Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Sky]

Entry #1031
The Vampire Warrior vs. Sonny Siaki
Hard 10 Tournament First Round Match
NWA-TNA PPV #48 - June 4, 2003​

See, I was going to do the follow-up to the above match, but there's another 2 notable stinkers on this show to be dealing with! So fuck it, here's another Hard 10 match. Featuring Siaki vs. Gangrel in our favourite kind of hardcore addition-fest! And Mike Sanders is on commentary again. God help us all.

Siaki gets on the mic and does his faux-Rock promo style about how he doesn't just want to be sexy, he wants to be hardcore. Wait, he was ever sexy?? He challenges Sandman but Sandman isn't his opponent so they have to send him away. Gangrel spits his bloody wine in Siaki's face, and gets two weapon shots in short order. He wastes a bit of time on ringside to let Siaki recover, but then uses a bin a couple of times to make it 4-0. Gangrel somehow manages to botch getting a bin lid knocked out of his hands. Siaki hits a kendo stick shot that puts Gangrel through the table, suddenly making it 6-4. They play pass-the-bin for some reason. The Impaler DDT is hit but Gangrel forgets the rules and goes for a pin. Soon they're on the apron and Siaki hits a neckbreaker to put Gangrel through the table to finish this one.

Stupid rules, but at least it was short.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1032
Ron Killings vs. David Young/Traci Brooks
Anarchy Alliance Tournament Semi-Final Handicap Match
NWA-TNA PPV #48 - June 4, 2003​

There was another tournament going on at the time: a tag team tournament. This was meant to be a full-on tag match with Don Harris on Truth's side, but he refused to participate because he doesn't vibe with "people like" Truth. Not beating the allegations, are we? 2.38/10 according to Cagematch, let's see why.

There's a rather too-long feeling-out process in this match and the crowd is just quiet. Truth shows off his armdrag collection and does a big powerslam. Off the top Truth gord with a leg drop, but Traci comes out flying with a headscissors attack (which she allegedly calls the "Pie in the Sky", ugh). David Young does David Young things which is the same old shit. "BitchSlap" chants as Traci enters and tricks Truth into running at her. Okay, back to DY. He argues with Traci a bit and gets rolled up. Truth does a wheelbarrow buster. Truth gets a scissors kick off and Traci doesn't look to care too much to help DY. Lie Detector hit, Traci flies off the ropes, but gets powerbombed. Nurse Veronica checks on Traci, which means the Consequence gets a delayed count. Front slam, no pin because the other woman in DY's life, Desire, distracts the ref. Nurse Veronica hits Truth in the cock, spinebuster by DY, done.

Oh yeah and Traci fights Desire post-match because reasons. Who cares?

 

[Sky]

Entry #1033
Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Glenn Gilbertti
for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship
NWA-TNA PPV #48 - June 4, 2003​

Kill me now. You don't need an explanation, it's Disco getting a World Title shot. It's Disco being on TV at all. It's Jeff Jarrett being a babyface. 2.30/10 according to Cagematch. I hate these Asylum era matches a little more every time they come up.

They're doing a slow build with the intros and a long feeling out process, as if this is an epic match in front of 50,000 screaming fans rather than a warehose. The first sequence ends with Disco tripping Jarrett. The International (the OVW thing) and Disco gets the hip toss. They're seriously making Jarrett put this stiff over? With armdrags? Sure, Jarrett's overpushed, but at least he's competent! Brawling until Jarrett charges Disco through the ropes TO THE OUTSIDE, and then this match becomes WCW 2000. Furniture bashing and chair shots in front of the ref's face. The genuine highlight is a Snake Eyes on the guardrail, and that's sad.

Mike Sanders comes out with a superkick, and the Harris boys are up in the rafters. Disco catapults Jarrett into the post, and falling back for that is the most athletic thing he's done. He then breaks the 10-count, as if this sort of match had any rules anyway. Back in the ring Disco does a low dropkick and targets the knee as he did Raven. So now he has delusions of being a submission wrestler? Disco does a Funk-esque spinning toe hold (I'm so sorry, Funks, for comparing you to Disco). Jarrett tries the Figure Four but Disco counters and it's ankle lock time. It's so obvious that Jarrett is within rope break range but he doesn't bother for half a year. XXX and AMW are both watching.

