nash follows him and says he lit the fuse and this is bad, and Sting says he's not confused anymore as he has no more patience as his bio clock is ticking down. Kevin needs to check his because it's now or never.

Match#4 Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash vs Team 3D
Joe seems to feeling himself again as he plays the hits against 3D and looks motivated and good again. Shame, it's not going to last once October hits. Kev is also trying hard in a nice gesture, and we come back from break to 3D in control on him. Fine work on the infamous knees for a couple of minutes, and it's fun watching Nash sell and care again. Nash fights back and takes their heads off and gets Joe in for a nice hot tag before it all breaks down. They throw bombs and Joe gets D-Von alone and chokes him out to win
**1/2

Joe gets a chair and cracks D-Von with it over and over as Nash tries to stop him. Hebner also gets in Joe's face, SO JOE PUNCHES HIM AND ANOTHER REF. The announcer says Hebner has reversed the fall so 3D win via DQ. Tenay says Joe needs to control the anger before it costs him the world title. OR, he could pay attention to the swerve, but Joe is dumb.

Match#5 Taylor Wilde vs Christy Hemme
Traci is the ref once again. Good showcase for Taylor has like Christian in the opening did, it's a one woman show of all the goodness of wrestling against a warm body. Taylor wins with her German Suplex
*3/4

Kong comes out to fight her again. Traci gets killed for trying to help. Taylor fights both heels and gets far but the numbers take over. They set a chair up for the Bomb, but Kim runs down to make the save and fights Kong. She takes Raisha out, BUT KONG SWATS HER DOWN LIKE A FLY AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF HER. KONG GETS A CHAIR AND GOES FOR IT, BUT GAIL KICKS IT INTO HER FACE AND SMASHES HER OVER THE FACE WITH THE CHAIR AND HOLDS THE RING. FUCK YEAH.

Rough Cuts; Creed talks about his dreams of being a wrestler and a future video game guy.

In the back, Hernandez says Beer Money took his blood from him as Ci being hurt hurts him, and he's going back to his roots make Storm his prison punk.

Beer Money laugh about LAX being upset for losing the titles and hurting Ci. They're the best team now and no one can stop them. Storm tells the big man not go steer or queer as he needs to be tough and take his drive thru order at Taco Bell. Sorry, bout your damn luck.

Match#6 Hernadez vs James Storm w/Robert Roode & Miss Jackie
Hernandez is pissed and beats the holy hell out of Storm all over the place and then takes the heels out with the Super Dive. Tenay says Ci has not been given clearance to be here for the next few weeks because of his eyes. It pays off as Roode is able to turn the tide to let Storm take over, and we have a sweet control seg as he's smacking the hell out of him and talking a world of shit. Just damn good pro wrestling. The big man hits a hail Mary belly to belly and whips Storm's ass with more cool power stuff to pinball him around but then he nearly breaks Storm's neck off a full nelson bomb in a scary moment. It slows down from there in an understandable choice, and the big man wins with a Sitout Powerbomb.
**3/4

Cornette comes out and makes Hernadez vs Roode and Gail vs Kong in a street fight!!! He then make a 4 way match for No Surrender to face Joe.

Match#7 AJ Styles vs Kurt Angle (Olympic Style for Gold Medals)
TNA just needed to do something fishy for such a great feud. No ropes and 3 rounds as stated. It's a blood sport set up and would almost rule if it wasn't just take downs. Kurt dominates because no shit, and it serves to make AJ look bad because he's not that guy no matter how incredible he is. TNA then goes full boar when AJ gets a rollup and the ref counts two and that means AJ gets two points now??? I don't fucking know as my brain hurts. AJ then gets two more near falls for two points to even it up, and everyone seems confused as to how this is mean to work. Weird shit keeps happening and then the ref gets bumped because why not. The lights go out and Kurt now has a bat, BREE WOOO BREEE WOOO hits and now AJ has a guitar and he smashes over Kurt's stupid head to bust him open. He pins him to win the medals.
1/5*

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
August 21st, 2008
Impact Zone

"AJ STYLES; OLYMPIC GOLD MEDASLIST?"

