Donnie watches TNA 2008. Ah shit, here we go again.

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
September 4th, 2008
Impact Zone

"STING VS THE FANS"

Tonight; AJ vs Christian. Sting speaks to the fans. Abyss' open challenge

Kurt Angle comes out in a suit and then is followed out by Booker T in a suit. Like a Mafia of some sort that likes being in the main event. Kurt says this is a portrait of what real champions are meant to look like, Joe. They carry themselves with respect and dignity unlike him. Sting was right about everything he said last week because Joe is a disgrace to the title. Booker says he's right on the money as Sting spoke the truth about the spoiled brats in the back who want everything when they haven't earned a thing. He and Kurt are champions and gentlemen and the title should be fought between them at the PPV. Kurt promises to find JJ and stick that guitar up his ass and then take Joe out.

Christian now comes out and says not to worry about AJ as he's going to beat him and take the spot in the main event. AJ is the future of the business, but this is about the world title in his backyard, He sees they're distracted and that's good as he can think about becoming a 3 time world champion. Booker snaps and calls him a poo butt fairy tale dreamer. He then tells him to roll with them because the young guys aren't showing them nothing. Cage asks if its about respect or losing his spot. Kurt tells him to play the role of the hero if he wants, but they're doing this the easy or hard way. Kurt and Cage fight on the ramp and Cage fights him off and goes after Book. They double team him until AJ makes the save for his pal. Cornette comes out and bans Booker and Kurt from the main event or they lose their spots in the PPV.

In the back, JB asks Joe if it's over with Nash after last week. Joe says Kevin lost his temper last week and cost himself, and he's going to put hands on him the next time the sees him. JB asks if Joe is going to find Sting tonight now that he knows where he'll be. Joe shouts Sting needs to earn his respect when Sting has done NOTHING for TNA. He has taken his money, the wrestlers money and the fans money by doing nothing but preach. Well, he'll be there to hear what he has to say.

Rough Cut; Creed likes school, games and wrestling.

In the back, SAB for sure hates America.

Match#1 Consequences Creed vs Sheik Abdul Bashir
Boring lame ass 3 minutes as this son of a bitch has bought down an already dying division to its knees, and shot it in the head to finally put it out of its misery. He wins with a rollup and his feet on the ropes, but Creed tells the ref who restarts this. SAB shoves the ref to start that feud. Creed gets a sunset flip as this is going on and the ref kicks SAB's hands off the ropes and fast counts him.
1/89*

SAB shoves the ref for it and slaps him, so the ref fights back and beats the shit out of him. GODDAMN IT NO.

JB is with Nash as he asks about last weeks happenings and blames Nash for losing his cool. Nash admits he did lose his cool and fractured his friendship with Joe and he's not sure he can get it back. Sting has been speaking some truth as of late, and he hopes Joe might listen to him.

At an arcade, Beer Money are hanging out when they announce they'll be in the video game. Storm says he drinks too much to play games, so what's the big deal. Roode tries to explain how royalties work, but James is confused what the queen has to do with it. EY and CM walk on and say they will get them out of the game because they're bad people. They shit talk each other and nearly fight when Sharky makes a Brokeback joke.

Abyss hype video.

BP and Cute Kip are backstage with the bag. They're going to have a beauty pageant with Love vs Wilde in 3 rounds. Cute Kip takes them to try on some outfits. '

In the back, Christy is seducing Curry Man.

Match#2 Beer Money w/Miss Jackie Moore vs Shark Boy & Super Eric
Short but good showcase for the boys as they do their thing against the jobber crew. We see that Rock N Rave have jumped CM in the back. Superkick/Fisherman combo ends it.
*1/2

LAX's music hits as Hernandez runs down to chase them to the aisle and Homicide returns and attacks them. Yeah 5150

Abyss comes out for his challenge. 3D and Mandated TV Devine come down with some plunda and all 3 of them accept the challenge for a hardcore match, but then they make mandated TV time do it.

Match#3 Abyss vs Johnny Devine w/Team 3D (Hardcore Match)
Abyss no sells everything and won't use plunda because he'a a reformed coward now. 3D jumps him and the match stops.
1/27*

The heels beat on him until Matt Morgan makes the save for his new best friend.

In the bathroom, ODB is need of taking a shit. Lauren follows her in and asks about a game plan, but like she's shitting you freak.

Sting arrives and won't speak. Dickhead.

Match#4 ODB vs Raisha Saeed
Kong is banned from ringside, so ODB gets free reign to kick some ass. Good squash for 3 minutes before she ends it with the running Powerslam.
*1/2

ODB tries to take the burqa off as Tenay calls it a mask because he's the professor of nothing. ODB gets it off when they fight to the back, but Kong shows up and kills her in defence of her friend. Yeah Kong. Roxxi tries to help but gets taken out with the Awesome Bomb onto a chair.

In the back, Love shows Cute Kip her swimsuit for next week.

In the back, AJ says he was an idiot for listening to Sting instead of punching him. Sting calls his generation rotten when he jumped on TNA's bandwagon once they got on Spike, He's no different than Booker and Kurt. YOU SHOULD BE THANKING HIM FOR MAKING TNA. THANK HIS WIFE FOR ALL SHE DOES FOR HIM. FOR TAKING HIM TO THE DOCTOR AND LOOKING AFTER HIM WHEN HE'S HURT DESPITE NOT BEING THERE ENOUGH. THANK HIS KIDS FOR PLAYING WITHOUT A DAD BECAUSE HE'S HERE IN TNA EVERY WEEK. GIVE HIM HIS RESPECT. FUCK YEAH. He respects Christian and will give him the fight of his life. He's taking the world title back. AJ Styles is GOD.

Match#5 AJ Styles vs Christian Cage (Four Way Qualifier)
They go hold for hold as DW fawns over a match being based on respect and not hate for once, and it's a welcome sight in the wasteland of TNA 2008. AJ is quicker and wants to show that as he's breaking out baseball slide ranas and running Cage all over the Zone. Of course we come back to Christian in control beating the hell out of AJ's neck, so we miss out on another transition spot. AJ comes back and it turns into a back and forth of cool moves and counters for the next few minutes. AJ breaks out the dropkick and goes for the Styln DDT but Cage fights out and drills him in the face with a nasty Lariat. He misses the Frog Splash to hurt himself and AJ takes him out with the Pele for the near fall. They trade more andAJ goes for the Spiral Tap for the first time in months and eats shit when Cage moves. Cage goes for the Killswitch but is shoved into the ref so Fucking Frank Trigg can hit AJ in the head with a Kendo Stick. Cage kills him with the Unprettier to win. Awful finish, but a hell of a match before that.
***

They air another video on JJ.

Sting comes out and kisses up to the fans this time as he thanks them for bringing respect to wrestling and showing it to him. LOL, brother this is TNA fans, they're the worst. He then says there was a small percent of fans that wanted Kurt and Booker taken out, and they even wanted AJ to him with the bat. He knows they want to be part of the show and they deserve that, but he wants to know where they stand. Joe shows up now and says he's going to stand on his throat in 20 seconds. Sting offers him the same chance he gave AJ last week, but Joe refuses because he doesn't need the bat or his respect. He turns him around to fight, but Kevin walks out and stops them.

He says he knows he's the last man Joe wants to see, but it ain't going to be like this. Do it like a man with no weapons, AS THEY'RE TALKING STING RUNS OVER AND KICKS JOE IN THE KNEES AND HITS HIM WITH THE DEATH DROP. FUCK. JJ's music hits again, and Sting challenges him to show up next week so they can talk.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
September 11th, 2008
Impact Zone

"DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR STING?"

Stinger arrives as JB asks what he has in store for tonight. Sting replies "Jeff Jarrett"

Tonight; Kong vs Roxxi. Beauty Challenge. Sting calls out JJ.

Joe comes down to the ring and says he doesn't care about everyone gunning for his title or his focus not being where it should be. He's not leaving until he gets his head. Big Sexy walks out and says he sure as cares about this as he's spent 6 months invested in him. Joe cuts him off and says after Sting he's next. Kev says he feels like a dad who drinks and smokes telling his son not to do the same things. He put hands on him and doesn't blame him for wanting to kick his ass, but he's got 3 guys coming for him and they're only worried about the title. Don't follow him because he was wrong man. He's got 3 men for him to fight tonight to prove he might not be ready. Joe stupidly agrees to it, and then says Sting is next after that.

In the back, BP hype up the beauty challenge and how it means everything to be hot and sexy.

Christian Cage has accepted Abyss' open challenge. Tenay mentions an interview he just did with Lauren being proof of this, but we never saw it. TNA's crack production strikes again. I should get used to this when we get to NWA/WCW aka the kings of the worst and dumbest productions mistakes ever.

Match#1 Christian Cage vs Abyss
Cage sticks and moves the big moron to get something out of him, and takes big bumps to further the effort. Tenay says the referee from last week who beat up SAB is officiating this match and his name is Shane Sewell. He's promised Cornette he won't attack anyone again. Christian keeps doing things as Abyss' offence has truly gotten worse as it has zero impact or looks good in any way. Just proper dog shit. Cage fights back can can't get anything worthwhile thanks to Abyss' being unable to sell or bump or do anything a alleged pro wrestler would be able to do. He hits the Unprettier, but Kurt and Book attack for the DQ.
1/7*

They double team him and give Abyss a chair to help, but he's a bitch and won't use it. He fights them and gets beaten up until Morgan makes the save. Morgan gets the mic and cuts a bad promo to challenge them to a tag match. Jesus Christ, yuck.

The three superheroes are the judges for the beauty contest. The first round is a evening gown contest and Taylor wins.

In the back, Dutt says this is a chance to win love and love beyond love once he wins Val. He ruined the wedding because Jay had what he wanted that night, and he's going to ruin him. His father is the richest man in India who taught him to take what the other guy has even if that guy is your friend. He's going to show no mercy.

TNA No Surrender is coming to Canada this Sunday, so they talk to the Canadian wrestlers about it for a solid 5 minutes. The highlight is Gail getting a ton of time talking about how much this means to her to be able to wrestle for TNA, but she's gone and will not be there. LOLTNA

Karen's Angle with Sting. (Proper accidental foreshadowing given Karen is about to, or possibly already has hooked up with Jeff Jarrett)
-Sting says he's asking for respect for the entire business not just for himself. He was willing to walk away but the questions of what happens to wrestling with the kids of today in charge. He repeats his promo points about why he attacked Joe and AJ, and once again lies about treating Flair with respect when he was a young kid.
-Karen says the kids are saying the vets won't step aside for them. Sting yells that he knows what it's like to be a kid being treated like shit in the locker-room, but they need RESPECT and he's going to beat into them with tough love.
-Karen asks about JJ. Sting says his dad gave him his break and he's not sure where they stand, but he can't wait to see and hear what he has to say.
-The actual build to MEM is 60-40 in favour of it being amazing when it hits, so kudos for a good segment.

AJ Styles comes out to the ring with a mic and says he should be beating the PISS out of Fucking Frank right now. Trigg comes out and can't talk at all, so of course he rambles for a few minutes until he finally challenges AJ to a MMA match at the PPV. FUCK NO. AJ accepts and then slaps him in the face. They have a pull apart.

In the back, Cage says there's fight or flight, and he's not the biggest or strongest but he's the one who always finds a way. He won't yell or scream at the mouth because it's going to take a hell of a lot to keep him down and away from the PPV. This is his backyard and he's been hooked on wrestling since he was a kid. He's gone from fighting with his friends and brothers and used his student loans to become a wrestler. HE BUSTED HIS ASS DAY IN DAY OUT TO REACH HIS DREAMS. THIS IS ONE HOUR FROM WHERE HE HAD HIS FIRST MATCH FOR 10 BUCKS. ONE HOUR FROM WHERE HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE FROM AND WILL BE WATCHING. IT WILL ALL COME FULL CIRCLE WHEN HE BECOMES WORLD CHAMPION. IF YOU DON'T KNOW, NOW YOU KNOW.

The second round of the contest happens in a bikin contest, and that Canadian traitor Wilde has an American one on. Love is voted the winner because she's not a fraud.

Awesome Kong hype.

Match#2 Awesome Kong vs Roxxi (Bimbo Brawl)
Nice to see a second match after an hour of promos and segments. Wonder if Nash has the book tonight. This rocks at least as Kong uses plunda to batter the life out of our little hero Roxxi. Loads of gross shots and brain damage galore as Kong drags her around the Zone and flings her through a fucking wall to drive the back of her head into it. Roxxi fights back with a trash can lid to drop the monster and stays on her as best she can, but she can't keep for down for 3. Kong comes back, AND SHE THROWS A CHAIR AT ROXXI'S HEAD AND PUTS A HOLE IN IT AS WE SEE THE BLOOD POURING OUT. JESUS CHRIST. KONG HITS THE AWESOME BOMB TO WIN.
**3/4

Kong tries to kill some more, but ODB saves and holds her back.

JB announces the Kevin Nash Triple Challenge for Joe. Mandated TV time is up first. I swear i'm not even making this up, the man gets his TV time no matter what.

Match#3 Samoa Joe vs Johnny Devine
Joe kills mandated with a DVD to win in 10 seconds.
M-A-N-D-A-T-E-D

Rock aka Hoyt is next.

Match#4 Samoa Joe vs Lance Rock
Joe kills him under a minute with some fine offence thrown at a lazy pace as he's really on the downturn now. Joe chokes him out to win.
1/4*

Tomko makes his return as the last man.

Match#5 Samoa Joe vs Tomko
Fuck yeah, Tomko turns this shit into a slug fest as they go wild as hell with hard punches and kicks and throw themselves at each other. Tomko drops him with a lariat, so Joe returns fire with a superkick to the face in a sweet fuck you. they keep it up as they tire each other out with each bomb, and it's now a matter of whose got the better stamina. Joe is that man as he drops him with a Your-A-Noggy and then the Muscle Buster to win.
**1/2

Nash gets the mic and says he was wrong as he feels sorry for those sons of bitches he's facing on Sunday. In saying that, he's on his own now. They hug and all seems right again.

The third and final round is a talent contest. Love goes first with an oral presentation that's just bad jokes about Wilde, a terrible poem about her being a skank, and then Love tries to sign and she's awful as she can't even sing row your boat. Wilde then plays the drums and she's quite good and wins based off that. BP attack her until Rhino makes the save. Not sure why he's still here when he sucks, but it's at least a better use of him than feeding Storm to him again.

Match#6 Booker T & Kurt Angle vs Matt Morgan & Abyss
Jim Cornette is tumescent watching this. Morgan and Kurt start and it's the first time you can outright say Kurt has carried anyone in his TNA run. Good bumps and classic stooging for these turds who bring nothing to the table but rotten fruit. Booker is super lazy and makes Kurt do the work for most of this, and i must say i respect the level of no fucks given. After bad wrestling all round it breaks down into an even worse finishing run with Abyss' WOAT level punches and Morgan being the worst big man in wrestling. 3D come down and hit Abyss with a chair so Kurt can pin him to win.
Doing rehab on your broken leg.

MORGAN DROPS TO HIS KNEES AND LETS OUT ONE OF THE MOST DRAMATIC SCREAMS EVER. HAHAHAHAHAHA KILL ME.

Sting comes down and calls JJ out by spelling his name as he says he has no problems with him, but it would seem he has one with him. Joe's music hit and he's up in the rafters with the lights dimmed out like he's the Phantom. He calls Sting a punk whose afraid of him and he's ready to see him at the PPV. Oh. he's not coming alone either. JJ's music hits and he makes his big return to stare Sting down. Wait, that's it????

Vile, vile episode.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Petey Williams-17/4/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA NO SURRENDER
SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2008
OSHAWA, ONTARIO
GENERAL MOTORS CENTRE

Sting comes out to open the show in full gear, but Sting don't wrestle anymore. He milks the big pop for a while and then says he got a title match at BFG, which means Jim Cornette is the single worst GM ever and found a new level of awful for allowing a man who hasn't wrestled since May to walk into a title shot.

Tenay announces that due to Hurricane Ike hitting Texas, Booker can't make the show. It's now a three way dance.

Match#1 The Prince Justice Brotherhood vs Christy Hemme & The Rock N Rave Infection
TNA's no man on woman violence is void on PPV, but it would be fairer if there was a woman on the faces side. Fucking TNA. This is pretty awful as Rave is really, really cooked now thanks to his addictions and can no longer go. The faces aren't exactly carrying the load when it's a bad comedy story that only Curry Man seems to care about most of the time. Sharky hits Christy with the Stunner and CM pins her to win.
3/4*

Kong/ODB hype.

Saeed tackles ODB in the aisle for some revenge, but Kong drops ODB and the match is on.

Match#2 Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed vs ODB (Falls Count Anywhere)
Kong beats her to hell and back with awesome kongness until ODB comes back and brings out the plunda to have a real chance of killing her. She drops a table on her face and then they brawl into the crowd for the classic Asylum adjacent brawl with all the classic bits thrown in as JJ being back has inspired the kids. They get back to the ring and use a chair propped up in the corner for some head trauma. It's fun enough, but also sort of feels held back as it's the second match and they go insane as they should. ODB POWERBOMBS KONG THROUGH A TABLE BUT IT DOESN'T BREAK AND IT TOPPLES OVER THE TOP OF HER. Kong kicks out but she's fucked up, and ODB is also holding her wrist as a result of it. They get it together as best they can and Kong pounces her through another table to win.
**1/4

In the back, Christian repeats his promo from Impact.

Hype for 3D vs Monsters.

Match#3 Team 3D vs Abyss & Matt Morgan
The opening is wrestled in slow motion between Bubba and Abyss as they try and trade moves, but both look near heart attacks if they go any faster. Like if Speed was the inverse. Abyss can't even do a double team as he's late on a double suplex and throws a kick at Bubba when he's standing at least a foot away from him. Truly the worst in the world at this point. 3D isolate him and we get the worst control seg of the year as they decide to work his leg when he can't sell, nor can they do it in a fun or interesting way. Morgan also has the single worst hot tag of the year throwing punches worse than Abyss. Hey, even the crowd now boos him for being awful. Things break down as Mandated PPV time hits Morgan with a chair behind the refs back for a near fall, and then Morgan kicks out of the reverse 3D. Fans are dead for this and don't give a shit. Abyss cleans house in bad form before 3D take over and spend 90 seconds awkwardly setting him up for what becomes a botched Doomsday Device. More bad things happen and Abyss beats D-Von with the BHS.
Feeling the bone as it's sticking out of your leg.

Post match, Bubba low blows Abyss and hits Morgan with a chair. He frames Abyss for it so the monster turds yell at each other.

Hype for the X-Division title match.

SAB makes his intro with the sounds of a plane crashing 3 days after the anniversary of 9/11. TNA is truly the dumbest and most tone deaf company ever as they do things not even edgelords would think of coming up with. LOLTNA

Match#4 Petey Willams (c) w/Rhaka Khan vs Consequences Creed vs Sheik Abdul Bashir (TNA X-Division Championship)
This is also trash thanks to two of the most boring fuckers in the world stinking the place up as they have no clue what a good match looks like. Creed is a baby as we've covered before, so he can't possibly save this or make it slightly passable. Tons of horrible looking strikes and high spots that consist of Petey doing the same stuff he's been doing since 2004 as he never evolved once AJ and Sabin got done with him. SAB is the 3rd worst wrestler in the company after Abyss and Morgan as he's either botching things or adding nothing. He's of course reward for this by pinning Creed after Petey hit him with the CD.
1/2*

The title is now dead until at least June of next year, and even that's wishful thinking given how bad 2009 is going to get. A sad end to what used to be the best part of this miserable place.