Jarrett stops Disco in his tracks and puts on the Figure Four, but Disco reverses. Once again Jarrett overmilks rope break jeopardy. Jarrett gets a DDT for a double down. 3LK are watching too. When both men are back to their feet Jarrett is on top and hits a DDT for two. Commentary goes wild for a Jarrett enzuigiri. Literally everyone is watching now. Crossbody but Disco rolls through for two. AJ Styles is here! How many people are going to interfere? Chartbuster hit but Jarrett's living. Two weeks in a row that finish has been buried.

Disco brings in a chair to Pillmanise the leg. Jarrett hits a stunner of his own over the chair! Then Disco steals the Stroke for two! Jarrett hits a powerbomb but can't get the pin. Jarrett accidentally shoves Disco into the referee which bumps him because oh baby. OH SHIT IT'S VINCE RUSSO who comes out to interfere, and he hits... DISCO? What a swerve! Totally out of nowhere, makes no sense anywhere outside of Vince Russo's head, it's the swerve of '03. Jarrett hits the Stroke and retains and I'm once again past caring.

So fucking boring and then so silly.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1034
Jeff Jarrett vs. Dusty Rhodes
Fans' Revenge Match
NWA-TNA PPV #73 - November 26, 2003​

Okay, this is a bit of a relief from all the pain, as it's a rare match that doesn't have a lot of followup and more bad wrestling to watch on the same show. Enjoy it while it lasts! Jarrett isn't putting his title on the line, but he's facing Dusty in a match where (plant) fans are at ringside with straps with which to batter the champ. 1.71/10 according to Cagematch.

Jimmy Hart leads out the fans to American Made, of all things. They really wanted Hogan to show up, didn't they? Jarrett wastes a bit of time by grabbing a mic and promoing on the fans with straps. Then they stare at each other. This is all within the bell time of the match. We're about a minute and a half in and all that happens is a clean break on the ropes. Dusty hits a Bionic Elbow and sends Jarrett out for a strapping. Somehow this gets TNA chants. Jarrett has brief dalliances with the outside that get him red raw from the strapping. Certainly isn't from Dusty's punches, because they look poor. Jarrett gives a cornered pounding to Dusty and tries to give him to the fans. Silly Jarrett, there's no way they'll whip Dusty! He's the babyface!

Dusty stops selling and starts brawling, sending Jarrett out again. Now Dusty's got a belt and whips and chokes Jarrett with it. Jarrett hits a mule kick to the nuts and Dusty collides with the referee because of courthe, daddeh. Time for Jarrett to steal the ref's belt and smack away. Jimmy Hart comes in for the save, Don Callis comes in, Jarrett smacks Hart. Motherfucking Erik Watts shows up and hits the chokeslam on Jarrett, and threatens Callis. Red shirt security guys beat up Watts, and now this match is just thrown out. AJ Styles does an uncharateristically shit dive on to Jarrett. We're outta time.

So much time wasting and so much nothing. Why put Dusty in the ring for this farce?

 

[Sky]

Entry #1035
The James Gang vs. The Latin-American Xchange
TNA Destination X - March 12, 2006​

Another brief little one-shot, because nothing else on this card was absolutely terrible. This is a six-man contest with the ex-New Age Outlaws (whom I will call by their WWE names) teaming up with Bullet Bob Armstrong to take on the crew of Konnan, Homicide, and... Machete? Who's Machete? Exactly. It's a 1.89/10 on Cagematch, how bad can it possibly be? Those 1.89 points had to come from somewhere!

