Donnie watches TNA 2008. Ah shit, here we go again.

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-10/2/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
March 27th, 2008
Impact Zone

"STING RETURNS..."

BOOKER AND ROODE ARE FIGHTING IN THE ZONE TO KICK OFF THE FIRST EVER LIVE EPISODE. They spill into the ring as the woman get involved and have a cat fight as the men fight. Blackshirts, Morgan and Cornette all come out and break it up.

Tonight; Devine vs Shelley. Kurt spars with Tomko & AJ. Fans can vote for who Kong will face. Sting is back.

Back in the ring, Corny books Roode vs Booker again, but this time the fans choose the stipulation. Last Man Standing, I Quit or a First Blood.

In the back, AJ is wearing headgear and is sad that Karen has moved away and not told him where she is. He's also sad that Bubba steals his food, and now Sting is back. Tomko doesn't care because they're the champs (maybe defend them). Kurt walks on and says he needs Tomko to be tough and for AJ to be fast. They need to bring it or he's going to hurt them. He turns to JB and tells him to get in shape because he might kick his ass next week.

Match#1 Alex Shelley vs Johnny Devine w/Team 3D (X-Scape Qualifier)
Alex finally gets a singles match again!! Sadly, Devine is too much of a bum for him to have a fun match with, so it's mostly him doing things at half speed. The lights go out, and 3D run away out of fear. Alex hits his amazing Tope and keeps being cool, but TNA has the balls to cut away to the Knockouts lockroom to show them arguing. FUCK OFF. We come back to Devine being in control and showing he's in fact, a bum. Nothing fun or cool, just bland ass work. Shelley never gets to comeback as Devine hits him with Shelley's video camera and beats him.
1/3*

Booker yells a lot about how he's going to kill Roode and make sure he doesn't make Lockdown. He demands a First Blood Match because he wants to have a bad match.

In the back, 3D and Devine are happy about how well they're doing, and Bubba tells Devine to destroy the division. Bubba says they've never met Sting because they were carrying ECW and stealing the show in the WWF while he was being a baby and putting WCW out of business. The lights flash again and Bubba is scared once more.

TNA kills Highlander Robbie's career by showing him in the crowd with his kid after WWE banned anyone from going to the shows. They keep the camera on him for a while as he's clearly realising in real time how fucked he is, and it's a proper awful act from TNA. He'd lose his Mania money of 5 grand, get his ass beaten by JBL on Raw, and eventually fired. Just a shitty thing to do to someone.

Match#2 Scott Steiner, Petey Willams & Rhaka Khan vs LAX & Salinas
Hernandez now has an amazing handlebar moustache, and is even bigger than a few moths ago. He overpowers Scotty and helps Ci kick his ass, and it's awesome tom see the boys get back to work once more. Ci gets attacked from behind and is isolated, and Scotty bullies and kicks the crap out of him with loads of gross stuff. Petey does well against Ci as he keeps it simple and fine. Hernandez has a sweet hot tag throwing people around on their skulls and it's a hell of a time. The ladies fight as LAX hit their dives on the men, and Ci beats Petey with a T-Bone Suplex.
**1/2

Scotty cuffs and bags Petey again.

We go to another Rough Cut talking about feast or fired being the end of VKM. Good, stay gone and be gone.

We go to a sitdown with Mike and Karen Angle. He says he was a skeptic about her true motives, but it seems she's being real and honest for once. She says she could no longer feel good about herself after all the terrible things Kurt made her do. She can't be that woman as she needs to set a good example for her kids, and in her heart this is the right thing. Kurt is obsessed with Joe and is ignoring his family, and she can't take it anymore and needed it to stop. Mike asks if she's dating someone close to Kurt, and she confirms she is with someone that treats her like a lady. She won't say who it is, but i bet he's a real Slapnut of a guy.

We go to Joe training with more MMA guys. He says this is about heart not skill, and that's something that Kurt Angle has long forgotten. Joe says he was outpaced a few times by Kurt in previous matches, but he's never faced him without others being there and the cage means it will be one on one for a change.

We now go to a live interview with Joe and Mike. Joe says this is the hardest thing he's ever been through, but every day gets him closer to Kurt. Mike says they're 4-3 right now, so how will this be different. Joe says he offers no excuses for those matches as he's a man and he's going to earn this one in the ring without backstage crap getting in the way. Mike asks about him swearing he'll quit if he loses, and Joe says he regrets saying it as pro wrestling is his life. But if he can't win the title and beat Kurt then its not worth it. HE'S COMING FOR HIM AND HE'S GOING TO GIVE IT EVERYTHING HE HAS AND REST ASSURED HE WILL LEAVE AS THE WORLDS CHAMPION. Wonderful stuff as wrestling shows it's forever at its best when it's simple and easy.

MMA fighter, Frank Trigg joins commentary as we go to the sparing session in the ring now as AJ and Tomko comes out, and Trigg offers advice on fighting friends when they know exactly what you can do out there. Tomko goes first and Kurt smokes him on the mat and throws some punches, and Trigg does a good job of breaking it all down and how good Kurt actually is. AJ gets in next dressed in wrestling gear as he must play the fool always. Still, he backs away from Kurt and tries to goad him into making a mistake, and Kurt fails to catch him before the 60 seconds expires. Tomko gets in with a cut above his eye and tries to tackle and choke Kurt! Angle gets caught in a front lock and taken down, but Kurt grabs the ankle to save himself for the last ten seconds. AJ is back in and takes Kurt down and pops right back up as he's not that dumb, and he does well to sprawl and keep Kurt from murdering him. AJ gets mad and wants to fight, but Tomko gets between them and clams it down.

Cage Rhino and Nash now come out on the stage and call this a joke as Joe is taking this seriously as Kurt makes a joke of it. He offers to make it a real training session as they come down to the ring, and Kurt bails on his boys and lets them get beaten up. 3D make the save to even it up and beat the faces down. They get the tables out and go for the kill, but the lights go out and baw gawd Sting shows up and runs everyone off with his bat. He smashes a table with his bat and lets out a WOOOOOOOO. He says it feels really good to be back live in the Impact Zone. He says he wants them tonight instead of waiting for Lockdown, and Tomko accepts.

In the back, JB tells Roode it will be a first blood match. Roode says he saw this coming and it means nothing to him. He's going to get him and that skank in the cage, and Booker can't do anything about it.

Match#3 Booker T vs Robert Roode (First Blood Match)
Same stuff they always do as it's a fine angry fight, but Booker doesn't give a shit and Roode can't do much to offset it. They use a chair and smack each other, but neither bleeds and they instead opt to have Booker send Roode into a post to win.
1/2*

Post match, Booker beats him up.

In the back, Raisha reads another note from Kong swearing to eat flesh and blood of whoever is lucky enough to be picked to face her.

In the back, ODB is picked over Gail to face Kong. Gail shakes her hand and tells her to get the job done.

Match#4 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs ODB (TNA Knockouts Championship)
Kong fucks her up again as she's not even a tad worried about ODB beating her, and it's a great ass kicking. ODB tries to comeback with her ok offence, but Kong powers through and kills her dead with the Awesome Bomb to win.
*3/4

In the back, Christian rallies the troops to be the best they can be.

Match#5 Christian Cage, Rhino, Sting & Kevin Nash vs Team 3D, Tomko & AJ Styles
Wonderful opening minutes of Cage vs AJ as that's THE match, and it's just perfect. Tomko breaks it up and we get a shot of his bloody eyes in a truly wicked cut that Kurt opened when he punched him. The others aside from Sting all get turns in ring and have some fun exchanges before Rhino is isolated. It's short but has enough hard shots to his head, and AJ being a little prick, that is works. Sting has a hot tag and seems way better than his awful run last year, so fuck yeah Sting. STINGER SPLASH AFTER STINGER SPLASH. BACKHANDS ATOMIC DROPPS AND MOTHERFUCKING STING BEING MOTHERFUCKING STING. Everything breaks down as everyone goes for broke and it's frantic and rad. CAGE HITS TOMKO WITH THE FROG SPLASH, BUT AJ COMES OFF THE TOP WITH THE FOREARM TO TAKE HIM OUT. STING GETS AJ AND KILLS HIM WITH A PRESS SLAM TO THE FLOOR.3D SET STING UP, BUT RHINO GORES BUBBA, AND STING GETS D-VON IN THE DEATHLOCK TO WIN. FUCK YEAH.
***

The faces are happy as Mike talks about a feel good moments as they celebrate. JAMES STORM COMES OUT FROM BEHIND AND BREAKS A BEER BOTTLE OVER STING'S HEAD. WHAT THE FUCK. The heels attack everyone as Storm stands over Sting and talks a world of shit. Team Tomko raise his arms as i guess he's the 5th man. Sorry, bout your damn luck.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-10/2/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
April 3rd, 2008
Impact Zone

"MORGAN'S MESS"

Lame ass JB announces it will be Banks vs Brooks. AJ/Tomko vs Cage/Rhino. Storm vs Sting. Jim comes out of his office ranting about missing a chance to see his doctor because was dealing with Matt Morgan letting Tomko have a 5th man, and he's sick of that boy. Morgan comes out and says he stepped up as Jim wasn't here and let James join, and it needed to be done. He says he can make things happen just as well as Jim can. Ah fuck, i don't like this.

Team Tomko comes down and says they all do some thinking around here now. Bubba says to have the champs and the best team ever on one side is perfect. He thanks Matt Morgan for having an open mind unlike that old moron. He then thanks Storm for breaking the bottle over Sting's head, and then brings him out to the ring. Love to see our guy finally getting main events he deserves after being shunted to the midcard after the Harris feud. Christian and his boys come out now all wearing matching shirts like nerds, and Storm calls them stupid for breaking up his interview time. Cage calls him a drunk lush that slurs his words, and he can't even understand him. He calls him the hard R, and says he hit Sting and now he's going to face up against him tonight. However, he needs to call out Morgan's goofy ass for what he did last week.

Sadly, Morgan does come out and shakes hands with all the heels. Cage says if he's doing such a good job running the show how is he going to fix the 5-4 situation. Matt says Cage is always putting himself over as a genius so he can go and find any partner he wants as he doesn't care. Cage decides he doesn't care about the numbers as its on at Lockdown, but he does have one last ace up his sleeve.

Kurt arrives and stares down JB for asking him dumb questions. Kurt says he's off the hook this week, and he and AJ are fine. He no longer knows the name of Karen Angle as he wants that bastard Joe to keep his word on this being his last match. EY walks on and says Super Eric is here tonight, and Kurt calls him a child and says he's the only superhero around here. EY shouts he doesn't wear a mask or even kneepads. Yeah, got em.

SCOTT STEINER DRIVES IN WITH PETEY STUCK ON THE BONNET HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE. Scotty says they used to do that when they were kids, and he owns the landscape of TNA. He's going to cash in tonight.

In the back, Black Reign says words as Christy and the Infection sing and whatnot.

Match#1 LAX & The Motor City Machine Guns vs Black Reign, Rellik & Rock N Rave Infection.
Maybe the Guns are out of the doghouse again. They get the opening shine and look fantastic beating the hell out of Jimmy Rave. Sadly, the monsters are in this and drag it down to the toilet and then some. We miss out on the entire control seg thanks to the add break as i can only imagine how bad it was. Hernandez gets in with his great double lariat and then it all breaks down and the good wrestlers get a few minutes to do cool stuff. The big man beats Rave with the Border Toss.
*3/4

Post match, Fat and Backwards attack with the knife hammer. Kaz tries to help but he gets killed, but Super Eric shows up and beats the heels up.

In the back, Sting says it very really good to be back home, and he feels like has something to give back to the company. He needed to step up one last time, but he didn't plan for a bottle over his head but that will work for him. YOU MIGHT AS WELL TAKEN GAS AND POURED IT ON THE FIRE ALREADY BURNING INSIDE OF HIM. HE PICKS UP LIKE HE NEVER LEFT AND HE'S GOING TO MAKE HIM A STAR. IT'S SHOWTIME.

Rough Cut; They talks about Kip turning on BG. BG cries a lot about his daddy getting hit, and Kip rightly calls him a bitch about it.

Mike has a sitdown with Kong and Raisha. He covers the rules they've set that they can walk out at any time if he upsets them. Well, he's Mike Tenay and he's very upsetting, so that's fair. Raisha explains she was born in Syria and has been in the States since she was 15, and Kong was born in the US, but lived in Japan. Mike asks about the burka like a moron, and she tells him it's none of his business. Mike covers all the women that Kong has beaten and asks if anyone can beat her, and they simply say "No"

Consequences Creed is coming back to TNA. A NEW DAY has arrived.

In the back, Storm says falling off EX gave him and Jackie more time to drink and have fun, so that was cool. He saw Cage and Rhino make up, and people call him Brokeback. Sting was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and this is an issue because he doesn't respect him or that fans cheer for him. He can beat his chest and say he'll make him famous, but he's already famous and he's going to become an icon tonight. He's going to slap the paint off his face and become a legend, and then it's sorry bout your damn luck.

Match#2 AJ Styles & Tomko vs Rhino & Christian Cage
My inner Jack Tunney says the champs haven't defended in 30 days and should be stripped. Another fantastic opening as Cage meshes so well with them and it's smooth and crisp as heck. Tomko's eye is closed over after last week, so he looks even scarier kicking someone's face in. Cage is isolated for a long time, and it's very good and as TNA is maybe giving matches time again. We get some good cutoffs and a false hot tag, and it's just good ass pro wrestling. Rhino finally snaps about not being tagged in and gores the ref, and then everyone beats the piss out of one another. All the other members come out and fight and the match stops.
**3/4

Nash holds everyone at bay with a chair, and Corny gets the mic and announces the heels have won after what Rhino did.

In the back, Jim yells at Morgan for being almost as awful as he is at this GM role. Morgan offers to ref the main event to fix it, and Jim stupidly agree to something that will make our lives a lot worse for the next few years.

We find Jay and Val in the pool about to have some fun, but Sonjay shows up and ruins it.

Elix Skipper makes a one night return. Good for him.

Match#3 Elix Skipper vs Shark Boy (X-Scape Qualifier)
The best of any of these matches as Skipper beats the water out of Sharky and really lays into him for a good 3 minutes. Some classic Skipper offence is broken out as he looks good in what might be the last gasp of a career. Sharky comes back and wins with the Stunner.
**

In the back, Traci shows off the scars on her back when BP show up to chat some shit about how she's ugly and her time here is over.

Match#4 Payton Banks vs Traci Brooks
Short and awful. Brooks wins with a Facebuster.
1/4*

Post match, all the knockouts fight until Sharmell gets to run everyone off with a belt. OH GREAT.

Joe trains some more and is ready for war.

Kurt Angle now comes out and says he's keeping this short and sweet like Lockdown will be. He says Joe better live up to his word or he's a fat lying piece of sh....Scotty Steiner's sirens hit and comes out with his case and Khan and gets in the ring, Scotty says when Kurt's match is over he's cashing in and they'll have to fight him. On second though that's not fair as they can't beat him on their best day, so they can have a month until SACRFICEEE. Kurt offers his hand, but Steiner blows him off and says he's seen Joe train, and there's no way Kurt wins this,

In the office, Matt Morgan books a REVERSE CAGE BATTLE ROYAL FOR THE KNOCKOUTS FOR LOCKDOWN. HOLY SHIT. FUCK OFF MAN.

Match#5 James Storm w/Miss Jackie Moore vs Sting (Guest Referee-Matt Morgan)
Sting is mad about the bottle, so he rips a hole in Storm's ass and has a sweet impact Zone brawl all around the building. Storm is game as fuck for everything after months of nothing feuds, so it's a lovely time for all. They fight back to the ring where Storm hits a DDT as Sting sticks his head through the ropes to take over, and of course we cut to break so we miss out on most of the control seg. Sting takes back control and owns Storm some more, and it's awesome but TNA just can't do shit correctly. Storm gets a bat and goes for it, but Morgan steals it and gives it to Sting and turns his back so he can hit him and hit the Deathdrop to win.
**1/4

Team Tomko come down to yell at the big moron and shove him, and he gets corned but Team Cage makes the save. Everyone fights and Morgan hits his terrible big boot on D-Von, and then hits an even worse sitout Rock Bottom on AJ that will eventually be called the HELLAVTOR because he's a goddamn loser. Anyway, he takes his shirt off and has a Team Cage one on underneath.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-10/2/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
April 10th, 2008
Impact Zone

"IT ALL ENDS IN THE CAGE"

We kick off with a long segment of both Lockdown Teams talking shit and then a big fight breaks out. Nothing new or cool to be found here.

In the back, Kurt talks to JB about how Joe is a great wrestler, but a very dumb one and he's going to end his career. He wants it in writing so Joe can't back out.

They air a Creed video, and holy shit he's not a good talker at this point in a really wild thing to behold given how good he becomes.

Match#1 Jimmy Rave w/Rock N Rave vs Consequences Creed (X-Scape Qualifier)
Creed is trying to work a boxing/MMA gimmick, and it's not him at all and this is a bad match as a result. Granted, Jimmy's not killing himself out there, but he's a million times better than Creed at least. They do stuff and Creed wins with a DDT.
1/2*

In the back, Lethal hypes up this terrible X-Scape match as only he can. Dutt walks on to ruin another moment as he twirls Val around and just acts like a massive asshole.