Joe has arrived.

Taylor introduces Rhino to watch her back.

Match#5 Taylor Wilde (c) w/Rhino vs Angelina Love w/Velvet Skye & Cute Kip (TNA Knockouts Championship)
Really cool hockey fight to start as both of them lay it in and smack each other very hard in the face, and it's a Godsend on this awful show. BP hit Taylor with the box again to take over, and Love puts forth another really good control seg in front of her home crowd. Taylor comes back and turns into a forearm and chop battle with some loud crack on the shots. Things break down as Rhino takes Cute out with the Gore, and Taylor fights BP both off and beats Love with a sweet Northern Lights Suplex
**1/2

Hype for the ladder match.

Val comes out to stand at ringside for both guys to give gifts to her. The engagement ring is suspended above the ring on a red pillow. Sonjay has switched to tights and gotten on more gas than ever, so we can assume what's about to happen as wrestlers are as subtle as a brick to the face.

Match#6 Sonjay Dutt vs Jay Lethal (Ladder of Love)
-Nice little fight to start as they finally show true hate after 3 matches together.
-They keep it up and Jay kills Dutt with a nasty backdrop onto a set up ladder that sends Dutt flying in the air and crashing down to the floor.
-Dutt no sells to do the Shelton leap and then brings Jay down onto the ropes throat first.
-Val is sad.
-Jay gets up first because selling is bad and it lets Dutt drag him down into a ladder and hits a 450 on it.
-They keep fighting as Val is now crying and sad.
-Jay smacks Dutt's head into a ladder a few times, but Dutt of course doesn't sell and comes back to pick him up and crotch him on a ladder.
-Dutt dropkicks a ladder into his face and now the fans chant TNA.
-They go out to the aisle way where Dutt hits a neckbreaker on a ladder as no one is actually trying to win.
-Jay again fucking no sells and goes back to setting a ladder up for more bullshit.
-Dutt puts him on two ladders and locks in the Camel Clutch for something cool, but Jay powers out and throws him to the apron.
-Jay's foot is stuck in a ladder. so Val gets in and shoves him out of it like a real mean person.
-Dutt screams at her for it, and HEY SHE CRIES AGAIN.
-Jay consoles her and goes to climb but she hits him in the dick and allows Dutt to win her hand.
3/4*

Post match, he puts the ring on her finger and makes out with her.

In the back, Kurt is focused on getting all his gold back.

Hype for the tag title match.

STORM HAS A BEER HEMLET. AMAZING

Match#7 Beer Money (c) w/Miss Jackie Moore vs LAX w/ Héctor Guerrero (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Roode won't fight Ci after the beer bottle, so he makes Storm get in there and get his ass kicked by LAX. They go right to the control seg when Hernandez is tripped over and beaten up and it's great as hell, but it feels rushed and not what it should be. Cut offs and offence is all good shit and more than makes up for it. The big man has a fun comeback and gets Ci in for an even better hot tag full of anger and violence as he finally hands Roode his ass. Things break down as we get Ci's big dive and lots of brawling and near falls. CI TRIES THE BOTTLE BUT HE MISSES AND SMASHES IT ON THE STEPS AND CUTS HIS HAND OPEN. BEER MONEY SWARM HIM, BUT HERNANDEZ TAKES THEM OUT WITH THE DIVE. Ci gets Roode up for the Cop Killa but Jackie throws powder in his face and Roode hits the Payoff to win.
**3/4

Hype for AJ/Trigg.

Trigg comes out and gets 3 minutes to cut a promo. NO, FUCK THIS COMPANY.

Speaking of fucking

The system feed broadcasting the show was interrupted at this time, upon its return it displayed a pornographic film, until the broadcast was fixed, returning to No Surrender

Match#8 AJ Styles vs Frank Trigg (MMA Rules)
AJ gets his ass kicked because he's not a MMA fighter. Shocking i know. He finally hits Fucking Frank with a kendo stick for the DQ
TNA Wrestling 2008

AJ shouts this is bullshit and he's a wrestler. Both true.

In the back, JB interviews Joe. He says when Sting came in, he respected him. And when he fought Jeff Jarrett, he respected him. But then in the last year, his respect has vanished. He says they've been bringing TNA all over the world to make something more of this place, and asks where Sting was when they went to England or went to Texas or the midwest. He says Sting was at home, getting paid at least five times what the people ON THOSE SHOWS were getting paid for their hard work. He says Sting gets paid more than anyone and works the least, and he'll respect him when he earns it. He says respect is a two way street, and maybe Sting can start by showing him the respect he deserves as TNA Champion. Nice to see Joe finally show some fucking heart after months of being lazy and awful.

Sting comes out and confronts Joe, SO JOE PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE AND THEY HAVE A SICK FIGHT. AJ PULLS JOE AWAY AND GETS HIM BACK TO THE RING.

Match#9 Samoa Joe (c) vs Kurt Angle vs Christian Cage (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
10 minutes went past before i realised i haven't typed anything. Moves are traded and its the same stuff between Kurt and the others. Joe vs Cage is at least really good even with Joe on the decline. Christian is the best and should have gotten the title back before he leaves, but TNA are pathetic cowards in all aspects. Things happen and JJ arrives and smashes the guitar over Kurt's stupid face, and then Joe hits the Muscle Buster win.
*

JJ hands Joe the title and raises his arm to close this dreadful show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
September 18th, 2008
Impact Zone

"THE RETURN OF DOUBLE J"

Tonight; Guns vs AJ/Cage. Booker vs Lethal.

Joe comes out to start and talks about being taken to the limit by two of the best in the world, but they couldn't stop him. They busted their asses unlike Sting whose at home sipping tea with his kids. He's here every week and he'll die in this ring to defend the title. He asks when the last time Sting bled or sacrificed anything for TNA, and the answer is never. AJ can't watch his kids play sports unlike him. He doesn't take time away to ever be here unlike the rest of them. The match will have the hate they breathe and Sting will be reaching out for respect, but he'll get a boot kicking his ass instead. It's showtime at BFG.

Double J arrives and is met by JB. Jeff says he's got something to say and he hopes Sting is listening.

Kurt now comes out to the ring in his suit and says he's going to let JJ have it when they meet later tonight. He's going to find AJ first and rip his medals off his neck and beat his ass. Blackshirts come out and make him leave before he can do anything.

Match#1 The Motor City Machine Guns vs AJ Styles & Christian Cage
Hell Yeah man. Proper 4 minute sprint from the moment AJ and Sabin touch as it's SO smooth and fantastic as possible. Cage and Shelley fight again and kill it with Shelley being a dick slapping and kicking at Cage, so Christian fights back and beats the shit out of him for it. The Guns double team him and get a short fun control seg as they continue to be little shits. They hang him upside down and dropkick him over and over and batter him when he lads on the mat after. AJ finally gets the hot tag and lights them up with all the classics they can't possible answer back with. The finishing run is show and awesome as Cage nails Sabin with the Frogsplash and takes Shelley out with a dive, and AJ hits Sabin with the Clash to win.
***

The faces offer the Guns their hands and they shake AJ's, but they flip Cage off. AJ has to hold everyone back from fighting. Yeah fuck respect.

In the back, Booker compares the lack of respect to the black plague in Africa. Christian's partner let that happen and it's wrong, and Sting is right. Jay Lethal is also showing no respect for Savage with his impressions. He's a personal friend of Savage and he knows he hates this, so he'll defend his honour. JB says he thinks Jay is actually showing respect, but Booker yells at him to shut up. JB then asks about a briefcase that Booker has and gets yelled at again for being a creepy nerd.

The steel asylum is coming back to BFG.

Lauren is with SAB as she asks about his title win. He shits on America for the 50000000000th time and then cuts the same terrible promo again. Sorry, still mourning the loss of our division.

Match#2 The Prince Justice Brotherhood vs Petey Williams, Johnny Devine & Jimmy Rave
Mandated TV works his magic once again. Really fun sprint in the theme of the night thus far as they waste no time doing cool dives and fun offence, and it's a billion times better than anything on the PPV with these guys. Mandated is the only weak spot but he's mandated, you know? CM is isolated and beaten down before he shows he's hot and spicy and can't be stopped. EY has a good hot tag before it breaks down as these things tend to. EY beats Petey with a sweet flying crossbody.
**3/4

The heels have words about whose to blame and Petey gets the brunt for losing the fall. They beat him up for it and Hoyt shoves Shane Sewell when he tries to stop it. Baw gawd, the ref hulks up and kicks the shit out of three pro wrestlers. Petey joins in to help him to turn face in a better career move for him. This means Shane's broken his word to Cornette, but given how bad Jim is at his job these days i'm sure it won't matter.

JB finds Sting in the rafters and tells him about Jeff's comments. Sting says if he wants that than he has it, and he's better speak now or forever hold his peace.

Tenay narrates a pre-tape of Morgan working out. He says Morgan has agreed to send his DNA into space. THE DNA OF TNA HAS BEEN BORN. They air a press conference with Cornette there looking at Matt like he wants him to do things to his wife in a hot tub.

Coming from that, the monsters make up as Morgan says sorry for getting mad about things now that he's seen what happened. Abyss tears out a clump of his hair and gives it to Morgan as a gift. Matt is scared as hell, but he says they can make a great team and should stay together for the future. Abyss says he needs to talk to his shrink first, but Morgan says screw that he'll be his shrink. You are not a psychiatrist, sir. He says there will be an invitational tag match at BFG and he wants in. 3D storm on and tries to fight, but get held back. Bubba talks some shit about the win being a fluke because D-Von was with a fat chick and he was moving weight. He says they'll be in the same match they're in.

Jackie Moore is showing going into LAX's area of the Zone.

She confronts Hector with a slap as Mike says she took Sallinas out at the PPV. This means she's done with TNA now as she wanted money, but they refused. Anyway, it's a set up for Beer Money to attack him from behind. LAX come out to save. May the war never end.

Traci now comes out and says she's the law of the KO's, so Jackie and Hector need to go to Jim's office right now.

Rough Cut; Roxxi is hardcore and cool as hell.

Sting is walking.

Joe is waiting in his lock-room.

In the office, Traci yells at them for fighting and then makes a 6 person for next week. She then adds the losing team loses their manger for good.

Recap of Sting wanting respect.

Sting now comes out shaking hands and high fiving the fans, and i fully admit to like his delusional heel bit for the most part. Sting says Joe can complain about him taking time with his family when he was driving all over the country for $50 on a good day. He's been doing this for 20 years and hasn't forgotten where he came from at all. He learned his respect from the greatest, and he wonders what Joe is going to do in 15 years when he's on the other side of respect. Sting learnt from Magnum TA, Nikita Koloff, Dusty Rhodes, Tully Blanchard (LOL What) and Flair (nope. Just No) He admits that Joe is younger, bigger and faster than him, but he's got a few tricks up his sleeve.06 and 07 were amazing but 08 will be something else. It's SHOWTIME.

Again, good promo but saying Tully and Flair taught him respect when they're both notorious dickheads is insane.

THE FIRST SUICIDE PROMO HITS. HE'S COMING FOR REVENGE OUT OF A VIDEO GAME. WHOISSUICIDE.COM

JB has Cage and AJ with him as he asks about the Guns showing no respect. AJ cuts him off and says he's stirring the pot like Booker. They're on the same side and that's it. Cage asks what that means when he's the champ and he knows he hates it when people decide things for him. He tells AJ not to forget who put him in the spotlight.

Lauren is with Jay Lethal. He says in his normal voice that he doesn't need nor want anyone's pity. He's not in a good mood tonight after being screwed by that tramp whose name he won't even say. He wants to kill them already, but now he has Booker running his mouth about showing no respect. He takes his glasses off and says no one knows a damn thing about him. He shows respect and pride to Savage every time he goes out there. It pisses him off to hear that, so tonight he's going to disrespect Booker's ass all over this arena.

Match#3 Jay Lethal vs Booker T w/Sharmell
Jay takes the fight to him and puts Booker on the back foot with punches and a big arm drag, and then he drops him to the floor with a lariat. He stays on him and throws him into the ring post for a nasty bump to T's credit. He keeps going for it with dropkicks and other cool bits, but Sharmell distracts him for Booker to take his head off with a kick. Best Booker control seg yet happens as he's finally giving a shit and has Jay as his punching bag for it, so yeah good times. Jay comes back with more fire and heart than he had in months because the Dutt feud ruined him for a while. He puts Booker down time and time again, but Sharmell trips him and Booker hits the Axe Kick to win.
**3/4

In the back, BP are angry about what happened at the PPV and more so now that Love has a blemish on her face. Lauren points out it's a pimple, so BP nearly kill her before they calm down. Love sends them off to fight for her as she needs to call her dermatologist that she pays by the hour.

Match#4 Cute Kip & Velvet Skye vs Taylor Wilde & Rhino
The ladies carry the load with another cool little fight and match in the midst of two old fucks that need to go away and never return. Kip will soon enough, but Rhino is the cockroach of an era and will be here until the bitter end. Hell, i bet when TNA is finally bought out by WWE he's going to be in the last match and then cut promos about TNA like he does about ECW. Rhino hits the Gore to take him out, and Wilde beats Skye with a Crucifix Pin
*3/4

Post match, Kip lays Rhino out. Wilde fights off BP, but Kong's music hits and she comes down, BUT WILDE DIVES ON HER. YEAH. TNA cuts away to air some adds and we come back to the faces beaten down. Goddamn it. The heels put bags on their heads.

They air an updated JJ history video now showing his issues with Kurt.

BRE WOO BREE WOO MY WORLD HITS AND JEFF JARRETT FINALLY ARRIVES IN THE IMPACT ZONE FOR A MASSIVE POP. DW is near tears as he talks about how TNA IS Jeff Jarrett and without him they're not here right now, and even Mike joins in talking about how much he has done for the company no matter the cost. He get a long ovation from the crowd as he starts to get misty eyed in a real moment. He says he was left with no choice but to talk about a few things. First thing is in 2002 they saw the founder of TNA wrestling not the wrestler, but a promoter. WCW died and he had a vision to create something for young hopefuls to get their big break. He's been doing this since he was 16 and he knows how hard it truly is to get a chance. (leaving out the part about his dad owning a territory, but point still stands all things considered) He wanted this to the place where young guys deserved and got their big breaks. He thanks God, his wife and a great financial partner whose got them here 6 years later. He's seen something he can no longer ignore and he won't talk behind Sting's back, so he would like him to come out here to do this face to face.

Sting comes out as asked and doesn't look too impressed by Jeff. JJ says they've been in the game for a long time as his daddy gave Sting his first big break. He's proud of that to this day, and did what he wants to do right now with TNA. He's listened and seen the things he done and he's got one thing to say "YOU ARE SO FULL OF CRAP" This is all a smoke screen to give Sting a platform when the truth is, TNA is where it is right now because of AJ Styles and Samoa Joe. Sting might not know that they carried this place on their backs every step of the way, and showed him respect the entire time. The same respect he gave them. This is not about disrespect at all, it's about WCW dying because of the vets refusing to pass the torch to the young guys because they wouldn't give up their spots in fear of losing big fat pay cheques. THIS AIN'T ABOUT DISRESPECT. IT'S ABOUT TWENTY TO THRITY WRESTLERS IN THE BACK NOT A DAY OVER 30 YEARS OLD THEY'RE NIPPING AT HIS HEELS NIGHT IN NIGHT OUT, AND HE KNOWS IT. HE'S JUST LIKE BOOKER T. A GUY WHO WANTS TO TAKE, TAKE TAKE AND NEVER GIVE BACK TO ANYONE. STINGER I'VE GOT A NEWS FLASH FOR YOU. THIS AIN'T WCW, IT'S TNA. HE'S NOT STANDING FOR THIS. HOLY SHIT WHAT A PROMO.

Kurt's music now hits as he comes down to the ring, and we get an amazing shot of Jeff rolling his sleeves up and readying himself for the fight. Kurt nearly ruins this perfect moment by saying this is a shoot and real talk. He's talking behind his back now and he cost him the title. Jeff says he needs to get this off his chest as it's been a long time. He walked away two years ago because of personal issues and he picked one guy with the same drive and work ethic as him to look after TNA, and it was Kurt Angle. Guess what, this is the worst decision he's ever made in his life. Kurt's lost his family, wife and word title and even his medals. The only thing he has left is his stinking dignity. Kurt asks to speak as he calls him boss. He says he left two years ago because he was over the hill and expired after Sting kicked his ass. Yeah, we all know about the personal issues but he didn't have the heart in the end. He's found a younger better version of him and that's Kurt. He's carried this place on his own for two years without Joe or AJ, and he never even got a thank you for it. Jeff and these fans are assholes. He gets and demands respect, and he wants to trade punches at BFG. Jeff says he's here as the founder not a wrestler, and he's got nothing left to prove. Kurt says if that's the case then get out of his ring and never come back. It's for wrestlers not washed up hasebeens like him. Jeff goes nose to nose and take a big breathe before speaking "Kurt, don't push me. I'm warning you don't push me because you don't want no part of this pain that i've been wearing for the last two years" He then says "but" and points at the video screen...

Mick Foley is here and says hi and asks Kurt if he remembers him. He says what Jeff is trying to say is it's real, it's damn real. Bang Bang.

INCREDIBLE segment for 90% of it as its one of the best things TNA has ever put together as it's real and authentic and plays off 6 years of history that matters, and makes you happy you've invested your time in TNA. (it's also been 6 years since the reviews started again, so it's fitting for that reason as well) Kurt nearly sucked and the Foley stuff is leading to something very stupid in a classic TNA bit, but the high is so high that it more than makes up for it.

We end the show with a long video about BFG coming to Chicago and how they shot a promo video about gangsters from the 20's and 30's. Ok then.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
September 25th, 2008
Impact Zone

Tonight. Joe vs SAB. LAX/Hector vs Beer Money/Jackie. AJ vs Booker.

JJ makes his way out to kick us off in a moment we haven't gotten since 2006, and it's oddly nice to see it again. JJ is still a little choked up as he announces the hiring of my guy Mick Foley. He calls him the greatest acquisition the history of TNA, and he's debuting next week. Kurt Angle comes out now to take away from the baffling stupid statement. He's made about said statement as Jeff has had his head up his ass for the last two years. He left and Kurt made this company what is is as he's turned the outhouse into a penthouse. Foley and Jeff are yesterdays news. JJ says he wanted to let bygones be bygones as he said thing he shouldn't have said, and he's truly sorry. He didn't want to be back on camera but enough has gone wrong that he needed to say something. Lets start with AJ Styles. He took his medals two weeks in a row, but he got them back for him because he respects him for serving America. He was an athlete not in the army, dude. Kurt is not pleased as he sarcastically thanks him for that, calls him boss and tells him to get out of his ring. Jeff leaves, but Kurt stops him and says not to kiss his ass when he knows how great he is. Don't walk away like a scared little bitch, don't be a washed up failure like your old man. Hell, tell your three little daughters that daddy is a quitter. Jeff turns around and goes back to to the ring and says he's been a warrior fighting his entire life in battle that he's survived, and Kurt has no idea what he's been through. He wouldn't even wish it on Kurt. No matter how hard it got, he never did or will quit. If he wants to coax him back in the ring then he can grant his wish. He told him he didn't want the pain that's gone through his heart, but he's got him at BFG. Yeah. They go nose to nose to close it.