Bob Armstrong looks so out of place. Both sides cut promos, and Road Dogg is too angry to do catchphrases because if Bob's mad, everyone's mad. Kick off with Dogg vs. Machete. Gunn is in illegally which distracts the ref. Machete can get a totally ineffective shot off that, but Homicide does more damage. Not like you can tell with how little Dogg is selling. He soon recovers but can't Shake, Rattle, or Roll because of a distraction. Time for Dogg to play Ricky Morton. Homicide hits a neckbreaker. More shenanigans happen and Homicide tries to do a Tornado DDT but Dogg overpowers him. Double down!

Hot tag to the unnaturally tall Billy Gunn, who splashes Machete but wastes too much time setting up so Homicide can get a hit in. Dogg hits Homicide with his highest spot, a double axe handle off the apron. Now finally we get Bob vs. Konnan, and Bob removes Konnan from the ring with one punch. James Gang are destroyng LAX on the announce table. Back in the ring Dogg's about to pumphandle slam Machete, Homicide is prepping a chair but Bob takes it from him. Dogg kicks the chair into Homicide's face and everyone gets cleared off. Machete gets beaten up 3-on-1 and Gunn hits the One and Only (sorry, the Missouri Boat Ride). Score one for the old white people!

All I've got for this is one big shrug. It left no impression on me, was just your standard 6-man tag with a mix of relics, no-hopers, and Homicide.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1036
Tara (c) vs. Madison Rayne
for the TNA Knockouts Championship
TNA Impact - October 14, 2010​

EMERGENCY BACKUP MATCH! Yeah, I covered the Flair/Lethal match apparently. And I did not need to see Flair's geriatric body being stripped for the third time. So here's a match that I know is really short. After a good 45 minutes of non-stop talking, the fallout show from Bound for Glory 2010 had this 'un. And it's a rematch from BfG.

Like all good matches, this starts as a segment with Madison Rayne walking to the ring with a ref. She's shrieking about being disappointed that her lackey Tara is the KO champion and not her. Tara's out, and Madison screams in her face about being owed a match and how she needs to do the right thing. She agrees to put the belt up, which is silly. Madison demands Tara lie down and give her the title... and Tara goes through with it. So fucking stupid. Madison celebrates, Mickie James shows up, who cares anymore? You've just buried the belt.

Sooooo fucking stupid. Like reviewing a match you've already done.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1037
Raven vs. PJ Polaco
TNA Genesis - November 13, 2005​

Journey with me, into a strange dimension. A realm where a show called Final Resolution is the first PPV of the year, and a show called Genesis is in November. Welcome to the ass-backwards world of TNA show naming. But I digress. Three matches from this event will feature in this thread, and appropriately enough they're the first three on the card. They're of similar crapology according to Cagematch's ratings, though only one got 0 stars from Dave's end. This wasn't that one, but it features Justin Credible so I'm not holding my breath for excellence.

Oh yeah, this is when Raven was feuding with Larry Z. He wants Raven to back down but Raven flips him off. So Larry Z is going to put Raven through hell. Apparently hell is Justin Credible. Not surprising. A lockup/angry hug begins and scrambles into two corners. Raven ground pounds and bullies Credible in such a fun way, getting him in a facelock on the mat, but Credible recovers with a knee to the nuts. In front of the ref. Credible's heat segment is naturally less enjoyable. He does a baseball slide at least, but ruins that goodwill with a weak takedown. TO THE OUTSIDE to send Raven into the rail and stall for time.

Back in the ring, on goes a... seated abdominal stretch. And then a Dragon Sleeper. Raven fights out but bumps way too much for Credible's knee lift. Credible brings out a kendo stick, Cassidy Reilly comes out to take the bullet for Raven, then Credible smashes the thing on the ring post. Back in the ring, Raven does a really ass lariat. Sloppy bulldog, then Raven Effect teased... Credible tries a superkick but Raven catches it into an ankle lock, which lasts a bit before Credible tips out of it. Horribly botched looking jumping DDT by Credible. Seemingly out of nowhere Raven Effect finishes it.