They run down Lockdown, and these bastards have added BG vs Kip. ouiufjuefhrfiwrjfiwo3rfjd

Cornette joins the booth and fires Morgan as his helper/cuck and has made him a wrestler. OH YOU SON OF A GDDAMN BITCH.

In the back, Morgan cuts another terrible promo about how he can take everyone on the roster and he had to sit back and wait for Cage to give him a shot. He's going to show everyone why he's the most genetically jacked giant in wrestling. Not only can he not talk, but he's also one of those wrestler who in no way believes a word he's saying.

We see all the amazing things Scotty has been doing to Petey over the last few weeks, and this time he shoots him with paintball guns and shocks him with a car battery. He's also mad at him for being a stupid Canadian.

Match#2 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Petey Williams & Scott Steiner w/Rhaka Khan
Guns are back on the weekly. They carry Petey through it as always, and Scotty throws them around and does Scotty things much to our happiness. Guns still aren't going insane as of yet, but they're so naturally talented that its good no matter. They have some fun moments and then Scotty saves his loser son a few times and trips Shelley so he can eat the CD.
**
Scotty says everyone would have quit or called him a bastard, but he's tough and has proven he's a wrestler. He then demands he shave his head and put on the chain mail. Clone Wars ova here.

They air another long video on Joe's training.

Kurt comes out for the contract signing. Kurt talks about how important the title is to him just as it's important that he end Joe's career. He asks for Joe to come to sign it, and Joe shows up in the Zone for the first time in a month. Joe says he's here to show everyone his word is gold and he's not breaking it as he will never appear in a ring again if he loses. However, he's going to be standing over him as the new worlds champion. He sign the contract and shakes Kurts hand a very bad pre-taped Mike Tenay says it's sealed the deal for Lockdown.

In the back, ODB says she's going to take that towel off her head and beat her up. IT'S A BURKA. IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND, STOP CALLING IT A TOWEL OR CLOTH, YOU ASSBUTTS.

BP come out for their match and debut their famous entrance. You know the one, don't pretend you don't.

Match#3 Roxxi vs Angelina Love w/Velvet Skye.
Three minutes and awful once again. Roxxi wins with a move.
1/2*

In the back, Super Eric is ready to save the day.

More rough cut stuff. They don't like each other anymore.

Match#4 Super Eric vs Black Reign
This is a proper all time bad episode, folks. A few bad minutes of this fat ghost that took over Dustin and EY in a terrible gimmick doing bad wrestling. EY wins with a crossbody.
1/6*

Backwards attacks from behind and cuffs him to the ropes. Kaz trie to help but he gets attacked as well by the other heels. EY breaks the cuffs and saves the day.

Match#5 Team 3D vs Sting & Kevin Nash
This would have been good in maybe 2000/1, but it's 7 years and a LOT of millage later so you know the drill. They want it to feel epic and cool and not old men sucking and dying. Well, aside from Sting but given how bad he was last year, i'm weary of trusting him being good again. Still, he's better than everyone else and does what he can to make it not suck. It sucks, but he tried. It ends in another bloody DQ when Team Tomko attack.
LOLTNA

Everyone fights to end this dumpster fire.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-10/2/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA LOCKDDOWN
APRIL 13TH, 2008
LOWELL, MA
TSONGAS ARENA

We start off with somber smug Mike in the cage talking about what's on the line in the main event tonight. I wish someone would throw Mike into the cage and rip his face open.

Bad opening video.

DW is in the crowd and asks people who will win the main event.

Match#1 Jay Lethal (c) vs Curry Man vs Shark Boy vs Johnny Devine, Consequences Creed vs Sonjay Dutt (TNA X-Division Championship-X-Scape Match)
If ever there was proof that 3D actually won the feud outright, it would be this lineup. PUTRID. The rules state it's only escape for the last two, so we're dealing with bad wrestlers doing bad lame work in a cage match that isn't really used. They break out a tower of doom in 2008 for a big spot, and yeah lame. Devine beats Dutt with a rollup to get rid of him first. More bad stuff happens and a blown up Creed beats Sharky with his DDT. More bad things and then Curry hits a sweet moonsault off the cage in a real highlight and then beats Creed with the Rack Bomb aka SPICE RACK. Devine beats him with an awful Jay Driller. GODDAMN IT STOP PUSHING DEVINE. He tapes Lethal to the cage to get out, but Dutt stops him and helps Jay to get free and win the match,
1/2*

In the back, Frank Trigg says a lot of nothing about the main event.

Match#2 Queen of the Cage
Again, it's a reverse battle royal cage match in one of the most insane Russo ideas ever. Dude has CTE on top of CTE to a degree that even Stone Cold would admit to being a CTE guy. It's beyond awful or funny, so fuck you. Roxxi wins and i want to quit this forever.
TNA 2008

In the back, Joe says there's only one possible outcome tonight and Kurt knows he can and will do it. HE'S BLED AND GIVEN HIS LIFE TO THIS SPORT AND IF KURT THINKS THIS IS HIS SWAN SONG, HE MISTAKEN LIKE NEVER BEFORE. HE WILL GIVE UP HIS CAREER AND LIFE FOR THIS. HE DIDN'T LAY HANDS ON KURT ON IMPACT SO HE COULD KNOW WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT HE WILL BEAT HIM. HE IS SAMOA JOE, HE IS WRESTLING

Hype for BG/Kip. Kip says he's a tiger as he's standing in front of a real one. Wish he had eaten him.

Match#3 Kip James vs BG James
Imagine booking this in 2008 for a major PPV when it would be offence to run it as a dark match before a tv taping. They have a terrible fight as neither can display hate or anger when they're a new level of cooked that few wrestlers have ever reached before. It's also SIX minutes just to make it worse. Goddamn it, people. BG wins with a shoddy rollup.
Breaking your leg and having to lie on the floor for 3 hours waiting for an ambulance.

Post match, BG stupidly tries to make nice, so Kip kicks him in the dick and beats him up for being a moron.

In the back, Kurt says nothing new about how much this means and how his goal has always been to get rid of Joe, and this is it.

In the back, Fat and Backwards beat the hell out of EY.

Match#4 Rock N Rave Infection vs LAX vs Motor City Machine Guns vs Kaz vs Scott Steiner & Petey Willams (CUFFED IN THE CAGE MATCH)
Yes, Vince Russo booked an already awful and dead tag division to have a multi man match inside a cage, and then added that you needed to be cuffed to the cage for the hell of it. He needs to be taken out back and shot. This is awful because of all the reasons stated above on top, so fuck you once again. The Guns and LAX are cuffed early because LOLFUCKTHEM. The bad wrestler do bad things and then Super Eric shows up and kills everyone and cuffs Fat and Backwards to win.
Not being able to work for 6 weeks and missing out on tons of money.

Hype for ODB/Kim vs Kong/Raisha

Match#5 Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed vs ODB & Gail Kim
OMG an actual wrestling match on a wrestling PPV. What a concept. Kong again shows these bitches they ain't shit by throwing them around. Raisha is tagged in and shows she's quite good at wrestling as she holds her on the mat against Kim and does really well, and by virtue of tonight she's already the 4th best wrestler in the division. Kong knocks the piss out of Kim to help her girl out to stay in control, and it's a lot of fun. SHE ACTUALLY USES THE CAGE BY KICKING KIM'S HEAD INTO IT OVER AND OVER. HELL YEAH. She keeps killing her, but Kim gets free and gets ODB in for a hot tag of throwing her around like. rag doll. Kim gets back in and hits Saeed with a rana off the cage to kill her. Kong snaps and tries to do it on her own, but she misses a backhand and kills her girl, and Kim takes her out with a shotgun dropkick. ODB climbs up and hits Saeed with a Frog Splash to win.
**3/4

In the back, Karen Angle is here and is sad.

Hype for the mixed tag match.

Match#6 Booker T & Sharmell vs Robert Roode & Payton Banks
Roode and Booker have another one of their fun fights and on this show it's a Godsend. It's again just nice wrestling with a bit of cage violence thrown in, and it also feels like a heated blowoff. I can only assume this is the part of the show along with the ladies match that was booked by Cornette and not shithead. They get a lot of time as well so it's a real match and better than the last few they had. The ladies get in for 20 seconds and Sharmell beats Banks with a rollup.
**3/4

Post match, Roode yells at Banks and leaves her in the cage,

Hype for Lethal Lockdown.

Match#7 Team Cage vs Team Tomko (Lethal Lockdown)
-Christian comes out to start for his side and Tomko comes out as well, BUT AJ IS BEHIND CAGE AND HITS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE FOREARM AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. YES THANK YOU GOD.
-Awesome, awesome stuff for 5 minutes as both are amped up and ready to save this hideous show as only two of the very best could possibly do.
-AJ breaks out dat dropkick for the first time in a long time, and really drills Cage's head in whenever he gets a chance.
-Christian fights back and kicks poor AJ's ass for his crimes and then some, and hey it's great.
-Bubba is is next and he smashes the cage door on Cage's face when AJ launches him into it.
-They team up and beat the tar out of him for two minutes, and it's the best work Bubba has done on PPV in years.
-Rhino is in next.
-He does Rhino things before AJ beat up like it's 2007
-James Storm
-He brings more life to this as he faces Cage for maybe the first time when he takes him out with the Eye of the Storm.
-AJ and Rhinio fight on the cage wall, but Cage pulls Rhino down and joins AJ on top as they punch the hell out of each other, AND BUBBA PUSHES CAGE OFF TO THE FLOOR. HOLY SHIT.
-Big Sexy is next
-He does Kevin Nash things as Mike cries that Christian is now dead.
-NEVERMIND CAGE IS BACK UP ON TOP AND HITS A CROSSBODY ONTO STORM AND BUBBA.
-D-Von is next
-He helps out his brother to beat Cage and Rhino up with the cage.
-Matt Morgan
-HE;S SO AWFUL AS HE THROWS THESE DREADFUL UPPERCUTS THAT MISS BY A MILE AND THEN SOME BAD BIG BOOTS.FUCK HIM AND FUCK JIM CORNETTE FOR TRYING TO GASLIGHT ANYONE INTO THINKING THIS TURD IS GOOD.
-Poor AJ is fed to him and forced to take a nasty bump off a throw just to make him look not bad.
-Tomko is last for his team.
-He throws actual good punches and focuses on his own friend in a sweet fight.
-D-Von is busted open now, and the crowd comes alive as STING makes his way out as the last man.
-He Stings these bitches with more fire than a man his age should ever have, but Sting rules once more.
-Lethal Lockdown now begins as the roof is lowered down and the plunda gets bought down.
-BIG ASS PLUNDA FIGHT WOOOOOOO
-Cage and Storm fight on the roof, and Storm's leg falls through and gets caught in the mesh.
Tomko kills Morgan with a nasty shot to the back of the skull. '
STING GETS THE DEATHLOCK ON D-VON, BUT AJ BREAKS A KENDO STICK OVER HIS FACE.
-AJ sees the guys on the roof and after 20 insane minutes, he climbs over and up in 10 seconds flat. An all time freak
-He helps Storm put Cage on a table and sets a ladder up and climbs up to the top of it, but Cage gets back up and take out Storm and climbs up with AJ, AND STORM SHOVES THEM BOTH OFF INTO A TABLE THAT THEY TAKE RIGHT ON THE FACE AND NECKS. JESUS CHRIST.
-Storm climbs back down and drinks a well deserved beer and smashes the bottle over Morgan's stupid face, but Rhino Gores him inside out to win.
***1/2

Hype for the main event.

Joe gets an INCREDIBLE intro as the camera follows him from the locker room to the ring, and the Samoan dancers make their return to show support and love to him.

Kurt gets a great intro as well, and it really shows that TNA can be amazing when they get out of their own way once and a while.

JB does the big match intro as well.

Kurt spots Karen in the crowd and has her kicked out. Fuck yeah.

Match#8 Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship-Title vs Career)
They work this is a MMA fight to go with all the training (and Spike/UFC partnership) and it's a weird but cool sight to see TNA once again go with something new and different and keep Kurt from being Kurt. Kurt takes him down first and ground him and throws nice punches, but then the ref breaks it up to kill the deal that should never happen if they want this to feel real. JOE KICKS KURT IN THE FACE AND MOUNTS HIM IN A REAL THING. They keep fighting for control and Kurt hits a T-Bone to send Joe onto his head and then locks in a choke to wear him down. Kurt gets more in and beats him down with uppercuts and punches, and it's the best stuff he's done in a year plus. He works the knees with a knee bar and rips Joe's legs to shreds, and the big man's selling rocks. Joe finally gets out and KILLS him with a lariat to his shitty head and neck, and it turns into a proper fight with Joe smashing the fuck out of Kurt with powerslams and powerbombs and going after the neck whenever he can get to it. Kurt fights back and makes sure to get Joe to kick out of Angle Slam because of course. Joe gets back into the fight and locks in the choke for a minute or so, but Kurt gets to the ropes once more, SO JOE FINALLY SNAPS AND THROWS HIM INTO THE CAGE AND KICKS HIM IN THE JAW AND HITS THE MUSCLE BUSTER TO FINALLY WIN THE WORLD TITLE. FUCK YEAH SAMOA JOE.
**3/4

Horrid show, but a wonderful way to cap it off as Joe is FINALLY the worlds champion and finally the king of TNA.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-10/2/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA Impact
April 17th, 2008
Impact Zone

THE REVENGE OF LOCKDOWN

NEWWWWW wold champion, Samoa Joe makes his way out in a snazzy looking suit as the Zone explodes with a massive cheer for him after finally ridding the world of the evil. He says he and the fans are the champions after he put it all on the line at Lockdown. Joe admits he felt like he was going to lose at points, but he saw the fans cheering him on and it woke him up and willed him to the ultimate goal of becoming champion. He promises to defend the title with respect, honour and the sweat on his brow and the blood on his fists. Scotty Steiner now comes out with his crew and cases as Mike reminds us he's going to cash in at Sacrifice on the 11th. He talks about what sacrifice really means with Petey doing anything he could to become a member, so he gives him the X-Division case to use whenever he wants. He turns to Joe and talks about everything he's worked for and how it makes him a freak and he sees Joe is FAT AND EATS 5 TWINKIES AND A HAMBURGER WITH ALL THE EXTRAS ON IT. BIGGER IS NOT BETTER. YOU BETTER CURB YOUR EATING HABITS BEFORE YOU HAVE TO BORROW A BRA FROM THE KNOCKOUTS. HE'S GENTIC JUNK. He's never been a champion here, but that will change when he makes Joe his Sacrificial Lamb.

Kurt now comes out looking somber. He offers props to Joe for beating him straight up. He says he always learns from his matches and he nevr makes the same mistake twice. He tells Scotty he's earned his title shot even if his last big win was in 1975 with his brother against LOD. He gets a contract out from his suit and says he has a rematch clause whenever he chooses, and he wants it next week. Kurt leaves as Scotty is not happy about his plans being put at risk.

Christian and Rhino arrive as Chrystal asks them what the future holds. Cage says they've been friends and foes since they were kids, and he's not sure what the future holds but he's excited to find out. Rhino says they've been through hell, and 3D now walk on to talk some shit. D-Von speaks about how Cage will turn, and Bubba asks what happened to the old Rhino that's not a giant pussy. Kip, Roode and Storm walk on and beat the crap out of the faces. Cool angle, but it begs the question as to why Kip is still around.

In the back, Jay is yelling at a bathroom door for some reason as JB asks him about his match with Devine tonight. VAL AND DUTT COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM TOGETHER. OH YOU ASSHOLES. Jay doesn't kill them as he's a fraud and not the real Savage, and he takes Val with him. JB asks Dutt what that was, and Dutt makes jokes and runs off.

One of the NASCAR fucks joins commentary.

Match#1 Jay Lethal (c) vs Johnny Devine (TNA X-Division Championship)
Another one man show between these two as Lethal does all he can to make it not awful for 4 minutes, but Devine is truly horrible and drags it down every step of the way. Jay wins with his Elbow to hopefully end this feud forever.
1/2*

OH NO, PETEY RUNS OUT AND HITS JAY IN THE FACE AND THEN DDT'S HIM ONTO THE CASE. He sticks Jay's head in the case and cuts an awful promo about how he can use this whenever he wants, and he's just a terrible ass talker. Anyway, he's cashing in now.

Match#2 Jay Lethal (c) vs Petey Willams (TNA X-Division Championship)
He wins the title with the CD in 10 seconds.
1/9*

In the back, LAX are very happy about finally getting another tag title chance. Ci says they've been treated like trash because of who lives in the ivory tower, and he's bringing the old school way of 5150 and they're taking the titles.

Matt Morgan comes out to continue bad wrestlers getting mic time. He talks about how Cornette is like a father to him and he's ready to make his time right now. He's sick of hearing people crying about their jobs, and he thinks it's a joke. He says he sacrificed by being a bodyguard when he's an untapped giant. He dubs himself "The Blueprint" of what a giant is meant to look and wrestle like, and if i was a giant, i would be very offended right now.