Match#1 Rock N Rave Infection w/Christy Hemme vs Abyss & Matt Morgan
Bad squash. Power moves that aren't powerful and strikes that aren't striking anything but air. Morgan wins with the Helladouche.
Nose Bleeds

3D come out for more trash talk in the new worst feud of 2008. Bubba shadow boxes as D-Von speaks, so i might need to retract my statement. They list off all the titles they've won and it comes to 20 times in total. Bubba now speaks and says they're the baddest and best team ever and they want them in Monsters Ball at BFG. Abyss loses his mind because now he will have to use plunda.

Rough Cut; Roxxi is still hardcore and cool. They talk about if women should be able to bleed and get hardcore, and the answer is yes.

They air a cool BFG history video.

Lauren is with Beer Money and Jackie.
-Storm speaks about JJ being a wrestler for 25 years and how Jackie started with him. No disrespect to the Guerreo name, but she's a wrestling legend. They could have gotten a pretty face, BUT THEY DON'T WANT THAT. THEY GOT THE BADDEST WOMAN ON THE PLANET. SHE COMPLETES BEER MONEY. SHE WAS BORN TO WRESTLE AND SHE BEATS PEOPLE UP. HELL SHE BEATS MEN UP AND WILL DO THAT TONIGHT. YEAH.
-Jackie never speaks and walks off as Storm is confused as to why. Roode explains because she's afraid of losing her job. James picks up his beer helmet and says she's not losing on his watch.

Match#2 Awesome Kong vs Mercedes Steele
Raisha doesn't show up despite Kong looking for her. Hmmm. Short awesome murder from the Kong. Awesome Bomb ends it.
*3/4

Raisha now comes down with some plunda. She sets a chair up for Kong to use but she hits Kong across the back with it!! She brains her and then takes the burqa off to show it's Roxxi. She jumps on her and punches the life out of her until Blackshirts stop her. Raisha comes out with hands tied up.

Karen's Angle with Christian Cage.
-She asks about the divided locker room of vets vs young guys fighting for what they believe in.
-Cage says he's in the middle of it because he can see both sides as if not for him, Kurt and Nash there would be no TV deal. They needed house hold names to get that chance and make money. However, he can see it from the kids side of watching a guy refuse to give up the torch and money. He sees this as a chance to show he's better than that person as he uses every chance to stand up and show he's the best. You can't just ask for respect as it needs to be earned. He's not that far removed from being a young guy himself as he moves into a veteran role.
-Karen asks about last week with AJ. He says it was taken out of context and he did get angry, but they spoken and it's fine.
-Karen asks what side is he on! Cage says he's a free agent who will look at what both sides have to offer him, but he's worried about whose going to be on his side. Karen presses him for more, and he says he's keeping any eye on things.
-His phone rings and it's his agent and he leaves to talk.

In the back, Hector says there's too much gravy on the biscuits. LAX are his blood and they're warriors man. He will never let them down as he promised them his best always. Blood is thicker than water and there is nothing stronger than that. Jackie is a wench.

In Booker's locker-room he covers all the happenings as he says this is like his kingdom in Africa, and he stays the king. He wonders what AJ stands for and then says it doesn't matter. He hasn't done anything in 6 years that compares to his first 6 minutes. He needs to go back to his small town and stay there. He tells AJ to keep his friends and enemies closer. JB tries to touch the case and gets his hand slapped away and kicked out of the room. Stop letting JB in.

Match#3 LAX & Hector Guerrero vs Beer Money & Miss Jackie Moore (Mangers Jobs on the line)

Really should be titles vs manger tbh, but whatever. Awesome opening stuff with Hector now thrown in doing old man Lucha bits on the kids. TNA's break issues hit as we miss out on the isolation again and only see the cool shit in a split screen when it comes back. Hernandez has short hot tag before it all goes wild and fun with all the hits like BM cheating and Hernandez' insane dive, and Ci's manic energy. Ci chases Jackie away leaving his team alone, and Roode breaks the helmet over Hernandez head to banish Hector.
**3/4

We find Dutt and Val in bed with Lauren. Val fakes crying and says Jay will figure this out. She asks about Dutt's dad being the richest man in India as she keeps asking if he dies does he get the money. They sing like John and Yoko and then make out. Russo not shooting an angle where they kill the dad is why he's the worst.

Sting comes out and says its time for JJ to listen to him now. He's got all the kids in the back swerved but not him. He's leaving out some details like the fact he called him to work in TNA when he was retired the first time, and he asked him to come back so they could get on Spike. He also got a call from the WWE and Vince and it took him a second to pick TNA. Vince told him he was giving up millions and he's not about money, so stop saying it. He picked TNA because he liked the style and wrestlers until he got to know them. JJ is acting like he doesn't need him anymore so they'll agreed to disagree about that. He throws it to the screen where he shows a picture of the Brainsuters and says they taught him to have eyes in the back of his head. Next is Dusty Rhodes who taught him how to connect to wrestling fans. The next is a photo of Hogan, who he calls the GOAT and covers him being mainstream and all that. He then shows a pic of Flair and says he took him 20 years ago and put him on the map on a night where he could make or break him, and he helped him out. He says it was because of respect that he showed. He taught him how to be a champion and keep on going and never stop. He calls him his brother and thanks him. He shows Joe and says he's got no idea how to be a champion and never will. The last pic is of a bloody Sting whose going to get it done at BFG. It's HIS. Not a great follow up to last weeks all timer.

Morgan finds Abyss freaking out about weapons coming back to his life. Morgan says he's overcome his fears by fighting them like the time he fought a bear. Abyss says that's pretty cool, and asks if he thinks he'll be ok. Morgan assures him he will be. If these two could wrestle, i would enjoy this more.

BOUND FOR GLORY 2008-
-The return of Steel Asylum
-Team 3D vs Morgan/Abyss vs a soon to be announced team in a Monsters Ball Match.
-Kurt Angle vs JJ.
-Joe vs String

JB is with Joe as he asks why he didn't confront Sting. Joe says he's never been better before this. He says sorry to Kevin Nash for not getting it before. He needs to lay back and wait for the kill and that's where he's at right now. They're 3 weeks out from BFG and it has nothing to do with respect, it's about Sting's fear of becoming obsolete. He's scared of Joe taking his place, and he knows it. He's done talking as he's going to do it in the ring. Jay and Creed walk in and thank him for all he's doing for TNA and they've got his back if he ever needs.

WHOISSUSICIDE.COM

Match#4 Samoa Joe vs Sheik Abdul Bashir
This should also be title vs career so Joe can save his division, but alas. Still, he gets 4 minutes to dismantle and murder a complete shitbird of a wrestler as Joe might be cooked, but he can still rock a head when called upon. He hurts his knee and sells it like a motherfucker to carry us through SAB's awful, awful control work as exciting is not a thing he understands. Joe fights back and quickly wins with the Buster or Muscles.
**

Joe gets the mic and says Sting keeps talking about respect, well here it is. He chokes SAB out cold until the ref DQ's him. Joe isn't angry this time and stalks the ring.

In the back, AJ is PISSED about Booker's comments because he is a small town boy that's proud of where's from. He won't drive a wedge between him and Cage like Kurt did. He's going to stick a wedge up his ass.

Christian comes out to watch.

Match#5 AJ Styles vs Booker T w/Sharmell
Booker big notes AJ and tries to bully him only to get his ass handed to him by the punk kid. REALLY hate that AJ is still called a kid when he's a three time worlds champion, but TNA is putrid when it comes to respecting AJ in life imitating art. We come back from break to Booker throwing a side kick to take AJ's head off and he does some good work as he's caring once again, and AJ is AJ with big bumps and selling his ass off. AJ comes back and changes it up by hitting his forearm off the top rope in the corner where Book can't see it coming. The ref gets bumped for some nonsense happenings, Sharmell tries to use the case but Cage steal it off her, AJ turns around and see him with it and yells at him. Booker shoves them into each other and knocks AJ out with the case to win.
**

AJ and Cage argue as Booker laughs. Great.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
October 2nd, 2008
Impact Zone

"WELCOME, MICK!"

Tonight; Mick Foley debuts.

Match#1 Angelina Love w/Velvet Skye & Cute Kip vs ODB
ODB mocks DAT intro so Love knees her in the ribs for it and punches her face in. Mike and DW say Kurt Angle did some interviews in England talking bad about TNA, so now JJ is going to respond it as he's livid. Love and Skye cheat a lo and beat ODB up, so she finally fights back and cleans house on both of them with some fun drunk antics. She looks to have it won as she kicking ass, but Skye uses her flask and throws beer in her eyes to blind her, and Love hits an STO to win.
**

In the back, JB is asking Jeff Jarrett about Kurt's interviews in the paper. Jeff says he's going out there to talk about this right now.

Liar as we now find ODB asking Traci for a tag match with BP if she can find a parter. ODB gropes her, so Traci tells her not to pick Taylor, Kong or Roxxi because they're in a three way at BFG. ODB runs off as Traci says her family must be proud. I'm sure they are, you judgmental bitch.

Hype for Kurt/JJ

Bree Woo Bree Woo My World hits as Jeff makes his way out. He has the paper and says some people think he's going to regret doing this when Kurt is at the top of his game while he hasn't stepped in a ring in two years (Guess, we're now ignoring Lockdown and the Roode match) His whole career his back has been against the wall as a skinny kid. Being told he was too small to make it by the older guys, or being told he didn't stand a chance with TNA. Hundreds of people have gone to the grave or failed miserably trying to battle the big machine up north. Well, they don't know Jeff Jarrett. He's standing here 6 years later and they've never been stronger than right now. Nothing will bring down TNA. Kurt was meant to be promoting TNA in the UK, but instead he talked smacked and aired dirty laundry. Well, two can play at that game. Kurt told them was going to explore his options when his contract is up and his feelings are based on where TNA's direction is at the time. He also kissed Vince's ass and said not even JJ can break their father and son bond. Ewwwwwww. JJ says he can see that now he's got the match he doesn't want to be here. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER TWO YEARS AGO WHEN I HIRED YOU AND YOU COULDN'T STOP THANKING ME FOR FREEING YOU FROM THAT LIVING HELL???? Two years he also said something about Vince that was never aired because he wanted to protect him and TNA, well that's changed.

They show the interview and Kurt saying Vince told him the medal meant nothing to him, so Kurt threatened to knock his ass out because he's a piece of crap and a stupid SOB. Watch what he does in TNA because he's dead to him. He'll be kissing his ass in two years. Jeff says he just broke that bond he said he couldn't break, and he's going to beat his ass SO bad that papa Vince won't take him back.

Murky shoot vibes on it, but the meat of it is very good because Kurt is a deranged person that deserves the worst.

JB finds Kurt backstage and tells him that the interview just aired. Kurt says he's going to rip his head off, but JB tells him that Jim wants him in the office right now.

The Guns are still wearing the masks and now have the worst theme in the company



Match#2 LAX vs The Motor City Machine Guns (Monster Ball Qualifier)
DW explains the winners of MB will become #1 contenders, but that gets changed soon. This is another 5 minute sprint between two old foes and it's good shit as they're holding nothing back. The Guns are dicks again and beat the hell out of Ci with slaps and cheating double teams and shithead behaviour. Just a super fun piece of work that i wish lead to a proper push again. Hernandez does his amazing things on the hot tag as chucks them into space and beyond like a complete freak. Everyone fights as the Guns swarm with more sweet offence, but LAX won't die. Ci counters the Slice Bread into the Ace Crusher to take Shelley out, and Sabin is killed and beaten by the Dr Bomb.
**3/4

The Guns flip LAX off because they want to die this time for real. LAX don't kill them as the ref gets them to leave.

They air the long BFG video again.

In the back, Taylor says she can't have a strategy with two different challengers like Roxxi and Kong. She just needs to show heart and fight.

Rough Cut; Roxxi shaved her head because she's cool and fears nothing. Her mum was mad at her, but she's hardcore.

BFG Update-
-Taylor vs Roxxi vs Kong
-Monsters Ball #1 contenders match.

In the office, Ci tells Cornette he wants Roode and Storm above all else, and he doesn't care. He heard that Jim has bought a new house in Kentucky, well he and the LAX are going to go there and steal some stuff for the pawn shop. Jim is scared and asks for some time to figure this out, but Hernandez tells him to do it or else. Kurt walks in as Jim yells at him for the interview. He's been told by "you know who" to fine him 25K. Kurt loses it and says he's going to stick it up JJ's ass. I assume it's the future on screen GM or whatever term TNA uses, and not Dixie Carter. Not anywhere near ready for Dixie Carter on my TV.

WHOISSUICIDE.COM.

Match#3 Sheik Abdul Bashir (c) vs Jimmy Rave vs Eric Young (TNA X-Division Championship)

Shane Sewell is the referee again as the hits keep on coming. Almost good match between EY and Rave as they smack the piss out of each other, and Rave takes a header on a lariat. Sadly, SAB is also here and makes sure to drag this down to the armpits. He beats EY with his awful looking DDT as he forces Shane to count.
3/4*

Post match, he forces Shane to raise his arms and then fakes out hitting him. SO glad this is our championship feud.

In the back, AJ, Cage and Jay are here and will be facing 3D and Booker.
-Jay thanks them for letting him run with the big dogs after last weeks match with Booker. He took him to the limits and got him out there hobbling. He's learnt from his mistakes and he's going to bring it. AJ asks if and Christian are cool, and Christian smugly says he's the champ and he's always cool

Match#4 AJ Styles, Christian Cage & Jay Lethal vs Booker T & Team 3D
Jay is again really good now he's away from trash as he's stepping up big time against the old guys, and it's great to see. Bubba bullies him and talks a world of shit to keep that feud going, and it rules when Jay smacks him back for it because fuck Bubba Ray. The heels isolate Jay just as we go to break in that bullshit TNA thing, so we miss it. Cage is tagged in and fires up on 3D, and then helps AJ double team them as all seems ok for now. Jay is bought back in and crotched against the post and bullied some more in good form. Lots of cut off and hope spots and then Cage gets in for another awesome hot tag for the hell of it. It all breaks down as they ramp it up for a minute or so. Booker hits Jay with the case as AJ takes D-Von out with a dive. Booker fight Cage and they roll each other up with Cage getting on top for the pin. However, Bubba is arguing with the ref at the same time, and AJ leaps over them without realising Cage is behind them and he takes his head off with the Forearm on accident. Bubba takes AJ out, and Booker vultures the pin.
**3/4

AJ tries to make nice but Cage wants to part of it.

Kurt is backstage where he kicks Jeff' locker room door in looking for him, but he's not there.

We got to a sitddown with Joe and Sting.
-Sting says wrestling ended in a bad way in 2001 when WCW was gone. He cam back when he saw guys who were going to take wrestling to a new level, until he saw met them on a personal level and saw they had no respect. Joe asks why a guy whose done everything is so concerned with him and AJ being the future. Is it because he knows he's been passed by? Sting yells it's not about that but the disrespect as the mask slips and he's stumbling to find a reason for his bullshit cause. Joe rightly say Kurt and Booker did the same thing to him. Sting ignores that and says he didn't get along with Flair at first until he saw he needed to respect him and the fans because they are nothing without him. WELL WHY DON'T YOU SHOW UP WHEN IT'S GO TIME. WHY IS IT SAMOA JOE BUSTING HIS ASS EVERY WEEK ON TV. Sting again ignores that with some game time bullshit, and Joe calls him out again. Sting says it's showtime, and Joe says he's not strangling him right now because he's showing some of that respect he cares about so much. At BFG it'll be Sting be rolled out of there.

Abyss is in the back and says he's not crazy despite being in a asylum for a year. He's been promised there will be no weapons, and Morgan says just show up and have his back and he'll take care of the weapons. 3D are twenty time losers and they'll see that size matters. Abyss asks if he can be a top guy now, and Morgan says top of the world. Uh, what.

Beer Money come out to brag about taking out LAX the last few weeks with Hector and Sallinas both gone. We see Hector at the booth as Roode says he put him where his old ass belongs. He says they've got an open invitation to any team in the back or on the planet to face them. 3D come out to answer it, but Abyss and Morgan show up on the other side to also talk. LAX now come out from their area and say they've got no beef with the others but Beer Money's ass is...Jimbo shows up to stop a fight from happening like a real old shit. He makes the Monsters Ball now a 4 way tag title match. Classic heels talking their way into shit. Love it a lot.

ODB's partner is Rhaka Khan. She's now dating Kurt Angle so the push is on despite her being terrible and irl crazy person.

Match#5 ODB & Rhaka Khan vs Beautiful People w/Cute Kip
She's SO rough and bad that this feels like a OVW training match got aired on accident by Cornette. The others try but holy shit this is terrible. Khan beats Velvet with a horrible looking legdrop across the throat to drop Skye into the mat.
1/4*

Post match, the heels beat them up until Rhino saves.

Mick Foley comes out to close the show and he's GOD as far as i'm concerned, but this is not a good fit at all given he's going to wrestle despite being broken brain and body wise. Mick says it's an honour to be in a ring that a few moments ago Cute Kip stood in. He says this is one of the biggest nights of his career and thanks the fans for cheering and thanks JJ for hiring him. He then thanks Vince because fucking hell TNA. He says Vince made it easy to leave, and then Kurt comes out. Mick is mad he couldn't use some lame ass line, but Kurt is pissed off about JJ showing that interview. He wants to fine him for him, well he's full of shit for that and what he said about Mick last week. Jeff touched a nerve when he said he lost his title, medals and his wife, WELL JEFF I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE TO LOSE THEIR WIFE. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. He moves onto Foley and says he's never done what he's done and this is his ring and he's carried TNA for two years. Mick says he can talk about the gold because he deserves that, but how dare he diminish the accomplishments of Joe and belittle the efforts of AJ. He says he knows whose doing the heavy lifting around here, and then moves on to bitching about Vince yelling at him on commentary. He says he did enjoy watching Jericho, Taker, Edge and HBK. Along with the great HHH and Cena. He thought about Kurt and how he tore the house down with all of them and beat all of them. Maybe JJ was wrong about him and maybe Kurt is the GOAT. Mick says he's not sure as he needs to see Kurt vs JJ up close to really know the truth. Kurt says he can take DW's spot. NO DON'T YOU DARE. Mick says he's not here to take Don's spot despite him being overbearing at time, he's got passion. He wants to be up close to the action and he's been granted the chance to be the enforcer for the match by the powers to be. It's true, it's damn true.

Aside from Kurt's line that's beyond gross and amazing in the most fucked up way possible, that segment was a dumpster fire. Next few months might kill me.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
October 9th, 2008-DONNIE'S 17TH BIRTHDAY
Impact Zone

We kick off with JB in the office with JJ. He asks about his first match in two years, and JJ says he knows he needs to be ready with his time away and the fact Kurt wrestles every night. This has become far too personal to back down now, and he's going to leave it all in the ring. JB spots the gold medals on the desk, and JJ says he got big plans for them. JB runs to tell Kurt like the snitch bitch he is.