There's some nice little moments here but the match died as soon as Credible got on offence. So much mistiming and botching on his part.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1038
3 Live Kru vs. Team Canada
Hockey Sticks on Poles Match
TNA Genesis - November 13, 2005​

This match looks fun. I wonder why it's rated poorly, then I remember Road Dogg and Konnan are involved. Truth is once again dragging them around (in the midst of a trash breakup angle) as they face a Team Canada selection of Robert Roode, Eric Young, and the sauce man himself, A1. Oh, and the Outlaw Kip James (that is, Billy Gunn) is special ref. There goes the fun.

Did Gunn really have to go for the booty shorts? Konnan and Dogg refuse to shut up so the Canadians try to scramble for the hockey sticks early. Three brawls on the outside follow. EY grabs a stick while not the legal man so Gunn takes it and snaps it. He even takes away EY's headgear. Rude. Speaking of, Roode's trying to make Road Dogg sell but nahhhh. He Shakes, Rattles, Rolls, and drops the knee. He doesn't want to bother climbing the pole and gets Truth to do it. This lets Roode trip Truth off the corner and do a bit of heat before Truth gets fancy to stop him. Don calls Truth the "athletic member" of 3LK, which is fair because he's the only one with athleticism left.

Konnan cleans up and tosses his own shoe at EY, who sells it like he's been shot! In comes Dogg who continues to be useless. He grabs a stick but Roode gets him with an electric chair drop. Roode's too good for this. Finally in comes the token muscular no-hoper of the Canadians, A1. Let the heat segment begin, and let Dogg undersell. Billy Gunn is visibly slow-counting. Finally EY gets a legitimate stick but Dogg knocks it out of his hand. Is it in this guy's contract that he has to make his opponents look stupid? Roode at least gets something on him with a full nelson slam. He's about to finally use the hockey stick but Truth grabs it out of his hands. The score on sticks is 3-0 to the Kru.

Speaking of Truth, he gets the hot tag and EY flops about like a fish for the Lie Detector. Dogg gets double-teamed and a series of finishers ends with Konnan the one on top. Tequila Sunrise on EY but Roode breaks it. The Canadians claim the last stick and now it's a STICK FIGHT... where they get their asses kicked. Truth even does a top rope leg drop on a hockey stick on EY's cock to win. On a slow count. Konnan fist bumps Gunn. They're not all breaking up. For now.

Kind of a disappointing match, Road Dogg's a total stiff and yet he was out there for most of the match. Canadians kind of got buried.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1039
Monty Brown vs. Jeff Hardy
NWA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender's Match
TNA Genesis - November 13, 2005​

Sort of silly to have a match for the number 1 contendership when you've just debuted a major acquisition (Christian Cage) who will no doubt leapfrog all of that. But anyway, here's a match. A generous 3.38 says Cagematch, but a DUD says the allegedly-infallible Dave. We'll see who's right.

Hardy's flailing and crawling on the floor as his entrance. Don't worry, he's not on drugs, it's just how he's acting. Start in the corner with both men trading slugs and Hardy does his jawbreaker. He does a few weird mindgames. Doesn't affect Brown much as he does a fallaway slam. Hardy dodges Brown's to send him TO THE OUTSIDE and it's time for some guardrail shenanigans. Hardy gets tossed into the crowd to meet his screaming female fans, and so he can run across the fan area and stumble over the rail to body check Brown! Steel steps bash that's visibly all hands and no face. Strange drop-down pin by Hardy gets two.

Soon enough Brown manages to toss Hardy TO THE OUTSIDE again! He clears the commentary table, threatens to do a spot with it, then... just doesn't? Back in the ring, corner stuff happens then Hardy goes for Whisper in the Wind but misses. Badly mistimed clothesline causes a double down. Hardy tries to come in with rights, and hits Whisper this time. Legs dropped to the penis (as usual), Twist of Fate teased... Brown tries a fallaway slam... Hardy falls off and does a twisting neckbreaker. Up top for the Swanton but Brown rolls away. POUNCE, done.