In the back, Lauren is with Samoa Joe as she asks about the target on his face. Joe laughs and says do they really think after what he's been through to get this, that he's going to just give it up that easy. He's the standard around here as he's got ability and skill, and he's that man. If Kurt really wants to know who the champion is, he welcomes to try next week so he can show him. Kevin Nash walks on and follows Joe out of the room.

Match#3 AJ Styles & Tomko (c) vs LAX vs Eric Young & Kaz (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
This is LAX's shot after winning the three way in March, so i have no clue what the other nerds are doing here. AJ carries said nerds to start and gives them a lot with big bumps and being amazing, and Tomko helps to kick EY's ass. EY runs off like a bad partner, and Kaz gets controlled by the champs and it's very fun for the short time it gets. Things break down and LAX finally get loose and into the match, and we get dat dive from the big man. Kaz kills AJ with a gross Spanish Fly, and fucking Super Eric comes back out and tags in and horribly beats AJ with a Northern Lights Suplex to win the titles. FUCK OFF.
*1/2

in the office, AJ and Tomko rightly scream about this, and Jim says he can't interfere in a match he'a already in. AJ says if EY doesn't know who Super Eric is and therefore got a second person in the match, then this can't count. He wants him to admit to being him so they can get the titles back, and Jim actually agrees to do his job for once.

Match#4 Team 3D vs Christian Cage & Rhino
It's not 2001 anymore, but Christian gets 3D to keep trying and caring as they've done for the last few weeks, and it's a fun opening fight. Rhino is cooked and not much at all, but Cage s SO amazing and holds it up that it really doesn't hamper the match. We come back to Cage being isolated after getting hit with the steps, and 3D again work hard and beat him down for a fun bit of work. Mean brutal work from them, and Cage sells his ass off as he's now maybe the best in the world. Rhino tags in and does his stuff, and then it breaks down as it tends to. Bubba low blows Cage and sets him up for something, but Rhino tries to help with the Gore and accidentally kills Cage. He keeps his head and takes Bubba out, and beats D-Von with a rollup.
**1/4

Post match, 3D argue and shove each other!!!!! Blackshirts run down and break it up before they can fight.

In the back, EY is playing with his toys when Jim comes in and tells him about AJ's issues. EY is a moron and doesn't understand how someone got involved in the match and is then sad he missed Super Eric, and Jim gets angrier and angrier about it. He tells him to come out to ring when he calls for him.

Jim walks off and finds all the knockouts yelling at each other in the next room. He threatens to fire them like a jerk and calls them bitches that want more and more, He calls them spoiled after how he came up in wrestling. He says there will be changes and sacrifices coming up for them. What a dickhead.

In the ring, Jim has AJ and Tomko with him and goes over the nonsense. He calls EY out to explain the truth, but Kaz comes out by himself with the titles, and Jim demands EY come out or he's stripping them of the titles. Super Eric comes out instead. He refuses to admit who he is in a truly bad comedy bit, and you can hear the crowd dying as it goes on. Kaz gets the mic and asks him to tell the truth so they can keep the titles, but EY refuses like a dope. Jim strips them of the titles as a result, and then tells AJ and Tomko that they aren't champions either. He vacates them and says he's going to figure out what to do next week. The single worst GM in wrestling history.

In the back, Kip, Roode and Storm are interviewed. Kip Jim's the camera and takes all the mic time from the actual future of this company, and hey i am beyond done with 2008. Storm yells at him and tells him his gimmick sucks just like him. He moves on to Sting and says he's going to become a bigger star than anyone once he beats him. Roode now speaks and says nothing new about Booker.

Match#5 Awesome Kong (c) vs Roxxi (TNA Knockouts Championship)
Nice 5 minute showcase for Kong. Roxxi is whatever and adds little to it, but Kong is the best and smashes and kills her way into this. Kong hits and hurls her around in gross ways, and it's much needed after a terrible episode. Kong wins with the Awesome Bomb.
**

In the back, Kurt finds his name has been taken off the door and he's pissed off about. He cries and kicks the door as he says he's the champion and slipped once and this isn't right.

Match#6 James Storm. Robert Roode & Kip James vs Sting, Booker T & BG James
Love that the Outlaws get to be in what could have been a fun tag match between young and old. They suck so much and are clearly a thousand steps behind everyone else, and that includes a washed not caring Booker T. BG is isolated and Beer Money beat control and it's fine, but also laking any real fire. Things break down and Sting doesn't do anything at all. Storm tries to use the bottle, but Morgan runs down and hits his shitty big boot to knock him out, and Book makes the pin.
3/4*

Post match, Booker shoves everyone and says he doesn't need any help. He singles out Sting and tells him he can get some if he wants, but he needs to big enough to get it. He seemingly challenges to a match next week. Can we please not do that???????

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Vacant-17/4/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA Impact
April 24th, 2008
Impact Zone

In the back, Morgan says he's going to show everyone how to get famous around here. He beats up Kip and kicks him in the face as he keeps calling him an old man. TNA running Morgan vs Kip could be considered a war crime, i'm pretty sure.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE?

Tonight; Joe vs Kurt for the title.

Booker comes out and says he's got a lot on his mind and he wants to speak to Sting, and he wants him to come out. Sting comes out as Mike tries his best to make us care about a feud between them in 2008. Book talks about history and says he's sorry about not showing him respect last week as he would never disrespect him. He says sorry, and Sting shakes his hand. Storm and Roode now come out together!!!! They make fun of this for being touching and it making them cry about how they were cool back in the 80's. He tells them to get married on TV as they both look good with the makeup and hair. Roode says his drunk friend is trying to say they were promised a fight between them, and they want to see it. Corny now comes out and tries to say he's in charge around here, and says he sick of everyone only caring for themselves. He says he's created the Deuces Wild Tag Tournament for the vacant titles as 4 teams will meet to get the chance to make the PPV, and then they will have a lethal lottery to create the teams and the show will have a one night tournament to determine the new champions. That is some needlessly overcomplicated trash, Russo. Corny then makes Beer Money vs Sting & Booker for tonight.

In the back, AJ says this is crap, but they're going to win the belts back. AJ keep putting his head in a door trying to see someone, but JB keeps being annoying as hell. Karen walks out the door and says she made a fool of herself and she doesn't belong here, and AJ says she belongs with him. Karen is worried Kurt will find out, but JB says he won't. Guessing this means that Kurt doesn't watch Impact. Smart Man.

Match#1 Black Reign & Rellik vs Team 3D (Deuces Wild Qualifying Match)
EWWWWWWWW BROTHER. WHAT'S THAT. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Bubba Dudley is the best wrestler in a match is a statement i never thought would be typed in life, but holy shit it's painfully true here. Bad bumps, sells, zero energy and care from the other 3. Oh, and it's TEN minutes long. Pure awfulness that should never have been booked even in a company as terrible as this is. 3D keep yelling at each other after last week, so fat and backwards control just to rub salt in the wounds. The finishing run happens in slow motion of cars crashing, and 3D beat Killer Backwards with the 3D.
TNA Wrestling

All the knockouts are in the back looking at invitations they've been sent, but no one seems to be able to decipher what they're for. i guess it implies they're airheads and dumb, but that's not nice at all. BP make fun of ODB for being poor, and she tries to fight the, but gets held back.

In the back, Kurt is sitting in his locker-room as JB tells him he's got big news like a big snitch. Kurt talks to himself about how mentally prepared he is for the rematch and how he can take Joe this time as he can't lose to a man twice. He says he will win the title and defend it against Rick Steiner. JB tries to correct him, but Kurt says whatever and kicks him out. JB SNITCHES AJ AND KAREN OUT, AND KURT FREAKS OUT AND GOES AFTER THEM. HOLY SHIT JB, YOU ARE THE WORST FRIEND EVER.

They air a recap of the Joe/Kurt feud.

We now go to a pre-tape in the ring with Joe and Kev. Joe is calm and more than ready as he says Kurt is in his own head now, and he's not losing to him.

In the back, Kaz is really upset about last week and how stupid EY is, but he actually forgives him and says he can't he mad at him. He makes him swear to get Super Eric to stay out of this. Not calling for any kind of Kaz push, but he's more than justified if he breaks EY's nose.

Match#2 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Christian Cage & Rhino (Deuces Wild Qualifying Match)
Cage and Shelley finally meet again, and now we get Sabin and Cage. Fantastic start as Cage is game and meets the boys hold for hold and uses his own speed and experience to show these kids they're in for a fight. Rhino is a good battering ram that moves slow, so the boys work around him and use his good parts in the best ways as they bump their asses around for him. Rhino misses the Gore and hits the corner and Sabin goes for the dive, but Cage shoves him off and goes after him, AND SHELLEY HITS A FLIP DIVE TO TAKE THEM ALL OUT. FUCK YEAH. We come back to more in ring action, and Shelley is isolated by the boys and gets his ass kicked as they cut off the ring. Rhino really steps up with some great looking strikes, and Cage is just perfect as perfect. Shelley hits a hail Mary Slice Bread to kill Cage and get Sabin in for a hot tag. He goes nuts as he hits dives and dropkicks to take heads off, and he gets a few close falls. Rhino and Shelley get back in to even it up, and Cage nearly wins with a disgusting Implant DDT on Sabin, but he just kicks out. He stays in it and keeps plugging away with big moves and nearly does it, but Rhino hits Shelley with the Gore as he tries to help, and Cage gets Sabin with the Killswitch to win.
***1/4

In the ring, Corny brings all the Knockouts out to the ring as he announces a "Makeover Battle Royal" where the last two ladies will have a ladder match to get the contract for the #1 contendership. The runner up will have her head shaved like Britney Spears. Again, just Russo needing to throw as much bullshit in a match as he can possibly think of.

In the back, Booker talks about the time they teamed up against Road Warriors, and how they're living legends who want to win. Sting asks if he means as partners or against each other, and Booker says it's winning no matter what. I don't hate the idea of this feud, and that's true progress.

Match#3 Sting & Booker T vs Robert Roode & James Storm w/Miss Jackie Moore
BOOKER T ACTUALLY CARES AND BRINGS A FIGHT TO STORM WITH OFFENCE THAT HITS AND LOOKS GOOD. AMAZING. Sting also wrestles for once and is a ball of fire, and smashes the kids for daring to mess with him. Storm kicks Booker in the back of the head and Roode follows up with a dropkick to the face to take over, and the future Beer Money are awesome in control as they compliment each other very well. Offence is all great and the stooging and shit talking is even better as i'm sold on them right off the bat. Sting gets in with a classic Sting hot tag before things break down. They do a tower of doom spot and Sting is crumbled in half!! Booker fights them off, but as Storm tries to use the bottle, Roode weirdly stops him and they shove each other. Sting slips in the Deathdrop on James to win.
**1/2

Post match, Storm and Roode shove each other. Why??????

In the back, Kurt finds AJ and Karen and yells at them about this. He tells Karen that there can't be a them until he win the title, but he's not doing it now. AJ SHOVES HIM, AND KURT SHOVES BACK AND TELLS HIM TO GET HIS ASS OUT OF HERE AND TAKE HER WITH HIM.

In the back, Jim says all the wrestlers are pampered to and it's not like back in his day. Shut up, old man. He says he has plans for a special match for the PPV that will sacrifice lives because of the way they've been treating him. I think this piece of shit just turned heel, and hey at least i can hate him in peace.

Match#4 Samoa Joe (c) vs Kurt Angle (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Joe bullies Kurt around this time for a cool new start and keeps shoulder-blocking him and treating him like he's nothing now, and it's awesome as hell. Kurt tries his normal stuff, so Joe stuffs him with a nasty lariat beats his head in. LOVE to see Joe finally not playing any games and realising he's better than this guy now and that won't change. Kurt tries to get violent with his great uppercuts, but Joe eats them and drops him and then hits his tope to mess Kurt up even more. We come back to Joe still doing his thing, and Mike says Kurt has got nothing going for him at all. Joe moves to arm work, and DW points out that Joe isn't caring to pin him as he feels he's too far ahead. Kurt slips in a German to finally get him down, and Joe hurts his head on the landing, and Kurt swarms him with a chokehold and fishhooks. DW says Joe got too cocky and might need to pay for it, and Kurt uses more suplexes to send Joe down on his head, and it's the best and most focused work Kurt has done in a very, very long time. Joe stays in with the Sit your ass down slam, but he runs at Kurt and Angle pulls the ropes down to send him to the ground where he hurts his knee. Kurt smells blood and rips it to hell. Kevin comes out to cheer his boy on to fight it, but Kurt is an animal and stays on it with a figure four, and Joe's selling is fantastic. He's hobbled and held back as he tries to fight back, so Kurt can stay alive as a result. Sadly, Kurt turns it into a Kurt match with an Angle Slam kickout and a missed Moonsault, but whatever. They trade counters and Joe gets the choke on and nearly wins, but Kurt gets the ropes. Joe keeps his head and tries the buster, but Kurt shoves him away and Joe hits the ref. Kurt hits the slam and locks in the Angle lock, but Steiner shows up and smacks Kurt in the face with a pipe and Joe rolls over and steals the win.
**3/4

Scotty stands over Kurt and shouts to never disrespect him. Joe gets in his face and slaps him!! Jim comes out and makes a triple threat for the PPV. FUCK YEAH LOOK AT THE ODDS.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Vacant-17/4/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA Impact
May 1st, 2008
Impact Zone

THE EGOTISTICAL EIGHT.

Tonight. Steiner & Petey vs Kurt & Joe.

Match#1 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Curry Man & Shark Boy
The boys get 4 minutes before an angle kicks in, so they go full blast to get the most out of TNA actually letting them wrestle. Lots of cool counters and super smooth work from them, and it's just good wrestling that TNA seems to not want to give us if they can help it. Curry is hot and spicy and goes on a run before the Guns stop him. Sadly just as it hots up, Steiner and his freaks come out and attack everyone for the DQ.
**

Scotty kills everyone with suplexes, and his nerd son hits the CD on Sharky. Scotty says he left Kurt laying in the ring, and he lost the match because of him. He's weaselled his way in the three way, but that's ok because he can take Joe's title and Kurt's medal and make him his bitch. Kurt runs down and kills Petey and fights Steiner, but he gets double teamed, so Joe makes the save for him.

In the back, JB tells AJ if he can't find a partner he will be out of the running for the tag titles. (Tomko got hurt in Japan, sadly). AJ says he normally asks dumb questions as he told Tomko not to go when everything is on the line. He confronts JB about being a snitch, but Cornette walks on and says he's going to announce the 8 people in the tournament. Jim asks AJ what happens on Thursday, and AJ says he takes the trash out. Jim reminds him he also wrestles for a living and needs to find a partner in the next hour or else.

In the ring, Mike brings out the BP to talk about the battle royal ladder head shave match. Angelina says she's not worried because they can't sweat as it would run their makeup. She says the makeover needs to go to someone who truly deserves it, and they show a picture of a bald Gail Kim and then one of ODB. She says all the nasty bitches have nothing unlike them. Velvet says they can look, but they can never touch (Unless it's Bubba Ray Dudley) Gail and ODB come out to confront them for being mean and shove them around. They brawl as Mike runs away like a coward. ODB challenges them a tag match tonight.

In the hallway, AJ walks past Kurt. He tries to talk to him, and Kurt tells him not to talk to Karen. AJ walks off into Booker's locker room and asks to be his partner, and Booker big notes him like a jerkoff. AJ says he's the most decorated champion ever, and Booker says he's a loser whose beaten no one and kicks him out. Hey, fuck off back to WWE already, you horses ass.

In the back, Lauren asks Joe about the last week, and he says it's another day at the office for him. He and Kev say this coming and he welcomes this. He loves destroying people and he loves being the champ. He walks off, AND KEV REMINDS HIM HE ALSO LOVES THE MONEY. AMAZING.

Match#2 Kaz & Eric Young vs LAX (Deuces Wild Qualifier)
LAX finally get back on TV and remind us why they're one of the best teams of an era. All clean and cool as hell. Kaz works hard and shows he can hang with Ci for speed, but not moves. HERNANDEZ KILLS HIM WITH A SPRINGBPOARD SHOULDER BLOCK AND LAX BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. They kill him over and over, and just make me smile every time he eats shit. Ci hits a truly nasty release belly to belly to send kaz on his skull, and LAX keep on him. Kaz eventually gets free and EY has a fun hot tag. Ci thankfully stops him and beats him with a rollup.
**3/4

Post match, Ci gets on the mic and calls out Héctor Guerrero from the Spanish announce table to get in the ring. He comes down and looks worried given their history, but Ci says they have studied his entire family and they've got nothing but respect for him and them. He asks him to be in their corner at the PPV to reach the top once again, so he can guide them. Hector goes wild and sounds exactly like Eddy as he happily accepts the offer.


In the back, Traci tries to get Corny to hire her, but he tells her to wait and come back later. Morgan walks on and says Jim owes him, and Jim says he wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for him. OH YOU SON OF A BITCH. Kip now comes in and attacks Matt from behind and beats him up.