'THREE DAYS TO GLORY"

Christian Cage makes his way out as Tenay says the battle lines have been drawn without Cage declaring a side as of yet, so all we have are his actions and what they might be telling us. Christian says he's been told for weeks to pick a side and he's the champ, and he'll pick one when he wants to. Maybe he doesn't want to actually pick a side because he doesn't need to. Booker now comes out because we can't have nice things. He has his wife and the case with him again. Booker says he's here to reason with him about being on the same side because they're from the same school. Cage took AJ to another level and made him who he is today, and now AJ wants him out of the spotlight. Hey, AJ now comes out to answer to that bullshit statement. AJ asks Cage if he can see what Booker is doing to the master manipulator as he's pulling his strings. AJ yells at Booker about respect and the accent he's using this week that's somehow dumber than normal. Booker again tells Cage that AJ has base in his voice and is not respecting him. AJ CALLS HIM A WASHED UP HASEBEEN TO GET OUT OF HIS FACE, YEAH. Cornette now comes out and says he hears words but no one backing anything up. He makes Booker vs AJ with Cage as the referee for tonight.

JB is with Sting in the rafters as he asks about the match with Joe and the outcome of it will change wrestling for ever. Sting calls this the biggest match of his life as it's about his reputation on the line as he represents all those who have been disrespected, and he's taking a stand.

Smashing Pumpkins are singing the theme for BFG. Bill Pumpkin will be covered later in one of the greatest LOLTNA moments ever, if not the greatest all things considered.

Match#1 Cute Kip w/Beautiful People vs Rhino (No DQ)
I haven't checked, but i'm 99% sure this was a matchup in WWE 2004. Time really stands still. Only 4 minutes and not much at all as Kip works a headlock lazy stomps as he is truly lazy in TNA compared to just being bad in WWE before he left. Rhino is Rhino and i'm over his existence on my TV. They use a table at at the end as they fight over it and BP slip in a spray bottle to Rhino's eyes to blind him, and Kip then hits one of the worst spears ever to send him through it to win.
1/6*

Post match, the heels beat him down until Khan and ODB make the save with chairs. Taylor is a bad friend.

JB finds Kurt in the back where he snitches about the medals. Kurt says he thinks Jeff is using his brain like he uses the ankle lock, and he's going to let him make the first move. Sounds like a terrible plan, dude.

Match#2 Petey Willams vs Jay Lethal vs Consequences Creed vs Sonjay Dutt w/So Cal Val (X-Division #1 Contenders Match)
Ah goddamn it i hate the X-Division so much. Awful, It’s an attempted sprint and spot fest from proven bums and young kids years away from being ready. Petey's offence has somehow gotten weaker and worse looking, and combined with Dutt's bad work its a nightmare of a match. Jay and Creed try, but yeah fuck it. Creed beats Dutt with a backslide to win.
1/2*

In the back, SAB says he hates America and he now hates Creed.

Karen's Angle with Mick Foley.
-He's happy to be here and wants to help TNA be the best it can be.
-He really says nothing new from his last few segments, so whatever.

BFG Update;
-SAB vs Creed for the X-Division Title.
-Beer Money vs LAX vs 3D vs Morgan/Abyss in Monsters Ball for the Tag Titles.

In the back, JB is with Rhino. He rambles for a while about Cute Kip and says he's playing a game of GORE and WHORE.

NEVER MIND THAT SHIT, MONGO IS COMING TO TNA TO BE THE GUEST REFEREE FOR MONSTERS BALL. YEAH MONGO.

3D join commentary for the next match. DW is not pleased about it.

Match#3 Beer Money w/Miss Jackie Moore vs Abyss & Matt Morgan
Biggest task BM has been given thus far. Good basic work to start with some bumping around and then going after Morgan's knee. Nice work on it with the post and heel cheating, and Morgan actually sells it quite well. Wow. BM have some sweet cut offs and nasty work to the knee, and Bubba makes him laugh when he keeps calling Abyss stupid and pathetic for not wanting to use weapons. Abyss has a terrible hot tag where he destroys poor, poor BM with his bad offence. Morgan helps out, and Abyss wins with the BHS.
*

Recap of JJ/Kurt.

Foley comes out in a TNA shirt and a suit jacket as he's the worst dressed wrestler in history. Mick says he's dressed like this because Bubba Ray kidnapped and bastardised the shirt, so he's gotta come up with a new wardrobe. He says last week was magic and one of the best moments of his life, and he wants to keep that up at BFG. He will deal with them harshly if they get out of line. He brings them both out and asks if they have any last words before the match. JJ says TNA made a huge mistake in hiring Kurt, but he has to live with it. He sees this can't end any other way, and now Kurt has to live with it. He gives Kurt his medals back. Kurt refuses to speak when given the chance, and then shakes Jeff's hand. He grabs the mic and thanks JJ for giving them back as it's the right thing, so he'd like him to tell his 3 little girls that he's sorry. Sorry because daddy's not coming home after BFG. Tenay and DW act like this is worse than what he said last week in a funny disconnect. Even more so because the Zone didn't really react to it at all.

Rough Cut; Roxxi and Taylor are ready to fight Kong.

Match#4 Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed vs Taylor Wilde & Roxxi
Only 3 minutes and mostly Saeed in there in between Kong being amazing, so it's not what it should be sadly. Kong beats Roxxi clean with the Implant Buster as TNA can't even do that right.
3/4*

Match#5 AJ Styles vs Booker T w/Sharmell (Special Guest Referee; Christian Cage)
One man AJ show happens again as Booker dogs it from the start as he's moving slow and doesn't seem to care. We miss a chunk thanks to the break but i'm not sad about it given how much Booker sucks at this point. Still, AJ bumps is ass off and does all he can to do for this. Booker spends a while in a chinlock and being extra fucking lazy, so AJ's comeback feels bigger than it is. They fight more and they cradle each other and Cage counts it for AJ.
*1/2

Booker is pissed, so Cage beats him up for it. CAGE LARIATS ASJ AS WELL. Cornette comes out and books a 3 way dance for BFG.

It's now time for the contract signing for Joe and Sting with Cornette hosting. Jim says there is a no rematch clause in this which is fine because fuck this feud for the most part. They both sign, and then Sting says it is what is and he'll see him at BFG. Joe says everyone is wondering why he hasn't put hands on him yet, well Nash has taught him to be professional above all else. Sting is wrong about respect as he actually respects him. UGH. He offers his hand and Sting takes it, and Joe headbutts him and they have a pull apart to close us out.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Samoa Joe-13/4/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA BOUND FOR GLORY IV
OCTOBER 12TH, 2008
HOFFMAN ESTATES, IL
SEARS CENTER.

Classic Chicago gangster opening video. Really well done stuff for real.

Match#1 Sonjay Dutt vs Jimmy Rave vs Chris Sabin vs Alex Shelley vs Jay Lethal vs Curry Man vs Petey Willams vs Shark Boy vs Super Eric vs Johnny Devine (Steel Asylum)
TNA has learnt nothing as it's still bright red and impossible to look at without feeling sick from the sight of it. It's at least better than last time as they're doing cool spots right away as fast as they can and it's smooth and truly a lot of fun. Jay and Dutt add the story to this as they're always going after each other and now have the cage to do cool shit with. The Guns double team everyone and act like little pricks again to further that story as well. Loads of cool shit happens now once Sabin breaks out a Whisper in the Wind, and it seems to wake everyone up to go wild as they take head drop after head drop. Speaking of head drops, Mandated TV fucks his finisher up and drops poor, poor Jimmy Rave on his neck to injure him and probably make his drug addiction worse. On a happier moment, Devine's gone after this because "wrestling was no longer fun" Well, it sure as fuck wasn't fun when you were stinking up the place for years, mandated fuck. More cool stuff happens and Jay knocks Dutt off the middle of the cage to the mat and climbs out to win.
**1/2

In Corny's office, he calls this his crowning achievement as the biggest night of his career. Foley walks in and hugs Jim, and Cornettte gives him his chair like a real cuck. Foley says he used to ride with the MX and listen to Sweet Stan sleep with girls in the next room. Cornette freaks out and asks him not to bring that up. He leaves to talk some Spike suits and gives Mick free reign to run things. BP walk in to cry about not getting blue MNM's and then make fun of Mick wearing polyester. They freak out and demand he fix this. They leave as JB says he'd rather be in Velvet!!!

Hype for BP/Kip vs Rhino and pals.

Match#2 Cute Kip & Beautiful People vs Rhino, ODB & Rhaka Khan (Bimbo Brawl-Special Guest Referee-Traci)
Yeah, this made PPV because Rhino and Kip know where the bodies are buried in Cornette's spa bath. This is another horrible 8 minutes as only ODB and BP are good in this, and even they're rough and struggling at points. i'm truly trying not to be a grumpy douche, but man this doesn't make it easy. Rhino beats Cute with the Gore because he has to be the hero in a KO's feud. Fuck off.
1/2*

In the back, Creed cuts a bad "i love America" promo that feels fake and forced.

In a nice moment, TNA brings out a wounded War vet and has him announce Creed to the ring. SAB then talks trash for some cheap heat, so Creed jumps him and it's on.

Match#3 Sheik Abdul Bashir (c) vs Consequences Creed (TNA X-Division Championship)
He hits a flip dive and takes the fight to this shitter, and it's easily the best he's looked since he debuted. Punches, dives and all offence looks good and cracks hard, so it's cool to see him progress. SAB is again soooo boring as he takes over with a bad exe handle to knock Creed to the floor, and then puts on a time stands still control seg of chinlocks and all the lazy bad wrestler classics. Creed has a short fine comeback to bring some life back to this. It breaks down and SAB sadly retains with a rollup and his feet on the ropes. Ugh.
*3/4

In the back, Mick and JB are talking about HIAC when Kong and Saeed come in and yell for Jim. Mick does some lame comedy bits about stealing gimmicks from others. Saeed tells him to warn Cornette that Kong is in a bad mood and will not be held responsible for what she does. Mick says they need to be happy so he calls a clown.

Hype for the KO title.

Match#4 Taylor Wilde (c) vs Roxxi vs Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed (TNA Knockouts Championship)
Criminally only 5 minutes, but still rad as hell as they show out big time. The face work together to take the monster down and do well before fighting amongst themselves in a match that's raw and new, but has a ton of potential down the line. Kong gets back and rips their hair out and swings them like bats, and she's so amazing and cool. She's always there to fuck them up when they think they'll be fine for a moment as she's pro wrestlings Jason or Micheal. Rox and Taylor keep fiighting as it gets better and better, but Kong cuts it off again. She murders Rox with the Implant Buster and looks to have Wilde dead, but Taylor knocks her off the top to the floor to take her out. She and Rox go at it again and Taylor retains with her German Suplex
**3/4

In the office, AJ is now speaking to Foley about how he's excited to have him here because he seems different from the other guys from the other company. 3D walk in and call AJ a mark because Mick isn't a big deal. They scream at each other until Mick tells AJ to leave and get ready for his match. He ask why did Bubba raid his wardrobe and steal his gimmick. Bubba calls him "Cactus" and says he looks better than he ever did. They do whatever they want wherever they go, and they're going to win their 21st title tonight. 21 more times than Mick has showered. GOT EM. Mick calms it down and tells them he'll see them later. Cornette walks in happy about something and tells Mick to go and get ready himself.

Hype for Monsters Ball.

Match#5 Beer Money (c) vs Team 3D vs Matt Morgan & Abyss vs LAX (TNA World Tag Team Championships-Monster Ball. Special Guest Referee-Steve Mongo McMicheal)
-Mongo looks super fat and old and clearly doesn't want to be here, so we're off to a hot start.
-Big cluster to start as order is for pussies, and it means less bad wrestlers getting the spotlight.
-LAX do their dives and Ci high fives DW!!!!!
-Ci stabs D-Von in the face with his fork over and over.
-Everyone is fighting on the outside, but we thankfully get to see D-Von's bloody face instead.
-Abyss still won't use weapons and does his bad offence to make up for it, sadly.
-BUBBA HITS HIM IN THE NUTS WITH A CHEESE GRATER AND DW LOVES IT.
-Bubba rips his stupid face open bloody.
-Bubba is again really good in plunda bullshit as he's a born hardcore guy despite wanting to be someone else.
-Mongo makes the slowest counts ever as he pauses for a good 3 seconds between each count, and you can feel the wrestlers getting pissed at him.
-Morgan gets some shine and sucks a lot.
-DW now gets mad and says Mongo needs to count quicker. HEH
-Beer Money and Mongo play football and he eventually Lariat's Roode's face off for the hell of it.
-Morgan spends 30 seconds setting up for a crossbody off the top and it doesn't even look good when he finally hits it. Fucking bum.
-3D drag Abyss up to the top of the stage and chokebomb him through a flaming table with help from Mandated.
-THEY PUT TOO MUCH FLUID ON AS ABYSS IS ON FIRE ON HIS BACK AND LEGS AND HAS TO BE PUT OUT. HAHAHAHAHHAHAA KILL HIM.
-LAX and Beer Money fight in a mini match that really should have just been the title match here.
-Just more good ass pro wrestling for 2-3 minutes.
-Morgan ruins it with his Matt Morgan ass, so it goes back to being a good match.
-LAX put tacks on a table, AND HERNANDEZ GETS 3D THROUGH IT. JESUS MAN. .BEER MONEY SPIT BEER IN BUBBA EYES AND STEAL THE PINS TO KEEP THE TITLES.
**3/4

Hype for the 3 way dance.

Match#6 AJ Styles vs Booker T w/Sharmell vs Christian Cage
AJ fights Booker to start at Cage hangs back until he and AJ fight again. It's amazing and another case of TNA not booking easy matches and sticking lazy shits into them. AJ GETS THE ROPE FOR WHAT LOOKS LIKE THE FOREARM TO BOOK, BUT HE FAKES OUT WITH A MOONSAULT TO THE FLOOR TO HIT CAGE INSTEAD. Booker takes over on Cage as they're both hurt and puts forth a lot of effort as his kicks all look brutal and have a snap to them. Cage bumps big and is such a sympathetic dude when he wants to be. AJ leaps back in with his Forearm and beats the hell out of them both as he's got a fire under him tonight. AJ LEAPS OVER BOOKER T AND TRIES TO PELE CAGE, BUT CHRISTIAN SHOVES HIM OUT OF THE WAY AND LARIATS BOOKER TO THE FLOOR, BUT AJ IS BACK UP AND HITS HIM ON THE BUTTON WITH THE DROPKICK. GODDAMN. They fight some more and AJ finally moves ahead and hits Cage with the Styln DDT for a near fall. DW starts praising AJ for being a man who teaches wrestlers something new every time he gets in there as no one can innovate like he does. Booker cuts it off again and fights AJ in a fun style clash as AJ is breaking out armbar takedowns on him to go with DW's point before. All 3 fight now and trade finishers and counters and it's good shit. AJ misses the Spiral Tap and Booker runs over and Ax Kicks him and Cage both for near falls. Booker tries to come off the top but gets crotched and stuck up there as AJ and Cage fight. AJ tries to superplex Booker off, BUT CAGE FOLLOWS HIM UP AND HITS AJ WITH THE KILLSWITCH OFF THE TOP. HOLY FUCK. AJ'S DEAD SO CAGE CANT MOVE HIM, AND BOOKER JUMPS OFF TOP WITH THE AXE KICK ONTO CAGE'S NECK AND PINS HIM.
***1/2

Hype for Angle/JJ.

In the back, Lauren is with Kurt. Angle says this can't be one on one as Foley is there to protect JJ. He doesn't give a damn if he owns TNA, hasn't wrestled in two years, or even if kids are watching. No one shows him up like this, so he's going to make an example of him. Kids don't worry, daddy will stop bleeding eventually.

In the back, JB is with JJ. JB says everyone is very concerned that JJ getting hurt could hurt TNA and all of their jobs. JJ starts crying as talks about the agony and pain he's been through over the last two years that nearly crippled him. His girls gave him the strength to be the man they needed, and that's all he's got to say.

Match#7 Jeff Jarrett vs Kurt Angle (Special Enforcer; Mick Foley)
Kurt figures he can bully JJ and take him down with ease, but JJ has heart and keeps fighting back each time and takes him down himself!! Kurt is controlled with a tight headlock and has to drive him into the corner and break out a gross uppercut to get out. JJ says fuck it and dropkicks him and lariats him to the floor and breaks out the old man plancha, and then beats the shit out of him on the outside. He misses a dive and hits the rails to hurt his ribs, but keeps fighting back and dropping Kurt. He breaks out the strut only to get his head taken off with a lariat, and now Kurt takes over and beats the shit out of him. Really mean and focused work as Kurt is better than he has been in a while over the last few months , and an old school guy like JJ can bring that out in him in new and different ways. Kurt is firing off uppercuts to the chin and face and batters JJ like a broke down dog. Kurt misses a charge and rams his shoulder into the post and JJ hits a desperation DDT to cut him off, and then JJ mounts a comeback of amazing punches and puts him on the backfoot. JJ keeps after him but can't put him away despite some big bombs like a superplex and another nasty DDT. He gets the Figure Four on and destroys the legs for a while. Kurt gets out and reels off German's and sells his knees afterwards, and it allows JJ to stay in the fight. Kurt gets the Angle Lock on and then hits the Angle Slam for a kickout, and then misses the Moonsault for something he hasn't done in at least a year. The ref is bumped by Kurt, so Mick gets in and counts for Jeff off the Stroke for a 2 count. Kurt low blows JJ behind Mick's back and gets a chair, and SMASHES it over Mick's head, AND THEN HE HITS JJ WITH AN EVEN HARDER ONE ACROSS THE FACE. The other ref wakes up and goes to count but Mick pulls him out! Foley puts Mr Socko on Angle and feeds him into a guitar shot to give Jeff the win.
***

Hype for the main event.

Match#8 Samoa Joe (c) vs Sting (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
JOE RUNS AT HIM AND THEY FIGHT WITH PUNCHES AND HATE, AND JOE HITS THE SUICIDA INTO THE RALS. YEAH. Joe punches him into the crowd for a proper arena brawl and it's wonderful as they beat the crap out of each other and hold nothing back as it's a fucking fight. They go up the steps and Joe leaves Sting there as he goes up further and hits the infamous leaping dropkick that sends him back first onto the steps in one of the most insane and deranged bumps ever.

They fight more and Sting breaks out a leap off some chairs to Joe and bloodies Joe's face. JOE FIGHTS BACK AND CROTCHES HIM ON A RAIL AND OLE KICKS HIM TO THE FLOOR. YEAH MAN. They end up back at ringside where Joe takes over and displays more violence and heart than he has in a year of him becoming a sad shell of his former self. He beats the life out of this old man as the crowd wakes for him and wills him to kill him, so Joe shakes his head and keeps beating ass. Sting peppers in a DDT off the top and a flying Splash for a near fall, but Joe fights out and hits the powebomb/STF combo to wear him down again. Joe moves further ahead as it feels like he's going to win out as he should, but Sting hits the Stinger Splash and then tries the Muscle Buster and drops Joe onto his head. JOE POPS BACK UP AND CHOPS STING IN THE THROAT AND SLAPS HIM AND HITS THE DEATHDROP. FUCK YEAH JOE. STING NO SELLS THAT AND STINGS UP WITH STINGER SPLASHES, BUT JOE CATCHES HIM WITH THE YOUR-A-NOGGY TO CUT THAT SHIT OFF. Joe weirdly stands there for a minute or so as Sting is dead and slowly gets to his feet only for Joe to kick him back down and boot him in the head. Mike and DW wonder if Joe now wants to win by a ten count to send a message, and the ref starts doing just that as maybe a masterplan has come to life. Joe mounts him with punches and tries to kill the ref when he stops him, and Big Sexy comes out now. He walks over to Sting and thinks about things as Joe is too busy yelling at the ref. Sting attacks but Joe cuts him off and goes back to being a dick to the ref as he's lost his head now. Sting gets the bat but Nash takes it from his hands instead. Joe keeps on Sting now and runs the ropes and Nash hits him in the head and neck with the bat. Sting is back up and hits the Deathdrop to win the title. OH SHIT.
***1/4

Nash leaves right away as he turns back around and stares a hole through everyone. Sting celebrates to close us out.