JB finds Kurt arriving as he asks about the medals and the guitar; Kurt says he's here to get his medals back and to get THAT guy. We all know who it is and it's not two years ago anymore. This is firmly Planet Angle, and he's going to stick his boot up his ass.

Tonight; Petey vs Creed 2. Kong vs Kim in a street fight. Rhino vs Booker T in the Fatal 4 Way qualifier.

Match#1 Hernandez w/Lax vs Robert Roode w/James Storm Miss Jackie Moore
Homicide is still not allowed to travel because of his eye, so the big man has the other two there.. We start with a spirted fight with hard and loud shots all hit at a fast pace, and it all looks awesome. Storm superkicks Hernandez on the outside to give Roode the opening for a sweet control seg as his growth is insane as hell. Beer Money is truly one of the best ideas TNA ever had, and they deserve actual credit for how well it plays out for the next 4 years. Hernandez fires back with his cool power moves to send Roode all over. FInishing run is a lot of fun as Roode breaks out the Blockbuster and Fisherman Buster for the first time in a while, but the big man kicks out. Things break down as the seconds fight. Hernandez fights through and beats Roode with Torture Rack Bomb.
**3/4

JB is with AJ in the back. AJ has the medals around his neck and asks if this means he's like Kurt. He says the bat and guitar mean exactly what everyone thinks, and he can't wait to see that one to play out. He then challenges Kurt to a ladder match for the medals. Angle tries to attack but gets held back by blackshirts.

Match#2 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Eric Young & BG James
Tenay talks about Shelley's new hardness not showing respect to the other wrestlers. Given he's wrestling these dweebs, i wouldn't be respectful either. Still, they spend 4 minutes carrying them with great double teams and big bumps, and it's just wonderful MCMG action. Shelley has a stunning crossbody this week as he's on one. He misses a dive to leave Sabin alone, and EY beats him with his wheelbarrow neckbreaker. Lol fuck off.
**

The Guns consider shaking hands but BG musts Sabin's hair, so he spits on his hand and slaps the fucker. They brawl until it gets broken up.

In the back, JB tells Kurt he needs to show respect before he speaks to Booker T. Booker indeed yells at him for taking his shoes off, and yells at JB for not telling him the rules. Kurt talks about the guitars and sting operations, and Booker is very confused as to why Sting is conducting operations. Kurt calms it down and asks Booker to watch his back against AJ. Book agrees and enjoys a drink.

Lethal/Dutt recap.

Karen's Angle with So Cal Val.
She's sad and lost because of all these men fighting over her. Karen presses her to make a choice for good, but that dork Sonjay walks on and tells her he loves her. He would never do anything to hurt her. Jay runs on and spears him over a couch and beats the shit out of him. Val tries to stop it by grabbing Jay from behind and he back elbows her to knock her out cold. Now, everyone is sad.

Rough Cut; Creed loved wrestling and became a wrestler. Not breaking new ground this week.

Match#3 Matt Morgan vs Frankie Capone
Jim's son gets two minutes now to theoretically show off what he can do, but he can't do anything so it feels like 20 minutes. Hellavator ends my pain. DW is still trying to get over Morgan's mile high club thing, and it's soooooo lame and bad that even a God like DW can't sell it.
1/6*

Bubba comes out talking shit about Morgan being a dumb loser who can only beat nobodies with no future in wrestling. Bubba offers to fight him but it's a setup for D-Von to jump him from behind. Abyss makes the save for his new BFF by killing them with ease, and Morgan joins in to help.

Gail is getting ready in the back.

We go to a pre-tape with Mike and Kevin Nash. Kevin immediately becomes the funniest wrestler ever when he says he was instrumental in getting Joe signed to TNA after watching tapes of him and seeing rawness and talent that would help TNA. He talks about becoming friends with Joe and he wouldn't be around him if that wasn't the case. He talks about his temper and all the bad stuff it can cause including maybe the worlds title. He won't speak for Sting but they've been friends for 20 years and they came up with men and gave his chair to Harley Race in the locker room at his first house show and won his respect. That respect is gone now as these kids know that should show it, but they just don't care about it. He says Sting will be here next week to speak for himself. Simple and super well done stuff.