AJ now goes into Kevin's locker room, but he's helping Christy Hemme with her dreams about gloves and bananas!!!! She walks over to AJ and tells him they're going to rock him. AJ asks Kevin to do it for the money, but Kevin says the money is with the heavyweight title. AJ says that's Joe, and Kevin says damn right and leaves. Amazing the difference between how Kevin does backstage stuff vs how Booker does it.

Match#3 The Beautiful People vs Gail Kim & ODB
Ah man, this is really, really ugly. Gail and ODB try their best, but it's well documented that BP aren't good wrestlers in any way. Like, they try really hard and hell yeah for effort, but they should not be in the ring at this point. Granted that's half of TNA, but you get my drift. Things happen and ODB beats Skye with her running Powerslam.
1/4*

Post match, BP attack and leave them laying. Roxxi comes down for the save and helps beat Angelina up.

In the back, Roode is reading about the stock market and Storm is drinking. James is drunk and doesn't understand how stocks work when you can just drink beer instead. Roode says last week was water under the bridge, and James says water sucks and he should drink a beer. AJ walks in with a bottle of cough syrup and asks James to his partner, but Storm is offended by the bottle and tells him to piss off. He calls Karen a skank and starts a fight, and Roode defends Storm and tells AJ his dumb friend isn't around to protect him, and he needs to leave. They're in the egotistical eight and they aren't playing around. They leave, and AJ spots someone and asks them to team wth him, and we don't find out who it is yet.

The mystery partner is Super Eric.

Match#4 AJ Styles & Super Eric vs The Rock N Rave Infection w/Christy Hemme (Deuces Wild Qualifier)
AJ and Rave one more time and goddam they've got forever magic of beating the everloving shit out of each other no matter the hell they've been through. EY is EY and does good stuff, and Lance Hoyt is also in this match as a wrestler. AJ is on one and handles everything, but he gets distracted by Christy (respectfully holy shit) and Rave takes over and they clobber him for a short fun control seg. It rules watching AJ fight from underneath again as he dies on his feet and bumps bigger and bigger on each shot he takes. EY gets in and is good for a guy who worked twice tonight, and he takes it to the boys. He beats Rave with an Air Raid Crash,
**1/2

In the back, Sting says this place is a looney bin and this business does it to everyone. He's note sure who he can trust, and he's going to find out what Cornette has up his sleeve.

TNA TERRORDOME IS COMING. YES IT'S THE GIANT RED CAGE THAT NO CAN SEE INSIDE OF, AND THE ONE THAT WILL EVENTUALLY END HOMICIDE'S TNA CAREER. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT.

Match#5 Daisy Haze vs Cheerleader Mellisa
Mellisa is Raisha, so this s a cool showcase for her as she can't get that with her other gimmick. She's really damn good from the tightness of the holds and awesome strikes she throws. Just a damn good wrestler that should have never gotten such a gimmick when she can actually work. She wins with her Cop Killa
**

MATH PROMO. ODDS 65% CHANCE. GREATEST THING EVER.



Match#6 Samoa Joe & Kurt Angle vs Scott Steiner & Petey Willams w/Rhaka Khan
Petey now has bleach blonde hair and looks like the worst CAW you could make. The faces run rings around him and try to outdo each other, and it's at least fun, Scotty gets in and we get him vs Joe for the first time in a long time, and it's short and a great monster battler as always. We miss out on Joe's isolation thanks to the break, but the stuff we get to see is fine. JOE GOES FOR THE TAG BUT HE FLIPS KURT OFF AND DOES IT HIMSELF. HAHAHAH HE KILLS THEM BOTH AND BEATS PETEY WILL THE MUSCLE BUSTER, WOOOO GO JOE
**

Post match, Kurt chokes Joe, but Scotty blasts them both with a pipe and stands tall.

Jim comes out and yammers on and on like a proper old person before bringing out the 8 guys. Well, it's 7 as he brings out Sting, Booker T, Robert Roode, James Storm, Matt Morgan, Kip James, BG James, AND THEN AWESOME FUCKING KONG AS TNA FINALLY SHOWS SOME BALLS AND PUTS ONE OF THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE COMPANY IN THIS TO MAKE IT GOOD TO COUNTERACT THE 3 COMPLETE SHITTERS IN THIS.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Vacant-17/4/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
May 8th, 2008
Impact Zone

Tonight; Steiner/Angle vs Joe/Nash.

Cornette is in the ring to start us off as he talks about the tag title situation and the tournament. The 8 wrestlers come out so he can sort some stuff out as he's sick of all them demanding to know who their partner is. Gee, how dare they want to know, you moron. He says two of the teams will be drawn tonight and the other two will be drawn at the PPV. The names are in a fish bowl and he shuffles through to pick Sting and James Storm as the first team. James says he was never a Stinger fan because his mama never let him wear makeup, AND STING PUNCHES HIM AND BEATS THE HELL OUT OF HIM. WOOOOO YEAH. Jim gets the mic and explains that the teams who are drawn tonight will face each other in singles matches tonight and they will be no DQ.

JB finds Scotty and his freaks arriving in a limo when Kurt walks on and says he hopes they have an understanding of working together so they can take Joe out and then focus on each other. Scotty shakes his hand and says they've got a deal.

Match#1 Petey Willams vs Curry Man vs Jimmy Rave vs Consequences Creed vs Johnny Devine vs Shark Boy
All the seconds are on the outside. This is not good as its too much of the awful wrestlers getting time over the good ones and it's full of awful looking stuff and botches. Hoyt gets involved and helps Rave to beat Curry.
1/3*

In the back, Sting says this is a circus just the way he likes it. He and Storm are going to beat each other up until they get through it, and then Storm will fall in line and help him win the tag titles.

They air a great video on LAX's history and how they're now beloved.

In the back, Jim has all the knockouts with him and he tells them he wants them to look at him like a father figure. EWWWWWWWWWWWW. He makes an immunity on a pole match where who ever wins will not have their head shaved.

In the back, Cage talks about how he's known Rhino half his life and that's part of the key reasons they're going to win. 3D walk on to talk shit as is the norm about all the titles they've held. They end up fighting and using some plunda to hurt each other. LAX thankfully join in to kill everyone, and Hernandez hit the Border Toss to Cage against a wall.

Match#2 Immunity Pole Match
Bad catfights in between climbing the pole to get the contract down, so yeah great pro wrestling. Gail wins because of course she does.
1/7*

In the back, Joe says they've overlooked Kevin Nash as his man in the pocket. He tells them to bring bats and pipes to get the belt from him because he will DIE before he ever gives it up to them. He's normally an army to himself, but he's got Nash with him this time. Kevin says that's what he's been talking about it, and it's going to take brains to ever have a chance against Joe. Hmmmmm

Match#3 James Storm w/Miss Jackie Moore vs Sting (No DQ)
They fight into the crowd and bring some much needed life to the show. Killer punches from both and even bigger bumps from Storm as he's a proper lunatic at this point. They fight back to the ring and keep the energy up as they smack each other super hard in a real ugly fight. Storm kicks him in the face and drills him in the head with a chair for a close fall, and bless Sting for refusing to put his hands up. Sting mounts a comeback and pinballs Storm all over for more cool bumps. Sting lays him out on a table, AND HITS THE RUNNING STINGER SPLASH TO CRUSH HIM AND THEN HITS THE DEATH DROP TO WIN.
***

In the back, Kip cuts a terrible promo on all the members of DX. Dude give it up.

Jim picks the next teams out of his fish bowl and it's Matt Morgan and Kip James. HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WAR CRIMES. They fight until Jim makes a match just to see if he can get TNA banned for life.

Match#4 Matt Morgan vs Kip James
Morgan shows us right by throwing truly dreadful elbows and punches in between looking lost at every turn. Kip is Kip and isn't going to help the kid, so Morgan drowns as he deserves. Morgan wins with his bad big boot
Poop

In the back, BG also says words about things.

In the back, Scotty tells Kurt that wrestling needs men and horses like them and not FAT ASSES like Joe. Kurt offers to handle it, and Scotty takes offence and shoves him. Petey keeps the peace by talking about how jacked they are and how they only need 10 minutes to win.

Match#5 Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash vs Scott Steiner & Kurt Angle
Nash is isolated really quickly and is a fine sexy punching bag for Kurt and Scotty to take turns beating up. It's just simple and easy wrestling, and i'm good with it. Joe has a fun hot tag smashing and bashing nerds as he's still awesome. Things break down and Scotty hits Nash with a pipe, but Angle gets the Angle slam to steal his pin.
**

Post match they argue, and Angle hits Scotty with the Angle Slam and gets the Angle Lock on to send a message.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Vacant-17/4/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA SACRIFICE
MAY 11TH, 2008
THE IMPACT ZONE

The single best and coolest poster in the history of posters.

Opening video is like a classic UFC opening with the guys talking about the reasons they're going to impose their will and win. It's quite well done to their credit.

To kick us off, Kurt arrives in his limo as JB explains he injured his neck in South Korea and can't wrestle tonight as per doctors orders. Kurt genuinely looks sad and badly hurt, so props to actually doing the right thing for once.

Scotty arrives a little later and says Kurt is a great competitor and all, but he doesn't trust him at all. He's getting his one on match as Joe kNOWS he has no chance against him. KEVIN NASH GETS OUT OF SCOTTY'S LIMO. WHAT THE FUCK??????

Joe now arrives and JB confirms that Kurt is out, and Joe is sad about it but he's more than ready to fight Steiner. JB asks what's up with Nash in the limo, and Joe clearly didn't know and storms off pissed to hell.

Match#1 Team 3D vs James Storm & Sting w/Miss Jackie Moore (Deuces Wild Quarterfinals)
3D stay heel and cheat to attack to Storm from behind, and it's really good times watching them beat the shit out of our drunk cowboy. Sting is not sure he wants to tag in, but he gives in and throws Bubba around, and then does the same to D-Von. He's far more grumpy and mean this time as he stomps on hands and slowly beats them up like he's got a bug up his ass. Storm gets mad at him for some reason and it lets 3D take back over for a short fun control seg. STORM STIS ON THE APORN AND DRINKS A BEER AS STING IS BEATEN UP. Sting comes back and does it all on his own as Storm drinks and sort of watches on. 3D get a table and go for the kiss as Storm sides with them and cheers them on, AND 3D PART THE SEAS AND LET STING THROW STORM THROUGH THE TABLE AND 3D PIN HIM. AMAZING.
**

In the back, Frank Trigg is back and talks about the main event and Kurt's injury. He can't speak and has no place in wrestling, so whatever.

Robert Roode comes out for his tag match and in the biggest shocker ever, his partner is Booker T. They shove and yell at each other before the match starts,

Match#2 Christian Cage & Rhino vs Booker T & Robert Roode (Deuces Wild Quarterfinals)
Booker acts like a jerk and makes Roode start and then turns his nose up at everything. Roode/Cage is awesome as hell in another match TNA needs to go back to as they're made for each other at this point. Roode hits Cage with a gross Hip-Toss to send him on his head and starts beating him down in great form as he's even better now than even at the start of the year. Booker never gets in to give Roode a break and just keeps being a jerkoff, and it's a fun bit at least. He finally blind tags in and lays the boots in on Cage as he's pissed off and no longer wants to play nice. Roode blind tags back in just as Booker had it hanadled, and Rhino gets rid of Booker and beata Roode with the Gore.
**1/4

Booker gets in and makes nice with the winners by shaking hands. He fakes leaving but he comes back and gets a chair and cracks them both in the head. Blackshirts and refs make him leave.

In Scotty's locker-room, Steiner tells Nash to join his pond to win the title. Nash says Joe is his meal ticket if you've been watching the show, and Scotty tells him it won't last and he needs to join his side. He asks him to at least think about it, and Nash actually shakes his hand.

Match#3 LAX w/Héctor Guerrero vs Matt Morgan & Kip James (Deuces Wild Quarterfinals)
Mike goes out of his way to burry Konnan by saying now LAX has someone who understands what drives LAX to be the best. Konnan sucks, so it's very funny. LAX go nuts with big dives and the Tope Con-Hilo like a bullet to these big idiots. Morgan sadly catches Ci on the outside and throws him back in the ring to isolate him, and the heels do terrible work as they're both smelly dorks. Ci at least saves it by being amazing, but it's a classic case of the juice not being worth the squeeze, Hernandez has good hot tag throwing them around and showing what an actual big man looks like. Morgan misses his Boot and knocks Kip out, so Hernadez takes him out and pins Kip to thankfully win.
*3/4

In the back, JB is with AJ Styles. AJ says you can't prepare for a lady like Kong. Kurt runs on and shoves him as he screams about Karen. AJ tells him to back off as Kurt says he's his boss and he needs to check on his neck. AJ finally stands up for himself and tells him to calm down and refuses to answer and tells him to look after his neck as he walks off.

Match#4 AJ Styles & Super Eric vs Awesome Kong & BG James w/Raisha Saeed (Deuces Wild Quarterfinals)
AJ does AJ things to start on BG and is very happy, but then Kong gets in and he's at a loss at what he can do against her. He ties her up and rolls her up, but he refuses to hit her, but Kong brains him with the Backfist and gets on a claw of the balls to make him scream in pain. BG does nothing and looks awful, but AJ helps him out by selling and bumping as much as he can. Super Eric has a fun as hell hot taf as he actually fights Kong and slams her down!!! AJ trips on the ropes for a springboard and lands on his face, but it lures BG in and AJ gets him in a cradle to win.
**1/2

At the booth, Mike says Jim will make an announcement about the main even later tonight.

In the back, Rick Steiner says he's here for his brother and to show support.

Terrordome hype

Before the match, Jim comes out and explains there is now an opening in the main event with Kurt injured. So, the winner of this is taking his spot. He wants them to fight like wild dogs

Match#5 Chris Sabin vs Alex Shelley vs Curry Man vs Kaz vs Shark Boy vs Johnny Devine vs Jimmy Rave vs Jay Lethal vs Sonjay Dutt vs Consequences Creed (#1 Contenders Match. Winner enters the main event -Terrordome)
You have to climb to the top and out of this monster to win. This is the ugliest match i've ever reviewed as every shot outside of the cage is impossible to look at without feeling sick. They're either climbing or doing lazy work as no one is killing themselves if they can help it, which is very upsetting when i'm watching it. The Guns are the only ones working hard to get something going, but everyone is a lazy bum and it's not worth it. They do a tower of doom and also one where everyone has to stand in the middle of the ring for at least a minute so Curry and throw Devine onto everyone. Awful. Kaz finally wins the title shots by getting out of this hell.
LOLTNA

In the back, Joe is happy for Kaz to get a chance, but business is business and nothing is stopping him from keeping the title. JB brings up Nash, AND JOE SNAPS AND SAYS HE ALWAYS STIRRING THINGS UP AND HE HASN'T SEEN NASH NOR DOES HE CARE. HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE. THE WIND IS AT HIS BACK AND HE'S COMING AFTER EVERYONE. NASH YOU BETTER NOT CROSS MY PATH OR YOU WILL REGRET IT.

Match#6 Team 3D va Christian Cage & Rhino (Deuces Wild Semifinals)
Cage is messed up from the chair shots as he's groggy and unsteady on his feet, so D-Von punches him in the back of the head to make it worse. 3D attack the head in brutal ways, and Cage's selling is next level amazing as he again shows he can do anything he wants. Rhino finally gets in to helo, but he's also badly hurt and gets his head kicked in as well. Cage gets the hot tag and uses what he has left and hits his big dive and throws them around the ring, but he gets tripped by Bubba and thrown into the steps knees first and then has his head thrown into it. They beat him even worse now, and Cage's attempted comeback rock so much. He gets free and gets Rhino in as it all breaks down and they turn back the clock as it's all fast and clean as hell with some close near falls. Devine sneaks down and gives Bubba a cane, and Rhino gets knocked out cold and 3D steal it.
***

In the back, Nash says he got a ride and he doesn't get the problem. JB tells him what Joe said, so Nash takes JB with him to cross Joe's path.

Match#7 AJ Styles & Super Eric vs LAX w/Héctor Guerrero (Deuces Wild Semifinals)
LAX & AJ are pure magic as soon as the bell rings, and EY steps up big time to hang with them. He goes on the mat and then hits a big dive onto Hernandez, and it's a great showing. AJ joins in with his springboard forearm that looks like he floated in air. He stays on the big man like a little pitbull and it's manic and awesome as hell. Ci has a sweet hot tag showing all his fire and hate as he runs circles around them. He fights AJ and they go wild with counters and big moves, and Ci gets the best of it, but EY saves him. Hernadez takes EY out, and AJ rolls Ci up, but Hector shoves them over and Ci gets the 3 despite AJ's shoulder's being up.
**34

Bill Corgan is in the crowd.

Match#8 Makeover Ladder Head-Shave Battle Royal
The ladies are given 10 minutes in a nice gesture if it wasn't a Russo creation that already has so much working against it. Battle Royal section is terrible as they're throwing bad punches and trying for dear life not to fall out when it's not their turn, and it's just a bad hideous match. It gets down to Gail and Roxxi, and Mike explains that because Gail is immune, Angelina's hair will be on the line if Roxxi should win. GODDAMN IT RUSSO, YOU HAVE SOMEHOW GOTTEN DUMBER OVER THE YEARS. Ladder match is also not all that good, and Love costs Roxxi the match because of course.
1/5*

Post match, the faces attack BP and runs them off. Roxxi sits in the chair and lets them shave her head. The other faces sit with her and hold her hands in a nice moment.