I'm in two minds about this as Joe's run was hampered by terrible, terrible booking and him getting worse as it went on to the point where losing is the safest option. Of course, that's actually AWFUL as it means Joe was fucked by TNA's booking and lost his passion and love for wrestling and is now on a downfall that will last until 2015 when he wakes back up again to being fantastic (still is as of this writing 27/5/26). Plus it now means that old man lazy as fuck outside of 3 times a year Sting is world champion and is now going to ether and smother the main event scene along with Foley and Angle for the next ELEVEN months. Yeah, fuck the two minds as this is terrible and a proper summation of TNA's self-inflicted death. I only have one thing left to say, and say it with me please; LOLTNA.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-12/10/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
October 16th, 2008
Impact Zone

We kick off with post match comments from JJ. He says with everything going so well for TNA at the moment, the ring is the last place he needs to be. It's one and done as far as he's concerned

"FOLEY'S FAREWELL"

Tonight; Kevin Nash returns. Mick Foley says farewell. Roxxi vs Raisha. Nash vs Creed. Booker vs Hernandez.

Match#1 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Sonjay Dutt & Sheik Abdul Bashir w/So Cal Val
TNA is now running some of the worst matches possible after nuking the entire company and only leaving a dozen talented guys vs 20-30 awful ones. Tenay says TNA will be in Vegas next week, and SAB will defend the title against Lethal. Cool switch it and save us. This is 3 minutes of the Guns doing cool stuff and selling and bumping around for two bums. MCMG thankfully don't eat shit and get to win after Shelley beats Dutt with a Frog Splash.
*1/2

Kurt comes out looking none too pleased about losing. He destroys poor MCMG because fuck them, i guess. Kurt says no one sneaks a win on him and walks away like that. Jeff hasn't won the war that's coming as it's going to be huge. He asks if Jeff is a champion or a candy ass hick from Nashville. Kurt is going. to pick apart all the talent until it's just them and he gets him back in the ring. All the bloodshed is on JJ's hands.

Big Sexy arrives and says someone payed for his plane tickets so someone must have known he was coming, He's been waiting ten months since Joe disrespected him and Scott Hall, and now Joe has lost the title. Kevin Nash ALWAYS comes first, and now it's Kevin Nash for life. Hey, TNA actually remembering important moments is good. Keep doing that.

Recap of Sting/Joe.

New worlds champion Stinger Steve comes out to a big pop because the fans are the goddamn worst. He knows it was supposed to be Samoa Joe standing here as the champion because he was the better man and wrestler at BFG. The old man bit off more than he could chew and he can admit that. Joe took him to places he's never been before, but he was coherent enough to know Joe had him beat ten minutes in but he chose instead to mock his generation and put him out of wrestling. It's because of that disrespect he's the champion now and Joe's not. He always walked away when he beat Flair because he had respect. People shook his hand when he was backstage, but a few didn't. AJ Styles was one of them and he knows he's friends with Joe. AJ comes out. He says he's been friends with Joe for a long time and had Sting just listened to people, he would have gotten respect. He showed none and got none. AJ is on the road making a living while Sting is at home spending it. His wife is a single mother while Sting is coaching football for kids. XXX, Joe and AJ paved the way for this company and their blood, swear and tears hold it together. Sting thinks he can hang a fancy chandelier and take over, well it doesn't work like that. The door is there if he doesn't like it. Sting says AJ told him he didn't like how his dad bought him up and taught him, well he keeps this up and he'll turn into him, AJ SLAPS HIM FOR IT. Sting says because of their history they're cool. AJ SLAPS HIM AGAIN FOR THAT BULLSHIT AND THEY HAVE A SICK PULL APART. HELL YEAH.

Backstage, Kurt is beating the superhero's up.

JB is with Booker and Sharmell in the locker-room. You want to talk about POWA AND SIZE. IN HIS COUNTRY THEY SAY THE LION IS THE KING, BUT THE ELEPHANT IS THE REAL KING AND HE HUNTS HIM AND TAKES HIM DOWN WITH HIS BARE HANDS. HE REMOVES THE TUSK AND USES IT FOR HIS QUEEN. JB touches him, and Booker calls him a dirty humping dog and tells him to never do that again. Hernandez is a young punk like all the rest and he'll fall. Next week, the case will be opened in Vegas.

Match#2 Hernandez w/Homicide vs Booker T w/Sharmell
The start of the ill advised Hernandez push begins. He's a hell of a tag guy as we know, but he's dull not all that cool power guy nowhere near ready for the task. You can see him lost at points at what to do and seems hesitant to go full boar in a real shame. Booker is taking it easy after the PPV and sort of just does stuff, so that's not helping matters either. Things happen at a slow place and Booker uses the case to hit the big man in the head and hits the Ax Kick to win.
*

Homicide begs Booker to fight him as shows he should be the one getting the push, but Booker walks off from it.

They air the long BFG video again despite it just happening.

Kurt beats up Rave and Rock. Leave the music alone.

In the back, Roxxi says she doesn't give a shit about Kong or Spike TV. She doesn't care about wins or losses as she never wins anyway, It's about fighting and being tough, and she's going to beat Kong's big ass.

In the back, Christy is on her to the hospital when she runs into Cute and BP. They grab her and won't let her leave like highschool bullies. They hate her for taking TV time when they have new content meant to be shown, but she's stopping that. HD TV will make Hemme uglier than she already is. They beat the shit out of her, and Kip puts a bag over her head.

Kurt now comes out to the ring and attacks Dave Penzer. He takes his shoe off and beats him over the head with it and locks in the Angle Lock. Blackshirts and refs try to stop him, but he kills them as well. JJ comes out now as Kurt screams for a rematch. JJ says it's over because he's not going there again because he's got a business. Kurt says he never beat him, and JJ begs him to let it go. Kurt says he was at his house two years ago with his family, HE KNOWS WHERE HE LIVES AND HOW ABOUT UNCLE KURT PAYS THE KIDS A VISIT. Jeff lunges at him but gets held back as Kurt laughs his balls off.

They air the Smashing Pumpkins video again.

They air it again but now with BFG highlights. Holy shit, this the new worst year of wrestling i've reviewed.

Foley comes out to say his final goodbyes. He says everyone thought he loved pain or he could come back with healing powers like no other, but he's been a rollercoaster junkie for 20 years. HEH. He survived all of that because he looked at the world like it was his theme park and he could always imagine a rollercoaster to get him through the long hard days. Maybe Kurt rattled his brains as he sees the world as a rollercoaster and it's time to step away and swim in the pool and have fun. He hasn't had fun in long time but TNA was like a swim in the pool that has given him new life, and it's been one of the greatest thrill rides of his life. He thanks the fans for everything and wishes it could have gone one a little longer. He leaves the ring and shakes hands with wrestlers and refs. He hugs AJ and is met by JJ on the stage. JJ asks for 10 minutes of his time in the office, and Mick goes with him. Noooo, we were so close.

Cornette calls in to talk about Kurt losing his mind tonight and now he's been forced to do his job and stop this. He books Kurt vs Morgan in the main event. OH YOU FUCKING BASTARD.

Match#3 Raisha Saeed w/Awesome Kong vs Roxxi
MOTN thanks to being 3 minutes and both being hard workers. Nice shots thrown by both and some good selling, and its just nice easy pro wrestling. Kong gets involved with a lariat to send a message, but she misses the backfist and hits the post! Roxxi throws her into the steps and beats Saeed with the Voodoo Drop
**

Kong lays her out post match with the Implant Buster.

In the back, Morgan speaks about how he's a main eventer and this his golden opportunity, but he's thinking about his friend Chris Parks (Russo using shoot names again) being burnt after he lead him into Monsters Balls. He blames himself for it and he'll live with it forever because Chris Parks is his best friend and he got set on fire. He's going to kick Kurt's ass and that's a 7ft statement.

In the back, Christy screams if she wasn't about to leave she would take care of them both. They won't leave Vegas walking or talking and she's going to be like PMS.

NEXT WEEK-
-Hemme vs a member of BP
-Sab vs Lethal for the title.
-Wilde vs Kong for the title.
-Booker T opens the case.
-3D vs LAX vs Mogan/Abyss vs Beer Money in a HARD ROCK HARDCORE TAG TEAM TEXT OFF GAUNTLET?????
-Joe & AJ vs Sting & Nash.

In the back, Creed says he's going to shoot himself through the top of the company once he beats Nash. He then shills the video game in a nice bit of foreshadowing.

Match#4 Kevin Nash vs Consequences Creed
Big Sexy squash for two minutes. He does the 5 moves of doom and looks Sexy and Big the entire time, so it's the best match in TNA history all things considered. Sexy throws a gross closeline and breaks out a fucking Cobra Clutch before hitting the Jackknife to win.
**

Nash gets the mic and says TNA has a lot of new faces around here like unconscious Creed, Joe and AJ. They're arrogant and some of the stupid sons of bitches he's ever met. If Joe couldn't see what was coming, he guess he didn't remember what he said about Scott Hall. The fans are even dumber than they are as they're cheering for him. Everyone wonders what its like to be Kevin Nash. Well, he heard the stories of David vs Goliath and Jack and the Beanstalk, and they were idiots. He's the smartest man this business has ever produced as he's a genius. The fans who bought their wives are now wondering what it would be like to be thrown around by that 7ft monster. All the men don't measure up to him. He's the greatest there's ever been in this ring, and the fans money combined isn't what he spends at the strip club. LEARN TO LOVE IT BECAUSE HE'S THE BEST THING GOING TODAY.

Creepy JB is outside JJ's office as Mick and Jeff are finishing up. Mick makes jokes and shakes his hand and says he'll meet him in the car in a minute. Mick goes to the toilet and JB follows him as he never wants to beat the allegations.

In the back, 3D ask what more could you expect when you put the most hardcore team in the most hardcore match possible. They bought pain and violence, and Abyss enjoyed it in his sick mind. He explains the match next weeks means fans will txt in to vote who they want to enter in what order next week, so that at least makes sense now. They're bringing sex, rock and roll and tables.

Match#5 Kurt Angle vs Matt Morgan
Kurt is tasked with ten minutes for Cornette's love child. Kurt bumps and feeds to start for basic power stuff, and it's not lighting the world on fire but it's fine enough. We miss some thanks to the break and we come back to Morgan doing more power stuff as Kurt sort of bumps now that he's tired. Kurt takes out the knees and stomps and works it in fine form, and Matt is again an ok seller to his credit as it goes on. It's goofy and odd looking as he's like a baby giraffe out there, but fair shake for trying. He keeps at it as Kurt fights back and tries to chop the tree down but Morgan shows some heart and won't die. He sets him for the Hellavator, AND STOMPS HIS BAD LEG DOWN TO GET FEELING BACK INTO IT. YEAH DUDE. KURT SLIPS OUT AND KICKS OUT THE LEG AND HITS AN UGLY ANGLE SLAM TO WIN.
**1/2

Kurt attacks him and goes after the knees, but Parks Abyss Chris shows up to save his BFF. Kurt fakes leaving and then jumps him from behind and beats his burnt body up as Parks Chris Abyss is all fucked up now. He locks in the Angle Lock to hurt him some more.

We go to the carpark where JB is chasing after JJ and Mick. JJ says they were talking about bailouts and the housing crisis, you should have been there. Foley says he has the biggest news ever and it will be shared in Vegas next week.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-12/10/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde-10/7/08

TNA IMPACT
October 23rd, 2008
Las Vegas, NV
The Joint at Hard Rock Casino

This is the first HD broadcast for TNA and the first Impact on the road, so it's a major event for them. It's also a really cool setup and a welcome new sight after 4 years of of the Zone, and a sign they should go on the road and away from that awful place. Also, no subtitles as i guess that's only for Zone shows.

Match#1 Christy Hemme vs Velvet Skye w/Angelina Love & Cute Kip
TNA should have kicked off with the KO title match as a statement of this is where the best women in the US wrestle on TV. Instead, it's this bad 2 minutes of wrestling between someone who doesn't wrestle even part time at this point, and a still super, super green Skye. Lots of Shenanigans from the seconds with spray cans and other nonsense. Hemme overcomes and wins with a Guillotine One Legged Leg Drop off the top called the FFG.
1/5*

-Tonight-
-Sab vs Lethal for the title.
-Wilde vs Kong for the title.
-Booker T opens the case.
-3D vs LAX vs Mogan/Abyss vs Beer Money in a HARD ROCK HARDCORE TAG TEAM TEXT OFF GAUNTLET
-Joe & AJ vs Sting & Nash.
-Mick Foley speaks.

JB is backstage with Kurt Angle. JB says he got an urgent call to be here for an announcement that will be bigger than what Foley has to say later. He heard what Jeff and Mick said and he saw he needed to do something drastic to change wrestling forever. He's made a few phone calls to important people and by midnight the deal was done. JB asks what this has to do with Booker T as the camera pans over to him and Sharmell on a couch!!! What we have here, Jeremiah is the elite, the best of the best. In his country of Africa, the lion runs in packs a meat eating dangerous beast. They are the lions of TNA and they're taking what they want and they want RESPECT. JB then speaks to Kevin Nash sitting out of the frame. He says he left TNA two months ago, so what is this about. Nash says he left because he had nothing left to accomplish, but he realised wrestling is about money, power and respect. RESPECT. Joe gave him no respect. RESPECT. He gave none to Scott Hall. RESPECT. So, the bible speaks about grey hair means wisdom and he tried to do that for Joe, but he made it personal and he's bought him back now. JB says he respects the 3 legends here but he's been backstage and seen all the young guys staging an uprising. They are legends but the odds are against them.

Kurt says this was built on dignity, honour and respect. RESPECT. You are looking at 3 of the best ever but he won't go into battle alone and he won't go in there with a stick. He's going in heavy and let it be known who the last man. is. TNA WORLD CHAMPION STING WALKS IN AND SAYS JB LOOKS LIKE HE'S SEEN A GHOST. Don't be shocked as they all tried by themselves the nice way to get respect. Between them there are 75 years of wrestling history of blood sweat and tears of this business they love. Well, they're done asking and now they're demanding business. Sting walks out, and Kurt makes a salute to the MAIN EVENT MAFIA BORN TONIGHT. AMEN.

Fantastic segment that gives me a stupid hope TNA will get better despite knowing full well it's actually going to get far, far worse.

Tenay kills the vibe by guaranteeing that Mick's announcement will still top this. LMAO shut up, you smug nerd.

Lauren is outside as a limo and a buggy beetle arrive and Mick gets out of it. He says he's got big news that will change everything.

Booker and Sharmell come out to open the case. Booker's accent is now so thick it's hard to understand what he's saying, but the gist is it's going to change everything. He opens it and reveals The Legends Championship

Bask in its glory as you are looking at the legends champion. Christian Cage comes out to break the party up as DW says Cage is a little bit of both when it comes to the sides of TNA. Cage says legend means to him someone that isn't a cheap Little John impersonator. A legend is someone whose track record is so good they command respect. He has those things, but he asks if actually has any respect. He invented a title that he never beat anyone for and he expects all the fans to respect that. Book says he's not here to cause trouble at all, and he wants to ask a question. Cage makes fun of the Little John bit a few times to piss him more, and Booker loses the voice and says he's going to bust his punk ass. He says sorry and asks Cage to join them because he's a legend. Cage says he's not interested in that, but maybe Booker should actually wrestle someone for the title. Someone like him at Turning Point. He wants this because it'll piss him off. He walks off and Booker says he's right and he deserves a title shot, and he can have one. If he wins he gets the title, and if he loses he joins MEM. Christian smiles and nods his head and leaves. Ah damn it, it's coming sooner than we think.

In the back, Morgan tells Abyss Chris that he's not going anywhere near a ring after getting burnt over 10% of his body. This is on him after Abyss Parks begged him not to let this happen. Parks Abyss says he had a session with his shrink that told him to do things himself no matter what. His skin is burnt and full of puss, but it will heal and be ok. They need to worry about the issues with Kurt Angle and this match. Morgan again refuses to let him do it, and Chris Abyss says Angle. He says he's going to do something about Kurt.

In the back, Jeff says Mick is the one whose going to talk and he won't spoil it. He says Kurt will get over not wrestling him again. He's got to meet Mick.

Match#2 Sheik Abdul Bashir (c) vs Jay Lethal (TNA X-Division Championship)
SAB attacks from behind and does his lame bullshit, but Jay fires back and whips his ass and breaks out the tope to the rails. He tries the elbow but SAB moves and hits his piece of shit DDT to win in like 90 seconds. GODDAMN IT FUCK OFF.
1/2*

In the back, AJ and Joe are standing by. AJ doesn't know how it came to this after getting a chance 6 years ago when it was rookies and vets meant to mentor them. Now its coming off at the seams and he doesn't know how it got to this. They're TNA and they're going out there to prove it. Joe grabs the camera and says Nash caused this and he's going to hunt Nash now. Frankenstein is coming home and if any of his new friends get in his way, he's coming for them as well.

WHOISSUCICDE.COM.

In the back, Rhino is yelling at SAB for talking bad about America. He says he's going to deport him like a little bitch. SAB kicks him in the dick and hits him with a microphone and chokes him with his headdress. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA KILL ME.

Match#3 Tag Team Hard Rock Hardcore Gauntlet
TNA's exceptional laziness pays off by simply having each team member come out after another after Storm and Bubba start. Ugh. Not all that great as they're banged up and not killing themselves here, so it's mostly dull and whatever outside of an actual fun BM/3D matchup that could be fun next year. Abyss Chris shows up last to defy his friends orders and messes everything up because he's just the worst. Gets down to BM/3D for a minute or so, and BM cheat to beat Bubba with a Superkick.
*

Kurt comes out and again demands that JJ give him his rematch or else he'll kill everyone. Jeff comes out on the stage and refuses as TNA has the best roster ever and he's not needed in the ring anymore, so he's not going to do it. Kurt loses it again and threatens his family, so Jeff tells him someone else wants to fight him. Abyss Chris attacks Kurt from behind and beats him up until he runs off. Oh No, do not make this a feud.

In the back, Lauren is with Kong and Saeed. Raisha asks how many more times does Kong have to go through this fair-headed woman before she ends her forever. Kong wants new blood after tonight, and this will be Wilde's last match because she's FINISHED.

JB is with Taylor Wilde. She says she's been through this before and she's got nothing else to say other than Kong will have to end her career to beat her for the KO title.