Low on chemistry, high on messy spots, not good.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1040
Raven vs. Larry Zbyszko
Hair vs. Hair Match
TNA Victory Road - July 16, 2006​

Remember how I mentioned the Raven vs. Larry Z feud? Yeah, that's coming back! And Larry's old! Dave called it a DUD and it's too short for the hivemind to get at it.

Larry Z tries to get in early but the ref trips him for some reason and gets into a shoving match with him. So we're getting screwy already, that's cool. A long angry hug, and then Larry Z does a mule kick to Raven's nuts. He's using a grounded choke and the crowd doesn't care. A spinning toe hold puts the Impact Zone to sleep. He keeps sweeping Raven's leg and then using the toe hold. Raven manages to fight back up with kicks and sends Larry Z glancing into the ref... which bumps him! Because of course... why wasn't he bumped by the deliberate shove before? Raven Effect but there's no ref, Larry Z hits a low blow... only two! He tries to attack the ref but Raven rolls him up for another two. After a small package attempt, Raven Effect finishes it. Larry Z tries to avoid his shaving but suffers the barber's chair eventually (with the help of Don West!).

What the hell was that? There didn't seem to be any structure to it. Just screwiness, a heat segment, then it was over. Trash.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1041
Christopher Daniels vs. Sean Morley
TNA Genesis - January 17, 2010​

I think this'll be the last block of matches today. Partly chose this because it's a show I hated, and partly to set up something later. The night where the four-sided ring infamously returned, never to look back (except when it did, to pop interest in a company that was collapsing anyway) also had a load of matches that weren't good. This is one. Even though it features Christopher Daniels! How could a Daniels match get 2.11/10 on Cagematch? Here's how: Val Venis.

Venis gives his towel to Brooke Hogan, just to get her on camera. "We want wrestling" and "turn his mic off" chants for Venis' opening promo. Daniels hates this, and he's right. He's trying his damnedest to be a heel on the mic, and gives Venis the finger which makes him an instant babyface forever. Daniels kicks off by being a coward and failing to get Venis off his feet at all. Venis does ripcord knee lifts and a Russian legsweep for two. The only reason anything Venus does looks good is how Daniels sells for it. Crowd's fully behind Daniels, by the way. Pumphandle gutbuster. not a move you see often. Daniels manages to snap Venis' neck off the ropes. ROPE CHOKING! He puts on a triangle and the crowd chants "TAP TAP TAP". Venis is allegedly the face. The ref stops this embarrassment by falsely calling it an illegal choke and breaking it.

Time for Daniels to work the neck. "Fuck him up" chants as Daniels does a headscissors rope choke. Springboard move gets two. But of course since Daniels is meant to be the heel he can't do so much cool stuff other than rope chokes. Venis recovers with awfully worked punches/taps on the shoulder. He at least does a bit of midsection work, which makes a little sense. Sitout powerbomb, butterfly suplex.... Daniels hits a Flatliner and puts on the Koji Clutch! He's so good. Venis rolls into a pin attempt. It's just about time to set up for the BME, but Venis rolls away, dodges a corner clash, and does a half nelson slam. Daniels tries to toss Venis off (the top rope) but slips off a Frankensteiner attempt looking stupid. Money Shot, fuck you. Fans on hard cam side turn their backs. Really worth it to push a guy who's vanishing next month, huh?

On all principle I despise this match. A giant middle finger to anyone who cared about TNA.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1042
Beer Money, Inc. vs. The Band
TNA Genesis - January 17, 2010​

Second of three remarkably poor matches on this show is whatever this shit is. Look on the bright side, at least Scott Hall isn't wrestling as advertised. I suppose they didn't want him to smell beer. But yeah, it's over-the-hill lazy Kevin Nash and over-the-hill perma-injured Sean Waltman vs. two guys who deserve better.