In the back, Kev says he's going to teach the rookie how this works. Joe calls him a son of a bitch and says he'll break him if he tries anything. Nash says he did something old school and made Scotty think he's on his team. Joe can't be a brute and use his body for all of this, he needs his brains. Joe tells him he doesn't need him, so Nash sits on the couch and tells him he's going to sit his big ass down and relax. Shoot the high sign if he want him there. Joe tells him to keep his ass there.

Match#9 LAX w/Héctor Guerrero vs Team 3D (TNA World Tag Team Championships-Deuces Wild Finals)
3D get in Hector's face, SO CI TAKES THEM OUT WITH HIS TOPE CON HILO. FUCK YEAH. LAX kick the shit out of them with the roles switched from last year, so it's new and different and even more fun as a result. 3D suplex Hernandez on the ramp and use a chair on Ci to take him out, and they get even more violent than the last match with eye gouges and fish hooking. Ci is isolated for another killer 3D control seg as they're really on one tonight, and it's a great thing to see again. Ci take a hell of a beating and then some, and the crowd gets hotter and hotter for his comeback as 3D keep cutting him off. He finally runs them into each other and gets Super Mex in there to rip heads off and throw them around like they're not massive humans. HE HITS DAT DIVE TO TAKE THEM OUT. WOOOOO. Devine comes down to set up a table, but Hector kicks his ass and breaks the stick over his head, AND THEN HE PUTS HIM ON THE TABLE AND HITS A FUCKING DOUBLE STOMP. WHAT IN THE HELL MAN. We move into the finishing run as 3D go for broke and try to end it as quick as they can. They hit Ci with the 3D, bur he's not legal, so Hernandez can fight them both again, and Ci comes back with a rana to take Bubba out, and D-Von is killed with the Border Toss and Frog Splash to give LAX the titles back.
***1/2

LAX in full celebrate with the crowd for a wonderful moment.

EY joins commentary to say he's going to Memphis to find Elvis.

Match#10 Samoa Joe vs Kaz vs Scott Steiner w/Freaks (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Joe is not pleased with life so he rocks heads and knocks blocks off as soon as he can. Big kicks and chops to send them flying, and he breaks out the wall off on Kaz. He goes after his legs after the Terrordome in a smart move, and he sits down in a crab with all his weight. Scotty tries to save, but Joe fucks him up as well, and it's a true one man show. Shortly after it turns into your classic three way and it's fun as they all get turns to show off, and to his credit, Kaz fits in and doesn't look out of place. He fights Scotty and gives as good as he gets. Scotty kills him with a belly to belly and locks in the Recliner on Joe for a while and nearly beats him, but Joe deadlifts him onto his shoulders and kaz takes his head off with a lariat, Joe comes back and fucks them both up with head drop suplexes. HE GOES FOR HIS TOPE BUT SCOTTY HITS HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE PIPE, BUT KAZ FOLLOWS UP WITH A FROG SPLASH TO SCOTTY AS HE'S LAYING THERE AND GETS A 2.9 COUNT. They keep fighting as neither can win it, and Joe gets back in to fight them both once more. Joe cleans house and beats Scotty with the Muscle Buster.
***

TNA somehow puts on a really great show with all the classic trimmings after months of the worst TV you could imagine. Only in TNA, baby.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
May 15th, 2008
Impact Zone

"WHAT'S UP WITH BOOKER?"

Joe and Kev are walking to the ring and shake hands, so i guess all is forgiven as Joe went to the Sting school of being a babyface.

Tonight. Kong vs Kim. Sting speaks. Abyss has sent in a video from the Abyss. LAX in action.

All the main eventers, X-Division guys and losers like Matt Morgan are standing at ringside as Joe make his way out to the ring. Joe says this is an open house and he's offering them a chance of a lifetime. Its time for KOTM next month, and Cornette has allowed him to pick 4 guys along with Jim's 4 to have qualifying matches to enter the match. Jim's 4 are Roode, Storm, Tomko and Morgan. Jim please, please quit. Even Joe calls it out as no surprise, so that at least rules. Joe says those 4 have never had a title match and he wants a tough son of a bitch to come and take his belt. He says he's going to name his 4 next week as he's scouting this week to see who the tough guys are. Be warned, they would be sadly mistaken to think they can beat him as he's army of one. Booker T now comes down in full gear and demands to know where his invite was, and Mike now hates him a lot. Book says 4 guys were picked who never had a shot, but not him and he wants an answer. Joe says he's not ducking, but it seems like he's been ducking him for 6 months, He never speaks to him and runs away like a little bitch when he sees him. Book says if he's not picked next week there will be repercussions. Joe says he could give a damn, so Booker hits him and they have a pull apart. Cage and Rhino save Joe, and 3D save Booker. T gets the mic and says it's just what he was talking about and he wants to fight them in a 6 man when he get two guys to watch his back.

In the back, Kurt is with Trigg as JB walks in. JB asks about the neck, and Kurt says he's not well at all, but he's getting better. JB says AJ's not here, but he did hear that Kurt asked for airtime tonight as he's hurt and he knows Joe won't pick him. So, he has a speech for Karen tonight.

In the back, Kaz, Dutt and Lethal are standing by. Kaz says last Sunday was the best night of his life, but it's just the start for the K A Z as he goes forward, Jay seems off, so Dutt asks him to pray with him. Jay says this is bigger than a match and he needs to think.

Match#1 Rock N Rave Infection & Johnny Devine w/Christy Hemme vs Jay Lethal, Sonjay Dutt & Kaz w/So Cal Val
3 minutes and mostly a showcase for the faces, but it's not great as the heels seems truly off and not caring at all. Jay wins with his Elbow.
1/3*

Post match, Jay proposes to Val. She happily accepts.

Abyss is now living in a padded room in a straight jacket where he's treated like a lab rat. He enjoys pain and blood, and he just can't get enough of it.

They air a recap of the PPV set to some death metal.

In the back, Nash says he's just teaching Joe the game is mental and they're fine now. Joe says Booker is trying to recapture glory he'll never see again now that he holds it. Booker is trying to get something back that he can never touch again, so bring the goons and see that it's over. Can you dig that, sucker.

Hype for Kong/Kim

Match#2 Awesome Kong (c) w/Raisha Saeed vs Gail Kim (TNA Knockouts Championship)
Once more into the fray. Gail rushes her with forearms and chops and gets far with it as she uses her speed to roll her up and wear her down. Saeed trips her over, so ODB comes down to have Kim's back. The other knockouts come down to watch the match as Kong batters and tosses her around like she's nothing. We miss out on a lot due to the break as we come back to Gail coming after the arm and using the ropes to drag it down to further her . SHE RUNS AT KONG TO KNOCK HER DOWN AND KONG BRACES HERSELF AND SENDS GAIL FLYING ALL THE WAY BACK. She sits down on her back to squish her like a bug, and keeps reigning down well deserved hell on Kim. Gail comes back and rushes her and gets closer and closer to knocking her down, and she gets her with a fantastic looking spear. Kong won't die and hits the Backfist, but Kim kicks out. Gail comes back again and hits a neckbreaker and a senton for another insane near fall, but Kong ain't dying. All the ladies fight and Love shoves Gail to the mat to hurt her knees, and Kong gets back up and kills her dead with the Awesome Bomb to retain.
***

Post match, everyone checks on Kim as she clutches at her knee.

Recap of AJ marrying Karen, and Kurt's subsequent breakdown. TNA not understanding how it's not actually legal unless it's a singed contract is the best kind of comedy.

Kurt comes down and says Karen left him and he needs the fans to support him. Kurt reads a letter about how he's giving her a chance to come to him where she belongs. He knows she's felt neglected but her priorities need to get straight. She has to understand she comes after the TNA title, the gold medals and then the kids before her. Well, she would be 3rd as she takes care of them, but she needs to understand that. He's wearing his best suit and bought stupid balloons for her, and he's not a wussy romantic type. He can be the bigger person and forgive her for her mistakes and failures as a wife. She needs to come out and open the car door and leave together so she can nurse him back to health. Thank you, have a good night and God Bless. Tell the kids he says hi as it's been a while. AMAZING.

In the back, LAX are celebrating as they're the best team once more after everyone doubted them. They got the spice with Hector and now they're on top. JB is a creepy perv, so Hector yells at him to stop it. He says this is a revolution and he wants everyone in the Latino Nation to support them because they're part of this.

Match#3 LAX w/Héctor Guerrero & Sallinas vs The Motor City Machine Guns
Four minute sprint as TNA is still TNA with match times, but this at least rules as it's 4 of the best going full blast with cool moves and tight matwork. The Guns really show off now they're allowed to again, and it's wonderful as heck. Hernandez shut them down with a flying lariat and destroys them with throws and huge bombs. Ci gets back in and helps out and they beat Sabin with a Doomsday Ace Crusher.
**3/4

in the back, Booker has 3D with him as he rants about TNA not respecting him and his legacy, and now the kids are doing the same to him. He's going to prove why he's still the heir to the throne.

EY is in Memphis looking for Elvis as he thinks Slammiversay is there, but it's in Mississippi.

Mike does a sitdown with Sting. He talks about starting in wrestling and meeting Warrior and getting their start with Jerry Jarrett. He talks about being a Blade Runner and how it was a bad breakup with Warrior when they parted ways.

in the back, BP make fun of Roxxi now being bald and ugly.

Match#4 Roxxi & ODB vs The Beautiful People
Roxxi looks really good bald, so fuck the BP. She throws hard punches and elbows and lights the girls up, and it's the best non Kong work the division has seen. BP are still bad, but they work a lot better as warm bodies doing easy things. They double team Roxxi and control her for a while in the best work they've done. and then ODB has a fun hot tag. Things break down and Love sneaks in a pump kick to the face on ODB for Sky to roll her up and win it.
**

In the back, Cage talks about how Booker treated him like crap and made others treat him the same. He's a changed man now, and Booker is a piece of shit. Rhino cries about ECW and how 3D aren't his family anymore. Tommy Dreamer rightly get all the shit for not letting ECW die (amongst other stuff we'll get into) but Rhino is just as bad.

Match#5 Samoa Joe, Christian Cage & Rhino vs Booker T & Team 3D
Joe makes D-Von his bitch after Booker won't fight him, and it's a great pissed off mauling. The others all fight and turn it into a brawl around ringside, and it's a fun sloppy mess. Bubba shoves Hector at the Spanish announce table to be a dickhead. Rhino gets isolated by his ECW buddies and its ok, but i have zero desire for any long term feud if it's going to based on a dead company. Joe gets in and rips heads off, and finally fights Booker in a cool battle as T is trying to make it work and it does. Joe gets rid of him and then fights 3D alone. He ends up beating D-Von with a Snap Powerslam.
**1/4

Post match, 3D attack Hector and beat the shit out of him. The faces eventually run them off. Hector is left a bloody mess to close the show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
May 22nd, 2008
Impact Zone

In the back, JB finds 3D telling someone off screen they have their back. Bubba spots JB and shoves him down for being a creeper.

Really well-done opening video to kick us off recapping last week.

"KURT & KAREN. THE BEGINNING...OR THE END?"

Tonight; Joe Picks. Roode vs Morgan.

Match#1 Homicide vs Brother Ray
Ci rushes him like a crazed killer and beats him like a dog in a feel-good moment. Super, super spirited stuff from CI as he's found new life with this push, and Bubba works hard and is a good piece of shit bully. He stuffs Ci with an elbow to take over and beats him down in good form. The turn has also done wonders for him, thankfully. Bubba misses his Senton and Ci goes wild in a comeback kicking his ass once more with more fire and hard shots. Sadly, D-Von attacks with a cane for the DQ.
**1/4

D-Von gets a table out and go for it, but Hernandez makes the save and gets them both down, but Booker T jumps him with a side kick to take over. DW works out that Booker was the man 3D was talking to. D-Von KILLS Ci with a gross title shot to the face, and Bubba breaks a kendo stick over Hernandez's head. Ci is a bloody mess s Bubba shouts a ton of shit about hating everyone. Ci is powerbombed through the table, fantastic stuff.

In the back, JB is very happy that Karen is back. She tells him to expect the unexpected. Kong walks out of her room with a letter and makes JB read it. He says 25 grand to wrestle fans.

BP hype video.

In the back, ODB says she hates pretty girls and fake boobs and fake lips. She's a real woman and then makes Lauren touch her chest. Love will feel her rock hard boulders coming down on her.

Match#2 Angelina Love w/Velvet Skye vs ODB
Tenay says Gail has strained her MCL and will speak next week. ODB spits booze on her but gets kicked in the face after Skye distracts her. Love is improving to her credi as her strikes connect and look fine. Good for her. ODB is fun at fighting from underneath as a crazy drunk lady i might have dated when i was 16. She comes back and tosses her about and has a sweet Fallaway Slam. They fight near the ropes and Skye hits ODB in the face with her flask, and love falls on top to win.
**

Post match, they try to cut her hair, but Roxxi makes the save. She drops them both and goes to shave Love's head, but the coward ref stops her and lets Love get away. ROXXI KICKS HIM IN THE DICK AND HITS THE WIDOW'S PEAK. FUCK YEAH ROXXI.

KOTM recap

Joe and Nash come out for the picks. Joe says his first is a man he's wrestled all over the world in and out of TNA and truly one of the best and most Phenomenal wrestlers in the world, AJ Styles. Huge pop for him. He then picks Christian and Rhino because he respects them and all they've accomplished. He talks about how amazing and talented his last pick is, and Kevin Nash thinks it him, but it's Booker T!! Nash is PISSED and gets the mic and demands to know what the hell is going on. How can he watch his back if he's not in the match?? Joe says he hasn't overlooked him, but the fans don't want him to have someone watching his back. They want a real worlds champion. Nash laughs and says he's been champ two months and knows it all, and well he has an issue with people not doing what they're told. He says the machine has broken down, and he can't allow this. He walks off as Joe yells at him to come back. Dick move on Joe's part tbh.

In the back, Kurt and Trigg walk into the bathroom to take a piss as Kurt talks about how Karen is coming home to him. He asks Frank if he wants to go out and get a beer, and Frank says he needs to spend the night with his wife. Kurt says she needs to clean the house as it's a mess. JB keeps staring at them taking a piss, so Frank yells at him to go away. Kurt defends him, but Frank walks off.

Tomko hype video.

In the back, we learn that Jay and Val are getting married on the PPV. Rock N Rave audition for the wedding band, but they suck and don't get the gig. The heels jump them in a fair call.

Abyss is still locked up as he talks about all the awful things he sees in his head like blood and screaming that never leave him alone. He likes them a lot, and he won't rest until it sleeps. He says it's time for Abyss to go home.

In the back, Roode says it's time to put a smile on his face because it took Cornette this long to finally give him a shot. He says everyone has realised he can't be put down anymore and he's a star. He shouts out Booker for finally seeing the truth of his words, so good luck in the future. Morgan has no brains and no place in the ring with him. It pays to be Roode.

Match#3 Robert Roode vs Matt Morgan (KOTM Qualifier)
Roode is tasked with 4 minutes as the first good wrestler to attempt to carry this goon. He stalls and stooges a bit to keep it basic and easy.Mike announces AJ vs Booker in the main event for the second qualifier. Roode ducks a big boot as Morgan catches himself on the ropes to hurt his knee, and Roode jumps on it with some fine work. Morgan sucks at fighting from underneath as he keeps grabbing chokeholds when Roode runs at him because he can't do anything else, and it's more awful work from him. He makes a bad comeback not bothering to sell anything as he does lame power moves. He attacks Roode in the corner and won't stop when Hebner tries to break it, so Morgan picks him up and throws him over. Roode gets a stack pin when Morgan tuns back around and uses his feet on the ropes to win.
1/4*

EY is still looking for Elvis, but he gets lost and can't find him.

Recap of the Angle drama.

Kurt comes out and brings out Karen. He says he's glad she can finally understand her role in their lives and her place in it. Karen is very upset, but Kurt thinks this is her watching too much Dr Phill. He is who he is and always will be, and she cries that she had hope this would work but he's taken it from her. She asks for a divorce, but Kurt won't hear it and says he can change and be that man she needs. Kurt brings up AJ, and Karen says he's her friend and always there for him. Kurt gets on his knees and begs her to take him back and do it for the kids. The fans cheer for AJ as this goes on. Karen drops the mic and leave him there screaming for her.

In the back, Saeed and Kong are with JB. He tells them fighting fans is insane and he won't be part of any future lawsuits. Raisha says she has a contract for them to sign that will not hold TNA responsible. JB again acts like a bitch, so Kong shoves him against a fence as Saeed says he's doing this or he's getting broken.

Recap of Scotty mentoring little Petey to the X-Division championship. Its announced he will face Kaz at the PPV for the title.