Match#4 Taylor Wilde (c) vs Awesome Kong w/Raisha Saeed (TNA Knockouts Championship)
Wilde runs at her and makes her miss hits and splashes and goes up for a splash of her own, but Kong swats her out of the air and reigns down a murder. Awesome throws and strikes with fantastic Wilde selling and bumping her ass off for all of it. Kong hits a truly gross Chokeslam for a near fall but doesn't even care when Wilde kicks out as she's got this shit in hand. WILDE FACEBUSTERS OUT OF THE BOMB AND DROPKICKS HER IN THE FACE AND THEN HITS ANOTHER ONE, AND THEN ONE MORE OFF THE TOP FOR A NEARL FALL. She gets another near fall off a rana, but Saeed trips her up when she runs the ropes. Wilde gets rid of her but walks back into a pissed off Kong who hits the Awesome Bomb to get the title back.
**3/4

MEM are getting ready in the back.

Nick Bockwinkle is in the crowd.

Match#5 Sting & Kevin Nash vs Samoa Joe & AJ Styles
AJ plays pinball for Nash to start and then gets Joe in to fight him, but Sting tags in and we get more of that cool fighting between them. Joe is still motivated and hits him hard and helps AJ beat his ass. Nash cheapshots AJ to isolate him and we lose the control thanks to the break, but whatever at this point. Short nothing work when we come back, but then Joe gets in for a sweet hot tag as he finally lights Nash up with boots and punches, and it all rocks. Sting gets taken out, but Nash sneaks in a belt shot to knock Joe out and pin him. Joe has now lost twice in two weeks and is starting to look the fool and an all around loser.
*3/4

Joe is bleeding, so AJ freaks out and attacks MEM for it. Joe gets back up and chokes Nash out as AJ beats down Sting. Angle and Book come out and beat the faces down with the legends title and bust AJ open as well. MEM beat the life out of them some more and stand tall.

Foley comes out to close the show because his nonsense is bigger than anything else in TNA, i guess. TNA has the incredible ability to make me hate all the legends and icons of yesteryear. He explains he had a meeting with Jeff about all the money he made over the years because he's a cheapskate unlike any wrestler ever. He doesn't pay for haircuts or nice cars and clothes, so Jeff told him to use that money to invest in...MEM interrupt now and Kurt leaves the rest on the stage so he can face off with Foley. Kurt is made about Mick making poop jokes about him, so he headbutts him in the nose and says no one is laughing now. Mick gets back up and says Jeff asked him if he was willing to invest in TNA because now he's a major shareholder. Kurt just headbutted his new boss! As his new boss you're FI....Free to work here if he wants. He didn't throw his money away on a pipedream as this is something he cares about and believes in from the wrestlers and fans. He asks Kurt if he remembers when something major was about to happen in WWE (STOP) and it exploded when they were there, and now TNA is on the verge of the same thing. He asks if Kurt wants to be part of history or if he wants to BE history. The choice is up to him.

Terrible segments that sums up how bad TNA has gotten as the main story is now MEM vs Foley with the history of WWE behind it. Truly lame as fuck and only serves to further kill any good will TNA once had. The only good thing is this means Jim Cornette is off TV for good.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-12/10/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-23/10/08
TNA Legends Champion Booker T-23/10/08

TNA IMPACT
October 30th, 2008
Impact Zone

"THE MAKING OF THE MAFIA"

TONIGHT: AJ/JOE VS BOOKER/NASH. ANGLE VS ABYSS.

AJ and Joe come out to ring as a united frontline of talent, if you wheel. AJ is glad Foley is here, but they're fighting this war on their own. He's been here for 6 years and seen TNA grow from the Asylum to the Zone. He's grown along with it as everyone else has, but other have come with. He names MEM and says 3 of those guys helped kill a wrestling company, and TNA is not about them. It's about TNA growing in HD and going to places like Vegas. He and Joe got their heads crushed last week in HD, and none of his brothers or family in the back came out to help them. He knows what they're going through not getting what they want, but they need to TAKE it. He wants to know if they've got the balls to come out here and stand with him and Joe. Lethal, Creed, ODB, Petey and EY all come out to join them. Joe tries to thank them but the Guns and their awful music hits as they come out now. Shelley calls them sheep about to be brainwashed by Joe, but they're not biting as he sounds like a cult leader. Joe says because it's their war, and they're either in or out. Joe tells him to think about the future as it's his best interest to help them against those who have kept him out of the main event scene. Shelley refuses to do it because Joe doesn't care about them and hasn't done anything for them. Joe says he's done something for him, and he slaps him across the mouth. Sabin holds him back, and now MEM's amazing new music hits as they come out.

Kurt calls them a disgrace to TNA and all the fans who pay to see them. MEM is a family and a mafia with 75 years of experience that demands respect. They didn't want a war, they just wanted a thank you. Nash says he tried to teach Joe how to act towards the stars and he spat in his face. Scott Hall didn't show up because Joe wasn't worth the rub (or because he was drunk and missed it) and he was right. YOU GUYS WANT A WAR, YOU'VE GOT A WAR. Booker says to look at the bums and how they're dressed. In his country if it looks and clucks like a chicken, then its a chicken. The war starts tonight and by the end of the year, none of them will be left. Its all about the FIVE. He says it again as DW asks if that means there will be a 5th member.

JB is with JJ in the office as he asks what Jeff is going to do. Jeff says he's not doing anything because AJ and Joe don't want him fighting this battle, and they're more than ready to do it. Foley walks in and asks if he can talk to his old buddy Sting tonight, and Jeff tells him try to get through to him if he can. He and Jeff trade more poop jokes.

In the back, BP make fun of Lauren for her bad skin that can be seen in HD. Since when did Christy became a wrestler? She needs to stick to playboy with her botex because the ring is no place for her. Unless she wants a makeover. Skye talks shit about how ODB looks like a man, and then says they'll take her out as well.

Match#1 The Beautiful People w/Cute Kip vs Christy Hemme & ODB
Again, not good as Hemme has never been good at any stage, and ODB can only do so much by herself. BP are again hit and miss and a long way off from being consistently good, so yeah bad match. ODB beats Skye with a Rock Bottom.
1/3*

Lauren finds the Guns and tells them it wasn't the right place for disrespect towards Joe. Shelley says it doesn't all seem to appears what it is. Joe walks out of the dark and stands them down and asks if that was a misunderstanding. Sabin says it was and they can see what he's trying to do for TNA, and they're in. Joe says he's got trust issues as you can imagine, so we'll see if the Guns can shoot back when fired upon.

EY is in the back and says this is serious as his job is on the line again. He's going to get serious and show them the real EY, and he'll get down in the trenches with Joe and AJ.

Match#2 James Storm w/Robert Roode & Miss Jackie vs Eric Young
Hell yeah this match again. Super fun 2 minutes of both guys showing off with spirted offence and bumping around. Roode attacks EY to give James the break, and he beats the shit out of EY. Short but very fun as is the norm at this point. Roode tries to help but EY ducks and Storm gets beer in his eyes! EY punches Roode off the apron and rolls Storm up for the upset.
**

Roode attacks from behind as BM beat the crap out of him. They fight off blackshirts, but the Guns run down for the save and hold the ring. YEAH GUNS.

Taylor and Roxxi arrive with pipes as they're going after that bitch Kong!!

WHOTHEFUCKISSUSICDE.COM

IN THE BACK, WILDE AND ROXXI ATTACK KONG AND SAEED WITH PIPES. THEY THROW KONG INTO A LOCKER AND LEAVE HER LAYING ON A TABLE.

They run a pre-tape with MEM and Frontline guys arguing as to why fans are watching Impact, and why the other side is the worst.

SAB joins commentary.

Match#3 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Hiroshi Tanahashi & Volador
SAB kills it by saying Tana is quote "Is a very well known talent over there" Just the best way to really put someone over, you fucking asshole. Anyway, this is a sick as hell 3 minute sprint as the Guns are the masters of it and plug the others right into it. Everything is fast, smooth and just goddamn wild. Big dives, mat wrestling and double teams from both sides. Tana and Shelley are magic as Tana smacks his head in with Forearms and beats the crap out of him with Volador's help. Sabin has a sweet hot tag throwing dropkicks and boots to the knees and body. Shelley pops back in to take Tana's face off with a dragon-screw and then a plancha. The Guns swarm Volador and beat him with the Cradle Shock.
**3/4

SAB is mad about this and yells at them for losing to American's. Rhino waddles down and hits the Gore on him.

In the back, Lauren is with Christian. He says he issued the challenge for a title that Booker made up, and he accepted the challenge laid out. He's not picking a side because he doesn't need to, and he wouldn't pick MEM if he had to pick one. Booker thinks he's a hunter and a gangster, and he's confused as to who he is. Cage isn't confused as he's always the champ, and he'll end up on the side he's always on. HIS side.

Match#4 Booker T & Kevin Nash w/Sharmell vs AJ Styles & Samoa Joe
Kev working two weeks in a row is such a sexy and big thing for him to do. Nash overpowers AJ to start and bounces him off the mat with those awesome punches, but AJ goes after the bad knees to stay alive and takes him out with the dropkick. Joe runs across and takes Booker out with the Tope at the same time. Yeah. Joe and Nash fight and we get to see as Joe belts him with his epic strikes, and gets Nash to throw even nastier ones back. Joe wreaks Booker until Nash hits him from behind to isolate him, and the heels have a fun old man control seg for a few minutes. Joe is really good at getting his ass kicked after the last few weeks, so that helps matters as well. He fights back and takes it to them as he rocks some heads, and then AJ has a killer hot tag as he's somehow gotten more fired up and amazing as a babyface. Things break down as Joe goes after Nash with the choke and leaves himself open to attack. AJ now fights them both AND HE HITS BOOKER WITH THE PELE AND ACTUALLY WINS A MATCH WITH IT. HOLY SHIT YEAH MAN.
**3/4

The Frontline come out to celebrate with AJ and Joe.

In the back, Abyss and Morgan are standing by. Abyss says he has a flesh wound, and Matt gets mad about him downplaying how bad he's hurt. He had Kurt beat but he wasn't there mentally and he lost. He can't help Abyss out there against Kurt, and Abyss is happy about it because he can get some revenge on him. He had the wounds opened on his back and he felt it, and it didn't feel good but it made him remember who he is. He's going to take care of Kurt.

Recap of Foley becoming the boss.

In the back, Sting says no one has told him if Mick is actually his boss. He's going to speak to him for the first time in a decade and see what he has to say.

Mick Foley comes out and brags about the new Impact Zone, and i think they've moved to a bigger sound stage now. He talks about world happenings like the election and TNA being in HD on Spike. He makes Joe vs Nash for the PPV. The main event will be Sting vs AJ Styles for the worlds title. He calls Stinger Steve out so he can have a word with him, and he comes out in his snazzy suit looking like 80's Wallstreet cocaine fiend. Mick says this is the first time in 14 years since they've seen each other, and he's going on record that Sting put him on the map in 91. He wonders where he would end up if Sting hadn't come into his life. He has his respect but seeing him with the MEM hurt him a lot. He again says TNA is on the verge of something very big with all the pieces there to make that happen, and he sees Sting has the glue to hold all of that together. He's not acting like glue as he's more of a wedge trying to drive TNA apart for good. Sting says he wanted to be the glue as his intentions are the same as Mick's. His intentions were rejected by Joe and AJ, and the respect Foley showed Funk isn't there anymore. Mick better be careful or that disrespect will be waiting for him next. Mick says they can agree to disagree as they're both going to do what they're going to do. Sting says he respects that, but this is his war and not Mick's.

Fine little segments there, just don't make it a world title feud or anything.

In the back, Kurt asks how long is JJ going to hide behind Abyss before no one else is left. He has an obsession to get Jeff's ass in that ring. He's won the WWE and WCW title and he wants Jeff. JJ knows what it takes to make him tick, and he knows he doesn't want him to go down that path. He's capable of doing anything.

Turning Point Card-
-Joe vs Nash
-Beer Money vs Guns for the tag titles.
-Christian vs Booker for the legends title
-Sting vs AJ for the world title.

Match#5 Kurt Angle vs Abyss
Very good episode comes to a grinding halt now. Abyss tries to be a brick wall monster but he's garbage and can't do anything a talented monster would so, so that's out. Kurt is back to be Kurt and feeds right into this shit with bad stooging and crappy offence of his own as even his deranged brain knows Abyss isn't worth a fucking thing. They fight in the crowd with zero passion or fire as they slowly walk around fighting without actually doing anything dangerous or cool. They get back in where Kurt goes after the knee so Abyss can try and sell, but he doesn't do at all. I would hesitate to say Matt Morgan is better, but he might be better than Abyss as he actually sold it. Abyss comes back and tries to do an Angle counter/finisher match in one of the funniest ideas ever as Abyss trying to roll through so he can get caught in the Angle Lock is as bad you'd imagine. Kurt lets him kick out of the Angle Slam because of course he did. Abyss pops back up and nearly kills Kurt with a powerbomb to send him on his head and neck. Angle rolls out and brains Abyss with a chair to the face. He attacks the burns with scratches, so the ref DQ's him for it.
Hangover in your 30's

Morgan runs down to save and fights Kurt and lays him out with the Boot. Nash and Book come down where Nash hits them with chair shots to the head. The Frontline come down and chase them to the floor, BUT FUCK ALL THAT. SCOTTY STEINER COMES OUT WITH A PIPE AND HITS EVERYONE BAR PETEY WITH IT. MEM JOINS IN AND KICK THE SHIT OUT OF THE FACES. Sting walk out now and stands over AJ and then helps him up, BUT AJ SPITS ON HIM. YEAH FUCK YOU STING. STING HITS HIM WITH THE DEATHDROP AND TALKS SHIT TO HIM. Tremendous stuff.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-12/10/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-23/10/08
TNA Legends Champion Booker T-23/10/08

TNA IMPACT
November 6th, 2008
Impact Zone

"HIT MAN FOR THE MAFIA"

Tonight; A FOUR TEAM LADDER MATCH FOR A TAG TITLE SHOT. JOE VS STEINER. Russo getting right down to setting things ablaze.

MEM come out and Kurt introduces Scotty as their new hitman. He's wearing a suit and looks like he's going to explode as he's somehow more jacked than normal. He hugs everyone and does the NWO/KLIQ high sign to Nash. Scott says he's been rehabbing and watching young punks disrespect those who paved the business the for them. IT PISSED HIM OFF. THIS IS THE GREATEST ASEMBLEAGEES OF WORLD CHAMPIONS EVER. WE COME TOGETHER BECAUSE OF RESPECT. WE LOVE IT AND WE'VE EARNED IT. They've wrestled all around the world from MSG to Japan, and that's the difference between them and the punks. THE KIDS GO BACK THERE AND GRAB THEIR JOYSTICKS AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND CALL EACH OTHER TO CHECK THE MARK SITES TO SEE IF THEY GOT A 4 STAR MATCH. DON'T ASK THEM WHAT THEY THINK, ASK US BECAUSE WE'LL TELL YOU, YOU SUCK. He's never heard any of these punks before he got here, and they're only because they've got no other options. AJ can go back to his redneck hick town and put a billboard on his back and no one would know who he is. JOE CAN FLY BACK TO THE ISLANDS OF SAMAOA AND EVERYONE WOULD ASK WHOSE THE FAT ASS HALF BFREED. MEM can't stop laughing now and it's amazing as hell as they've clearly got no idea what he was going to say. Fans tune in and pay to see the stars, and that's them. The kids touch greatness when they sniff their greatness in the ring. HOLY SHIT.

Joe and the Frontline come out now. Joe says those were strong words and if they could understand half of it they would be offended. TNA created UX, Lethal Lockdown and the X-Division. He singles out Nash and says the only reason he's not kicking his head in is because he's saving it for TP. After he chokes Scotty out, he can tell Nash what he's in for. Joe says they've been doing some recruiting of their own, and Christian Cage comes out!!!!!! Christian says he made himself clear that he won't pick a side, but he's willing to lend a hand against these legends. He heard them talking trash about the kids, and if they do it to he'll come down their and slap Booker's hair off. He doesn't get why they're talking shit about kids trying to do it the way they did all those years ago. MEM didn't become world champions over night just like he didn't, and that's all the kids are trying to do. He's going to beat Booker for that title and they'll say "I am Legend" at the end of it. Booker says he's going to show Cage the true meaning of master because he's going to own his punk ass. Can you dig that.

AJ and Foley arrive in the back where JB meets them. Mick says he has something to say to AJ that everyone in the Zone and at home needs to hear. AJ leaves to find Joe.

Tonight;
-LAX vs 3D vs Tanahashi/Voldador vs Morgan/Abyss in the ladder match.
-Wilde/Roxxi vs Kong/Saeed
-Sting/Kurt/Nash vs EY/Lethal Consequences
-Joe vs Steiner.

Match#1 Beer Money & Booker T w/Sharmell & Miss Jackie vs The Motor City Machine Guns & Christian Cage
Christian's final TV match is a 5 minute deal with 4 of the best wrestlers in the company getting a spotlight. Further proof of why he's the best WWE to TNA guy ever as you forget he was even there with the way he changed TNA for the better. Fantastic BM/Guns work that gives us so much hope for the feud down the line as its just awesome. Sabin is isolated and beaten down with BM doing the bulk of the work, and Booker doing some stuff when he can be bothered. Christian has a sweet hot tag one last time taking the fight to the kids with all the classics thrown in. He drops Storm with the Implant DDT for a near fall and goes for the Frogsplash, but gets shoved off by Roode. Booker fights him for a minute and it's good stuff before it all breaks down. The Tag teams take each other out, and Jackie distracts the ref so Booker can use his title to KO Cage to steal the win.
**3/4

JB goes into JJ's office to tell him that Kurt is coming for him. Jeff says everyone and anyone can come in and talk to him, and he's got enough to take care of and he's not getting back in the ring.

Kurt come in the office after the break where he asks how long is Jeff going to hide behind the desk and throw people at him. Once he's done with Abyss and Jeff, he's coming after Mick. He threatens the kids again, and Jeff flips out and has to be held back by Foley.

TP Update-
-Rhino vs SAB
-Kurt vs Abyss in FCA
-JESUS CHRIST NO.

In the back, Kong and Saeed are beating the hell out of Roxxi with a trash can. Kong throws her into a wall to kill her, and JB runs on and demands they get her help. We come back where Roxxi is laying on the ground bleeding from the head and back as she's being checked on.

Match#2 LAX vs Team 3D vs Volador & Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Matt Morgan & Abyss (#1 Contenders Ladder Match)
Russo has complete control now that he's gotten rid of Corny off TV and has Dixie's ear in the booking meetings, so get used to the show having short matches and gimmick matches with zero build, BRO. This is only 7 minutes and the start is bad bawling as no one is going to risk an injury a week before a PPV. 3D/Morgan/Abyss fight again and it's dog shit, but Morgan has progressed to dull and can sort of take the fight to them. We go to break where he missed a chunk of cool ladder stuff like Morgan. booting a ladder into 3D's faces, and then getting pushed off into the rails. Hernandez misses his dive and EATS the ladder shoulder first, so i guess he's willing to risk his life for it. It goes back to bad and lame fighting from there, and then the ref is bumped as Russo again doesn't understand you don't need to do that in a gimmick match. Tana has a sweet run of offence with Slingblades that Tenay calls "neckties" and he looks like a future ACE. 3D take him out with the 3D and go to climb, but Beer Money come down and attack them to put a stop to that. They leave, and Abyss Chris climbs up and gets the contract down to win. Ewww worst option possible.
**

Mick is walking to the ring.