In the back, BP talk about how how they are and how hot they'll make the title when they win it. Kip walks on and messes with Taylor Wilde as she's trying to get ready. He throws makeup boxes at her to knock her out, and BP draw on her face.

In the back, Rhino says he won't pick a side as he loves to wrestle and he loves TNA. Sounds like a side, my man.

Match#4 Booker T w/Sharmell vs Rhino (Fatal Four Way Qualifier)
This gets ten minutes in one of those nice gestures but bad choice given how little of a shit Booker gives, and how cooked Rhino now is. Really slow and lumbering and just not good at all. Lazy booker control seg with a long sleeper and a few kicks that hardly connect or look like they hurt. Booker wins with his awful Ax Kick.
3/4*

In the back, Kim says people expect her to pack her bags because she's facing Kong in a street fight. Well, she's not an innocent good girl, she's going to show a different side tonight.

Match#5 Petey Willams (c) w/Rhaka Khan vs Consequences Creed (TNA X-Divison Championship)
Petey now decides he wants to be a mat wrestler by going hold for hold with Creed, but he sucks at that as well so it's just more painful work. Creed does what he can when given the chance, but Petey takes most of the match and sets that hope ablaze. Speaking of bad things, Bashir comes out to watch and i assume signal he wants the title, which please god no. He comes down to the ring and gets dived on by Creed, so yeah we're now proper screwed. He gets up and attacks him for the DQ.
Rat Bites

Match#6 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs Gail Kim (Street Fight)
They get down to it with another motherfucker of a fight as no one does it better, and it's the best thing on the show all night. GAIL GETS THROWN FACE FIRST INTO THE POST AND BOUNCES HER FACE OFF IT, AND THEN KONG TOSSES HER INTO THE CROWD. YEAH KONG. They go into the crowd and Gail jumps off the rails with a crossbody and takes the fight right back to her. They go up in the second row and use then bleachers to mess each other up as Kong pushes her down in between them and crushes her throat with her boot. They go back to the ringside where Kong continues her onslaught, but Kim gets a cane and bashes her and Saeed with it. She takes Riasha out with her neckbreaker and then kicks a chair into her face for a near fall. She keeps running at her and trying to take her down and gets her to run face first into a chair for another nutty bump. Kim swings at her and Kong catches it and deadlifts her into the Implant Buster to win.
***

They beat her up and attack refs, and Gail's sister tries to help like an idiot. Kong grabs her by the hair and tries to kill her, but all the knockouts come with chairs and get her to back down.

That's the end of Gail Kim until 2011 as she's WWE bound. It doesn't end well for her as she gets pissed at them for doing exactly what you'd expect them to do, so she infamously jumps out of a battle royal and quits the company. Sucks to see her leave the reviews for a while, but i'm always here for a classic wrestling nonsense bit.

Kurt comes out first and tries to climb and get the medals before the match starts in a brilliant move. AJ runs down to stop him, and Booker and Joe get involved and fight away. The match starts now.

Match#7 AJ Styles vs Kurt Angle (Ladder Match-Gold Medals)
AJ throws those sick rights and lefts and pinballs Kurt. He thwarts him at every turn and makes him eat some well deserved shit with that dropkick and a sweet plancha. We miss a chunk thanks to the adds, and we come back to Kurt in control beating the hell out of him. AJ takes a drop tow hold into a ladder without protecting his face like it's 2003, and then takes a German on the back of his head and neck. God Bless this man. He then makes a frantic comeback as Booker and Joe are now at ringside. Awesome AJ work and Kurt is game for bumps and brain damage when he goes face first into a ladder rung to bust himself open from that bad cut a few weeks ago. Kurt nails an Angle slam and seems to have it won, but AJ shoves him off into the ropes as Kurt smacks his knees off it. The seconds fight as Booker uses Sting's bat to knock Joe out cold. AJ and Kurt climb up and Jeff Jarrett's music hits and AJ has the guitar and brains Kurt again. He takes the medals down to win.
**1/2

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
August 28th, 2008
Impact Zone

"STING SPEAKS"

Sting arrives and says the time has come and tonight is the night. Yeah, speak in platitudes, old man.