In the back, AJ is asked about all the happening with Karen and now that Tomko is mad at him for picking a new parter. He says he's just friends with Karen, and he had to find someone with Tomko hurt. The big man walks on and says it was a couple of times too many for him. AJ asks where he's been, and Tomko says he's been stewing over the face he cost them the titles. He shoves AJ, AND AJ FINALLY STANDS UP FOR HIMSELF AND SHOVES HIM BACK. HE SAYS HE DONE WITH THIS INTIMIDATION CRAP. IT'S OVER. Tomko says he respects that and he can be his own man by himself.

We go to more of the sitfown with Stinger Steve. He talks about JJ being missed with all he's going through with the death of his wife, and now being a single dad. He talks about seeing Jeff when he broke into the business and how Jeff had never seen anyone like him before.

in the ring, JB is there with the KOTM setup as he explains the rules. He goes to introduce AJ, but Awesome Kong and Raisha come out instead as they promised they would. JB again refuses to do it, so they get out a case with the cash and make him do it or else. He reads the contract and picks a fan out to be murdered.

Match#4 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs Mellisa
Kong beats the crap out of her for 90 seconds in a real violent squash. She wins with the Awesome Bomb
*3/4

In the back, Bubba brags about what they did to LAX tonight. That was payback after getting screwed out of the titles, and they did what they do best. He warns AJ to be a little bit worried about Booker T. Book rants about how all the kids suck and aren't worth anything to him, and he's going to make AJ a stepping stone to the very top. He throws stuff around and yells a lot.

Match#5 AJ Styles vs Booker T (KOTM Qualifier)
AJ is back to being a face in everything but turn only, so the opening minutes are all him being the best and coolest guy in the world. He misses a corner splash and gets kicked in the head in a brutal snap, and Booker beats him down. He's sort of caring still, so it's fun and mean enough for us to enjoy it. Lots of nutty AJ bumps off kicks and throws as he's back to his very best, and the crowd is 100% back with him. AJ comes back with the dropkick and forearm and rattles this old man's brains. Tomko comes down to watch, and then he drags AJ off the ropes when he tries a springboard. Booker grabs AJ and hits the Book End to steal it. BOOOOOOO
**1/2

Tomko gets in and gets in his face, so AJ shoves him back. They have a sick pull apart until 3D attack AJ. he fights them off like a man possesed and it's SO damn good. The numbers get him at it ends up being 4 on 1, and he's beaten down. Tomko hits him in the face with a chain to bust him open. They murder him more and more, and AJ is dead. Bubba reigns down punches to the cut over and over, but Karen comes down and covers him to get them to stop. She cradles him her arms as they stand over her. Bubba picks her up, and she slaps him. She runs off as AJ is attacked more as Tomko coves himself in AJ's blood along with Bubba. Kurt runs down with a chair and chases them away, BEHIND HIS BACK, KAREN CRADLES AJ AGAIN. THE HEELS POINT IT OUT AND HE DRAGS KAREN OFF BY THE HAIR AND YELLS AT HER ABOUT IT. HE SHOVES HER AWAY, AND THEN DRILLS AJ IN THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR WITH A GROSS SHOT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD. 3D HOLD HER AS KURT SCREAMS THIS IS HER FAULT AS HE GRABS ONTO AJ'S HEAD Incredible stuff and easily the best work 2008 has given us.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
May 29th, 2008
Impact Zone

'AJ'S REVENGE!"

TNA's subtitles rule, but also suck because now we know AJ is going to get revenge after sustaining brain damage. Let things breathe.

Mike follows it up by saying AJ has a big announcement tonight.

Tonight; Storm vs Rhino. Tomko vs Christian in KOTM qualifiers.

3D and Booker come down to the ring, and Bubba is wearing camo shorts, a cut off shirt and his hat on backwards and sunglasses as he's the now the coolest 12 year old in school. Bubba says they're referred to as "Bad Guys" in wrestling because they do bad things to good people, and they like it. Kurt is making a movie and Tomko is getting ready in the back, so they're out here to represent the bad guys. He points to the roof where a picture of AJ is lowered down as DW says the photo is from the new trading cards out in June. AMAZING. Bubba says it will be a collectors item because no one can find AJ anywhere. Bubba says AJ is the bad guy, a scumbag wife stealer. A home-wreaker. AN ADULTERER. They pull the photo down and stand over it as they say he slept with Kurt's wife in the house with the kids sleeping in another room. Booker messes up the Cool Hand Luke quote as he says he's royalty and he's here to bring TNA to prominence, but TNA has given him nothing but a locker-room full of rodents that have turned this place into a pissing playground. He promises to win KOTM to prove why he's simply the best, and everyone will bow down and kiss his feet.

LAX now come out from the crowd in full to a massive pop. Hector says they can bloody them all they want because they're always going to come back. He says Cornette has given them a match at the PPV, but they aren't waiting until then. Christian and Rhino come down on the other side and apologies to Hector for interrupting him, but he needs to ask Booker what the hell he's been smoking. He thinks people should kiss his ass because of what he did in the past, and he couldn't care less if he's a five time (Five Time) WCW champion because he's nothing until he wins the TNA worlds title. They're going to get into KOTM and fight for the worlds title. Joe now comes out because we're having a party out here, and he goes into the crowd with his fans. He calms it down and says he admires Cage, but Joe is walking out as champion. The fans want someone who kicks ass and makes no excuses each time. He singles out Booker and tells him he's making it easy to find him because he thinks Book is a punk ass bitch. He tells the troops to put it aside and walk down and stomp the clowns down like they did to AJ. Everyone joins in and chases them off to the aisle. AJ WALKS DOWN THE RAMP AND HITS 3D WITH CHAIR SHOTS AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF BUBBA AS THE CAMERA CUTS AWAY.

In the back, Karen is very happy that AJ is back because she blames herself for all of this. JB asks what he's going to say, and she says she doesn't know but she's going to find out along with everyone else.

In the back, Lauren is with Sonjay, Val and Lethal. She has Ace Young from American Idol as the wedding singer after last weeks attack from Rock N Rave. Dutt says they're going to get revenge, but he needs to know if Jay is done standing in the back and is going to step up. Jay says he's got jitters and cold feet, but he's ready. Sonjay says it's not too late, and Val cuts him off and tells him to stop it. He walks off as Val and Jay kiss some more.

Lauren goes to leave, but Kong grabs her by the hair and drags her back so Raisha can tell her they're having another open challenge for fans.

Match#1 Rock N Rave Infection wChristy Hemme vs Jay Lethal & Sonjay Dutt w/So Cal Val & Ace Young
Only 3 minutes after 25 of talking. Still, good sprint as it the norm with guys who know how to get the best out of it with big dives and cool bumps, so it's more than ok. Hoyt kicks Dutt in the back of the head and hurls him around a little, and Rave joins in for some fun offence. Jay gets in and bounces them around and hits a pitch perfect dropkick to Rave. Young trips Rave like a dick and Jay rolls him up to win.
*3/4

Post match, Jay gets in Dutt's face and says he's ignoring his request to be his best man, and Dutt shakes his hand and accepts. Jay and Val hug, and Dutt turns his back and looks really upset. Ace then shows a music video he made for them. Cool use of time.

In the back, Lauren tells BP they're the reason women get a bad name. Love says they're nice enough to give her interview time, so now she can have the brown bag treatment. They shove a bag over her head and push her away. Love tells them to hate the game. She says Roxxi makes her want to barf, and she only does that when she wants to be under 95 pounds. Skye says to never touch them, and then kisses the camera.

Match#2 Roxxi vs Angelina Love w/Velvet Skye
Tenay says Gail has sprained her MCL, and will be out for a little while. Roxxi's improvements continue as she shows fire beating the shit out of Love with some hard shots ti the face and body. Love's selling is quite good as she's getting there, so hell yeah. Skye causes a distraction to let Love take over, and her control is basic but good as her shots look far better than before, and Roxxi sells her ass off for her. Roxxi comes back with a huge throw to send Love onto her head and she reigns down a beating and a half. Skye sneaks in and sprays her in the face with hair spray, and Love hits an STO to win.
**1/2

Post match, they give her the brown bag until ODB runs down with Gail's crutch and runs them off.

In the back, Corny yells at JB for letting Kong attack fans, and asks if he's trying to get them fired and sued for this. JB says he had no choice, but Jim says he could have paid him half while he was in the hospital. JB shows him the ratings from last week and it was the highest, so Corny lets it happen again because money is awesome. Book and 3D walk in and ask why his locker room smells like piss, and Jim says its good enough for everyone else. Booker says he's better than everyone else, so Jim tells him to get dressed in his car. Booker says from now on he's dressing in his office. Bubba calms it down as Jim asks them to please leave for the sake of everyone.

EY is still looking for Elvis in Sunshine Studios.

In the ring, Jim talks about Slammiversay and announces AJ vs Kurt, LAX vs 3D for the titles. Big Sexy makes his way down now looking very sad (but big and sexy) as he talks to Jim about trying to threaten people when he has a terrible security team that couldn't stop a Jonas concert let alone 3D and Book. He says Morgan isn't here, so deal with some things. Jim asks what he actually wants, and Kev says it's apparent he's lost control of his office and TNA could be next, so maybe he wants his help. Jim says that must come with something Nash wants, so what is it. Kev says he'll get rid of those 3 if he makes him the special enforcer for KOTM. Jim again asks why, and Kev says people should pay for that answer. Jim agrees to the terms, but Nash says he needs to be asked nicely. Jim does it, and Kev shakes his hand and says it will be an honour.

Abyss is still locked up talking about the threat he possibly imposes on society, but what about the one it's done to him.

Kong and Raisha come out for the challenge, and they pick out Leva Bates aka Blue Pants from NXT fame.

Match#3 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs Leva Bates
Another killer 120 second murder from Kong. Everything is brutal and amazing, and i wish the entire show was this good and easy to watch. Leva gets mauled over and over and dies after the Awesome Bomb.
**

In the locker room, 3D and Booker are still in there, so Kev comes in and says it will be easy if they leave. D-Von calls him Billy Jack and says he's outnumbered. Nash says "'Louisville" and D-Von is confused as are the others. He says it again as he gets out a baseball bat and swings it at their heads to chases them away. Nash says it wasn't personal, just business. Kevin Nash is pretty much God.

They air a hype video for Storm/Rhino, but it cuts away to them fighting in the back as Rhino uses a ladder to beat the crap out of him. Jackie runs in and breaks a shovel over Rhino's back, and Storm kicks him in the head before Blackshirts break it up.

We come back to them beat the shit out of each as they spill into the zone. Tons of punches and fired up work from both, and it's again a sneaky great match up that's bee hidden in between dumb gimmick matches. Storm spits beer in his face and breaks a water bottle over his face as he takes over with more wonderful offence. He finally throws him in the ring as the bell rings

Match#4 James Storm w/Miss Jackie vs Rhino (KOTM Qualifier)
"That bell should have rang ten minutes ago because they've been ringing each others bells ever since"-Don West
Storm stay on top with more violence and dirty tactics as he's turned into one of the very best guys TNA has. Rhino is a fun punching bag and give him a lot in between fun attempted comebacks where he cracks Storm with some nasty shots. Jackie helps Storm keep control as he moves further ahead and looks to have it in the bag, but the big man fights back and makes him eat crap as this rock monster throws him around and shows tons of fire and heart. He misses a Gore and eats The Last Call Superkick to send him to the floor. Storm rolls him bak in instead of taking the countout, and Rhino is able to kick out. Storm goes for another, but Rhino ducks under and kills him with the Gore to win. Hate that Storm lost, but that wasn awesome stuff.
***

Recap of Cage and Tomko's storied TNA history.

In the back, Tomko is working out as JB asks if he has remorse for what he did to AJ. He says AJ got another partner and screwed him, so screw him. HE'S GOING TO BATHE IN CHRISTIAN'S BLOOD LIKE HE DID TO AJ LAST WEEK. CHRISTIAN SAYS NOW YOU KNOW, WELL NOW HE'S DEAD.

Match#5 Tomko vs Christian Cage (KOTM Qualifier)
Tomko jumps him as he's posing on the ropes and is a brutal bastard to his old buddy, and man have i missed him. Lots of big shots and Cage being a punching bag. Tomko sets him on the top and kicks him in the temple to send him crashing to the floor. Tomko is amazing in control as destroys him and even breaks out a gorilla press to hurt the ribs and targets them with boots and knees, and Cage's selling is tremendous. He sets Cage on the top again, but Christian comes back with a Tornado DDT and mounts a sweet comeback as he goes full speed to knock and drop Tomko over and over. He misses the Frog Splash to hurt his ribs and Tomko BLASTS the life out of him with a Lariat for a near fall. He kicks out of Choke Bomb next, and Tomko loses his head for once as he mounts Cage in the corner and gets powebombed and then hit with the Frog Splash for a near fall!! Tomko manages to hit the TKO, but Cage kicks out again. He tries again, but Cage slips out and hits the Killswitch to win.
***

In the back, AJ tells Karen and JB he's going to tell the world what's happening in the ring.

Kurt Angle arrives backstage. Uh Oh.

Karen walks out to the ring and AJ music hits but he doesn't come out as he's fighting Angle backstage. Kurt slams his head off a wall and kills him with an uppercuts and unloads a hell of an ass kicking to a wife stealing son of a bitch. Kurt chucks him over a stack of tables and then walks to the ring as Tenay pleads for him to wait until AJ speaks. Little late, dude. Kurt shoves Karen into a corner like a madman as he screams she ruined his marriage and family by cheating on him like a prostitute, He calls her a hooker, so she slaps him. HE RIPS HIS JACKET OFF AND LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING TO KILL HER, BUT AJ RUNS DOWN AND MAKES THE SAVE. HE THROWS AMAZING PUNCHES AND BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF HIM. 3D, Booker and Tomko all come down to attack him and put the boots to him. Angle locks in the Angle Lock as everyone punches and kicks at him, Christian runs down and save his friend, but he's too hurt and they overwhelm and beat him down as hell, Kurt drags AJ over the apron and hits him with gross uppercuts to the head and face over and over. AJ is busted open again as they attack the cut while Cage is also beaten more and more. The new unit stands tall to close the best episode all year.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA IMPACT
June 5th, 2008
Impact Zone

TONIGHT; AN X-DIVISION KOTM #1 CONTENDERS MATCH. KNOCKOUTS STREET FIGHT. AJ VS TOMKO. CAGE/RHINO VS ROODE/BOOKER.

Match#1 Robert Roode & Booker T vs Rhino & Christian Cage
Cage and Roode get to fight again in a very frantic battle, and it sucks we never got a PPV match before Cage leaves at the end of the year. The other two work war and and bring some life to it. Cage is isolated and rules at selling the beating from last week, and Roode leads the charge on him., Rhino has a short burst of a hot tag before those pesky Dudleyz attack for the DQ.
**

They set up tables, but AJ makes the save and shows he's still THAT motherfucker by cleaning house with downright perfect punches and a flying closeline. He gets the mic and says he won't even try with Rhino, but he and Christian used to be brothers and he hopes one day they can be on. the same page. 3D TELL KURT I'M GOING TO BEAT THE PISS OUT OF HIM. I'M NOT OUT TO BEAT HIM, I'M OUT TO HURT HIM. FIRST IS HIS BUTT BUDDY TOMKO. Jim Cornette comes out and says he's watched AJ get beaten like a tractor at a rodeo and he won't need to worry about being jumped because Nash is the special enforcer for his match.

We go to a pre-tape with Joe and JB. JB asks what's going on with Kevin and if Joe trusts him. Joe says he's been a bastard and a son of a bitch, but he's not stupid. Nash taught him to respect but to never trust anyone. He trusts himself and what he does in the ring, and whatever Kevin's intentions are won't matter as he's walking out with his title. He'll meet him man to man and find out exactly what those intentions are.

In the back, BP say they have something better planned than last week. They give Lauren their trading cards and make her hold them over her head so they can't see her ugly face. They know all the girls hate them because they're prettier, smarter and have better looking pimples on their asses than they have for faces. Love says they won't break a nail or sweat because they don't sweat, so bring it Butch.

Raisha and Kong walk on and declare another challenge.

Match#2 Velvet Skye wAngelina Love vs ODB (Street Fight)
More of a handicap match as she has to fight the both. She gets Skye in the crowd for a good old Impact Zone brawl of walk and punch with some wall throws in there as well. They fight back to the ring and have a normal match of ODB kicking her ass, and Skye showing off some improvements in her bumping. ODB doesn't let her comeback and beats her with the Powerslam.
**

Love attacks from behind and tries the bag, but Roxxi makes the save for her. Gail makes her return on one leg and cleans house on them. Mickie Knuckles from IWA-MS makes her debut by attacking the faces and siding with BP.

We now go to Jay Lethal's bachelor party in a classic TNA bit
-JB is the MC and asks Dutt about how he feels, and says we'll find out on Sunday.
-James Storm shows up super drunk screaming "FREE BEER" and then collapses
-BG tells him to learn to shut up and take orders from his wife.
-Sharky gets on the stage and leads a "SHARK YEAH" chant

EY goes to Graceland and still can't find Elvis.

We go to more of the Sting interview. He talks about his feud with Ric and how his 3 biggest matches were with him (Clash, GAB 90, Last Nitro) He respects and loves him, and he went out in style. He saw that and he's been thinking maybe he'll do the same soon enough.