WHOISTHESUCICIDE.COM

Foley comes down to the ring and brings out AJ Styles to tell him what he needed to tell him before, but had to wait for his mandated TV segment. Mick talks about TNA willing to take a chance on a complete unknown kid named AJ Styles, and he saw some clips of him defying the laws of physics. Raven told Mick that this kid was simply phenomenal. He tells AJ to keep his cool so he can stand up for the X-Division guys, and somehow beat one of the GOAT's in Sting. Mick says they can agree to disagree about politics, but he can't do that with Sting or it will get ugly. AJ is the new president-elect and take office for TNA. Sting comes out to thankfully put an end to this terrible promo. Sting comes out and laughs about all of this as he's never lost his senses as he's been speaking nothing but the truth. The kids have to be told what they want to hear or they throw tantrums and need a silver spoon to eat off. LIKE YOU WHEN YOU GOT A TITLE SHOT AFTER NOT WRESTLING FOR 6 MONTHS, YOU ASSHOLE. He says he respects Mick and all he's done for wrestling, and he's telling him the same fate awaits him. AJ calls bullshit as Sting gets everything he wants in his contract and he's the black kettle. He's pissed him off for real this time, and he needs to know how it came to this. Sting runs down and says this happened when AJ questioned his character and spat in his face. He starts hinting at AJ's problems with his dad being AJ's fault and how he deserved to be kicked out when he was 15. Sting brings up AJ's son and says the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He walks off as AJ needs to be held back. That was garbage.

In the back, Wilde says she's going to do this by herself as she has no other choice. Rhaka walks over and offers to be her weapon of destruction, and Taylor seemingly accepts.

Match#3 Taylor Wilde & Rhaka Khan vs Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed
Taylor is pissed off and beats Saeed up for a while with her fun babyface antics, but Kong smacks her from the apron to turn the tide. Fine little control seg from Saeed and Kong thanks to Taylor throwing herself around for them. Rhaka is tagged in and goes nose to nose with Kong, but she turns and grabs Wilde by the throat and chokeslams her. She gives her to Kong for the Awesome Bomb to give her the win.
*3/4

In the back, Nash says Joe is walking around like Walking Tall with a big stick, but he's an idiot. He ran down his best friend because he's a piece of shit! He's been training for 8 weeks for this and he's bigger, stronger and smarter than Joe. He's held the world title many times and he's something Joe has never faced. He's faced a dozen Joe's and Jackknifed all of them. He's going to destroy him.

Mike sits down with SAB for some more boring anti American stuff.

TP Update-
-Taylor/Roxxi vs Kong/Khan
-X-Division 10 man rankings match.

Match#4 Sting, Kevin Nash & Kurt Angle vs Eric Young & Lethal Consequences
Pretty fun showcase for MEM. The faces bump around big and do what they can for them in fun form, and MEM work as hard as they can on their end to kick their asses. Also, Nash has now worked 3 weeks in a row with the PPV upcoming. Insane work ethic from the big sexy man. Kurt beats Creed with the Angle Slam.
*3/4

In the back, Rhino hates SAB and loves America. If i was American, i wouldn't want this guy fighting for my country.

Match#5 Samoa Joe vs Scott Steiner
Joe rushes him and beats him up as he's still got his glasses on, and it's a feel good Joe ass kicking like the old days. Scotty cuts him off pretty easily with a low blow and starts dropping him with suplexes and fun mean offence, and he talks a world of shit as he's doing it. Joe comes back and half hearted kicks Steiner's ass, but he's not as fired up. Nash comes out to watch and Joe takes him out with the Tope. Steiner waits for Joe to come back in and knocks him out with brass knucks and pins him. Oh, no.
**

Nash beats Joe up until AJ runs down with a chair to run him off. MEM come out in full and celebrate as Sting points his bat at them to end the show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-12/10/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-23/10/08
TNA Legends Champion Booker T-23/10/08

TNA TURNING POINT
NOVEMBER 9TH, 2008
THE IMPACT ZONE
TNA is back in the Zone for PPV's outside of the big ones, and that's a pretty sad state of affairs. BUT, 2008 has been a disaster and they deserve to eat shit for it. Also, that poster is a sign we've gone even further backwards as an old WWE guy is the only one featured on a show he's not even wrestling on.

MEM arrive in a hummer limo in some classic 2008 type of idea. The other refuse to talk except for Scotty. He says they're together because of respect and he hates them playing with joysticks and being losers. There won't be a war because they're going to end this right now because they don't have what it takes to meet them in the ring.

Match#1 Homicide vs Consequences Creed vs Jay Lethal vs Sonjay Dutt vs Jimmy Rave vs Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Volador vs Petey Willams (Ten Man X-Division Elimination Rankings)
EY, Ci, Jay, Doug, Tana and Voldaor are the standouts with sick dives and cool mat wrestling to start, and it's a nice way to counteract the awfulness or blandness of the others. It's also worked under Lucha rules where the next man becomes legal when someone hits the floor, so it's a constant set of new matches and ideas coming at us. Dutt and Petey are the two worst guys and stink up the match whenever they get in, and thankfully they're both gone come next year. Long time coming for both of them. Dutt is out first after a sick Rana from Volador. Rave gets in next and looks mostly fine in spite of his injuries, but you can see he's not that guy anymore. He actually beats Volador with the Gonorrhea. He fights Doug next and that's actually really good as Doug gets the best out of him with simple cool basics that Rave can work with. DW beats him with the German Suplex aka Chaos Theory. Ci fights DW like it's 2005 and it's still a fun thing for ten seconds, AS CI RUNS AT CREED AND EY AND MISSES THE TOPE AND HITS THE RAIL AND LANDS IN THE CROWD. THE REF DECLARES HE'S TOO HURT TO STAY IN THE MATCH. BOOOOOO. TNA OG's face off with the new guys and they swarm poor Tana to knock him to the floor. Petey and Creed go back and forth now and it's not much as they're mirror match of flawed wrestlers. Petey beats him with the CD. Tana and DW swarm Petey now, and Tana beats Petey with Frog Splash. GO ACE. They keep working together as the fans get behind them all the way as it's some new life killing it. They target Jay for a few minutes and kick the shit out of him, but can't put him away. Jay fights them off and gets a cradle on Tana to pin him. DW rips his head off with a nasty Lariat for a near fall, and Jay kicks out at 2.9 and i bit on that for real. He tries the CT, but Jay flips him off into EY for the Wheelbarrow Neckbreaker and DW is gone. We're down to two. Brand new match as well and it's quite good as they trade some stuff on the mat and have fun counters and there's for sure a great singles match in there. EY pulls off an upset with the Northern Lights to win.
**1/2

They shake hands post match, and EY gets the mic and brings the faces out to say MEM will see the best young wrestlers doing what they do best tonight. He says they aren't showman or sideshow freaks, they're wrestlers. The journey started as a dream and they all have it. Frontline will reign supreme.

Lauren is with Mick and Jeff for more of this stuff that i've over after only a month. JJ says he's responsible for the well being of the entire locker room and he wants to take some bullets out of guns and keep everyone safe. He's going to talk to MEM and he'd like Mick to talk to the kids. Mick is reluctant given Jeff's issues, but agrees to do it.

Hype for the KO tag match

Match#2 Taylor Wilde & Roxxi vs Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed w/Rhaka Khan
My bad as i thought Rhaka was wrestling. I guess Angle wasn't able to get Dixie to agree to it, and thank god for that. Anyway, solid babyface shine to start and then Kong does all stuff and it rocks, but the KO's definitely need new feuds and wrestlers because this has been going on since May. Kong at least kicks the life out of Roxxi and imposes her will as a monster to end all monsters, and it's fantastic as hell. Roxxi has found her niche as plucky face in peril dying every week, and this is no exception. The heels break out The Rougeau Brothers Le-Cannon-Ball to make me stupidly happy. Kong misses a splash and Wilde gets in there for a killer hot tag to knock the piss out of both of them again. It all breaks down and rules again. Kong is knocked to the floor and Roxxi follows with a dive to take her out. Back in the ring, Wilde beats Saeed with the German. Really needs a name at this point.
**3/4

In the back, JB is trying to talk to MEM when Jeff walks in to talk. He says they're here to make a living and he's asking for them to be pros and not let this get out of hand. Kurt calls him a hasbeen hiding behind a desk. He's a bitch whose afraid to fight him and until he grows balls, his word means nothing. Kurt storms out as Nash says it's not meant to be like this and they're not the issue. He needs to talk to the kids and get them on side. JJ says this is HIS company and HIS future, and Nash tells him to look at the room and see the real future.

The ICP, Scott Hall and 2 Tuff Tony are in the front row. Scott can't make a PPV he was booked at, but he can show up with these jokers.

Match#3 Sheik Abdul Bashir vs Rhino
As i refuse to skip matches anymore in any review, we're going to suffer for nine minutes. Awful fight to start as the rock monster is slow and bad, and Sheik is just plain old bad. Sheik takes over after and throws punches and kicks with zero impact or effort and that continues with throwing Rhino around without actually working too hard in the process. SAB rolls to the floor and shoves the ICP and co, and they laugh at him for being a loser. The match keeps sucking and we get shots of the JCW guys entertaining themselves and not actually watching the match. SAB keeps being a bum and doing nothing good or fun, and Rhino is a piece of shit and does nothing to help the cause. Rhino comes back and wins with the Gore because of course.
Poop

In the Frontline's locker-room, Foley is trying to get them ready but the Guns keep laughing and don't care about any of this. Mick yells at them and says they're going to end up proving MEM right with their bad attitudes. He invested in TNA because he sees something in them, and they need to show it. Shelley keeps talking shit about only being here for TV time, and then he calls Mick a fat ass, so Foley shoves him against a wall. The Guns are thrown out of the room. AJ tries to say sorry, but Foley says some of these guys!!

Match#4 Beer Money (c) w/Miss Jackie Moore vs The Motor City Machine Guns (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Guns are still acting like faces as they work the arms and have quick tag exchanges to overwhelm BM, and it works really well as they're faster and smarter than maybe BM thought they could be. They hit tandem dives and isolate Roode, and beat the hell out of him by going after his hands in something new and cool from them. Storm blind tags in and hot shots Shelley on the ropes and then Roode follows with a lariat to knock him down, and now they go to work with a very good control seg beating the fuck out of the little scamp. Brutal shots and great, great cut off like Storm tripping Shelley when he's laying on his back and it looks like the hot tag might happen. They beat him worse now and throw slaps and punches to the face to be assholes. Storm messes around too much and crotches himself on the post, and Sabin is tagged in but the ref misses it! Shelley is attacked on the floor now by Jackie. Shelley is able to get a hail Mary double DDT to finally cut them off, and get Sabin in there. He has an tremendous hot tag as full speed kicking and dropping them time and time again as they have no answer for him. Shelley helps him out to keep control and now the Guns get to overwhelm them and nearly have it won, but can't quite put them away despite the manic pace they set as they hit at least a dozen different things and force BM to save every time to zap them of energy. They all fight and a Tower of Doom is hit by the Guns for another wild near fall as Roode bent himself in half off the bump. The Guns swarm him with the kicks, but Jackie pulls Sabin off by the hair. He slams her and takes too long to pose and Storm is able to spit beer in his eyes to blind him, and BM debut the DWI powerbomb/neckbreaker combo to pull the win out.
***1/4

In the back, Booker refuses to talk to JB.

Hype for Book/Cage.

Match#5 Booker T (c) w/Sharmell vs Christian Cage (TNA Legends Championship-Christian must join MEM if he loses)
The end of Cage's amazing TNA run as he's accepted aWWE offer after they finally realised he's a fucking star and should be treated as such. Tragic to see him go of course as i'm 2-3 years away from him popping up in another review. Not to mention TNA is going to suck even more without him. Anywho he's tasked with 11 minutes to do what he can for Booker T. It should have been a young guy like Shelley, but alas this is TNA now and we must suffer through it. Booker is lazy again as he sort of does arm work in between his normal ok offence, and Cage does what he can. Good selling and big bumps galore as Cage does the hard yards. He comes back with fun offence and Book bumps ok and sells what he feels like selling. Finishing run happens and hey, it's not all that much as this is just a plain and dull affair and not what Christian deserves. Booker reverses a stack pin into one of his own and grabs the ropes to win. Ugh.
**

Booker gets the mic and says he doesn't want to hurt him, instead he welcomes him to MEM.

In the back, Abyss Chris is ready to kill Angle to show his friend Matt that he's fine and dandy.

Hype for FCA.

Match#6 Abyss vs Kurt Angle (Falls Count Anywhere)
Abyss controls to start as he throws the single worst punches in wrestling as they hit at the wrist because he's a goon that has zero grasp on pro wrestling. Kurt bumps around as best he can as i think he's hurt again as he's not taking insane backbumps like normal, so it's shoddy on that end. They fight into the Zone and have a dismal fight as it's a horrible place to do it unlike the Asylum where there were balconies and little sections where they could, and did cool shit. This is just two losers lightly chasing each other around and throwing people into things without much anger or force that's needed. Kurt uses a chair and hits the back and not the head as he's also not getting what this match is meant to be. He hits a flip dive off the stage and it's cool, but the real highlight is the close up of Kurt's dead eyes before he jumped. Man is a wrestling zombie at this point. Kurt stays on him and spears him through the bottom of the ramp way, and DW calls him a racing colt. They fight underneath the stage and we come back to Abyss throwing Angle through the other side. They get back in the ring and the bad and awful fight happens again and now Kurt throws in finisher kickouts because he can. HE HITS ABYSS IN THE FACE WITH THE CHAIR AND LAYS IT ON HIS STUPID HEAD AND HITS THE MOONSAULT TO LAND KNEES FIRST RIGHT ONTO ABYSS' FACE. FUCK YEAH KILL THAT BITCH. Abyss kicks out sadly and comes back with his stuff, but Kurt kicks out of the BHS. They fight back into the crowd and climb up a scaffold above the SAT. They fight and Kurt kicks the big moron off into the table and climbs down to pin him.
*3/4

In the back, Joe says Nash was a mentor and friend, but he knew he would come for him eventually. He now sees he's a petty bitch that has always stood next to men better than him, and he can't stand being next to greatness. Joe is calm, cool and ready for this. Hell yeah.

Hype for Joe/Nash

Match#7 Samoa Joe vs Kevin Nash
Nash is in the old school all red Wolfpac gear! JOE RUNS HIM DOWN AND PUNCHES THE FUCK OUT OF HIM FROM CORNER TO CORNER AND THROWS GROSS HEADBUTTS AND KICKS AND KNOCKS NASH DOWN ON HIS ASS. YEAH JOE. Joe punches at the head and rips at his skin and puts the boots to him, and it's a wonderful sight to behold once more. They fight on the outside where Joe gets thrown into the post shoulder and face first and Nash does it again and Joe takes it flush to the face. Nash gets a toolbox out and users wire cutters to take the turbuckle pad off. Joe comes back and manages to throw Nash into the buckle back first, but Nash grabs Joe by the tights to send him face first into it. Nash beats the fuck out of him again and it's the most spirted and motivated he's been in years and years at this point, and Joe is a fantastic punching bag for him. Joe comes back again and reigns down a mauling and it rocks even with Tenay touting MMA training. JOE GOES FOR THE TOPE AND NASH HITS HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A CHAIR. OH GOD. BUT JOE KICKS OUT. YEAH. Joe is hit with the Jackknife but he kicks out. Nash hits another one and Joe kicks out again. Nash smacks his face off the buckles and busts him open, and hits a third one, AND JOE KICKS OUT, WHAT THE FUCK MAN. Nash gets in his face and leaves himself open for Joe to grab an armbar, but Nash elbows the ref to get out. Joe gets back up but Kev low blows and pins him with his feet on the ropes to win,
***

Joe losing again fucking sucks and means he's closer to be dead than before, but that was at least a killer match to make up for it

In the back, Sting says he's doing this for AJ's own good as he wants to help him, but he spits in his face. His will is stronger than anything AJ brings to this, and he's going to kick him out of his house.

Match#8 Sting (c) vs AJ Styles (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Big feeling out to start as they jockey for position and it's fun as it feels like the mirror dream match we've always wanted. Sting forces AJ to chase him as he starts to stall once he's lost a few battles with AJ and maybe realises he's in for a long night. STING MUSCLES HIM UP AND KILLS AJ WITH A GORILLA PRESS TO THE FLOOR. GODDAMN. Sting goes after the ribs now with two slams to the rails and then attacks them in the ring with an abdominal Stretch to make it worse. AJ's selling is fantastic and Sting really finds his place with heel work after it not feeling like a real fit before. Sting works on it for a long while and gets a ton out of an hold with punches and scratches to it, and it's awesome. AJ fights like hell from the bottom to get out and grabs the knees to get lose and slams Sting down to mount a comeback. He breaks out brainbusters and the Forearm, but he can't put Sting away. Turns into a fun back and forth as they're both hurt and tired but still firing shots whenever they can. AJ HITS THE SPIRAL TAP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME AND GETS A WILD NEAR FALL. Angle and Booker come down now to distract him, and AJ misses the Pele and Sting cradles him into a ball to pull the win out.
**3/4

MEM come out to celebrate as AJ is heartbroken.

All in all, an actual fun show to TNA's credit. Wonder when the next time i'll say that will be.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-12/10/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Sheik Abdul Bashir-14/9/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-23/10/08
TNA Legends Champion Booker T-23/10/08


TNA IMPACT
November 13th, 2008
Impact Zone

"CHRISTIAN GETS MADE"

JB is with Foley and JJ in the office as they talk about MEM winning all of their matches and making everyone depressed. Jeff says everyone loses and wins, but it's about getting back up when they're knocked down, and the kids need to shake it off and get back in the game. Foley says he doesn't think JJ is the right messenger for the kids as they need someone who can help them. Shelley made jokes and refused to take it seriously, and he's going to give them all a message. God, this sucks.

Tonight; Steiner vs Rhino. Cage joins MEM.

Foley comes to the ring now as he needed two segments as he's the reason people watch TNA in the minds of the dumbest people alive. He covers the PPV for not being a stellar night for the OG's, so he's calling them out like a creepy dad to yell at them. The Frontline come out in full and he tells them that their effort and desire is not in question, but it's hard to win respect when they went 0-4. Shelley starts picking his nose and fucking around, and Foley berates him for it as he's a valuable piece of talent, but not an invaluable one. He'll deal with him next week. Oh great. He moves onto Joe and says Nash really is the smartest man in wrestling after winning that fight. AJ keeps making mental mistakes and he's going to get struck out every single time he faces MEM if this keeps up. It's a new dawn with EY getting a shot at the title, and he can have it tonight. He plugs his book and the nice things he said about Joe, and then makes Joe and AJ vs BM for the tag titles. He then says we need a world title shot and asks Lethal if he wants to step up, and Jay drops the line, so i guess it on. Mick tells them to hit it out of the park, That was also awful and i now really don't want Foley on my TV, and i NEVER thought i would say that.

Christian arrives and says he's got no thoughts as he doesn't have a choice either way. MEM walk over and tell him he's going to get a welcome party like he's never seen before. They give him a suit and leave. Cage dumps it into a trash bin and walks off.