Waltman does some silly kick but Storm pokes the eyes and takes control. "Waltman sucks" chants already. Syxx-Pac heat? Beer Money doing their heat to Waltman because there's no way Nash will bump. Nash gets the tag of course and it's all stand-up rights and ROPE CHOKING! He isn't selling until Roode hits a jumping clothesline. Wishbone thing from Beer Money, and then they trip Waltman into Nash's nuts! This really is the show of my favourites being forced to work with useless old men. Storm wipes Waltman off the apron but Nash clatters him over. Band get a heat segment, and at least Waltman's got some pace, is all I'll say. The heat gets no heat because the Band are trying to play a cool tweener thing so they can never be true heels. Look forward to 2025 and we still have guys who always have to look cool even as heels. It never works.

Bronco buster by Waltman, with no anus-tearing thankfully. Commentary keeps calling Waltman X-Pac. Nash meanders through the same Nash spots as always. Waltman sets up another bronco buster but meets only the corner. No hot tag to Roode who gets clocked by Nash and lands face-first on the entrance walkway, yeesh. Storm hits the Codebreaker and in comes Roode for the hot tag. He has to tackle the Band 2v1 but just about manages. Nash misses a corner charge and Storm clocks him. Double suplex on Waltman, BEER! MONEY! No DWI yet because Hall comes out (ironically). Nash uses the distraction to chokeslam Roode for two. Waltman is distracted, though, by Hall fighting a plant. Nash tries the Jackknife but Storm kicks him and Roode rolls into a pin for three!

Yawnfest of a match with a finish designed to make no one give a shit about the winners.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1043
Abyss vs. Mr. Anderson
TNA Genesis - January 17, 2010​

Oh dear fuck, I remember hating this match so much and now I've got to watch it again. I've got to watch it because there's another Abyss vs. Mr. Anderson on the docket and you need the context of this one. Abyss is in his terribad Mankind-clone phase and Anderson is playing it like a cool returning babyface but is heeling otherwise. Let's get into it.

A couple of slaps and a staredown. Basic beginning with Abyss using his power edge and Anderson trying to stay cocky throughout. Anderson tries to take out Abyss' legs but is just being overwhelmed. Abyss tries to toss Anderson off the top but Anderson does a wristlock and drops down. Now time for Anderson to do stuff like his weirdly overarm punches. Feels like he's fighting from underneath even though he's on top. TO THE OUTSIDE we go to bash Abyss' arm into furniture. Anderson then forgets which arm he's supposed to be working. "Overrated" chants for Anderson. "You think I'm overrated, watch this" -Anderson with a chair, before it gets knocked right out of his hand. Love it, but not for the right reasons.

Back on the apron now and Anderson does a boot choke. Hammerlock to charge Abyss into the corner shoulder-first, so there's more arm work. He's switched which arm he's working twice now. Anderson bounces off Abyss but hurts the shoulder still. Flying armbar by Anderson, then another lock. Abyss uses his weight advantage to yank him away and now he's on top. Sidewalk slam gets two. Really delayed chokeslam means Anderson can fight away. Shock Treatment teased but Anderson rakes the eyes. Neckbreaker by Anderson for two. If it sounds like it isn't so bland and dull, then clearly I've made a mistake.

Anderson does a flying nothing to get caught in a chokeslam for two. He then tries to float over nothing and gets hit by Shock Treatment for two. These two guys can't really do fun things like counterholds so it's just finisher kickouts. Abyss is apparently trying to avoid being hardcore, which he ruins by bringing a chair. This lets Anderson reach into his trunks and whip out... brass knucks, phew. The distraction of the chair means the ref doesn't see it and Anderson wins. Anderson promos on Abyss' corpse and he has given the worst possible start to his TNA run.

So lame.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1044
Abyss vs. Mick Foley
8 Card Stud Tournament First Round No Disqualification Match
TNA Against All Odds - February 14, 2010​

Here's what I was setting up with the Genesis stuff. Or rather, in two matches' time is what I was setting up. This, according to the Meltzer stars, is tied for worst match on the show, though the hivemind on Cagematch doesn't agree giving it a (downright miraculous for this thread) 4.46/10. Who's right? Not me, I'm stupid for watching this stuff. Especially given that there's a pre-match talk with Eric Bischoff where he tells both men if they don't try hard enough Abyss loses his mask, and he's making it No DQ. Also the barbed wire bat has to be used, allegedly. Wonder whether it will. Probably not. Here's a match.