Match#3 Chris Sabin vs Kaz vs Curry Man vs Jimmy Rave vs Johnny Devine (King Of The Mountain Match-#1 Contendes Match)
-The winner will face the worlds champion next week.
-Really classic Russo is a moron by booking this on TV a week before the PPV as he used to in WCW and WWF. Just doesn't get it at all.
-Big dive train happens and Devine hits a Moonsault off the box to take everyone out.
-Rave smashes a ladder with a ladder into Kaz's face.
-We see Curry was pinned by Rave during the break, so Rave can hang the X.
-He goes for it, but Sabin dropkicks him off the ladder and gets a cradle to pin him.
-Kaz throws a ladder at Sabin when he climbs up, but then Sabin sort of no sells it so they can fight on two ladders.
-Kaz sends him face first into the bottom of one with Waves of Future.
-CURRY GETS OUT AND TRIES TO MONKEY FLIP KAZ INTO ONE, AND POOR KAZ IS SENT THROAT FIRST INTO A LADDER. FUCKING HELL.
-Sabin hangs Devin in the tree of woe and dropkicks a ladder into his face.
-We come back from break to Sabin and Kaz fighting on top of the box. Sabin ends up diving off onto Curry Man.
-Kaz stays on top AND RIDES A LADDER DOWN LIKE SHAWN MICHEALS TO POOR JIMMY RAVE'S RIBS TO PIN HIM.
-Devine quickly vultures the pin on Kaz to send him to the box as well.
-Devine sticks Sabin in the bottom rung over the ladder and kicks his head into the side of it.
-Curry hits Devine with the Burning Hammer to send him to the box.
Curry tries to climb as Kaz fights to get out of the box as they're struggling to open it. He finally gets out and shoves Curry off and hangs the X to win the title shot.
**3/4

JB comes out for the next Kong Challenge. We get camera shots of Amber O'Neal, Becky Bayless and Daffney from WCW!!!! Kong picks Daffney out of the three to start a very sad and tragic story of TNA being the fucking worst.

Match#4 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs Daffney (Kong Challenge)
Daff tries to stick and move and does ok, but Kong swarms her and gets in a bow and arrow on her shoulders and bends her in half so her knees kick her in her own face. Kong drags her out to the Joe/Punk Rail smash, and then kills her with the Backfist. Kong gets her back in and ends it with the Awesome Bomb
**

Abyss is still locked up looking for blood.

In the back, Nash has his bat as he says he has a game plan. Joe walks in and demands to know what his plans are when it comes to them. Has he got his back or is he back. Nash tells him to take the bass out of his voice. Joe is smart but he needs to take care of investment, which Joe takes exception to. Kev says he has spent months doing what's right for Joe's career and he's sick of this. Lesson 69 "Paranoia will drive you crazy and cost you everything" He gives him the bat and offers him a free shot, but Joe refuses as he doesn't need one if he ever comes for him.

Back at the bucks party, Dutt reads some letters saying Koko, George Steele & Kamala will all be guests there. Sonjay says they need a stripper to complete this, and they pick Kip James to do it. Hey, no judgments here.

Match#5 James Storm, Kip James & Lance Hoyt vs LAX & Matt Morgan
Ci and Storm have chemistry right off the bat as 2006 showed us, but it's even smoother and better now that Storm has gotten even better. Jackie trips Ci to let the heels take over, and Storm thankfully carries the load for his awful partners. Morgan has the hot tag and shits the best once more with lame power stuff that doesn't look all that impactful or painful. Things break down as Hernandez finally gets in with his sick power work and then does a tandem dive with Ci!!! Back in the ring, Morgan beats Kip with his horrible looking F5. Granted Kip sandbagged and landed on his knees, but Morgan's still a turd.
**

In the back, Scotty talks about Kaz not having beaten anyone that matters. He's good in circus acts, but he and Petey are real wrestlers and they'll win any contest. Petey tries to talk, but the camera cuts away to a black screen.

We go to a face to face with Kurt and Karen. Kurt says he's the victim here people. He gave her houses, money and kids, and she's ungrateful about it all. She cries as she says she wanted Kurt to love he above else, and he says he does love her but he loves his career just as much so what's the issue. Karen gets more sad and refuses to explain anything. Kurt says she was fooling around with AJ in his bed. Tenay tries to defend her, AND KURT TELLS HIM TO SHUT UP BECAUSE HE WAS PROBABLY SLEEPING WITH HER AS WELL. He tells her to shut her mouth because she's crossed the line, so now he's going to break every bone in AJ's body until the truth comes out.

In the back, AJ says he's never been with her. He shouts screw Kurt. He's done with this, man. He's seen bloodshed because of his twisted mind, but he got back up and he's going to make sure Kurt never gets back up after Sunday.

Back at the party, Christy Hemme pops out of the cake and tries to sing, but she's dragged away. ODB brings in a box with a giant snake in it, and Dutt says that means Jake is coming to the wedding as well.

Match#6 AJ Styles vs Tomko (Kevin Nash-Special Enforcer)
AJ HITS A FLIP DIVE ONTO TOMKO TO START!!! He batters him around the Zone with his incredible punches and kicks, and Tomko is sent flying all over the Zone as AJ reigns down hell. AJ breaks out a knee lift to the face for something new, and he keeps charging him like a pitbull as Tomko gets nothing in and is killed. Tomko finally backdrops him to the floor. We come back to AJ hitting his dropkick to knock the big man down, and we see that Tomko kicked the hell out of him during the break. AJ keeps coming back but gets distracted by Roode attacking Nash on the ramp, and Tomko takes back over. Booker now comes out to fight Nash as the bullshit hits. AJ hits a DDT, the Pele and then the Frog Splash to win. Goddamn it, wish this was a PPV match.
**1/4

Booker attacks Nash with a chair and then all the KOTM guys fight in a big brawl. 3D and LAX join in as well, and then Joe runs down to fight. He gets Booker with punches to the face. NASH GOES TO HIT BOOK WITH THE CHAIR, BUT HE DUCKS AND JOE IS HIT IN THE ARM. JOE GETS BACK UP AND SHOVES HIM TO CLOSE US OUT.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08

TNA SLAMMIVERSARY
JUNE 8TH, 2008
SOUTHHAVEN, MS
DESOTO CIVIC CENTER

The opening video is again about Elvis, and i just learnt he was born in MS and died in Memphis. So, it makes sense now, but TNA never bothered to explain that and made me look the fool.

Speaking of fools, TNA has pretty much stopped booking the X-Division title or feuds for it since Petey won it. Super upsetting to see the fall, and even more so as its only going to get worse as TNA ramps up the stupidity over the next few years.

Match#1 Petey Willams (c) w/Scott Steiner & Rhaka Khan vs Kaz (TNA X-Division Championship)
Petey is wearing a face mask as he has a broken nose, so he looks like a Mad Max goon. Opening minutes is a terrible RVD/Lynn rendition as they try to do cool counters and attempted finishers, and it makes them look like giant losers as it's half speed and lamer than ever. Petey takes over with a DDT to the floor done in slow motion, and his control seg is SO bad and boring as he's now incapable of doing cool things because he thinks being a heel means being boring. Chokes, bad looking offence and shit talking that he stinks at. Kaz being Kaz doesn't do anything to help, so this is the worst opening match since AAO. Kaz's comeback is very funny as he tries to do a roll off Petey's back and nearly falls on his ass before hitting a kick to the face. He keeps botching stuff or not having any impact on things, and it's a complete disaster of a match. Finishing run is them again trying to doo cool stuff, and failing because they aren't cool, nor do they have a flair for the dramatics. Kaz takes out Khan with a dropkick when she tries to attack him, but Petey gets the pipe to bloody him for a 2.9 count, and then Kaz comebacks with an awful rollup for a near fall of his own. Petey gets him in the Sharpshooter and TNA outright steals the famous Austin shot from Mania 13 as he fights out of it. TNA is truly the funniest company. They keep trading pins and Petey counters one into the CD to finally end one of the very worst PPV openers ever.
LOLTNA

Post match, the Freaks beat Kaz down for his sins. Scotty says TNA is scared to give him a title shot, so they screwed him out of fear, He says he's going to screw Kaz now because he has a shot on Impact, so he's going to make sure he doesn't show up. Some bad new music hits in a remix of Abyss' theme, and the big moron shows up in a new white attire with a new white and black mask. He flexes off with Scotty and then kills Petey the BHS, and then hits Steiner with one as well. He grabs Khan like a jerk and hits her with a truly ugly looking BHS as she doesn't get up for it, and he's a fake monster that can't just pick her up. He then carries a dead Kaz to the back to end the most painful 30 minutes of the year so far.

EY shows up to the booth to say he's found the king and he's on his way. He has a seat reserved for Elvis in the front row.

Kevin Nash hype video. He's motivated by greed and money, but what is his motivation tonight.

We go to JB sitting down with him. Nash says it's about money not the risks anyone takes. He calls Joe a friend, but he's more of an investment tonight and he's got his stock in him. If Joe loses than he loses, but if Joe wins than he wins as well.

Match#2 The Beautiful People & Moose vs ODB, Gail Kim & Roxxi
Mickie is now Moose for those keeping score at home. Moose gets fed to the wolves by BP and gets murdered in a flurry, and they try to run but they get thrown back in and finally eat dirt. Roxxi gets isolated in a good control seg as all the improvements mean they show out on PPV for the first time. Moose tries to work a strong style and she's not very good at all as she's out of breath and throwing bad shots. So, BP do the hard work and pass the test. Gail's hot tag is amped up on one leg as she's hitting crossbodies and strikes to everyone in her way. BP cut her off at the knees and show they can now work a limb with focused knee work like leg bars and Boston Crabs. Moose tries the Cattle Mutilation and can't bridge her way up and ends up stuck in the middle of Gail's back. I don't think i've ever seen that before. ODB gets in shortly after to throw people on their heads and shows Moose what an actual powerhouse lady looks like. She beats her face in and beats her with the Oklahoma Slam.
**1/2

In the back, Rhino speaks about how hard the last two years have been with his drinking and making peace with Christian. He has changed his life and now he can prove he can sit on the top of the mountain once again and show second chances are possible.

Hype for LAX/3D

Match#3 LAX (c) w/Salinas & Héctor Guerrero vs Team 3D (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
3D try to bully LAX around and quickly learn they don't have a chance in hell as they're smoked at every turn. They're outdone for speed, strength and actual team work at this point. Bubba is made the fool by Ci as he gets cut off and thrown around. D-Von tires to help and Hernandez takes him out with the dropkick and THEN HITS THE SUPER DIVE HOMICIDE FOLLOWS WITH THE TOPE CON HILO ONTO BUBBA TO SEND HIS HEAD INTO THE ANNOUNCE DESK. FUCK YEAH. Ci climbs the top and takes second too long and D-Von shoves him off the top, and then Bubba attacks the seconds on the outside to be a prick. Ci gets his ass kicked in another super spirited 3D control seg. Mean, focused and with a world of shit talk from Bubba. Ci is wonderful as the FIP showing a world of heart as he gets brutally beaten and thrown around. Bubba chucks him into the corner SUPER hard to the point Ci's head bounces off the buckles as he lands to mess his neck up. 3D again show how good they can be as old grump assholes hating kids. Hernandez finally gets in and goes full boar smashing and crushing them like a motherfucker. HE DEADLIFTS SUPLEXES D-VON FOR 30 SECONDS. GODDAMN IT MAN. Things break down as 3D try to put them down but they're a step behind and can't end it like they need to. Devine tries to help, but Hector takes him out with a cane shot to the face. Salinas hits the Wazzup drop on Bubba, and shakes her head in disgust after. LAX swarm them and hit Bubba with the Frog Splash, but D-Von has to drag the ref out to save it. Ci misses the Tope and hits the floor, and Bubba low blows Hernandez. They set him up for the 3D, but Ci gets back in and rolls Bubba up to pull out the win.
***

In the back, Roode talks about sharing locker rooms with legends and wondering if he can be like them as they've walked the walk and talked the talk, while he's done a lot of talking. Tonight he wins the world title and takes his place amongst them.

Awesome Kong comes out for her open challenge, and Serena Deeb and Joise Robinson are the two potential picks. Deeb says she's been training MMA and feels ready for the challenge. Joise says she brings the fight and is ready. Deeb gets picked.

Match#4 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs Serena Deeb (Kong Challenge)
Deeb tries a fighting stance and gets picked up and dropped like a bad habit. Kong runs through her on the outside using the rails to brain her time and time again, and then chucks her back first into the steps for a real nasty one. Kong shoves the other lady for the hell of it, and then goes back to killing Deeb. She debuts the Implant Buster to win.
**

Kong gets in Joise's face, and JB asks if Kong wants to fight her and Kong nods in agreement. Joise slaps her and it's on. JOISE MOUNTS HER AND PUNCES HER IN THE FACE, BUT KONG SHOVES HER BACK INTO THE RAILS AND THEN THROWS HER HEAD FIRST. KONG MISSES A PUNCH AND HITS THE POST, AND JOISE PUNCHES AT HER AND GETS IN THE RING AND DEMANDS THE FIGHT.

Match#5 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs Joise Robison (Kong Challenge)
KONG BACKFISTS HER TO DEATH AND TAKES HER GLOVES OFF AND PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE. She squashes her in the corner and then hits the Awesome Bomb to win.
*

EY now comes out and brings out Elvis as Kong watches on looking very mad. Elvis walks to the ring like a moron and gets murdered by Kong with the Awesome Bomb.

In a pre-tape, Christian talks about how dangerous KOTM is and how there is no way to prepare other than to go in thinking you're going to win.

in the back, Christian says he's let the title free so he could refocus his life, but he still loves being the best and being the champion. He knows there are greats in this match, but all the peeps want him to win this. He's been here for 3 years and no one has a better win loss record than him, and no one has been in bigger matches than him. He wants his name etched with the very best, and he's taking the title for the 3rd time.

Hype for the wedding.

Jake and Kamala come out first in suits and looking really good, and then Koko brings out Frankie with him. I can't wait to get back to 1989 to see him again, so this is a nice treat. George Steele also comes out in a suit and looks way better than i expected. Dutt and the maid of honour come out next, and Dutt looks super sad to be here. Jay and Val come out and we get this amazing picture.

The priest asks if anyone objects and everyone stays silent, so he moves on to the I Do stuff, and Dutt finally stops it. He takes his suit off and says this has gone long enough, and Jay tells him it'll be ok. Dutt says he was speaking to Val as he's loved her since he first saw her, and she should be marrying him right now. He begs her, so Jay grabs him the throat and shoves him away. He turns back to Val, so Dutt breaks a board over his back and beats him down. KOKO MAKES THE SAVE AND DROPS DUTT WITH PUNCHES, AND KAMALA JOINS IN AND KNOCKS HIM DOWN WITH A CHOP AND PATS HIS BELLY. Steele eats a buckle and Jake gets a new snake out and drops him on Dutt. Fantastic piece of bullshit.

In the back, Booker repeats his points about TNA being a piss stained place that begged him to show up and never gave him a thing. He's bought up ratings and buytates thanks to him, and he got the smell of elephant urine. HAVE YOU EVER SMELT ELEPHANT URINE?? Doesn't matter. He's getting the title so he can have power that can never be taken away by anyone. Power that will change TNA for good. WWE told him what to do, in TNA he does what he wants to do.

Hype for AJ/Kurt.

Match#6 AJ Styles vs Kurt Angle w/Tomko
They go on the mat in a odd choice given the feud but Kurt is broken as i've said, so whatever. Its at least super tight and good as AJ helps keep Kurt's bad brain focused on what he can do best as a psychotic wrestler. AJ shows him up a few times, so Kurt uses the Uppercuts to bully him, but AJ hits the Dropkick and goes to dominating him in the corner. AJ keeps on top and cuts him off whenever he tries something, and it's a true level above type of thing he hasn't gotten to do in a long time. Tomko tries to help, but Hebner kicks him out. Kurts uses this to slam AJ into the rails a couple of times, BUT AJ COMES BACK AGAIN WITH HIS FLIP DIVE AND CATCHES HIS LEGS TO THE BACK OF KURT'S HEAD AND NECK AS HE'S TOO FAR OUT TO CATCH HIM. AJ targets the neck with knees and elbows, but AJ gets caught by Kurt and slammed on his back with two overhead tosses to hurt AJ's back after he hurt it during the dive. Kurt is focused once more with neck work and it's very, very good. AJ's nose gets busted open off a shot and it covers his face as Kurt chucks him around more and gets violent once he sees it. He uses backbreakers and knees on the back, and AJ's selling is fantastic as he's doubled over in pain and can hardly move. KURT SITS HIM ON THE TOP ROPE AND PUNCHES HIM IN THE NOSE TWICE AS HARD AS HE CAN; THEY TRADE PUNCHES ON TOP AND AJ COUNTERS A SUPERPLEX INTO A GORDBUSTER TO SEND KURT DOWN ON HIS FACE. AJ now turns it into a slug fest of punches to the head, and then he hits a spin kick to take back over as he decks him a few more times. Kurt won't die and keeps peppering in German's and Uppecuts to keep AJ loopy and prone to attacks. Kurt tries the three German's, but AJ reverses the third with one of his own to send Kurt back onto his face, BUT KURT IS A FREAK AND GETS BACK UP AND HITS AN EVEN NASTIER ONE TO KILL AJ AGAIN. AJ WON'T DIE AND HITS A PELE WHEN KURT BRINGS HIM BACK UP, BUT THEN KURT CATCHES HIM RUNNING AT HIM WITH A BELLY TO BELLY INTO THE CORNER. HOLY SHIT. AJ is nearly dead now as his concussion selling is amazing, but he breaks out a DDT when Kurt tries the Angle Slam for a near fall. They keep countering and smacking each other in the head, but neither can get it done. Kurt finally breaks as he hits the Super Angle Slam for a near fall, but AJ is able to get to the ropes as not to kill it off. AJ drops him with the Pele again, but Kurt gets the ropes to save himself. Kurt gets the Angle Lock on, and AJ kicks him back into the ref. AJ USES HIS LEGS TO WRAP THEM AROUND KURT'S HEAD AND RANA'S HIM OFF HIS BACK TO THE FLOOR. Karen now comes out with a chair and fakes him out with a chair but she shoves him back and AJ hits the Styles Clash to win.
***1/2

The best and most restrained Kurt match in two years. One for everyone to see and enjoy.