Match#1 Awesome Kong w/Riasha Saeed vs Sojournor Bolt
Tenay is disgusted at Kong's actions last week, and it's a shame she doesn't skull fuck him. Cool 2 minutes of Kong being Kong battering some poor soul. Implant Buster ends it.
*3/4

Kong sets up two chairs and goes for the powebomb, but ODB saves the day. She gets Raisha out of there and drops Kong with a sick DDT and beats the hell out of her. She ends being dragged off by blackshirts.

JB is with AJ Styles. He says AJ will face Christian next week in a 4 way qualifier. AJ says he's interested in the title and he's got history with Cage as they're like brothers now. He respects him and knows they're both up for the challenge. JB asks if Sting has a receipt coming to him for his actions, and AJ says he's going to listen and then put his hand down his throat. JB asks where the medals are, and AJ says there in good hands. AJ is still super rough on the mic but the time with Cage and this feud has really given him a confidence boost and it's great to see how far he's come since 2002.

Rough Cut. Creed talks about getting hired by TNA and how he wants to repay the faith. Terry Taylor talks about how good he could be, and AJ says the same after they had a match on the indies.

Match#2 Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed vs Petey Williams & Sheik Abdul Bashir w/Rhaka Khan
The heels don't like each other after last weeks DQ finish, so there's a story in the midst of this. Also, Val is going to talk later about getting knocked out. Stories are good, just need to be worthwhile. This isn't much as LC are working for 4 thanks to the heels being terrible and boring and bringing nothing worth a damn to the table. The heels fight after they get shoved into each other and Jay gets Petey with a rollup to win.
1/3*

Post match, the heels have words.

in the back, a very drunk ODB is ready to fight some bitches and win some gold

Karen's Angle with Abyss.
-Abyss flips over a table so he can feel more at home and then rocks back and forth as Karen presses him about mental home he was living in. He says he loved it as it made him see that Abyss is a force that destroys dreams, but Chris is a good person that needs to live. He says he wants to wrestle and challenge anyone. Please don't do that. He stands over Karen and asks what she likes in a man as he snarls and whispers and yells at her. He then reads a terrible poem to her. He finally rips a clump of his hair out as a gift to her, and she's scared to death.

In the back, BP say no one in their league and they're better than everyone. Don't take it personal as they're better than anyone by being the ladies want to be, and all the men want to be with. Love tells her not to humble as there are girls who want to be with them as well. The gold is going to look so good around her tiny waist after she beats Wilde.

JB is now with Fucking Frank and Kurt Angle. Kurt is still mad about the loss of his medals and blames AJ for using the guitar because of stroke. He's going to beat AJ to death if he sees him tonight. JB mentions that the medals are with someone else so Kurt freaks out. Fucking Frank breaks it up and tells him to focus on facing Nash tonight. He'll go after AJ and take care of his problems. He throws a random shot at Tomko trying to be a shoot fighter and getting beaten up, so i'm assuming he's sadly on his way out.

Match#3 Curry Man vs Jimmy Rave
Two minutes in a bullshit call, but it's all actions at least. CM hits a sweet dive to start and fights him, and Rave is again game to take wild bumps and give them back when he can. CM wins with the Spice Rack
*3/4

Post match, Rock lays Curry out and then the superheroes run down for the save.

in the back, Cornette then makes a 6 person tag for the PPV for that feud, Traci walks in and Cornette makes her the match maker for the KO's because he's a lazy prick that doesn't wan to do any work.

In Booker's locker room, 3D are wearing his clothes and eating his food as Booker yells at them to sit down and watch Sting talk later.

JB is with Kevin Nash. Kev says this is happening because Cornette owed him a favour from a few months ago, and he asked to be in this to get a title shot so he could give Joe a wake up call. He's been looking for him and saw he's up in the rafters looking for Sting, and his kids eyes aren't on the ball. He might just lose the title at the PPV and Kevin might just become a 6 time champion.