Abyss hugs his emotional support bag o'tacks. They do the start of the OVW Running Thing but there's no way either of these men can duck, let alone leapfrog. Abyss tries to stop Foley from using the bat, briefly considers using it himself, but turns it down. "Fucking use it" -Mick, basically, beating his shitty clone around. Abyss responds with punches. TO THE OUTSIDE because we've booked ourselves into a no DQ match where weapons are at a minimum. Foley at least takes a chair in the midst of furniture bashing and yelling at Abyss. Foley goes for a corner charge with the bat but Abyss gets the boot up. Foley counters a back body drop attempt into a neckbreaker. A bit of bullying in the corner follows.

Out come the tacks because you can't have an Abyss match without a tack bump! Abyss is teetering but manages to get a chokeslam opportunity. He refuses to do it on the tacks though. Instead Abyss grabs Socko! He teases using it but runs right into a double-arm DDT. Foley now has to STEAL A SOCK FROM THE REFEREE! And then Abyss and Foley SOCKO EACH OTHER!! Foley's got Abyss down, arm-drop routine... Abyss is living. Finally, Foley's fixing to use the bat but runs right into a Black Hole Slam on tacks! That's the three, and Abyss advances. He's trying to pick the tacks out of Foley's jacket and apologise afterwards.

Maybe I'm in a good mood because I just got finished watching DDT Ultimate Party, but... green match! I like the shenanigans. They didn't belabour the bat thing too much either.

 

[Sky]

Entry #1045
Team 3D vs. The Nasty Boys
TNA Against All Odds - February 14, 2010​

Oop, optimism's gone. I've once again got to put my eyeballs on the Nasty Boys, these two talentless fucks on PPV in the year 2010. You know this is going to be terrible, so if you don't mind I'm going to focus on the commentary a bit more than usual.

During the Nastys' entrance Tenay and Taz wonder whether Nastyville is near Dudleyville, or for that matter Parts Unknown. 3D gradually run to the match but stumble through the ropes and are subject to a sluggish beatdown. These Nastys can do nothing but punch, even more than usual. Knobbs rolls out to the floor in what is basically his equivalent of the Foley Cell bump. There's a long pause where the Nastys are outside and 3D are inside, and commentary wonders when the ref will count them out. "I like their strategy" -Taz, on not wrestling. A match finally happens, sort of, with Ray vs. Sags (or "Nags" as Tenay calls him). Sags has control with face raking and a corner splash. Knobbs briefly gets involved and teases Pitty City but Ray counters and does a back suplex. Impressive to lift a guy of that size.

Fans want tables. They don't even get moves as the Nastys roll out again. An eye rake leads to a gentle, pathetic double-team. Devon gets a shoulderblock but is matador'd out of the ring. SHIRT CHOKING! Sags shouts at the cameraman until Ray runs down to wipe both of them out. Back in the ring Knobbs does a slam and a weird elbow drop. I can't emphasise enough that these two can do nothing. They can't even headlock right. They can't even stomp a mudhole right. Abdominal stretch by Knobbs. "I wonder how many time Knobbs has applied an abdominal stretch... Well done" -Taz. They have a "simple but fundamental game plan", also, because they can't do shit.

Knobbs misses a corner splash and Devon is almost too dazed to do the hot tag... but out comes Ray. "Like lifting a small foreign car" -Taz on Ray's slam on Knobbs. Ray and Sags do an absolutely terrible uranage. WAZZUP on Knobbs, 3D on Sags... the ref demands Devon get out of the ring, while Jimmy Hart hands a biker helmet to Knobbs who whacks Ray with it. Allegedly that's what happens, because the camera misses every bit except the helmet shot. Knobbs grabs on to Devon's leg to stop a pin break up, and the Nastys win. Commentary is in disbelief over this Hogan-stroking nonsense.

A match absolutely devoid of wrestling acumen, in which I almost wish the time was taken up by more waiting and standing about. Also the production fucked the finish.