Anyway, Karen hugs AJ and celebrates, and Kurt hits AJ in the back with a chair, Karen slaps him for it and he scares her off. Tomko runs down and beats up blackshirts so Kurt can attack AJ with the grapevine Angle Lock. He finally lets go and looks like he's ready to run through a wall and kill everyone.

In the last pre-tape, Joe says normally a man knew who he was facing as it was someone who earned the spot, but now it's all about politics. He says the history books might not say he was the fastest or strongest, but it will say no one fought harder to keep it. He's going to lead the era to a new horizon. He is Samoa Joe and is pro wrestling.

They kill another 5 minutes by showing everyone walk to the ring and then having JB do the big intros.

Match#7 Samoa Joe (c) vs Christian Cage vs Robert Roode vs Booker T vs Rhino (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship-King of the Mountain- Special Enforcer-Kevin Nash)
-Nash stands at ringside with the title on his shoulder. Kevin is the best for all the reasons we all know, but the laziness and ability to make it work is my personal favourite
-TNA uses a split screen to start to make it hard to focus on one thing at a time, which sucks.
-Book and Joe fight as the other go at in the ring, and neither is all that exciting.
-Everyone keeps fighting until Booker gets Rhino alone and beats him with the Bookend to send him to the cage.
-Booker snatches the title off Nash's shoulder and stares him down as Rhino is thrown in the cage.
-Christian finally does something cool when he dropkicks a ladder into Booker and Joe.
-Cage and Rhino fight and it's solid, but like this match its missing a true hook to make us care.
-Roode is also in the background mostly getting his ass kicked as he's fodder for these guys, and it's bullshit as only Joe and Cage deserve to be in the main event.
-Joe hits his big dive, and then Cage climbs to the top and hits a no hands splash onto everyone as he's the best dude ever.
-He gets out a table and then goes to climb, but Roode hits the ladder he's holding with a chair to send into his face and pins him.
-Cage is actually the only guy trying to make this a good match AND help the one young guy that will be here long after he's gone.
-Rhino proves me right by immediately rolling Roode up to send him into the cage.
-Nash then makes it worse by dragging Roode by his feet and throwing him in the cage.
-Yeah, fuck you Robert Roode.
-Booker and Rhino do more boring stuff, and Joe is sort of just laying there not really caring.
-Roode and Cage fight inside the cage for something actually good, but it's too short to matter.
-Joe finally gets Booker in the choke, but Cage comes off the cage with the frog splash to pin Booker.
-Cage goes go climb, but Joe hits him with an Ace Crusher off the top in the only good thing he's done all match.
-Booker comes out of the cage and steals the title from Nash and hits him in the face with it. He hits everyone else with it.
-He tries to climb, but Nash gets in and Jackknifes him off the ladder
-Roode now attempts to climb, but lol fuck him, Joe hits him with a Muscle Buster to pin him and then climbs up hang the title as the first champion to retain in KOTM.
*

AWFUL match that shows just how bad TNA has failed to make a main event worthy of caring about. I adore Joe like all self respecting fans, but he did nothing in this to make me care for what comes next for him, and a 3 month Booker T feud sure as hell isn't changing that. Booker is an outright bust in every aspect and maybe, just maybe when MEM forms and he can be a comedy guy that occasionally wrestles, i'll like him again. Until then, another few months of him being a lazy turd taking main events over the likes of Storm. Rhino. UGH. Just, go away. Christian is the only guy in this who went out of his way to give Roode a spotlight, did cool things and did his best to put on a main event match. He couldn't save it, but did he do his best. I don't want him to leave, but you can see why WWE got him back and had him carry ECW for a year plus.

TNA has truly pissed me off now, and its not like it hasn't upset me or led me to lose my mind every once and a while but now we're into the next level. The next three years until 10-10-10 and what comes after is something i'm not ready for, but a long time ago i started these reviews and made myself a promise to not stop until AJ leaves and TNA loses the Spike deal (that'll be fun). So, we're staying but man i am not looking forward to it.

Peace.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-11/5/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-10/1/08


TNA IMPACT
June 12th, 2008
Impact Zone

"I PUT A HIT OUT ON MY WIFE"

TONIGHT; AJ VS KURT IN A LUMBERJACK MATCH. JOE VS KAZ FOR THE WORLD TITLE. LAX VS ROODE & STORM FOR THE TAG TITLES.

Match#1 Samoa Joe (c) vs Kaz (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
I'd be more upset about Joe opening if he hadn't sucked at the PPV, and wasn't on the downfall of a lifetime. They also try a RVD/Lynn standoff to further upset me, and hey it's awful because why is a giant Samoan monster doing counters and standoffs instead of murdering people. Joe thankfully cuts it out and starts dropping big knees and kicks to the body, and even breaks out a wild jumping leg drop when Kaz tries to take his legs out. He batters him more with lariats and boots to the face and you can hear the sounds off of all of them. Kaz finally gets a neckbreaker in to drop Joe, and to his credit he sells the damage as he starts sticking and moving. He springboards off the ropes with a back-elbow to drop him and does his best to keep him down, but Joe is a truck and refuses to die and keeps coming back and hurting him a little more each time. Kaz doesn't let it stop him him as he throws a really nice shotgun dropkick and counters the Muscle Buster into a Last Rites for a near fall. He tries a springboard DDT, but Joe catches him and muscles him up to the top and kill him with the Muscle Buster to win.
**3/4

Booker T comes out from the ramp with a mic as he congratulates him on beating Kaz. Whoopee do, you just won a trip to Universal. He calls him a punk ass paper champion that needed Nash to bail him out. He wants to know man to man if Joe can actually say he beat him straight up. He can come back to his open locker room and show him what kind of champion he is. Can you dig?

Lauren is with Kurt Angle. She makes fun of Karen costing him the match and the locker room saying he got what he deserved. Kurt says this is why he hates women. She's never wrestled or laced up the boots, so why is she even here. Because Spike thinks hot chicks get tv ratings, and now Karen has signed a contract with Spike as a talent. He's been told if he even breathes on her he's getting fired because Spike doesn't allow man on woman violence. He's good with it because he put a hit out on the mother of his kids. All the woman hate her guts and don't think she belongs, and one of those women is going to become very lucky tonight. He envisions her laying on her back next to AJ both comatose. This is will be here last night here, oh it's real.

Tenay announces the return of World X Cup after two years.

JB is with the captain of Team International, Shawn Daivari. NO HE SUCKS. He says he's here to destroy all the other counties along with Tyson Dux, Alex Koslov and Doug Williams.

Raisha walks on and says Kong will be back next week to hurt more people. She's been gentle and kind thus far, but next week she's going to break a woman.

Match#2 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Naruki Doi & Masato Yoshino
Team Japan reps are from Dragon Gate and known as Speed Muscle. Dragon Gate is a massive blind spot for me. So i am excited for this. Both guys are super fast and smooth and match the Guns for skills, so the Guns use double teams to isolate Yoshino, but Doi makes the save and blows my mind with a double stomp to the arm of Shelley, and then stretches him at a gross looking angle. They ramp up the speed and break out a flip senton to Shelley as he's been held in the ropes. Shelley manages to send Doi to the corner with an STO, and gets Sabin for a wild hot tag as he kicks the hell out of them, and flips over them and dropkicks them to send them flying. Things break down and they somehow get faster now, AND DOI JUMPS ON SABIN'S SHOULDERS AND SPINS AROUND IN ONE OF THE FASTEST WAYS I'VE EVER SEEN AND GETS HIM A TARANTULA SO YOSHINO CAN DROPKICK HIM IN THE CHEST. THEY AREN'T DOWN AS THEY DOUBLE TEAM ALEX AS SABIN IS IN THE TREE OF WOE, AND DOI RUNS AT HIM AT A BREAKNECK SPEED T0 ELBOW HIM IN THE FACE AND THEN RUNS BACK TO HOLD SHELLEY SO YOSHINO AND CAN DROPKICK HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE. Sabin somehow kicks out and Yoshino sets him up for a lariat, but Shelley eats the bullett and the Guns comeback as Sabin launches himself off Shelley's back with a lariat to take Doi out, and they swarm Yoshino with the AC/RUSH to win.
***1/2

One of the most manic sprints i've ever seen. Watch it now.



JB is with Karen and tells her that Kurt has a hit out on her. She says she knows the real Kurt and he'll call it off the kids. Wow, she really doesn't get it. BP walk on and chat shit about her being here and making more money than everyone else. She says that's not their business, and they rightly call her a bitch and say they never liked her because she thinks she's better than them. There's a pecking order with them on top and her below. They grab her and try to put the bag on, but AJ makes the save for her. They call him Prince AJ and make fun of him for saving her, and he tells them to tell Kurt to come and get to him first. Love flirts with him and tells him to find them if he wants a real woman.

Tomko hype video.

In the back, Nash says controversy follows him around, but Booker touched him and invited this on himself. He says its up to everyone to decide if he helped Joe. Lauren keeps pressing him for an answer, but he won't speak. Joe's voice is heard as he calls him a son of bitch that always has something to say, so get your big ass out here and say to him. Joe walks into the ring and keeps calling him out, and Kev walks out through the crowd like an Outlaw of some kind. Joe backs him in a corner and tells him to say whatever he wants, but Nash thinks he doesn't want to hear the truth. Maybe, the only reason he still has the strap is because of him taking care of things, A simple thank you would be in order. Joe says he should be thanking him for letting him ride his coattails. I'M KEVIN NASH AND YOU CAN'T BEAT BOOKER T. He says it's mental because Booker is in his head after 15 minutes, and he can't beat him. Joe tells him to stick it up his ass and walks off on him.

JB finds Kurt in Scott Steiner's locker-room talking to Rhaka Khan. This will not end well for either of them in real life, but we'll get there next year.

Match#3 LAX w/Salinas & Héctor Guerrero vs James Storm & Robert Roode w/Miss Jackie Moore (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
DW says LAX needs to take this seriously and not be in a hangover after beating 3D. A perfect way of making the boys seem like a true threat even before they become an offical team. Ci makes easy work of Roode to start as DW wonders how anyone can counteract LAX's team work. This is proven correct as Storm gets in next is double teamed and can't get anything going no matter how hard he tries. Roode finally hangs Ci on the topes as Jackie distracts the ref, and then she chokes him with a belt after!! Beer Money finally work together as they isolate Ci and do a great job of cutting the ring as they beat him down and mesh SUPER well together. Hernandez has another fantastic hot tag moving around at a scary speed as he drops them with big mover moves. He sends Storm over the top and he lands on the steps, but he gets back in and kicks Hernandez in the back of the head to knock him loopy. CI keeps it together and tries the Doomsday, but Roode slips off and shoves them together. Jackie hands Storm her belt and he wraps it around his boot. Hernandez picks Roode up for the Border Toss, BUT STORM HITS THE LAST CALL WITH THE BELT AND KNOCKS HIM OUT COLD AND ROODE FALLS ON TOP AND THEY WIN THE TITLES. Sadly, Hector tells the ref about the belt, and we come back from break and the match is restarted as a result. Beer Money isolate the big man as he's still hurt, and they work even better together now they're pissed off. Hector cheers LAX on, and they come back to life as the big man cleans house and Ci joins in to help. Storm jumps off the top, but he gets caught by Hernandez and slammed down with a Powerbomb to give LAX the win.
**3/4

ROODE HITS LAX WITH CHAIR SHOTS TO THE FACE, AND THEN KILLS HECTOR AS WELL. They handcuff them to the ropes, and then Storm steals a fans belt and the 3 of them whip the hell out of LAX and Hector. Ci tries to fight out, so they hit even even harder and harder. THEY GET THE REF AS WELL AND WHIP HIM FOR COSTING THEM THE. MATCH. They keep hitting them and we can see the welts and cuts on Hernandez's back. Beer Money pose with the titles to close a wonderful angle.

In the back, BP and Gail and ODB are fighting and have to be pulled apart by Blackshirts.

BFG is coming to Chicago on October 12th.

Gail attacks Skye as she makes her intro and they brawl into the ring to start the match.

Match#4 Gail Kim vs Velvet Skye
Gail pinballs her around and uses her bad knee as best she can, but. Skye dropkicks her in it as she's standing on the apron to send her to the floor and smashes it against the post. She works on it really well, and Gail's selling is good as she's limping and can't put weight down on it. Gail comes back selling it as she goes for broke trying to win before her knee gives out again. Gail stops Skye from using the bag and hits the Neckbreaker to win.
**

In the back, Roode says that was just a little taste and a drive by to LAX, and he's begging them to retaliate. Storm is drunk and laughs about how they can never beat them because they have two things that make the world go round BEER AND MONEY. Roode repeats both words after he says them, so i guess we finally have the amazing name. Storm they've got pea shooters while he's got a Ford pickup with a shotgun in the back, and he's ready for a war. Sorry, bout your damn luck.

Match#5 Alex Koslov vs Curry Man
Alex is a guy i've seen from PWG and NJPW here and there, and he's a big guy that wrestles like a junior and hits hard as hell. Curry is in Team TNA, and DW loves it a lot. They have a dance off before moving into a fun back and forth as both guys show off smoothness and power for 3 minutes. Just a good old fashioned X-Division sprint with a master of it leading the way. Alex takes over and quickly wins with a sweet flying splash.
**

In the locker-room JB asks Dutt for an explanation as to why he ruined the wedding, but Dutt says no comment and leaves.

Joe walks in and tells Booker he's never backed down from anyone in his life and he's not starting now, so he's got a title shot. He shakes his hand as Booker says respects him for that, but he needs to remember they're coming to Houston where he has a LOT of friends who can help him. Joe smirks and says he's ready for all of them. Joe turns to leave and then comes back to tell Booker it does smell like piss in his here. He can use his locker-room as he's not using it anymore.

Dutt walks for his match and dedicates it to Val. He tells her to come down and seal the deal with a big kiss.

Match#6 Sonjay Dutt vs Consequences Creed
Sonajy stalls and stooges a little to start and bumps around for Creed, and the kid is far better than the last time he was TV as his lariats are hitting with full force and he's moving super fast as well. Dutt shows he's not long for this role as he has to sneak in a kick to the dick to take over and then hits his really bad looking 450 to win.
*

Lethal rushes the ring and attacks his former friend and then chases him off. He gets the mic and says he's fighting him next week at the Pink Taco Bar. Ok, cool i guess.

The faces and heel make their way out for the Lumberjack match.

Frank Trigg joins commentary to make ears bleed.

Match#7 AJ Styles vs Kurt Angle (Lumberjack Match)
AJ controls as Kurt tries to rush him and gets shown up and thrown to the wolves time and time again. Kurt has to go for the eyes to stop him, but it doesn't work as AJ is beyond angry and keeps coming for Kurt's head. They fight near the ropes and Kurt grabs him by the tights to send him to the floor and the jacks attack while fighting amongst themselves to further feuds like 3D/Rhino. Kurt takes over and works the ribs as he's focused and mean again and can do his brutal work, and it's great. AJ's comeback also rocks and he drops Kurt on his head with a Welcome to Japan for a near fall. AJ gets another off a rack bomb, so 3D get inolved and hang him on the ropes and he stumbles back into an Angle Slam
**1/4

Everyone brawls on the outside, and 3D bring in some tables as they beat the shit out of AJ, Rhino and Cage. Abyss comes out for the save as he takes the heels out with bad offence. Tomko fights him, but sadly gets chokeslamed through a table. The others all leave as AJ fights Kurt and smashes his face against a table. He sets him up on a table and tries the frog splash, but Kurt moves and AJ dies. Karen comes down to try and get Kurt to stop, and he stops himself from hitting her. AWESOME KONG'S MUSIC HITS AND KURT SMILES LIKE A MADMAN. YESSSS. She storms the ring and grabs her by the hair and throws her around as Kurt laughs and gives a thumbs down. Awesome punches her in the face, and then Kurt raises her arms. He goes back to attacking AJ and lays him next to Karen as he promised he would.