In the back, ODB is making a set with hammers and knifes. Lauren asks what she's doing, and she says she's starting her own talk show on TNA. If broads like Oprah and Walters can do it, so can she. See you next week, sugar tits.

Match#1 Roxxi & Taylor Wilde vs Awesome Kong & Rhaka Khan w/Raisha Saeed
The heels attack on the floor for some awesome kongess against Wilde, and she again pinballs the hell out of her. Kong mauls her and it rocks, but then Khan gets in and she's the actual worst wrestler in the company as everything is done at half speed and you can see her thinking about the next spot. Just a dire, dire thing. It keeps getting worse as Kong can't do much to help when Khan is in there and fucking it all up at every turn. Kong at lest kills Roxxi with the Implant Buster to win, but it's too little too late to matter.
1/2*

Lauren is with the Guns. Shelley talks about animals with two heads like Joe and AJ taking their spot, and this is not Russia it's America. Shelley talks about the Detroit riots leaving ghosts in the city, and they're the ghostbusters and they're going to take it all back. Sabin tells AJ and Joe to do it their way and win by any means necessary.

In the back, Rasiah tells Traci that Kong is demanding competition because she's a raw animal that needs blood. If she doesn't find someone, Kong is going to feed on innocent people. Lauren asks Khan why she sided with Kong, and she says because who wouldn't want to be on the side of a beast.

Match#2 Sheik Abdul Bashir (c) vs Eric Young (TNA X-Division Championship)
Shane Sewell is the ref once more as TNA is the worst ran company ever in kayfabe and irl. SAB does his lame work and dominates EY for a minute or so, and then EY comes back with his ok offence but it's too short to actually make a difference in this. SAB kicks EY in the dick and tries to force Shane to count, but he refuses to do it and then asks the crowd if he should, and they of course cheer he shouldn't SAB shoves him for being a dick, so Shane attacks him and easily beats a wrestler up. EY gets back up and hits the DVD to win the title.
LOLTNA

Frontline come out to celebrate with EY. Hebner comes down and yells at Sewell for his actions, so you can see something very dumb is coming.

Frontline is now in the back partying, and EY dedicates this to Foley. No, don't do that. He rallies Joe and AJ to win their match along with Lethal.

Roughcut with LAX. Hernandez talks about his life growing up as an army brat and his start in college and indy wrestling, and then meeting Ci. Well done stuff.

In the back, MEM dismiss EY's win because he didn't beat any of them. YEAH BURY THE TITLE EVEN FURTHER YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. Petey walks in and Booker nearly kills him, but Scotty calms it down and says he'll talk to him after his match.

Another backstage segment this time with Lethal doing his thing as Petey works out in the background. He's going to beat MEN ON A MISSION, and Lauren needs to correct him in an actual funny part. Petey wishes him luck, and then Lauren tells Petey to be careful with Steiner. Petty stupidly ignores the obvious outcome because Scotty is his boy. Yeah, he's dead.

Match#3 Scott Steiner vs Rhino
Angle joins commentary and he's really good at it as he's got this legit broadcaster feel about him, and i only wish he had ended up like Taz. Thankfully only 3 minutes and mostly just punches and ok power stuff for two old washed guys, and it's decently decent. Kurt is the highlight talking about how awesome he is and how he's the leader of MEM, and keeps ignoring DW actually questioning how that works with Sting as champion. Rhino goes for the Gore, but Kurt grabs his leg and Scotty hits a T-Bone to win.
*1/2

JB is with Sting in the back. He talks about Frontline having momentum now, and Sting says he's heard all that before but they're their own worst enemy. They'll start finger pointing when things goes bad for them. That's the difference between boys and men like them.

Match#4 Sting (c) vs Jay Lethal (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Ten minutes in a really nice gesture of faith. I've been hard on Stinger Steve because he's mostly sucked for two years, but he's wonderful in the role of old man heel ace figure with a giant chip on his shoulder. He big notes Jay and gets his ass kicked for it as Lethal has found his fire and passion once more. Awesome clean strikes and flying around super fast, and Sting bumps around for him. Jay hits a springoard dropkick and then the tope to knock Sting down and hurt his knees. Jay goes after it and we move into the break where we come back to Sting in control kicking the kids ass. He's selling his leg as he does moves and it's fantastic to see. Sting beats him up on the outside, and the Guns come down to watch. They cheer Jay on as he fights back and has some sweet desperate offence to knock Sting down a few times and even gets a near fall off a dropkick to the chest. They run into each other head first and Shelley distracts the reg so Sabin can hold Sting for Lethal. Jay refuses to do it and instead throws Sabin to the floor. Sting kicks Jay in the back and hits the Deathdrop to win. That ruled.
***

Joe and AJ walk down and confront the Guns for it. The Guns argue their case and act like dicks, so ODB and Creed calm it all down from turning into a fight.

In the back, MEM are kicking the hell out of Petey with plunda. Steiner breaks a trash can over his head and then Nash hits him with a plank of wood across the head. Steiner drags him up a nearby ladder and punches him until he's hanging over the side, AND HE PUNCHES HIM OFF ONTO THE CONCRETE. HOLY SHIT YEAH. Tenay hilariously says he's never seen this from any faction in wrestling from before. Yep, can't think of a faction that dominated WCW with famous backstage assaults.

The Frontline check on a dead Petey as see Lauren has blood on her hands from cradling his head. Little stuff is always the best.

JB is with Beer Money and Jackie. Roode asks who the hell is Foley to order them around when they're the best team in the world. Shareholder or not, he can't tell him what to do. In fact, Roode can buy and sell TNA and Mick ten times over. Hit the road, and Storm starts signing it. James tells AJ and Joe to focus on them because they're the best. Sorry, bout your damn luck.

STORM DEBUTS THE BOOZER CRUISER

Match#5 Beer Money (c) w/Miss Jackie Moore vs Samoa Joe & AJ Styles (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
AJ and Joe are a fantastic team for guys who've only done it a dozen or so times as they mesh incredibly well together. In a world where TNA is smart, they would win and hold the titles for a year plus for an all time reign. This rules right from the jump as the faces are mad about the PPV and take it out on BM as AJ wrenches Storm's head off with a headlock and gets Joe to smack the crap out of him. Roode meets the same fate as Joe lights him up with the kicks and chops, and it all rocks. AJ baseball slides Storm in the ribs and sends him into the rails for a gross bump! 3D come out to join commentary, sadly. AJ is holding his own but he gets caught on the springboad by Roode who turns into a gutbuster to injure the ribs again. They beat the snot out of him in a killer control seg with AJ bumping around like a freak for their awesome offence. Bubba talks a lot about BM being scared of them and costing them a title shot, and Storm gets in his face to tell him to shut up. Tenay asks about the war, and Bubba sides with MEM because he's about respect, but in saying that how can MEM be the greatest if they don't have them. AJ is cut off a few times and beaten to a pulp, and then he kills Storm with a Pele and gets Joe in there for a sick hot tag rocking heads and dropping motherfuckers. AJ POPS BACK UP WITH A PLANCHA TO STORM AS JOE MURDERS ROODE WITH BIG BOMBS. Bubba actually says they rule and could have a future as a team. Jackie trips AJ and helps Storm to throw him into the rails. Joe smokes Roode with the kick and hoes for the Muscle Buster, but Storm spits beer in his face. Bubba pulls Jackie down and steals the beer and takes a swig and spits it in Storm's face for revenge, and Hebner DQ's the faces for it
***

3D fight the heels off to a massive pop. AJ and Joe yell at D-Von for costing them the titles, but no punches are thrown.

Christian is walking to the ring to be made. Wonder if he's seen Goodfellas.

WHOISSUSICEANDDOYOUCAREALLTHATMUCHABOUTKAZUNDERAMASK.COM

BP and Cute Kip invite Sarah Palin to the Impact Zone. Please don't do this. The highlight is Kip humming the star spangled banner and losing his breath as they keep talking and talking.

MEM come out without Sting. Scotty has a blazer over his attire in a nice little detail Kurt asks Cage to come out for his welcoming into MEM, and he's here for one last time. Kurt tells him the first rule is to wear the suit they give him. They've all had their differences with him over the years, but they're welcoming him to the family. Kurt talks about how family comes above all else and it's about commitment like Steiner coming back from a career ending injury. Nash and Booker turning down offers from big companies to help TNA (yeah, give it a couple of years) He's heard that Cage and his lawyer refused to sign a new contact with TNA and he's going to WWE because he's tired of being the big fish in the small pond. Kurt says they've all had the offer and they all turned it down, so this is actually a going away parry. The punks won't even help him because he's abandoning them just like he's doing to MEM. He's tired of being the big fish, well tonight he SLEEPS WITH THE FISHES. CAGE SUCKER PUNCHES HIM AND ATTACKS, BUT MEM JUMP HIM AND KILL HIM IN AWESOME FASHION. Scotty lays him out with a super T-Bone, and then the others all hit their finishers on him. They stand tall over him to close the show.

Fantastic angle that also kind of sucks because it babyfaces MEM as defenders of TNA when they're clearly trying to kill it and take whatever they can before the end. Still, fare thee well, Christian Cage. We'll see you in another life, brother.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-12/10/08
TNA X-Division Champions: Eric Young-13/11/08
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Beer Money-10/8/08
TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong-23/10/08
TNA Legends Champion Booker T-23/10/08

TNA IMPACT
November 20th, 2008
Impact Zone

"LEADERSHIP...DIVIDED"

MEM arrive with a coffin for Christian Cage in a classic WCW/WWF thing that i wish others would do, Anyway they're going to give him a proper burial.

Tonight; Angle/Nash vs Morgan/Abyss.

MEM come down as the coffin is wheeled out. Sting is with them now but in the back and you can already see maybe he's not fully behind the shitty actions of his new found crew. Kurt says Christian refused to make a commitment to them and TNA as a company, therefore they had to beat him to an inch of his life to send him back to the WWE. Let that be a warning for anyone thinking about crossing them. He says he's getting ready for his match with JJ at Final Resolution and offers anyone the chance fr some final words. Yes, TNA is running the same PPV twice in one year because i guess Russo did it once with No Mercy in 1999, and thinks he can do it again?? Rhino comes down now to defend his friends honour. He says if they had a problem with Cage leaving, they should have taken it up with him in the back like men. He's got a problem with them jumping and leaving him for dead. Nash says they don't actually give a damn about what Rhino stands for lol. Rhino says he's a vet and they should respect him. Nash says they give respect to those who respect them back, and Cage didn't so that's what happened to him. Rhino calls them egomaniacs, yeah he said it. He sees they're scared of losing their money and jobs to a younger generation who are better than all of them. He sees bitches in that ring, and Booker is the biggest one of them all.

Booker calls him a pooh butt bitch punk talking crap all the way up there, and if has balls he can come down here and say it to them. Rhino of course runs down and gets the shit beaten out of him because he's a moron. Sting never touches him as Booker knocks Rhino out with a belt shot to bust him open. They attack the cut and throw him in the coffin. Sadly, Rhino isn't leaving and will be here for a long awful time

in the office, Foley and JJ talk about this and say its not like DX or NWO as they've never seen this. Mick asks about the match between JJ and Kurt, and Jeff says he's not doing it and Kurt is full of crap. He demands Foley go out there tonight and announce the real main event of FR.

Lauren is with the Frontline as she talks about AJ being a day one guy. The guns walk in and say they're late because they were watching Dexter and playing GTA IV. Joe shoves Shelley against a locker and asks what's funny. They've been AWOL every time they fight, and Sabin calls him an alpha male and says it's called humour. AJ joins in and says they need to settle this in the ring man to man. Alex says they have zero stroke, so no. Foley walks on and rambles for a bit and makes a tag match between them. Yeah. Alex asks if this is how he's dealing with him after last week, and Mick says this isn't even close to that.

Match#1 Sonjay Dutt & Hiroshi Tananhashi w/So Cal Val vs Lethal Consequences
2 minutes because matches getting time is a sin to Russo. It's not much as a result as there's too much Dutt being a bum and not enough good wrestlers getting to do stuff. Creed beats Dutt with the TKO.
3/4*

In the back, BP and Cute Kip make fun of the new KO, Sojourner and her name being funny. Lame stuff as they're not all that creative or funny.

SUSICIDEJONES.COM

FEAST OR FIRED RETURNS AT THE PPV.

In Cornette's office, he's got Sewell, SAB and EY in there to talk about last week. He tells Shane he hired him to do a job as a referee not as a wrestler. He never made it here in the States, and he needs to come to terms with that mentally. He can't cost a man his title, so he needs to give it back to SAB. Shane takes the title from EY and gives it back to SAB. Jim then puts Shane on probation and will fire him if he breaks it. He warns him not to go crying to Mick and Jeff because he still has some power around here. He apologises to EY for this by booking him against Booker for the Legends title. Not sure how Jim still has power, but i guess that would explain the subtitle this week.

Match#2 The Beautiful People w/Cute Kip vs Christy Hemme & Sojourner Bolt
Again, really awful as BP are perfectly fine little wrestlers but they can't carry anyone for 3 minutes. Hemme is bad and Bolt is green. Yeah, bad match and i wish and hope 2009 means the KO's get better wrestlers to help the division. Love beats Hemme with her Faltliner called the Lights Out.
1/2*

Rough Cut with Homicide. He talks about growing up in a very good family that did all they could for him, and helped him fall in love with wrestling. He goes back to the school he trained in with Monster Mack from DHS. He tells an AMAZING story about being shot and using a tampon to stop the bleeding so he could wrestle that night.

ODB's Angle debuts.
-Sharmell is the guest and hates the set as she's scared of catching something. ODB offers her a beer and makes fun of her name being close to toilet paper. Sharmell says she was named after her grandma, and it means strength. ODB asks how the spinaroonie feels!!!! ODB rants about MEM being awful and needing to go away, so Sharmell defends her husband and the need for respect. They argue and get held back by blackshirts.

In the back, JB is with MEM. Kurt talks about the family dominating TNA and he would like two matches for the PPV. Him against JJ to settle this. He would also want the winner of Guns/AJ/Joe to lead a team of 4 to face MEM in a 4 way to step up to the challenge and be made like Cage and Rhino.

They air a super long music recap for the last PPV. Nice way to kill time and it means we're not subjected to the awful show for a few minutes.

Recap of Petey being taken out last week, and we learn he has a concussion and will be out for a while.

Match#3 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Samoa Joe & AJ Styles
Big fight to start as the Guns are smacked around for being pricks and bump big time for the super team. The get right back into it with double teams and a big dive to Joe, but AJ tops it with his flip dive to kill them both. We come back to Joe isolated and the Guns beating his head in like pesky little shits, and it's great stuff as they're born heels. Joe rocks at fighting from underneath even as a big guy because it feels like he's doing all he can to fight back. AJ finally gets in and faces off with Shelley for a mini dream match. Sabin and Joe fight now as it breaks down and we get loads of cool counters and big head drops as they're moving as fast as possible. Joe turns into a trick as takes them both out with lariats and then AJ bears Sabin with the Styles Clash.
**3/4

MEM come out from behind to blindside our heroes. Sting and Scotty bring up the rear as there's something just a little off. Joe and AJ are taken out with finishers, and then Jay and Creed run down to help but get killed quick smart. Sting keeps watching on and DW sells it like he's getting them to do his dirty work, but i sense different. TNA has a fantastic overhead shot of all the dead bodies in the ring as MEM stand tall.

Kong and her crew are in Traci's office to see if she found a challenger for Kong. Traci says she's an animal and no one wants to fight her. Saeed says she warned her that Kong is going to feed on the innocent, and that's coming now.

We go to the Frontline locker room where the Guns are thrown into the room by someone off camera, and then fucking Rhino walks in with his head taped up from earlier. He yells about fighting in wars that have left scars on him when they built ECW, and he's concerned for them and TNA. He tells AJ he knows what it's like to be a warrior as he's been here since day 1, and he can be a champion again. Same goes for Joe as he's dropped blood to become a champion and be proud. He tells the Guns to stand up and be men because he'll fight and bleed with them, they just need to make a choice. God, this guy sucks.

Match#4 Booker T (c) w/Sharmell vs Eric Young (TNA Legends Championship)
Fine Booker showcase as EY is now a warm body for him to do stuff to and bump his ass off for to cover for his exceptional lack of fucks to give. EY is given a little but it never feels like an upset could possibly happen, so it's moot. Booker beats him with the Axe Kick after Sharmell trips him.
*

ODB runs down and checks on EY and stares down Sharmell.

Foley and JJ are talking about something that Kurt isn't going to like. JJ says he doesn't care about that and he's got Mick's back if MEM come after him.

In the back, JB is with Team 3D-
-D-Von says BM can't hang with the big dogs and they'll give them 15 minutes of fame before ending their pathetic careers. UGHIWERAEG SHUT UP, YOU ROIDED UP JACKASS. Anyway, Bubba brings up MEM not having the best team in the crew means they aren't the best, so they need to find them. They're really about to turn these dorks face again despite them being a dead act. Just boggles the mind.

IN THE BACK, AWESOME KONG FINDS A NASCAR FUCK AND BEATS THE DOG SHIT OUT OF HIM. YEAH KONG KILL EVERYONE THAT'S HORRIBLE AND LAME.

Match#5 Kurt Angle & Kevin Nash vs Abyss & Matt Morgan
I want to get to 2010 SO badly for all the reason, but matches like this almost make me want to quit. Abyss stinks again and adds nothing again, so poor Morgan does what he can to carry the load for his team. it's not awful or anything but just very, very dull and mediocre. Perfect for a man like Matt Morgan all things considered. He gets isolated and has his leg worked over and his selling is again ok and full of effort. His comeback is fine and has him selling the dead leg, so good for him. BM come down to watch as Abyss gets in for a trash fire hot tag. He walks like he's got shit in his pants and can't throw a single punch to save his life. Abyss slides out and fights BM like a jerk, so they break a bottle over his head! Nash beats him with the Big Boot back inside.
3/4*

Mick makes his way down wearing a hideous jacket and necklace that looks it's made from plastic. He says he has a lot in common with MEM and he even thought they were the biggest and best current stars in TNA. He loses his train of thought and gets back to talk about his investment and then says MEM are the past, but then says they're the future. Holy shit, he's lost his mind for real. He then says he wants FR to be a chance for the kids to get restitution on MEM. He makes the 8 man for the PPV with MEM vs Joe and AJ and partners of their choosing. He then adds that the world title will be on the line and if the faces win, AJ will win the title. He then makes Kurt Angle vs...RHINO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kurt comes down to rightly complain about how awful and stupid this all is. He screams about Jeff refusing to face him after all he's accomplished in wrestling except beat JJ. Foley cost him that match and he wants JJ at FR, or he wants Foley. He slaps Mick in the head for some more brain damage, and now JJ comes out to have Foley's back. He says they're playing by his rules now and he won't see TNA being torn down from what he built from the stinking ground up. As bad as he wants him in the ring, he wants him out of TNA even worse. However, he can't fire him because of a contract clause????? He's making him an offer instead. Face Rhino and win a match with him, but lose and he's gone from TNA. All for Ange going away forever, but that's a brutal thing. Jeff offers his hand, but Kurt slaps him on the head. JJ teases fighting but instead points for Rhino to run down and Gore Kurt.

HORRRRRRRRIBLE Episode.