Joe comes down to join commentary.

Match#4 Kurt Ange vs Kevin Nash (Four Way Qualifier)
Joe does an INCREDIBLE job on commentary covering his issues and brotherhood with Nash over the last year, and how it's mean the world but it might be ending soon enough. He also says his anger is the fuel he needs and it's not a hinderence as Nash thinks it is. Kev throws Kurt around and does 3 of his 5 moves and messes Kurt up in the corner as he's mean and chucking hard shots. Angle comes back by going after the bad legs and it's fun Angle work in second gear for a while, and i'll take it. Nash makes a comeback hobbling on one leg as he fires back and pinballs Kurt. They fight to the outside, AND KEVIN SLAPS JOE AND TELLS HIM TO KEEP HIS EYES ON THIS. OH SHIT. Joe storms to the ring and distracts Kevin so Kurt can slip in a low blow and hit the Angle Slam to win.
**1/2

Joe and Nash argue about it. Nash walks out on him.

They air a history video about Jeff Jarrett since 2002 to his self imposed exile and then the loss of his wife. Incredible stuff.

In the back, Val is mad about being caught in the crossfire last week. She's demanding a ladder match with the ring hanging above so this can finally be settled, Or, you could just pick one, you idiot.

Match#5 The Beautiful People w/Cute Kip vs Roxxi & Taylor Wilde
Yes, he's now being called Cute Kip. Nice to see the KO's get the main event again as all the improvement has gotten them here. Opening flurry is good times as normal with everyone doing their best. Love hits Wilde in the face with a box to take over, and BP do their thing for another nice control seg. Roxxi also rocks on the hot tag throwing them around and hitting a sweet big boot to Love's face. it breaks down and Kip gives Skye a bottle she sprays in Roxxi's face and then kicks her in the head to steal one.
**1/2

Post match, they put the bag on Roxxi's head and beat up Wilde. Cute Kip tries to cut Wilde's hair off, but Rhino makes the save.

Sting is walking.

Sting comes out and talks about how he was considering retiring but he realised it would be a grave mistake to leave wrestling in the hands of the current future. He knows they would spit in its face as they spat in his. WHEN DID THEY EVER? He says Joe took it too far at VR for attacking a jewell in wrestling that is Booker T. He disrespected a legend and that's why he did this. He wanted to help him be someone that can hold the torch, but he rejected him and flipped him off and showed no respect for a man whose the reason he even has a job. He talks about Flair taking him under his wing when he was his age, and he respected him. NO HE FUCKING DIDN'T. YOU JUMPED HIM AT A PARTY IN 88 AND STARTED A BLOOD FEUD THAT LASTED UNTIL 2001. WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU LYING SACK OF SHIT. He moves onto AJ who used to call him "Mr Sting: and then calls him a coward. He doesn't owe him anything, or anyone anything. AJ owes him for paving the way for him to become a wrestler. AJ should be thanking him for paying his bills and letting him be a wrestler. He won't show respect to him when they don't deserve it because they're spoiled rotten brats. He's going to bring respect back to this as a parent that no one wants to listen to. He tells AJ to come out and talk to him if he thinks he's wrong, and now AJ comes out.

AJ tells him he's dead wrong about this because he looked up to him and idolised him and never showed anything but respect. HE GOT THIS COMPANY STARTED, NOT YOU. Sting says he wants to help him as he sees him as the future but he can't respect him if he's calling him a coward and showing no respect. He could have walked away from Kurt Angle as he's a former world champion and a gold medalist. You don't see Phelps spitting in Spitz's face because it just doesn't happen like that. He says he can see AJ has a problem so he'll turn his back and let him hit him with his bat. He gives the bat to AJ and turns his back for it, and AJ won't do it even with Sting goading him. AJ finally tries to swing, but Sting kicks him in the dick and hits the Deathdrop. JJ's music now hits as Sting smiles to himself as he realises he might have a bigger problem.

Sting playing a lying delusional legend is a great bit, but i'm not 100% sure that's what TNA is going for as it feels really disjointed to what's been shown on screen. Hoping they fix it once MEM forms.